AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Blah.

Damn! Trying To Save My Blog!

So here is another pointless post.

Salvage

Post

If you come here first, check order of volumes

http://vergilxanon.blogspot.com/2010/10/xanon-chronicles.html

This is the 14th book of series

The Gate Keepers' Archives #4

Table Of Contents



It’s Fun Being A Misanthropic Isolationist

Practising For Niagara Falls...Don’t Try This At Home

Storm Chasers

An Ancient Ritual Corrupted, And Paralleled

Up, Up, And Away

One Too Many

Rescued From The Sacrilege Of Reality

Look Out Belowwwwwwww

Compromise? Yeah, I Did That Once. Oops!

Stairway To The Northern Lights

Super Star, Super Nova

Dresden

I’m Rich, I’m Famous, I’m Good, And I Hate My Job

There Are Things Worse Than Scaphism

The Last Journey Of A Ghost Keeper

My Last Night At Rishikesh

Skate Away

My Name Is Ka, Dammit!

The Last Break With Reality

The Haunting

Into The Wild Blue Yonder, Yonder, Yonder

The Sun Is Mine Enemy...Or Maybe Not

Devolution In Reflections

Ghostwriter

Resting On Our Laurels Ω



















































It’s Fun Being A Misanthropic Isolationist





Libraries. I loved them. The hallowed halls of knowledge of which were supposed to be silent, excepting perhaps the footsteps of someone going from point A to point B. A place to visit when the curiosity bug bit, and you had no obligation to be somewhere or do something of service to everyone but yourself.

I was alive before the Internet. A large empty library was my paradise in the days of my youth. Now I was in the library of the Akashic Castle. It was even bigger than the thing at Tech Duinn, which held everything from what was lost to the Roman fires at Alexandria to what the Vatican was sitting on.

This library held books never seen on Earth. This library held the Chronicles of Creation, written by individuals who had never set foot in the Physical Realms even once. Books written by the angels and daemons of my world, and worlds beyond. I'd read quite a few of them. I could have absorbed them all at once, but sometimes it's more fun to learn things slowly. Being the nostalgia nut I was, reading hard copy by firelight was a thing I revelled in.

Now, I was in the library for the atmosphere alone. I needed some time to myself in absolute quiet, in a dimly lit environment; and I had that here. With the black walls, and everything lit by ever-present torchlight; my wish was fulfilled. It was a good place for meditations, or just letting my mind go. Aisle, after endless aisle! I had no intention of picking anything out to read, though I left myself the option of changing my mind.

This library had seven floors, and the floors were only accessible from the bottom floor of the library. There was a central location that all the floors overlooked, and there were two staircases going from bottom to top. It was an intellectual's dream. It had the classics, history books, how to books, reference books on what really happened; and why, the best poetry collections, and even lots of fiction. After all, one individual's fiction was another individual's reality, considering nothing new had ever really been thought up. Someone would simply get a glimpse of another's reality, and put it down on paper. It happened all the time, and it should come as no surprise. All are one, and one is all. Sometimes the communication channels between realities are open, sometimes they aren't.

I looked over the books. I was in the phantasy section. Ursula Le Guin caught my eye. I ended up staring at a title that I'd read when I was in high school in my last life. 'The Tombs Of Atuan'.

Something in me snapped.

I had to get out of here. Now!



*****



I needed something. A different kind of place! A solitude beyond solitude. A new kind of womb for a room! A big, lifeless rock in space? A moon? A planet? Something out of anyone's jurisdiction, of course! Maybe it existed, maybe it didn't. Maybe it was easier to just manifest my own. Being what I was, and where I was; this was no problem. My imagination was my limit, but I was still undecided for the time being.

I was an artist. Not the best, but well enough ranked I suppose. After all, I had two very good teachers. I was a creator. I had a huge collection of written works, paintings, feather art, musical compositions, and other things. I was now in the realm where the High Etheric and Low Astral met. It was the last place where anything resembling the Physical could be manifested, and it was the nature of this place to manifest what you wanted.

I looked for a while to try and find what I wanted, and got fed up with my search. Yes, I'd substantiate what I wanted from scratch; but I still needed a location. It would be at the farthest end of the Universe I knew.

I would make a place like Tech Duinn. A place in the Low Etheric that still had all the trappings of the Physical in appearance.



*****



I found a white dwarf star that had no planetary system. A lonely, solitary runt that seemed to be an outcast, for there was nothing beyond it. It was so far from anything.

What I brought into being was a large symmetrical orb the size of Mercury, with a surface of solid black onyx over a volcanic inferno. Nothing could exist here in the physical. This place wasn't meant for 'life'. It was simply an art project that would become one of my havens.

In my minds eye, I visualised stone buildings, and underground rooms and tunnels. Every square centimetre of the 'planet' would be built in black stone. I had the underground go down thirteen levels, and in places; the above ground went up three and thirty levels, though it was varied, and most buildings were only between four and five stories high. The lower levels would be lit up by phosphorus-based compounds in the walls, and holographic lighting which I froze upon creation.

As I visualised, it became. I couldn't have done it without the mind-shares I'd had with Donn Ui'Midir and Thanatos. Then again, I don't think I would have been much in life without them. They'd been my inspiration for just about everything...including to keep on living, despite how much I'd hated life. And it seemed no matter how distant that life was in my perception of time in my existence, I would always hate it; along with everything connected to it. Passionately.

That attitude isn't really good for a Gate Keeper to have, and it showed. I was too much of a 'loose cannon'. I took too much personally, I handled some of my cases worse than I might have, and lately I was getting a little jaded and fed up with some of what I’d had to deal with. I wondered now if I ever wanted to take on another case, though I'd probably change my mind later; not that I was under any obligation. After all, I was out of the era I was born to; and time tripped back to where I was supposed to be to do the jobs, only to time trip back to my now innate post 2012 era after I was done. I also have to mention that Donn and Thanatos often had to keep me in check to keep me out of trouble. The reasons I was a Gate Keeper were even questionable.

Yes, I wanted to ease the workload of my two loves in the past, but now we were only taking on a case here and a case there for old time's sake. I'd always thought being a 'psychopomp' was a high status position. Before I knew better, in life I'd virtually worshipped the concept of the vocation. Especially after Donn rescued me from myself when I'd attempted to kill myself for all the wrong reasons in 1977, when I was still mortal flotsam.

The Gate Keepers of so called myth were way more than just a bunch of deified individuals who helped transfer recently transitioned individuals to their new homes. They helped make things run the way they were supposed to run. They kept things in line and made sure nothing stepped off its predestined track, so to speak. In analogy, they were helping put ‘the puzzle of God’ back together again, though ‘Source’ is a better description of the truly genderless Deity that is The Source. It wasn’t an easy job.

By now, the mystique of Death was long gone for me; not that I cared, but I'd always been obscure when in working in the field. I was too new to have any legends written about me, and that was probably a good thing. If I was in a playful mood, and the circumstances were right; my...um...'client' wasn't always going to get the most sympathetic treatment, so I may have been met with instant distaste if I'd been known. My 'client' might laugh about what I put them through later, but I have been known to traumatise people upon transition. The now heavily self-modified cat I'd cared for in life, who also sometimes worked with us in 'helping us' transition people, was the same way; though Percy enjoyed the job way more than I. He loved messing with people. He had degree of contempt for my species that would never go away completely, despite how much he loved some of us, not that anyone held it against him. Still, most of the time my dear Percy made things go better than they could have been without him.

Percy! He'd probably love what I'd 'built' here. He liked dark tunnels, absolute quiet, and relative solitude. He also liked to explore new things. Now that my project was finished, I decided to beckon him telepathically. I was stationed at three levels underground, at the moment.



*****



'Percy!' I sent.

'Steffy-poo!'

'Got a new art project!'

'Mmmmmmmmm. I'm on my back with Donn scratching beneath my chin, admiring my sabre fangs. Can it wait? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.'

'You can do that here and have two of us mollycoddle you, Dark Lord. Hone in on me, and you two get your tails over here.'

At the speed of thought, the lovely Donn Ui'Midir, and perhaps even lovelier Percy were before me.

Donn was the first to speak. (Well, I (Donn) am writing as if we spoke. Communication was telepathic between us, as well. We couldn't have technically spoken; being there was no atmosphere here. I repeat, but in our current forms, there was no need to breath, or anything else. That's only for the Physical Realms.) "I still don't have a tail, but I hope you'll take me without one."

"But you could have a tail," I said.

'If he becomes a cat, which I highly recommend,' sent Percy. The leopard-smilodon looking hybrid looked around. 'Ooooooh. This is neat. Why do I suddenly have the urge to run down the hall?'

Donn was zeroed in on my mind, so I didn't have to explain where we were. He looked up. "Wow! Three storey underground dwelling! Seven levels up where we’re standing? Pretty good. I never would have thought of something like this, though I wouldn't have made it this uniform." He put his arms akimbo. "And you only invited Percy?"

"I was going to invite you and Thanatos later. In fact, since you're here, might as well invite The Great White, now."

Percy shot straight up, about a metre and a half. 'I can't stand it. This place is so awesome, and you two are just standing there!'

I had to laugh. Percy used to do that when he was just a not so little house cat, and feeling playful. He'd go up vertical from just standing there, and then he'd take off. "Do you actually want to leave us? I mean, I thought you wanted to be serviced and stroked by two of us. After all, all the rooms are furnished with cat friendly stuff."

Percy jumped straight up again. Twice. 'Oh gods, later! This place is so cool, and I'm higher than a kite. Late!' The cat ran down the hall, and I swear he would have given a cheetah a run for his or her money.

Donn looked at me. "You built a puddytat playground."

I smiled, and extended my hand to him. "And a place for me to lose myself in. Ourselves in."

He took my hand, and then put his arm around my waist. "Let's wait a tad on Thanatos. We’ll make it up to him in a wee. I want to go to the surface, then up a building. Walk, not transfer," said Donn.

I put my right arm around his shoulder, after having let go of his hand. "Stairways up every kilometre. This place is a geometrical work. Everything is totally symmetrical." We ambled slowly toward the nearest stairwell.

"I know. I just finished reading you. You haven't even seen the surface."

"No. I'd like to go up one of my tallest buildings overlooking a plaza before we leave."

Donn laughed. "Walk or run?"

"We've got forever, but do we want to use it?"

Donn drew back from me real slow, breaking the hold we had on each other. He kissed my nose. "No!" He then took off at an all out run.

“Hey!” Well, I did it to him all the time.

I went after him. With his head start, there's no way I'd catch up to him; but he wouldn't gain any distance on me. We both raced to the surface, and Donn stopped. He looked up. "Black sky. Nice clear view of the stars, but so weird that they're only in one direction. It's so strange looking up, with stars on one side of the sky, then complete darkness on the other. I can't wait for the next comet or meteor shower."

"I'm not sure they'd come out this far, but if they did; they'd go through this place as if they never existed, right?" We went back to walking. We'd have a way to go.

"Being this place is not quite Physical, I would certainly hope so. You're right in the meteor showers and comets not coming here. Sorry, but I wasn't thinking. I like the way you lit this place up. Reminds me of the holographic garden at the Akashic Castle," said Donn.

"Couldn't see anything without it."

"Tell me about it. Not a sound on this place. It might as well be an isolation chamber," said Donn.

"I have a request, by the way. I just want this place for us three and the critters."

"The equines won't like it. They'd think it was a pointless waste. They like open fields and beaches. Reggie might get a kick out of it. Percy's rubbed off on him a lot.'

I laughed. "The archaeopteryx and the sabre cat. What a combination. I think Percy likes Reggie better than us, now."

"Considering how much time they spend together, I can understand. They’re almost inseparable these days, for the most part. I’m surprised I just had Percy alone for a petting session, in fact.

“Stef, you can be soooooooo selfish at times. Only us five to know this place?! Not even Kevalyn and Macha? Kev kept you going as much as me, when you were alive. More so, in fact."

"Oops! Seven of us! Pardon me, whilst I plug my brain in. I would have realized that eventually."

Donn waved his hand in front of himself. "Nice statuary. Love your black sphinxes in the lavender light."

"Too bad I can't have real fountains here. I decided not to even bother with holographics."

Donn looked at the walls. "Lots of bas-relief. I like the stone vines you have on some of your buildings."

"Thanks."

I got my hair ruffled. "I know you're going to fight my opinion, but in your own way; you're just as good as I am as an architect."

"I don't know about that, but thanks."

Donn invited me to take his hand, and of course; I did. "So strange, with the sun of this place looking like a huge lightbulb out there." He chuckled. "Inspired in part by your obsession with the dark side in art, and wanting to be a prick by keeping it to yourself, huh?"

"Aye. I want me, Kev, Percy and Reggie to be the only former mortal flotsam to ever see this place."

"I was mortal flotsam a couple of times before this stream of consciousness that I don't know if I can call life...my dearest mommy once."

"But that was a stream of consciousness ago. And if you remind me of that lifetime in Sparta where I was stupid enough to be a breeder one more time, I am going to lick your nose."

Donn laughed silently, and shook his head. "Dude! In that life in Sparta you had completely different priorities, and you were a better man than most men; despite what gender you were, so don't knock it. I am still touched by the fact that you loved my incarnation of the time more than The State. Amazing that no matter how many lives you lived, you always seemed to defy any attempt at programming."

"That got me killed often enough, huh?"

"Slightly. You've probably set the record for premature deaths in all your incarnations."

"Now can we stop reminding me of what a stupid fuckin' idiot I was for requiring so many lives to see that life isn't worth the effort of living?" I asked.

"I almost can't believe you're still dwelling on it. After all, you've been out of that scene forever. You just gotta have something to hate to the utmost extreme, huh? Regardless of how much it keeps you from complete peace of mind?"

"Hey! I’m close enough to that to be comfortable, and look on the bright side! Would this place exist if I didn't feel that way?"

I got kissed on the nose again. "No, I don't think so. I guess I'll shut up on the subject for the time being, until it comes up again."

"As it always will, huh?"

"Aye."

We walked the rest of the way to our more immediate destination in silence, enjoying the scenery.



*****



The buildings were set up like flats. We went into a four-storey building. Each one was set up with a balcony, three bedrooms, living room, den, studio, and study. There were no kitchens or bathrooms. Yes, the furniture was also made of onyx, the upholstery was silk or velvet, and the padding was cotton. Of course, everything was black. Both Donn and I checked the furniture out, and all was quite comfortable. I loved the atmosphere of the dim lighting, though you did have to be aware and careful not to crash into anything. By dim, I really meant DIM.

It was quite a project, for something that was destined to only be an occasional escape for seven individuals of varying species. Then again, Donn had also left Tech Duinn abandoned, for the most part. The only time we ever went there now days, was for the occasional case we took care of. It was a great place to break the ice with the newly transferred, generally with an introductory feast, but I’m repeating the obvious. It never failed to get someone acclimated to our side of The Veil right away.

When we finally arrived at, and went up one of the three and thirty level buildings, we stopped at every floor to go to one of the balconies of that floor. When we got to the top, due to the minimal lighting, it was like looking into a bottomless pit when we looked down.

Darkness everywhere. It was blacker than black; yet the stars we could see never shone so bright; as Donn had noted earlier. He looked up at the sun. He couldn't look at it directly, being it was a bit uncomfortable; but what a novel sight it was. The feeling of inner peace was so complete for him. He just wanted to fade...fade…away...in complete surrender. "Stefan...Stephanie..."

I smiled. I knew what that meant. "Done. I'll take you." I'd switched gender to that which I'd had in my last life. As a chick, I took Donn's hand.

He looked to the floor, with a single chuckle. "How's about taking me to the Lethe, then merge with me after I'm gone? Do to me sort of what you did with Warren that one time. Then drag me High Causal step by step?"

"How sweet of you to ask. I never thought you’d be interested." I led him to the couch, where he collapsed on it.

"Just once to see it from a non-vicarious perspective."

I sat next to him, and held him close. I ran my hand through his hair. "But I'm doing all the work."

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm. This time. We'll trip-reset, do it again, and trade places next time." He closed his eyes as I rested one hand in his soft, thick, long, red-blond mane, and gently wrapped my other arm around him, amongst a couple of other things.

I willed our attire away for this session.

He was dead weight in no time, as I took over his mind; and took him to the primordial place where one was two, and two were one; and where nothing mattered. For him, it was like floating in a warm pool of water, completely submerged, and not having to breath. It was not having to care about anything, because you were being looked after! Being taken care of...completely! He had given himself to me in his entirety. His mind was mine. Peace was almost complete with us, except of course; for the sliver of hostility I would always have for the past and the fact that the Physical Realm even existed. It wouldn't matter to Donn, though. He wouldn't be reading that in me now. I was reading him, though. All of him, not that there was much to read. He was everything, yet nothing. He was oblivion. Void. A beautiful void in eternity!

So long...so...so...long! I backed away from Donn, and gently lay his almost unconscious self on the couch. I connected us, bore down on him as hard as I could, and faded us Astral before he had a chance to open his eyes or make a sound.

Donn came to completely, and we switched realms right at the border of Astral culmination to go Causal. The High Causal, where we lost every last trace of our individuality in our merging. It was hard to stay in this place so unnaturally lofty for us, but we went over the edge together. The closest thing I could think of to describe our culmination was like a skyrocket going off. After we blew apart, we ended up where we first started, as always. Sprawled on the couch, in something of a dishevelled wreckage.

We both sat up, and rested against each other. Donn said, "Let's stay here for a while. Just you and me, and that cat; where ever he may be. “

I closed my eyes. "He's probably run the whole circumference of this place by now. I don’t want to do a trip-reset just now. It can wait."

"I know what you mean. I want to pass out, as usual."

"So do I. I don't want to go back home too soon, either."

"Neither do I," said Donn. "This place is just too much of an experience.”

After the High Causal trips were the only times we 'needed' to escape our consciousness in 'sleep'. The experience of accessing the higher realms we weren't meant yet to be in was just too overwhelming



*****



When we awoke, I found Percy's head in my lap; still attached to Percy of course, who was sitting by the couch, next to me.

The three of us wouldn't separate again until we got off of this rock, and that would be a while.



*****

Yes, Thanatos, Kevalyn, Macha, and Reggie loved my latest little art project. So did the two cheetahs that had joined us a while ago, that Percy had insisted on me including in our little secret. And I ended up rarin’ to work again.

































































































Practising For Niagara Falls...Don’t Try This At Home





Chris Rooney and Eddie Mayers were glued to the TV set at the Rooney household. Both boys were ten, and they were doing the unthinkable. They were actually watching the news. "Wow! He actually did it. He went over Niagara Falls and lived," said Chris.

"That would be so cool. I can't wait 'til I'm eighteen. I'm gonna do it, too."

"I wish I was Dave Munday. That is so wild."

"My dad said a lady did it, too. Annie something, a long, long time ago! She had three names. I can't remember what the second one was, but I think the third one was Taylor."

"A lady? No shit?" asked Chris.

"No shit!"

"Man, think one of our dads would drive us up there to go over the falls?"

"I dunno. It's kinda far, I think. A few hundred miles! It's all the way west of the state. If you ask your dad, I'll ask mine."

"OK, lets."



*****



"I think I found one that I want," said Stefan. "A kid that's crazier than I was."

I looked at him. "Stef, there was no one crazier than you were. You may be matched, but you will not be beaten. It's kinda like Macha and Thanatos in the ring."

"At least," said Thanatos.

"Can I have 'im? I'll go easy on 'im. After all, he is Irish."

Thanatos chuckled. "As long as you promise not to try to convince him the The Source is a nose."

"Promise."

"All right."



*****



Chris knocked on the door of the Mayers' household. Eddie's mom answered. "Hi Chris." She turned around and called, "Eddie! Chris is here."

"All right, mom."

Ruth Mayers looked at Chris, smiled, and shook her head. "Chris, what are you doing putting these ideas into my son's head about going over Niagara Falls in a barrel?"

"But Mrs. Mayers! A lady did it. An Annie Taylor, a long time ago."

Ruth laughed. "And you can't be outdone by a woman, even if it kills you?"

"Isn't that how it is?"

"No. Want to come in for some milk shakes and Ding Dongs?"

"Ooh, yeah. If you promise not to tell my mom."

"I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing."

"And by the way, my dad said I was nuts for wanting to go over Niagara Falls."

"Eddie's dad told him if he wanted to do that, he'd have to pay for his own medical costs if he survived. Come on in."

Chris followed her to the kitchen. "Yeah, I guess that's fair."

"Eddie. Kitchen. Ding Dongs."

Eddie was there in seconds. "Thanks mom."

"Your mom is soooooo cool," whispered Chris.

Ruth heard it, and chuckled slightly as she got the chocolate ice cream out of the freezer.

"Yeah, but dad said he wouldn't drive us to the falls," said Eddie as he and Chris sat at the kitchen table.

"Same. He called me crazy, even after I told him a lady named Annie Taylor did it."

"Annie Edson Taylor," said Eddie. "Dad knows about her. She was the first one to live, and dad said she said no one should ever do that again."

"That must have been fun," said Chris. "I'm going to do it when I'm older and no one can tell me what I can and can't do."

Ruth put some milk, ice cream, and malt powder in the blender. She said, "Even when you're a gown up, people tell you what you can and can't do. It's just different people."

"Oh," said Chris.

"Being a grown up isn't all fun and games, Chris. It's work. Hard work." She turned the blender on, and after everything was mixed, she poured the shake into two glasses. She got four Hostess Ding Dongs from the cupboard, two napkins, and put everything on the table.

"Thanks, mom," said Eddie.

"Thanks Mrs. Mayers," said Chris.

"Your welcome, boys. Now go out and play after this, so you both get hungry for dinner; all right?"

"Yes, Mrs. Mayers," said Chris.

"I'll do my best," said Eddie.

They finished their treats, and went outside.



*****



Chris said, "There's a small waterfall in the stream behind Mr. Cronin's farm."

"Yeah."

"It ain't Niagara Falls, but it's about ten feet high, I think. We could practise."

"Where would we get a barrel?" asked Eddie.

"Mr. Cronin does have rain barrels," said Chris.

"I don't think we're big enough to get them to the stream. It's too far away, and they're too heavy."

"Then what else can we do?"

"If you want to go over that little waterfall, maybe we can find an old tractor tire," said Eddie.

"Yeah. We could handle one of those, no problem. I've seen some around, but I can't remember where."

"Mr. Stewart's corn farm."

"Oh, yeah. Do we ask for it, or just take it?" asked Chris.

"If we ask, Mr. Stewart will ask why; and he won't let us. It's garbage. Let's just take it."

"OK. Now?"

"I got a better idea. Let's both of us get some flashlights, and go out real early in the morning. Get back before the sun comes up, so nobody knows what we did."

"But we'll get wet," said Chris.

"Let's take our swim suits."

"OK. How about the next time the moon is full?!"

"Yeah. Great idea."

That would be in three days.



*****



At two am, Eddie and Chris met outside at Eddie's house. They had their flashlights and swim trunks in bags. They ran the half-mile to Mr. Stewart's farm, went toward his shed, and retrieved the spent tractor tire at the side of it. It wasn't quite as easy to deal with it as they'd hoped, until they got it to the road. In this small rural town, they were lucky there was no traffic, or they would have been caught. People looked out for each other, here.

Now they'd have to travel two miles to get to Mr. Cronin's farm. They went as fast as they could, rolling the tire down the road. "I'm tired," said Eddie. "I wish we didn't do this. I should be in bed."

"I'm excited. I can't wait to go over the edge of that fall."

"Can we leave the tire there, go home and do it during the day?"

"We're this far. You can, but I want to do it tonight. Can you imagine our book report for what we did for summer vacation?"

"Wow. Never mind. I'm going after you, then."

No he wouldn't



*****



Yes, Chris went over first. Eddie had to push him. Chris also got royally flattened, breaking a few bones, some of them in his skull.

Needless to say, Christian Rooney didn't make it. The poor, terrified Eddie ran home in tears. However, this isn't Eddie's story.

Chris, on the other hand, would have no clue what really happened to him for a long, long time. Or rather such would be the case if time existed, which it didn't.



*****



In the parallel reality of upstate New York, was Stefan in a red flannel shirt, overalls, a cowboy hat, gloves, work boots, and a denim jacket.

Chris Rooney perceived that he was fine, and that some longhaired country boy just picked him up out of the water. A longhaired country boy with an impossibly big nose! "Yo, kiddo. Watcha doin', thar?" asked Stefan.

Chris looked up at him. "Practising." The man had a nice accent.

"Practising what? Getting yourself killed?"

"No. I would have done this in a barrel, but Eddie and me are still too little to get the rain barrel over here. We're practising to go over Niagara Falls."

Stefan laughed, and nodded. "I thought about doing that when I was younger." He then shook his head. "You get fined a lot of money if you get caught. It's illegal, not to mention some people did die, going over."

"But a lady did it. A sixty three year old lady."

"Annie Edson Taylor. Aye. She was a better man than me. Eddie. I guess that was the black haired kid in the swim suit who ran the hell out of here."

"Yeah," said Chris, as he scowled. "I wonder why he ran away?"

"Don't know. He ran when he saw me comin’. Prob’ly didn’t want to get caught. You got regular clothes nearby?"

"Uh huh."

"Maybe you ought to get into them, so I can take you home."

"OK."



*****



"Oooooh! You got a Ferrari!" said Chris.

"F430, yeah. If I wanna get somewhere fast, you know?"

"You're not from around here."

"No," said Stefan. "I was born across the Atlantic, and spent most of my time in Ireland."

"Neat, but mom told me to be careful of strangers."

"Smart. So you want to walk home, or do you want me to drive you?"

"You're OK, right?" Anything to ride in a Ferrari!

"Kid, unless you're on a rotisserie; I don't want anything to do with you in the long term."

"What?!"

"In my opinion, anything under sixteen is a food product. When they turn sixteen, the food products become people; but you can't eat children legally in this culture, so I don't," said Stefan.

"I hope you're kidding."

"Maybe, but rest assured. I've never eaten anyone...yet."

"I don't know if I want to get in the car with you anymore."

Stefan laughed. "Dude, don't you ever tell anyone; but yes, I'm kidding. I joke about it a lot, but I don't eat people. Where do you live?"

"Sixty two, Cedar Lane."

"Gotcha. Be there in a couple of minutes."

The lights were on inside, when they got there.

"Oh no!" said Chris. "I'm in biiiiiiig trouble."

"Of course your parents didn't know you did what you just did."

"No. I'm gonna get my ass whupped."

"Wanna postpone your whuppin'?"

"Postpone?"

"Get it later, rather than now."

"Uh, yeah."

"Then let's go to Niagara Falls, and let me show you in person what you wanna do."

"Isn't that kind of far away?"

"I have a Ferrari for a reason. I can get you home by noon. If we don't stop for brekkie and lunch, that is."

"How fast can it go?" asked Chris.

"Uh, three hundred fifteen kilometres an hour."

"What's that in miles?"

"About a hundred ninety six. I've never driven it faster than...one eighty, though."

"Wow! Can you do that with me?"

"Sure. Just keep the window up, OK?" asked Stefan.

"OK."

Chris Rooney got the ride of his life on the Etheric Plane, on highways with virtually no traffic.



*****



The falls were not statistically that high. Only fifty-two metres. (About a hundred seventy feet.) It was still intimidating, however. Stefan drove real close to them, because the road was right there. He and Chris got out. It was dawn.

Stefan crossed his arms. "Still want to go over this?"

Chris looked at it for a long time. Not really, but he couldn’t admit it. "If an old lady did it, I can do it."

"And you want to pay a high fine, not to mention what it would cost to construct something that may give you a chance in surviving? I mean, a rain barrel just ain't gonna do, ya know?"

"Oh. Uh...I guess so."

Stefan didn't say anything for a while. Then he got that look. An idea.

Stefan uncrossed his arms, and put them akimbo. "What if I can get us a barrel now? Would you do it?"

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, sure." Chris thought Stefan was bluffing. Chris had another thing coming.



*****



"Oh, my GOD!" exclaimed Thanatos.

"Which one?" I asked.

"All of them. Remind me not to let Stefan take on any more children."

I chuckled. "Well, it's not like Chris can get killed now, or anything." I thought the show and what was pending was hilarious.

Thanatos chuckled. "Donn Ui'Midir, I swear!"

I shrugged. "Feel free."



*****



Stefan and Chris went back to the road. Stefan had materialised something absolutely ridiculous, but ten-year old kids can get pretty gullible.

There, like a small toy merry-go-round; was a large steel barrel with tempered glass in front of where the face would be, so the 'victim' can enjoy watching his or her descent into a watery Hell. It was bolted to a pole that said, '25 Cents For A Trip Down Niagara Falls--Sundays Only--Or You Get Fined'.

"Here. Wanna do it still?"

Poor Chris. He was terrified, but he couldn't chicken out now. "Uh, yeah! Sure. Like I said before! If an old lady can do it, so can I!"

"OK." Stefan put a quarter in the slot, and unbolted the barrel from the pole. He opened it up. The barrel was cushioned inside, and there was a helmet on the seat. All would fit Chris to a T. Both barrel and helmet!

"I didn't see this when we came here."

"You weren't paying attention."

"It's not Sunday."

"No, but no one is around. I don't think we'll get caught. Do you?"

Chris scowled. He'd seen hardly any traffic coming here, and he hadn't seen a car go by in forever. Poo! "Probably not."

"I can pay the fine if we are. I'm pretty well off."

"OK." Oh, shit!



*****



"He's actually going through with it," said Thanatos.

I was almost rolling around on the floor, I was laughing so hard. I managed a "Stefan or Chris?"

"Yes. I can't believe what that twit is doing to that poor kid!"

"I can."



*****



Stefan rolled the barrel to the edge of the river. "I'm going to strap you in, you're going over; and I'll meet you on the bottom in a few minutes to let you out."

"A few minutes?"

"I have a Ferrari."

"OK. Can I go to the bathroom first?"

Stefan cocked his head. "Beats going on the way down. Sure." Stefan pointed to an outhouse. "Go."

Chris went. He almost felt like saying he was sick, and couldn't do it today. Boy, dreaming about doing something and actually doing it was definitely not the same.

As Chris walked back to Stefan, he really wanted to back out of this; but the kid’s sense of pride was just too much. Hesitantly, he went back to Stefan. "All right. I'm ready."

"You're sure about this."

"Sure as shit."

Stefan chuckled. He...uh...she as Zanna would have been slapped upside for talking like that when she was a kid. "All right. I'm going to secure you, and get down below right away, OK?"

"You won't leave me?!"

"Hell no!"

"OK. Can I tell my parents about this?"

"Sure."

"Can they meet you?" asked Chris.

Stefan struggled not to laugh. They'd probably want to shoot him for what he was doing to their son. "Yes." Eventually.

"All right."

"I'll take you to a restaurant for breakfast after we're done. I'll be driving home slower. There might be more cops out now."

"I guess we had our fun last night, huh?"

"Yeah. Close your eyes when I roll you into the water, so you're not as likely to throw up."

"OK." Stefan opened the barrel, and Chris put the helmet on. Chris sat down; Stefan strapped him in, closed the barrel, and rolled it toward the river. He gave the barrel a hard push into the water, and off it went.

Stefan immediately transferred down below, and telekinetically guided the barrel for a smooth, safe journey and landing. After letting the barrel churn around in the water for about a minute, he forced it to land where he was standing. Chris would think it was just a convenient coincidence how everything happened, and wouldn't have a clue on how his trip over Niagara Falls was so controlled and uneventful.

The barrel allegedly floated to the side, and Stefan allegedly pulled it out by grabbing the bolt, and just heaving it out.

Allegedly.

It would have taken a lot more effort, if all this were happening on the Physical Plane. Stefan wouldn't have been able to do it by himself. In fact, Thanatos would have needed help from a sheer Physical perspective.

After Stefan put the barrel upright, he opened it. "So, how'd you like that?"

"It was scary, but fun. I can't wait to tell everybody."

Stefan smiled, and nodded. "You do that." He then just had to laugh. "Let's go home now. They can get the barrel themselves. Somebody gets paid for that, and I don't."

"All right."



*****



Damn, breakfast was good. It was served by the prettiest lady Chris had ever seen! Her name was Deliah.

Chris had a mushroom omelette with two sausage patties, hash browns, a corn muffin with butter, and the best orange juice he ever had in his life. Stefan had the same, minus the sausages.

"Want to go home as fast as you can, or take a side trip and have lunch first," asked Stefan.

"If I'm gonna get my ass whupped when I get home, I think I'll go for the side trip and lunch," said Chris.

"I can understand that line of thinking. And where shall I take you?"

"Can we go to Coney Island?"

Stefan wrinkled his nose. "Sure."

With a sigh, Stefan materialised a mirror image of Coney Island. No one would be there, though.



*****



The gate was open, but there where was everyone; wondered Chris. "Why is the park empty?" asked Chris.

"I don't know."

"And there was almost no traffic. Did we get nuked, and nobody told us?"

"We can check the news later. But now, it looks like you don't have to wait in line for any of the rides."

"I guess that's cool," said Chris.

"I used to work in an amusement park, so I know how to work the rides. You can have yourself some fun," said Stefan. 'While I get bored out of my gourd, but I guess after what I did to you, I owe you one, huh?' asked Stefan of Chris in his mind alone.

"Can I still get hot dogs and popcorn and all that?"

"How about we don't, and we get a real classy lunch after this somewhere else?"

"Sounds good."

Chris went on every ride in the park, and Stefan regretted making the offer, but oh well.

They would eat at a restaurant in a parallel of New York City. A very empty parallel of New York City! This time the server would be Sylvia. It was a fancy French restaurant.

Chris would have his first taste of caviar, which he didn't like; and French snails, that he loved. He also loved liver pâté, with crackers. Chris felt pretty spoiled, but he wasn't going to complain. When he got a whole quarter slice of chocolate silk pie with tons of whipped cream, he almost couldn't believe he had it this good.

When they went back to the car, Stefan asked, "So, are you ready to get your ass whupped?"

"I guess so. This day more than made up for it."

"OK. Let's go home now." On very empty streets.



*****



Stefan drove up the street that Chris had seen a million times. He drove in front of the house that Chris lived in. They walked up to the front door together, Stefan knocked, and when that front door opened; it was like nothing Chris had ever seen in his life. It looked like a castle inside.

A really awesome looking snow-white dude dressed in black jeans, a black T-shirt and harnessed biker boots, with long white hair, upper and lower fangs, and red glowing eyes had opened the door. "Stefan, I think you have some major explaining to do to this person."

Stefan looked down at Chris. "Uh...Chris! Uh...uh..." At this point, Stefan totally lost control of himself. He couldn't stop laughing if his existence depended on it."

Thanatos shook his head. "My, the sense of humour that creature has is going to get him thrashed one day." He looked down at Chris. "Kid, we have to sit down for this."

"Why is my house like this? Where are my parents?"

"Chris, this isn't your house. It's Tech Duinn. The House Of Donn! It belongs to a so-called Irish death god. You didn't make it after you went over the falls behind the Cronin farm. You smashed yourself to pieces doing that, and all that's happened since; was on the Otherside, you know?"

"All that with me going over Niagara Falls, and those killer meals?"

"Yup. That's why Stefan is laughing so hard. It's like he played a very long joke on you."

"I like him, though. He was very nice to me."

Thanatos chuckled. "I'm glad you appreciate him. When you see it from my perspective, he wasn't very nice at all. Remember how scared you were right before you went over the illusory Niagara? But I have to give him credit for taking care of you pretty well."

Chris scowled. "So I'm dead?!"

"Only to the world you were on. There is no death. You also aren't really a child anymore. As soon as you get the grips on your real reality, you're going to become as you are meant to be. A man in his prime."

"Wow! What about Eddie and my parents?"

"It would be a good idea for you to visit their dreams looking like you do now, and tell them that you're OK. We can even help you leave some tangible evidence, but they'll be suffering for a while. In the end, it won't matter; though. Ultimately we're all one. I'm Thanatos, by the way. The Greeks called me a death god, though I wish to argue that title. I think Gate Keeper is more accurate. That's what we all call ourselves."

By now Stefan was coming back to himself. "Chris?"

Chris looked up at Stefan. "Stefan, thanks. I never had such a good time in my life."

Stefan looked up at Thanatos. "So, how'd I do?"

"I won't fire you for this one."

"Thanks."





















































Storm Chasers





I, Trey Packard III; was a fool. I admit it, but at least I had fun; though my family wanted to kill me half the time.

No, not really; but I was pretty good at wasting their money, not that they didn't have the money to waste.

I was thirty. I had spent ten years getting a PhD in meteorology. I also had a Masters in math, and a B.S. in physics. So what did I choose to do with my degrees? I became a storm chaser. I had a fully equipped GMC Savana Cargo van with a satellite dish, padded storage for two laptops; since I figured it's good to have a back-up, cell phone, CB radio, two digital cameras, my own paid video guy named Ernest Wellsman, who was also my rent free room mate, a subscription to XM Mobil Threat Net, GPS, compass, a couple of tripods, the State Atlas & Gazetteer for Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Missouri, Arkansas, Florida, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, and Iowa, a mounted anemometer, an AC adaptor, binoculars, and four spare tyres. Don't ask about those tyres, but once when I had only one spare; I ended up having to call for help. I was now fully equipped. Or should I say, 'we' were fully equipped. Ernie and I never went on the road alone.

What did it pay? We were lucky if we could recoup a third of what we...or I put into it, via the generous family allowance I got every month. Seven thousand a month, tax free, wasn't bad. I told my father after my stint as a storm chaser, I'd get a job teaching at a university. Being both Ernie and I were kind of famous in circles, having been on the radio, television, and having much of our footage aired world wide, I had a few who were slathering to get me even now. I told my father I wouldn't be doing this after I turned 40. It was my goal to settle down then. Maybe find a steady girlfriend to become my wife, instead of dating a new groupie every couple of weeks. And by the way, unlike that Dire Straits song, chicks are far from free. I paid for the dinners, lodgings, and everything else. It was the least I could do for someone trying to give me the night of my life. I may be a slut, but at least I was a slut with some degree of honour. I gave something back.

Ernie wasn't so sure he wanted to give up the wild and dangerous lifestyle, but he knew he could make it on his own. He was one of the best, and craziest cameramen around. You had to be nuts to do what we were doing. It was also hard, year 'round work even though we were only on the road about six months of that year. We did tornadoes April through June, and hurricanes in August through October. Well, we did take July off to party major; but the rest of the time we made public appearances, and gave presentations in the media or out of it. Some lectures were totally non-profit.



*****



Ernie and I were driving down a lonely road in our van. We were heading east of Anthony, Kansas. We saw the storm clouds over head, and had gotten the heads up that a tornado had already formed. We drove another five kilometres, and caught site of the bugger. Ernie turned his video cam on. I stopped the van. It was moving toward us, but it was pretty far away. We couldn't tell how fast it was moving, but we figured it would dissipate by the time it got to us, so we weren't worried; even though it looked like a doozy. We were going on averages and past statistics.

I put the tripods out, opened Ernie's door, and took a bunch of stills with my digital camera before I even set it on the tripod. Ernie, never stopped his camera, and moved it to his tripod without missing a beat. There would be some shaky footage, but it didn't matter.

The tornado was a big one. One of those that covered a lot of ground! It was hard to tell, but I figured it must have had a diameter of a kilometre. It would be ripping up grain fields. Thank God this wasn't a population centre. This must have been at least an F4.

"'Nother one developing north!" I yelled. Those things made a lot of noise, and the one that was forming wasn't that far away. I was lucky enough to catch it out of the corner of my eye. It was a boon to get one as it's forming.

Ernie looked north, and shifted the aim of his camera. I went nuts with my Olympus C-4000 Zoom, and this was going to sell. We both concentrated on the new tornado for a while. It was going to be another bad one, and we'd never gotten such good shots in all our days on the road. Unfortunately, we were so into our baby that we forgot about the original tornado. When we focused on it again, we found it was coming pretty close to us. It was maybe about three hundred metres away. "Holy shit!" yelled Ernie.

"Get the cameras in the van!" I yelled back. "Screw the tripods!"

We ran back to the Savana with all our footage, did our best to shove the cameras under the front seats, and before we could get out of the vehicle to lay flat, we got plastered. So it was for me valuing our footage over our lives, not that it probably would have made a difference.



*****



I think we both screamed when we got hit. I'm not sure, but I know I did. I kind of lost it. I didn't pass out, but time, space, and everything else just froze. My life flashed before my eyes. Seconds became hours.

And nothing happened.

Well, something did happen; but getting spun around in the air at five hundred plus kilometres an hour wasn't one of them.

A short eternity later, Ernie and I looked at each other. "Trey?" he asked.

I looked at him, and then looked out the open door at a solid grey exterior. I looked back at Ernie, and smiled for a second. Then I started laughing hysterically.

He joined me in the laughter, and we hugged each other. "Oh God, we're still alive!" I finally managed to get out.

"Yeah, but what's happening to us?"

I noticed we didn't seem terribly still. We were moving. Slowly moving in circles. Very slowly, like a carousel. We were also gaining altitude. "Oh, no! This can't be happening!" I exclaimed as I slammed the door shut.

"Not according to what we studied in our meteorology and physics classes, huh?"

"I almost want to cry. Did we just enter an 'Supernatural' episode or something?"

Ernie shook his head violently. "I don't know! I don't think I can handle this! I almost can't process it."

"Neither can I, but we're still here. I don't know for how long, but...like are we going to be dropped in a little while?"

"I don't want to think about it. I just wish we had a bottle of Irish whiskey on board."

I wrinkled my nose. I couldn't stand hard liquor. "I'll take a few of those European brews that knock you flat after two, but I get your drift."

"What do we do?" asked Ernie.

"What can we do? Wait."

"I will not throw up, I will not throw up."

"Please."

Then if things couldn't get any stranger, they did.

The movement stopped. The thick grey haze cleared. We looked out the windows. We were on land.

Ernie looked at me. "Did we just hallucinate that ride?"

"I don't know. Where are the wheat fields?"

"Yeah, this doesn't look right at all. Let's get out of the van."

We did. We looked up. "What happened to the clouds? The storm system?" I asked.

Ernie looked around. "I don't have a clue, but this is a nice place; regardless of how we got here."

We were in a meadow with lots of flowers and trees. The van was just sitting in the middle of a bunch of grass. "Uh, yeah; but where are we, and how do we get home?"

"I dunno." Ernie looked around, and in the direction of the back of the van. "Look! I think we're on a plateau, or something."

"Damn! Can you still run after that?"

"Yeah, I think so."

We ran like Hell for maybe about a half a kilometre. That was roughly the distance of our destination. We got to the edge of a very steep precipice. We also found out where the clouds were. We were over them. Waaaaaay over them! "Ernie, I don't think we're in Kansas any more."

Ernie sat down. "This can't be real. We're dreaming, right? Hallucinating?"

"I wish, but I don't think so."

"There's no logical explanation for this."

"Maybe we're dead?"

"I don't feel dead," said Ernie

"What does dead feel like?"

"I dunno. I've never been dead. Not in this life, anyway."

I just had to laugh. "Oh, let's go to the van and have some of our packed lunch. Then let's see if we can find a trace of civilisation to find out where we are, how we got here, and how to get down from here."

"Yeah. Depending on where we even are. This isn't anywhere near where we were filming."



*****



We'd packed some MREs and had a case of cold carbonated lemon flavoured water in the small fridge. I had noodles with Swedish meatballs, and Ernie had mashed potatoes, peas and what passed for turkey. After we ate, I tried to start the van.

I turned the key, and nothing happened. It was like the starter was history.

I looked everything over, and Ernie double-checked me. We knew a bit about auto mechanics, but this was beyond us. We couldn't find anything wrong. "I guess we walk," I said.

"Seems that way. Shouldn't it be colder up here?"

"Theoretically."

"And the air a little thinner?" asked Ernie

"Don't ask. Nothing makes any sense any more. Let's pack some food and drinks, and go."

"Sure."

When we started walking, we found the trees were getting denser. There were a lot of fruit trees, and everything was in season up here at once. Another thing that defied reality! There were peaches, apples, apricots, cherries, figs, oranges, lemons, plums, and there were brambleberries, and strawberries, and currants, and grapes and the list goes on. We came across wild tomatoes, and there were carrot patches, and melon patches, and a few corn stalks here and there, and we wouldn't starve; where ever we were. There were also ponds here and there, and a stream of ice-cold water that tasted even better than our carbonated water. There were no fish in it, though. The water was clear of all life. We didn't even see any evidence of algae, or other plant life. We sampled some of the fruit, not that we had much room after our MREs; and it was much better than anything I'd ever bought in a store. Some produce at the farmer's markets came close, but even then...

What world were we in?

"I haven't noticed any insects," I said.

"Neither have I. And the grass is kind of low. This seems to be more like a park than anything."

"There's lots of food, but everything is so random. Farms and orchards just aren't done like this."

"It's probably all organic, though."

"Yeah. Somebody has to own this," said Ernie. "There has to be a town nearby."

"If this place was normal, I'd agree. But with what's happened, who knows?"

Ernie pointed to something under a tree. "What's that?"

"Pretty big. I can't tell so much because of the shading. A big, black dog?"

"Do we approach? It could be dangerous."

"Their senses are so much better than ours. It probably knows we're here, but it's just lying down. Maybe it can lead us somewhere?"

Ernie shrugged. "Possibly."

We started walking toward it. In a while, I recognised it. Sort of! "It's not a dog. It's a big cat, and it's looking at us. There's something next to it. Some kind of a big bird! Pheasant-like. It's moving."

Ernie said, "I think we should leave them alone."

"You're probably..." The bird and the cat nosed each other. "Man, did you see that?"

"What the..."

The bird flew onto the back of the cat, right at his shoulders; and settled down. "My God!"

"Look at the teeth on that cat. It's like a black sabretooth tiger. What the hell is it?"

I scowled. "I have no idea. I'm sorry, but the cat is showing no signs of aggression, and I'm feeling as crazy as this location is. It sees us, but it's not coming after us. It's also got a bird on it's back. I'm going over to it." I think I was going to get a headache. This just didn't register. This wasn't possible, but there it was...right in front of my eyes...a creature that could not exist.

"I'm. . .uh, right behind you. It it's hungry, you go first."

"I don't think it is. Otherwise its feathered buddy would probably be lunch. I think it's a pet. In the wild, cats and birds don't usually relate like that."

We went up to the cat and the bird on it's back. The cat was a long tailed sabre cat of sorts. The thing on its back wasn't a bird, but something that's been extinct forever. It was as archaeopteryx. Ernie looked at me. "This is not happening."

"I've been trying to convince myself the same thing, but I can't. It is happening, much to my now questionable state of sanity."

The cat made a snarling noise, and the archaeopteryx got off the cat. The cat rolled over into a rub-my-tummy pose. Ernie smiled, put his hand in front of the cat's nose, and the cat stretched his chin out to him. It was male. Ernie scratched the cat under the chin, and then gave him that tummy rub. "Nice cat. Friendly."

The archaeopteryx craned its neck toward me. I guessed it wanted attention, too. I gently stroked its neck and back. "This is so beyond me. Way more than I can handle. When we get home, I never want to talk about this again."

"I'm with you, there. So what do we do? Hang out with these two, until they decide to go home?"

"Got a better idea?" I asked.

"No."

We traded our attentions on both animals a few times, and they were quite affectionate. We got scent marked and nosed by the cat, and the archaeopteryx brushed its cheeks against ours a few times.

We didn't have to wait very long for both the animals to get restless and go. The archaeopteryx flew off in the direction we'd been headed, the cat stretched; and started meandering after it. Damn, that cat was huge, now that he was on all four feet. He was the size of something halfway between a leopard, and a lion. He was built like a smilodon-leopard cross. I stroked him behind the ears, as we walked. "What lab did you come out of, kitten?"

He looked at me, and made a soft growl.

Whatever! I couldn't understand it. I only spoke English, Spanish and German.

We got to a footpath, shortly. This was looking good. The cat turned up it. I asked Ernie, "You want to run?"

"Do you want to risk becoming a cat-toy?"

"Never mind."

Strangely enough, the cat started trotting soon. He wasn't going very fast, and we kept up with him. The trees were getting thicker, and thicker. It wasn't long before we saw a house up ahead.

It was a large, vine covered, ornate, three-storey Victorian. It had a turret, an attic, a balcony in front; another balcony on one of the sides, a huge verandah that went around the corner, and there was a table with four chairs on that verandah. Somebody was sitting on one of those chairs.

It was hard to tell what it was at first, but when we got up to the house, we found it was male. He had long red-blond hair, and was dressed in jeans, a flannel shirt, and work boots. He had wide, dark eyes, and a nice face that looked rather feminine. He stood up. "Wellllllll, look what the cat dragged in." He had an Irish accent.

I had to laugh. "Hi. We have no idea where we are, or even how we got here. Our van is stranded somewhere behind us, and we ended up here after getting lost in a storm."

He shrugged. "OK. It happens. I'm Donn Ui'Midir, and welcome. I assume you want to come in and get your bearings."

"Yeah," I said. "I'm Trey Packard, and this is Ernie Wellsman. We're storm chasers. Is the archaeopteryx yours?"

"Reggie? Not really. I'm more like his. I take care of him, but I hardly own him."

"And what kind of cat is that?" asked Ernie, as he snuggled against Donn.

"Percy?" asked Donn. "Highly intelligent, manipulative, dictatorial, obnoxious, and one of the sweetest guys I ever met. Just don't argue with him. You're guaranteed to lose."

"I meant, what species," said Ernie.

Donn shrugged. "No clue. He’s not in any of the books."

"As for Reggie, hasn't the archaeopteryx been extinct for quite a few million years?" asked Ernie.

"Reggie?" called Donn.

The archaeopteryx flew out of the house, and onto Donn's shoulder. Donn flinched as the creature landed. I heard a 'Yes, dear?' in a tone I was unfamiliar with.

Donn pointed at me. "Babe, these two think you're extinct."

'Not to my knowledge! If I am, it's news to me.'

I scowled. "Did he just say, 'Not to my knowledge? If I am, it's news to me?'"

Donn shook his head. "No. He conveyed it. Archaeopterii can't talk. He's a telepath. So is Percy, by the way."

Well, that explained a lot.

Percy looked up at Donn. 'Isn't it a bit premature to let that cat out of the bag regarding this issue?'

Donn stroked Percy's head with a chuckle. "Love your way with words, dude! Nahhhhh. Might as well get this over with early in the game this time."

"Is there anything else we should know?" I asked.

"Oh, lot's of things, I imagine," said Donn. "Like the truth about history?" Just then, Reggie nosed Donn, and took off back inside the house.

"It's a bunch of crap. We know. The victors always write the books, be they accurate or not. How high up are we?" asked Ernie.

"About seven kilometres, I guess; judging from what can be seen looking over the ridge to the west."

"Shouldn't it be colder up here than it is?" asked Ernie.

Donn shrugged. "I suppose so, but it's not. I wouldn't complain about it. Care to come in for some tea?"

"Sure," I said, "But where are we, and how do we get home?"

"Home is in the direction you were going. I'll call the horses in a little bit, and we can go when you will."

Ernie and I looked at each other. I said, "Uh, OK. What about our van, and all the gear? It stopped running, and there was no rhyme or reason for it. We have some killer footage of a couple of tornadoes."

"I can take care of that," said Donn. He turned to go in, and Percy followed him. "Let's have some tea first, then we'll be on our way back to the lowlands."

Ernie and I followed him. He led us to the dining room.

It was a luxuriously decorated house. Persian carpets, beautiful cherry-wood furniture, intricate chandeliers, and it gave my parents' house a run for their money. It was also absolutely immaculate. "Nice place," I said.

"Thanks. I'll be right back." He left for the kitchen.

We heard some clattering, and Donn came back with three empty cups and saucers. He put them on the table, and walked out again.

"A telepathic sabre cat and archaeopteryx. I wonder if Donn can read minds, too?" I asked softly.

"Yes, I can," came a call from the kitchen. "So can you. I'll teach you how, shortly."

There was no way in hell he could have heard that. "OK," I said. "If he had a vested interest in us, I think I'd be scared."

"I know what you mean," said Ernie.

"I have no vested interest in anyone, really. I have everything I could possibly use, and more," came a call from the kitchen.

I just had to laugh. "This is all so nuts. I can't believe this is happening, either."

Ernie laughed, too. "Maybe we really are dead."

"No such think as death. Everything is eternal. Tea's almost ready," came Donn's voice.

Yes, we heard the kettle whistle. Then we heard more clattering of plates. In a few minutes, Donn came out with a platter, some biscotti, and the teakettle. "The biscotti are milk chocolate covered vanilla hazelnut toffee, and I didn't ask if you wanted any; because you would have said yes." He poured the tea, opened the bag of biscotti, emptied the bag on the platter, and sat down. "It's a dessert tea."

"Thank you," Ernie and I, said in unison.

I had a sip of the tea, and it tasted fruity. It was quite good. "We're going down by horseback?"

"Well, technically, they are tall ponies, but you guys aren't that big; and they're strong animals. Mine's a Arab-Connemara cross."

"I've never been on a horse," said Ernie.

"The last time I was on one, I was a kid," I said.

"It's OK. Just give them the lead, and never kick them. Let them follow me on their own terms. They've only known the gentlest handling."

"I can live with that. Riding downhill is a bitch, from what I can remember. Wouldn't it be easier to walk?" I asked.

"Considering the distance we have to go after we get down, no," said Donn. He dunked his biscotti, and had a bite. "The descent's not that severe, anyway."

I tasted mine after a quick dunk in the tea. I looked at Ernie. "Never had a biscotti like this. Great stuff."

Ernie bit into his, un-dunked. "I'm not going to argue. Where did you get these?"

"I had them delivered. Grocery shopping would just take too much out of me, and I never go. As you note, there's really no reason for it, if you don't mind a diet of organic fruits and veggies. Got a few milk cows, and chickens too. They're free to come and go as they please. They'll be by later. There's a barn out back. Electricity is windmill, and I have a cistern for rain water, in addition to well water that will never run out due to a waterway dug from the stream."

"Dare I ask the source of the water?" I asked.

"You can. Underground, and rain," said Donn.

"Underground? This high up?! Does it snow much here?" asked Ernie.

"It can," said Donn.

This place was driving me nuts, and there was so many questions I wanted to ask, but I had no idea where to start. "Donn?"

"Wait. I'll let you know everything after we get off this mesa, OK?"

"OK."

We each had two cups of tea, and three biscotti. Donn took the empty cups, saucers and plate to the kitchen after we were done, and we went out back. I was torn between wanting to see more of the house, and getting a move on. Also, there were our cameras. "What about our footage?" I asked.

"Don't worry. I've got it covered." He whistled loudly. In less than a minute, three horses or rather three ponies came running at a wild gallop.

They were gorgeous. They looked like show animals. A pure black Arabian, a palomino with a white star and four white socks, and a grey with black mane, tail, feathers, and hocks. The grey had an eel stripe. They were all stallions, and very muscular. They were also a bit hyper, and pranced around.

Donn led the palomino to the barn, and the other two followed. He put halters, and real light saddles on them. He led the grey to me. "Shiva." When he led the black to Ernie, he said, "Aslan, and the palomino is Hesper."

"These animals are a class act," I said.

"I know. Precious."

"Can they read minds, too?" I asked.

"Yes, but they're not going to have any conversations with you. They think language is superfluous."

"Oh," I said.

We all mounted up, and Donn led us to a path a little further back of his house. The trip down began shortly. Most of it was a pretty mellow slope like Donn said, so it wasn't that hard on us. Donn didn't initiate any conversation, and I was too confused to start anything. I had a feeling Ernie was in the same state.

Nothing had made sense since we'd stuffed our cameras under the seats the van. It's like the laws of physics went out the window. Everything I knew about agriculture kind of bit the dust, too. Then meeting a sassy archaeopteryx and sabre toothed black panther of hell knows what unknown species who could convey thoughts to us in English? Donn was kind of on the mysterious side as well, but he treated us pretty good.

I had to admit I liked riding. I forgot how much I'd enjoyed it as a kid. I hadn't even thought about it in my adult years. I never had any discretionary time. College was a bitch. I had to study all the time, but hey! I graduated with a 3.8 average. I got the B's in the courses outside of my major. I just didn't think the other requirements for my degree, like history and English were that important to my life. I didn't care that I didn't get that 4.0. I was close enough.

I knew I was going to be as sore as hell after I got off of my pony, but I'd have to deal with it.

We got to the bottom of the mesa in what seemed like no time. I didn't understand it. I didn't time it, but it seemed like we got down in only about an hour; and that was impossible...I think.

Then again, with all the other strange stuff that's been happening; maybe nothing was impossible.

Everything after that tornado was so weird. I guess I just had to accept all the strange occurrences, even though I really couldn't, deep down inside. After this was over, I think I was going to go insane thinking about this all. My concept of reality has been pulled out from under me so many times today already; I'd quit questioning it a while ago. The analytical part of my brain went on vacation probably about the time I met Percy and Reggie. That, or it was killed.

Soon after we got away from the mesa, Donn said, "It's a seven kilometre trip to where we have to go. Are we ready to run?"

"I'd love to," I said. I looked back at Ernie. "It's easy when they gallop. How about you?"

"Sure. I'm liking this."

I said, "I guess you'll know when the animals have had enough."

Donn smiled. "Indeed I will." Hesper just took off, and our animals followed his cue.

It was a wild ride. The equines ran all out, and they seemed unfazed. Donn didn't stop until we got to our destination, and when we did; I almost fell off of Shiva.

Percy and Reggie were sitting next to each other, and Percy was grooming like a house cat; which was a pretty comical sight. What was next to Percy and Reggie, was not so funny.

It was our van. It was NOT in good shape. It looked like perhaps a Titan had picked it up, and thrown it down. When we looked to where we came from, the mesa was gone.

Donn said, "Welcome to the Otherside, dudes. I know you're stunned, but I also know you had a hell of a lot more fun with me having hidden the reality of your situation from your immediate consciousness."

Ernie and I got off our mounts, and walked around the totalled mess. "Uh, yeah!" I said. "Wow!"

Donn cocked his head to the right. "Needless to say, you are here with me. A Gate Keeper! Psychopomp! Spirit guide! Irish Death god to some, though I consider that an inaccurate title. The state of the bodies you used to occupy isn't really relevant, and all it would do for you to see your former home; so to speak, is traumatise you further; so I don't think there's a need for that."

"No complaints," said Ernie.

"When someone finally gets here, they will find both cameras under the front seats where you guys shoved them. They will be damaged beyond use, but the CDs will be fine. You will also be credited for the pictures, and for giving your lives for the cause of storm chasing," said Donn.

I looked at Ernie. "Looks like we really picked the way to go, huh?"

"Actually, you did. Before you were born, even. I'll help you remember in a little bit, but I did tell you I'd lead you guys home," said Donn.

"Being we're not alive anymore, where would that be?" I asked.

"Make that, being you got yourselves kicked out of the Physical reality into the Etheric. As you can tell, existence goes on forever, just like I told you. Well, your first home will be the way station of Tech Duinn. I built that. You'll spend some time there getting acclimated to this realm, and being taught how to exist here by me; so you can get your information all at once. Then you'll both figure out what to do with yourselves after a respite from your last stint in the Physical Realm. I can see it as plain as day that neither one of you is through with where you came from."

I nodded. "I do admit I feel cut short. How far Tech Duinn?"

Donn shrugged with a smile. "Right here." He waved his hand, and the scenery changed. From the bright of day in the thrashed Kansas wheat fields, to a beautiful torch lit garden on a foggy night it went.

The change surprised me, and Ernie made it for the nearest stone bench, to sit down. "Oh my God," said Ernie. "This must be what it's like to go through a Star Trek transporter."

"Ahhhh, so many Trekkies I do meet from this era. Not quite," said Donn. "I don't think I'd want my atoms scrambled like that to go somewhere. I brought you to my favourite part of Tech Duinn. After we're through here, we can go in." He pointed to a huge castle.

Both Ernie and I looked up. "Pretty impressive," said Ernie.

"Not really, compared to some other things I've built." said Donn. "Soon we can have an introductory feast for you guys, for I do not live alone."

"As long as it includes some more of those biscotti you gave us, I'm cool," I said.

"Totally," said Ernie.

"So it will be," said Donn.

Damn, this place was awesome!















































































An Ancient Ritual Corrupted, And Paralleled





Me, Thanatos, and Stephanie were walking up a path on a wooded hill in the Elysian Fields. Stephanie walked between us, and we were hand in hand. Suddenly Thanatos laughed. "Ye gods, I'm going to have to leave you two for a while; or split myself up."

"What is it this time?" asked Stephanie.

"I missed another one of my fans who I never met, throwing herself at me. I should go back and get her. I swear! I must have had over a million of these types of cases. You know that old naked Goddess meets Death thing? Where She is told to shed a different article of clothing at such a stage of Her journey? Sumerian legend, and others that followed?"

I scowled. "That was Inanna meeting her sister Ereshkigal. There was no Death god in that legend."

Thanatos shrugged. "This lady overlapped legends. Stef did that often enough."

"That sounds so neat. Can the three of us enact that some time?" asked Stephanie

"Isn't that kind of pointless at this stage of the game?" I asked.

Stephanie said, "I thought about that sort of thing here and there. I was just embarrassed to bring it up, but now? I think to do that once might be kind of fun. Will you two cater to me? I want to almost not quite copy what she's doing."

Thanatos sighed. "Oh, I suppose so. Once. This lady was born Rhonda Sampson, and she changed her name to Hecate Tartarus. This one's good. She even has seven items to shed. Tiara, staff, dress, shawl, sandals, red skivvies, and necklace. The necklace is a locket with cyanide. Talk about drama, not that I'm new to that. This lady has done her research on Sumer and Greece."

Stephanie closed her eyes. "She's another stone fox. Amazing she just didn't pick a legend where the meeting is with a male Death god, and consummated in ritual; and go with that."

"Stef, you are the last one who should be criticising the corruption of ritual. You mixed up bits and pieces from every culture you read about when you were in the Physical," I said.

"From what little I did," said Stephanie.

Thanatos ruffled her hair. "Dilettante sorcerer, yeah. And not a very good one; though you occasionally had enough concentration to do a little bit of reality manipulation when you really wanted something."

"It's happened often enough. For all the important stuff, anyway! I know it's not saying a lot, but my life was statistically pretty good," said Stephanie.

We all stopped, and Thanatos kissed Stephanie on the nose. "And all you did was bitch. In fact, you still bitch about it; even though it's been irrelevant forever."

Stephanie smiled. "And?"

"Oh, let's go to the obsidian and crystal temple in the city across from the Akashic Castle and do what you want. Get it out of yours system, or we'll never hear the end of it. I'm gonna split myself up and take care of Hecate at the same time," said Thanatos.

"I'll follow the seven steps, too," said Stephanie.

"You mean you're actually going to dress like a woman?" I asked feigning histrionic shock.

"Not like Hecate, but sure. For the sake of ritual! I think I'm going to start out dressed a little more like Deliah when she does one of her Middle Eastern dances."

A slender hipped, abs-of-steel, buffed athlete who you really have to look at close even when she's wearing a T-shirt to see what gender she is, wearing the performance get-up of our model of curvaceous feminine perfection. Will it work?! Probably not as well as Del, but oh well! "Suuuuuuuure. And you want both of us to receive you, huh? I think we'll play the part of symbolically making it end the way it really did," I said.

"That's what I have in mind," said Stephanie.



*****



Stephanie was a bit of a kook. She wanted to add a bit more 'realism' to her experience. So what did she do? She enabled herself to feel the concept of exhaustion, and she started out as far from the chosen temple of the glass and crystal city as she could. She also enabled herself to feel some degree of the cold in this realm of perpetual twilight. Some degree. She wasn't enough of a masochist to freeze her nostrils off on a twenty five-kilometre walk in barely above freezing temperatures so scantily clad.

Like Hecate, Stephanie also wore a tiara, and carried a staff; like in the original legend, but she wore eight items; not seven. Stef's shedding of the final two items would not follow the myth. She wore black belly dancers pants, a silver tasseled black top, skivvies, silver toned sandals, a silver omega pendant necklace, and a silver torc.

Stef had something against gold. She held a passionate antipathy toward that metal. She didn't even want to touch it, for all the trouble it had caused on Earth when she was alive. I thought it was somewhat pretty, and had been surrounded by gold when I was a child; but I didn't really think of it one way or another. I wasn't terribly attracted to it, and hadn't worn any since I became a Gate Keeper; so I saw no reason not to humour Stephanie. There was no gold in the Akashic Castle, in our flat in the White City, though for historical accuracy; what was in the virtual museum displays of Tech Duinn remained as it was put up. Stef tolerated that.

Stef plotted her walk to go under six archways at various parts of the city. These archways represented the gates Inanna had to pass through, when she was asked to shed a personal item at each gate.

Thanatos met her at the first gate, in his original form. The pretty, ebony eyed, raven-haired lad in the loincloth, cross garter sandals, and sword. "The crown of sovereignty over that outside of your self, to pass," he said. Stephanie kneeled, and Thanatos took the tiara from her. The relinquishing of all Stephanie wore represented the progressive loss of all illusions of power, Earthly trappings, and ego.

When Stephanie got to the second gate, I met her. I was in my work clothes of yore where I wore the white robe and sandals, dressing as one might expect an angel to dress. I went back to the turquoise eyes and light red eyebrows I was born with for this. "Your staff of power, to pass," I said.

Stephanie kneeled, and handed me the staff.

I thought this game was silly when Stephanie suggested it, but all three of us really got into it. We ended up basically method acting. It became a serious ritual for all of us before Stephanie had walked twenty steps.

At the third gate, Thanatos met Stephanie in his form of today. The 'Great White' of the neon eyes and fangs! He was dressed in his sparring gear. Loincloth, boots, gauntlet, baldric harness with claymore, knife at hip, and knife in boot! "What guards your heart and vision, to pass."

Stephanie unclasped her top, kneeled, and gave it to Thanatos.

At the next gate, I stood in my black tunic. I had re-adopted the ebony eyes and black eyebrows I'd been wearing since a little after I became what I am. "Relinquish what guards your passion, to pass."

Stephanie stepped out of her 'harem' pants, kneeled, and held them up to me. I took them.

When Thanatos met Stephanie at the fifth gate, he stood sky-clad. "Give to me what guards your sense of self, to pass."

Stephanie stepped out of her black skivvies, and handed them to Thanatos.

At the sixth gate, I met Stephanie; also sky-clad. "Give to me what guards your will, to pass."

Stephanie stepped out of her sandals, kneeled, and gave those to me.

When she got to the seventh gate, Thanatos and I were beyond it. We were in the open temple of obsidian and glass, kneeling next to each other before the altar. Stephanie's un-tacked companion pony, Shiva stood by the altar; and there was a shroud and scythe on that altar. Stephanie walked up to us. She took the torc from around her neck, and placed it on mine. This signified her complete surrender to Death. She then unclasped her necklace, and placed it on Thanatos' neck. She took both our hands, and had us rise. Thanatos took the shroud from the altar, placed it around Stephanie from the back, and then went around her to kiss her forehead.

I picked up the scythe, handed it to Stephanie; contemplated crashing the whole thing by kissing her nose, but decided against it; and also kissed her on the forehead. Thanatos and I led her to Shiva, and Thanatos helped her onto Shiva's back. After she was seated, Thanatos and I stood at each side of the pony, and we walked down the front steps of the temple, and back through the last gate.

The ritual was complete, though for us it represented Stephanie becoming a Gate Keeper.

After that, Stephanie took 'its' more common masculine form, we dressed in more regular clothing, and went to Tir na nOg; though a 'piece' of Thanatos went to another part of the Etheric to do a modified version of this again. Shiva came with us, to Tir na nOg to walk, run, play, and kick back with us. I swear, maybe that pony was going to become another Hesper after all.

Yes, how long before Shiva wanted to lay on the couch with us? Oh, probably never, in reality, not that I’d mind. What I would mind; is if he also developed an affinity for the spa.



*****



Hecate Tartarus was a bit drugged as she went out to her secluded back yard. From her toxic garden, she'd made herself a flying ointment of long ago with aconite, hemlock, thornapple, deadly nightshade, and being she didn't fully know what she was doing, she really had gone overboard with the ratios. The forty nine year old was a bit fed up with life, and what it couldn't offer her. She was jaded with her job, men, women, her coven, and life itself. Stephanie Shannon the Second?

Not quite. This one was a feminine beauty that took delight in what she was. She also could have passed for her late twenties. It's amazing what staying out of the sun, and a statistically low stress life can do for you.

Hecate had applied her ointment to her temples, under her ears, on the pulse points of her wrists, and…and...uh…um…well, if you’ve done any in depth Pagan studies, I don’t think I need to write it down here! When she started feeling a bit woozy, she went outside. She had placed seven rods of iron on the path to her outdoor altar, as evenly spaced as she could. On that altar, was laid one white candle, her athame, a pewter goblet, and a bottle of Palivou Estate Ammos Reserve. If going after a Greek god, why not use a Greek wine as a chaser to the cyanide she intended to ingest?

She'd previously taken a shower; blow dried her hair, perfumed herself in patchouli, and dressed the part of the Goddess ready to sacrifice herself to a death god who really took no sacrifices. Thanatos.

She wasn't sure she would see him. If she met him, she half expected to be spurned; but what was the harm in hoping? She was following a ritual of the wrong culture, but would it matter? It was the thought that counted, no?

Oh, to meet the one who could not be corrupted! The one who did not compromise. Perhaps a virgin god?!

Probably. He'd stay that way, no doubt; but again...was there a possibility he wouldn't?

What did he look like in reality? She'd seen what was left of an ancient statue of him, and that had been quite attractive. The same went for the classical paintings of him. Especially John Waterhouse's, where Thanatos lay next to his twin brother; both asleep!

Hecate giggled, and leaned on her staff. She would be dead in the next hour or so, and she would find him, even if only to meet him for a short time. After all, he had fascinated her since she first found out about him in her early teen years. Her parents had tried to dissuade her from him, and stay true to their Wicca tradition; but some things just weren't meant to be.

She adjusted her tiara, and wondered briefly if she would be excused for committing suicide. After all, she wasn't running away from any problems. She was running to Death for answers that life couldn't offer. She was running away from frustration and boredom, and nothing more.

She walked to the first iron rod, and took off her tiara. She was about to kneel and place it on the ground before the rod, but a young man stood before her and took it from her. He placed it on the ground. "And you are?" she asked the pale, raven haired lad.

He smiled. "You invoked me. Thanatos."

Hecate looked him over, and smiled. 'Damn, I'm getting good,' she thought to herself. She eyed the sword that hung on his girded waist. "You use that on your job, or is it just a symbol?"

"I've never unsheathed it on the job."

"You look like you're just a kid.”

"Sometimes. This form works well on the job. It's unintimidating, but I must admit I rarely use it anymore. It's the one I was born to have, though I stopped the aging process at sixteen."

Hecate giggled again. "What other forms do you take?"

"Whatever I choose."

Hecate nodded. "I better get a move on before I collapse. I don't feel too good. Tired, and my breathing is getting kind of labourious."

Thanatos said, "It would be conducive to speed things up if you wish to make it to the altar. You went a bit heavy with your ointment both in composition and application."

"You know that?"

"I know everything I need to know, and quite a bit more."

"Excellent." Hecate took five steps forward, and came to the next rod. She handed Thanatos the staff. "Now you are to ask me for my staff."

He took it. "No need to ask, since you are giving it to me." After he took it, it disappeared.

Hecate noticed he was no longer carrying the tiara, either. "How did you do that? Get rid of the staff and tiara?!"

"I wished it. You'd find the tiara on your bedroom dresser, and the staff against the wall if you survived the night, but you won't."

"This is good to hear," said Hecate.

"And you want me to ask for your shawl before you cross the next rod. The next symbolic Gate?!"

"I suppose so."

"But I already asked, so I don't have to do it again."

Hecate cocked her head. "You have a point. I'm also under the impression you have a sense of humour." She walked forward another five steps with Thanatos at her side.

"Considering of what I have to exist with; I'd better have a sense of humour!"

She gave him her shawl. "What next?"

"Sandals."

Her steps were getting more progressively unsteady. "You might have to either pick them up yourself, or help me up."

He put an arm around her waist to support her. He was about her height and couldn't have weighed too much more, but he was a pretty strong kid. "I'll pick them up."

"What did the Goddess go through?"

"A longer walk, and more discomfort. The ground was rocky, it was a steep descent, and it wasn't a warm Mabon evening. It was an underground journey, and it was cold." They went to the next rod together.

Hecate removed the back straps from her sandals with her toes, and stepped out of them. Thanatos picked them up, and willed them away. Hecate asked, "So the myth is real?"

"Everything that is written is real, somewhere. Everything that is thought up exists."

It took eight steps for them to get to the next rod. "Dress, huh?"

"Aye."

Hecate struggled to get it off, and almost fell over. Thanatos kept her on her feet. "I waited too long. I just want to lie down. It's so close, but I don't know if I'm gonna finish."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me." She struggled to get to the next rod. "I don't know if I can get the underwear off."

Thanatos shrugged. The seams fell apart, and they fell to the floor. "Problem solved."

"Do you want me?"

"No."

"Are you a virgin god?"

"I killed myself before I lost my virginity once," said Thanatos. "I'm on my third incarnation, and I am not so in this one, nor in the last; not that I really had a choice."

At the next rod, Hecate would have collapsed if Thanatos hadn't caught her. When Hecate looked at him, he wasn't the same anymore. He was a tall, very attractive man with long snow- white hair, snow-white skin, and glowing red eyes. She pulled the necklace over her head, and dropped it. Then she passed out. She would be dead of heart failure in minutes.

Thanatos ended up holding her, and placed her on the altar. He put the necklace beside her, and put her athame over it. He moved the candle to her head, and lit it by his will. He looked at the wine bottle. "Hmmmmm. Expensive brand." He opened it, and poured some into the pewter goblet, after dumping the cyanide that had been in it, on the altar. He had a taste, and put the goblet down next to her. "Not bad. I guess this is how what's left of you here, is going to be found." He picked up her right hand, and saw it had been cut earlier. "You knew you should have worn gloves handling your poisons, but at least you won't need the cyanide. I'll take you home as you are."



*****



When Hecate regained awareness, she found herself in a long black satin dress, leotards, low healed, black suede boots, and a silver omega pendant around her neck. She was on a blanket with a pillow under her head. She found herself surrounded by the 'remade' Thanatos in jeans, a red plaid shirt and work boots, me in my black tunic, Stefan in his Victorian-Count Dracula look, and Shiva; sitting down on his haunches like a dog.

Hecate sat up. She looked at Thanatos. "You really are Thanatos?!"

He smiled. "When I'm not going as Keith Munster. Yes, I am." He pointed to me. "That's my Irish counterpart, Donn Ui'Midir," he pointed to Stefan, "The nose is Stefan Shannon when it's in male, and Stephanie when it's not, and the pony is Shiva."

Hecate laughed, as she looked at Stefan. "The nose, huh? Well, I'm pleased to meet you all. Now, pray tell me; where I am?"

"Elysian Fields," said Thanatos. "It's where you wanted to 'wake up', so to speak. Because of your carelessness with your plants, you didn't even have to take the cyanide. You'd cut your hand, your too powerful plant mixture killed you by entering your bloodstream direct; and I just brought you here as you were.”

"Thank you. I had a very pleasant death, from what I recall," said Hecate. "I passed out in your arms, huh?"

"Yes, you did," said Thanatos. "You were on the verge of a cardiac. It was good you were out cold. It wouldn’t have felt good."

"We prefer to call it transition, to death." I said. "After all, that is more accurate. Death is such a final sounding word, and there is no finality. All that is will always be, in one form or another."

Hecate looked at me, then at Thanatos. "Why do you two look alike?"

Thanatos chuckled. "This body was made. Artificially constructed by an Irish war goddess named Macha who was very much smitten with Donn, but she couldn't have him. He'd frozen himself at seventeen when this happened, and she was a bit perturbed; preferring a more mature looking bed warmer, not to mention she couldn't have Donn; who at the time preferred to remain chaste.

"I also loved Donn, though in a different fashion; and after just having met him again, I couldn't stand being apart from him any longer; being we'd been close friends outside of the Physical Realm for just about forever before he'd chosen to be born to the Tuatha de Danaan. Hence I destroyed my original self by walking into flames, and my core being jumped into this body, which was destined to have some proximity to Donn. At first I couldn't remember who I was, being I was basically born again with all the rules of forgetting the former life in place; but eventually I figured it out and managed to reconsolidate my memories with help.

"So, here I am. You can read a more detailed account of what happened in Donn's autobiography."

"I'd like to do that," said Hecate. "Thanatos, in so many books I've read there is a price for suicide."

"Sometimes. It's generally frowned upon, but there are cases where it's all right. It's real bad if you kill yourself to escape any obligations that you've buried yourself in! That's another life guaranteed. Revenge isn't a good motive, either. It's fine if you're terminal, or in perpetual pain. To avoid a fate like what Cleopatra faced is all right. Your case is excusable due your state of mind and affairs. You left no unfinished business, and you are at peace.

"You know; I used to get hundreds like you every Earth year; before I was semi-retired. Most of them were let go with no consequences, but suicide shouldn't be an ambition in life."

"Hundreds?"

Thanatos sighed. "I'm pretty popular. I've got a sizable fan base, so to speak. A lot of people have their sights on me. Shiva of India has the biggest following of all the deified Death figures. Anubis too, but people don't generally kill themselves over those two. It's pretty silly to do that, being it's not like I can really commit to any of them."

I looked at the pony. "I assume that's not the Shiva you're talking about."

Stefan, who was sitting next to the pony, put his arm around the animal; who in turn, nuzzled Stef's hair. "This is correct," said Stefan. "I've liked Shiva quite a bit since I first learned of him, and thought it was a good name for this lovely pony."

"It's a good name," said Hecate.

Stefan said, "Us four just played a varied game of how you came to us. I played the Goddess, taking the form of another gender for it; of course."

"Of course," said Hecate. "How did you do it?"

Stefan said, "Let me show you a picture replay via telepathy. It's faster."

"Cool. Shall I close my eyes?" asked Hecate.

"Sure. It's easier that way," said Stefan

Hecate nodded, and dropped her eyelids. It was over in seconds. "Wow. I like what you did better than what I did."

"Hecate, what you did was real. We just played a game," said Thanatos. "In fact, we played it because of you. It was something Stefan...uh...Stephanie wanted to do, and we humoured it."

Hecate looked at Stefan. "Are there a lot of individuals here who don't have a static gender?"

"We don't really have genders here. It's a façade. Most stay true to one illusion or the other in this realm. I'm usually in male unless these two want something different," said Stefan as he pointed to Thanatos and I.

"Oh," said Hecate.

"As for now, why not have a picnic; before we show you to some other places on the Etheric, and let you know what you need to know to function here," I said.

"I'd like that," said Hecate.

I raised my right hand for effect, and a fully food laden blanket appeared to the right of us. "The doner kebabs are yours, being none of the rest of us eat meat."

One more item appeared on the blanket. A chilled bottle of Palivou Estate Ammos Reserve, in an ice bucket! Thanatos said, "You'll have to excuse me, but the lady has excellent taste in wine. I think I'd like a glass."

Hecate got up, walked to the other blanket, and pulled the bottle out of the bucket. "Ah yes. This is one of my favourites."

I wasn't much of a wine drinker. I still preferred mead, when it came to alcohol. "Half a glass for me."

"Think I'll pass," said Stefan. "I'll stick to my snoot or ginger beer."

And so we got to know each other on a superficial level before we went to Tir na nOg, then Tech Duinn; where Hecate's education on this side of the Veil, and us; would be completed.

































































Up, Up, And Away





"Zach Barnhart, you are a kook! Call it off. Look at the clouds! You can't see any sky at all. The wind is erratic and crazy!" said George. "It's on the verge of raining, and there might even be lightning, according to the weather report. We are NOT supposed to be doing this."

"Yeah, and who's going to stop me? I hope there is an electrical storm. I'm flying into, and above those clouds. Something I gotta do just once."

"You're insane. You can't sight where you are up there. You're going by GPS alone! And what am I gonna do if you get yourself killed?"

"Deliver me home, if I don't go down in the ocean." I said. "Let my parents deal with it." I double-checked to make sure my variometre was strapped securely to my wrist.

"OK. Just remember. If I lose you in four hours, you're on your own. You can call me after you come down.

"Nothing's gonna happen. I must have done this over 100 times. Come on. We both double-checked everything, and I've got my parachute on! I'm cool. Let me launch this baby," I said.

"You've never gone up in a storm, dude. And you didn't even bring a camera, dammit!"

"Maybe next time, if I'm crazy enough to do it again. I gotta keep track of wind drift, altitude, and location on just the instruments. A camera might be too much. I'll gauge it. If I think I can handle it, I'll do it again so you can see what it's like without having to do it yourself."

"Please. As soon as you take off, I'm heading for Santa Cruz. I'll pull over every few miles until I can't see you anymore. When you get to cloud base, make radio contact every 15 minutes. Give me your location," said George.

"Deal."

"Thank God it's Sunday."

Yes, indeed. A wild, overcast Sunday morn' in early April.

My flex-wing hang glider. The love of my life! I knew exactly what I was doing. I’ve been wanting to fly in a storm for years; and now was the chance! I was in it for the adventure! To say I've done it. Isn't it the dream of most 22-year old men to hang glide in an electrical storm?

George Loren and I were standing on a hill, and I was getting ready to run. At the next good headwind, I took off; and sailed smoothly into the air. I zipped myself up my insulation bag.

I'd been doing this for about four years, and I was good. I'd aced my lessons, and then went gliding about three times a month, except for in the winter. This was not a flight from hang gliding grounds. This was a solo jump that only me and George knew about, off a tall hill overlooking Highway 1, and the Pacific Ocean.



*****



"I would have loved to do what Zach is doin' when I was in my teens or twenties," said Stefan.

"Aye, but you would have been aiming to get plastered. Zachery's just reckless, but intends to live. You wanted to die," said Donn.

"I think I want this one alone," said Thanatos. "I've got something special for this guy."

"Another thing you've never done before?" asked Donn.

Thanatos smiled. "Darn tootin'! How's about a white castle in the sky?"

"I think I want to check this out as an unseen spectator," said Stefan.

"Same. Be trippy if you changed gender for this. Sky Queen," said Donn to Thanatos.

"Dude, this guy is 22, not 94. I don't think so," said Thanatos. He looked up and placed his right index finger under his jaw, trying to look contemplative. "And what name would I use? Keithette? Thanitunia?"

"It's not like he'd be a threat to you," said Stefan

Thanatos chuckled. "Oh, sure. Why not? I mean we all know I've got my mischievous side."

Both Stefan and Vergil laughed. "Never mind. Let's get ready for this nutcase. He's not gonna make it half way to his destination, is he?" asked Vergil.

"I haven't pin pointed it yet, but I will. Let's go."



*****



Getting to the clouds right now was statistically pretty fast. I had a lot of powerful updrafts. This was a good day for breaking all the safety rules. I was also making headway on horizontal speed.

Crazy, yeah! Also a lot of fun! I got some light drizzle on the way up. When I got over the clouds, the lightning and thunder started up.

It was then and there, when it occurred to me that I was a total fool. I was temporarily blinded by a strike of lightning that was way too close for comfort. The noise of the thunderclap didn't do anything for me, either. My hearing was a bit messed up after that, and I wondered if it would come back the way it was before.

After the second time that happened, I decided to abandon this insane deal and go down.

I tried to radio George. It was dead. Oh, shit.

Then the lightning stopped.

Well, this was the north-central coast of California where electrical storms don't happen much; but only two strikes?

Whatever. My radio was toast, and I had to get back under the clouds so George could look out for me. The only problem was, when I hit the clouds; it was like hitting snow or something.

I came to a sliding stop.

Needless to say, I freaked. Yes I admit it. I screamed. Rather loud and a bit more high pitched than I thought my voice was capable of, but hey! What would anybody else have done?



*****



I lay there. I didn't move for a while. When it finally dawned on me that I would lay there for all eternity if I didn't do something, I unzipped my insulation bag, and got out of my harness.

When I stood up, I couldn't believe what I saw. There was this absolutely humongous white castle about a mile away from me. Man, that thing looked like it covered enough space for a small town, from my vantage point.

This couldn't be real. I had to be dreaming. That, or I was dead. I don't know, but I didn't feel dead to myself. I don't even know how I could have died. After all, the lightning missed me.

Still, what was; was. What could I do? I folded up my glider, bagged it, and off I went.

It was cold, but I was dressed for it. I couldn't see the end of any of the...whatever I was on. It looked like snow, it acted like snow, and it felt like snow, so I guess it must have been snow. No, I didn't taste it, though I did step in it.

I would like to have run, but I was just too weighed down by my gear and parachute. The best I managed to do, was walk fast.

When I got within about a hundred yards of the castle, the snow was gone; and I found myself on white cobblestone. It was like I was on a huge plaza of sorts.

As I looked up at the huge walled building, I heard hoof beats.

I looked around, and saw a large white horse running toward me from the right. The horse had a rider.

I went kind of cataplectic. I was like totally frozen in shock. The rider was a beautiful, but unnerving looking woman who was as white as her horse in skin and hair colour, and both horse and rider had red glowing eyes.

The horse was unsaddled, and un-tacked.

The woman vaulted off her horse with an impressive show of strength and agility. She wore a black and white layered chiffon skirt that came just below her knees, and was slit to the belt at her front thighs. She wore low heeled, laced black boots of a dull leather finish, something of a top that covered her back, but consisted of two pieces of black chiffon that crossed over in front to cover her rather slight breasts, a gauntlet on her right hand, a dirk at her left hip, a boot knife in her right boot, a baldric harness that held a claymore available at her right shoulder, an asp armlet on her buffed left biceps, a whip at her right hip, and thick silver bracelet on her left wrist. She also wore a silver torc. Her eyes were kohled Egyptian style, and her eyebrows were dark. She wore black lipstick, and black nail polish. She was a little over six feet tall, and looked like the prettiest, and deadliest Ms. Universe I ever saw.

She didn't look like she did steroids, but she was very defined.

She stood before me, arms akimbo. She tilted her head. "And who are you?" She made sure to show off her upper and lower fangs. She had a nice Celtic accent.

"Uh...Zach. I'm sorry, but I think I had an accident with my hang glider. I didn't mean to come here. In fact, I don't even know how I got here."

She smiled, and the smile struck me as being a bit predatory. "That's what they all say, but while you're here; you may as well come in. It's a bit cold out here for the taste of most of my...um...visitors. I'm Thanica, by the way. Thanica Munster."

Yeah, the name fit her. Especially the last one! Yvonne DeCarlo, you've met your match. I was unnerved, but what could I do? What she said was right. It was cold out here, wherever I was.

Thanica kissed her horse on the nose, and he snorted before rearing a little, and running away. He was a stallion. He had feathered hocks, and silvered hooves. He was too big to be an Arab, but he had an Araby head, and carried himself the same way. He kept his neck arched, and his tail up. He also high stepped to a degree. A real prancer!

Thanica motioned me toward her, and started walking to one of the gates of the wall. I had to run to keep up. "You hungry?" she asked me.

"Not yet," I said.

"Actually, I knew that, but you'd like a cup of coffee," she said as we entered the short tunnel through the wall. She flowed more gracefully than a cat. The way she moved was mesmerising.

"Actually coffee sounds nice. Were am I?"

"My home."

"And where is that?" I asked.

"In the clouds."

"Am I dead?"

"You look alive to me," she said, as we crossed a courtyard with white flowers all around; but at least the stems were green. There were also a few birch trees here and there, two fountains, and one gazebo. Everything was white.

When we entered the castle, we walked down a torch lit hall. There were paintings on both walls. There would be a painting of a person, and next to it; there'd be a painting of an artistically done meal. Both were well done, but I didn't understand the decor. "Who did these? They're damn good."

"I painted them. They're before and after pictures."

"Before and after what?"

"Before and after I cooked them."

I'm sorry I asked. That was it! I went down. I really didn’t need to know that. That comment triggered a lapse of consciousness in me. It was a data overload that I simply could not deal with right now.

Of course I was not aware that Thanica raced to my side to actually catch me before hitting the floor, only to sling me over her shoulder and deposit me on a very intricate canopy bed in one of the side rooms.



*****



When I awoke, I found myself on that bed in a room of lit torches, and one brightly burning fireplace. I'd been stripped of my parachute, my helmet, my boots, my gloves, and my jumpsuit. Everything else was in tact. I panicked for a moment. I forgot where I was, until I saw Thanica was sitting in a chair to my right side. Then I remembered what she'd last said to me.

"Were you serious when you said you cooked all those people?" I asked.

"Sure. Want to see my dungeon?" she asked nonchalantly.

"No, but I would like to go home if possible." Her dungeon was the last thing I wanted to see right now.

Thanica ignored what I said. "It's a nice, large dungeon. I have every torture device ever used in Earth's history."

I think I was going to pass out again. "Please can I go home?"

"In a little bit. You have a nice hot steaming cup of coffee to your right. Two teaspoons of sugar, and two teaspoons of cream."

That was just how I had it at home. "So you're not going to put me on the menu?"

Thanica wrinkled her nose, and shook her head. "You'd be too tough. You're too athletic looking. I like 'em soft and with more fat on them. Have your coffee."

Thank God for small favours. She was not setting my mind at ease. "It's not drugged, right?"

"Zachery, if I'd wanted to hurt you; I would have done it already."

"And you didn't do anything to me, right?" I picked up the coffee, tasted it, and found there wasn't anything I ever had that tasted this good.

Thanica laughed. "Other than catch you, put you on the bed, and make sure you'd wake up comfortable? No. I wasn't going to leave you in your parachute, and helmet and all that. Come on! That would have been so inconsiderate, no?"

"That's not what I meant."

Thanica sneered. With a touch of hostility, she said, "You were unconscious. Not in a good state to serve me, even if I was interested in you mortal flotsam types. There isn't a man alive who can compare to a battery operated toy."

That was good to hear. At least in my present circumstances!

I think. Maybe. Or maybe not, considering this chick was probably the hottest thing I ever saw in my life. But on the other hand... Oh, I don't know!



*****



In awareness only, Donn Ui'Midir and Stefan Shannon were witnessing everything that was transpiring between 'Thanica' and Zach. Both were much amused.

Stefan asked, 'Do you think this is better or worse than what I did with the band saw dude?'

Donn sent, 'I think thinking you survived cutting yourself in half with a band saw is more traumatic, but this is pretty bad. Of course you do understand that you are the inspiration for all this. Than is using all your jokes, expressions, and obnoxious themes.'

'I loved Than's explanation of those before and after pictures. I'll be laughing about that through the rest of eternity.'

'So will Thanatos. Quite frankly, I think it's one of the funniest things he ever did, but man! I've never seen him...uh...her like this.'

'Now that we're only working part time, we can put a little more imagination into our cases, huh?' asked Stefan.

'You're telling me.



*****



After I finished my coffee and put the cup down, I about lost it again. Thanica pointed a finger at the empty cup, a red light went from her fingertip to that cup, and the cup disappeared.

Needless to say, I was now more terrified than before. "Thanica, what are you?"

She got up, came over to me, and ran her right index finger down my nose. "The hottest chick you ever saw. That's what you were thinking, huh? Not sure about treading where the angels fear to go, though. Now you want to see some more of my pad?"

"You can read minds, too?"

"I can do anything and everything. I've studied hard enough, and I've earned that right." Thanica backed away, and sat down in that chair again.

"Can you tell me where I am?" I asked.

"I can."

"But will you?"

"That's not what you asked, initially." Sarcasm central. I might have been amused if I wasn't scared out of my wits.

She chuckled, baring those fangs. "We're 1220 metres over just east of Pescadero, heading southeast."

"About 4000 feet, right?"

"Close enough."

"Where's my gear?"

Thanica pointed to the dresser on the other side of the bed, where I still haven't looked. "Right there. If you like, you can don everything, go to the edge of my realm, and glide back to Terra Firma. In fact, if you don't want to drift too far away from home, I suggest you do that right now."

"And if I don't?"

"You're going to eventually have to catch a plane back to the U.S., without your passport if you stay too long. Unless you want to wait a few months for my little paradise to float over the States again."

"You'd actually let me go?"

"I don't keep prisoners. But I do suggest you keep yourself in shape. If you get fat, I might consider you for my dinner."

"Uh...and if I stay as I am, you won't eat me?"

"Right. Now go look at your altimetre like you want, and verify that I'm not lying to you about our altitude."

Thanica put me a little more at ease. Just a little. I got off the bed, and sorted through my gear. When I found the altimetre, it registered 4010 feet.

Oh, my God. She was telling the truth. I shook my head. "I don't know if I can handle this."

"Then leave. But you're really undecided. After all, this place is sooooooo interesting; and you just can't get enough adventure, can you?"

"How do you live here? How do you get food?"

"Are we a little hungry?"

"A little."

She motioned me to the door. "Follow me."

Man, she walked fast. She was a little taller than me, had a long stride, and again I had to about run to keep up with her.

I wished she'd slow down so I could check out what we passed, but no.

The halls were so strange. So were all the rooms. There was no electric lighting, but everything was lit by torch, candle, lantern and fireplace.

I guess it made sense. I couldn't imagine Pacific Gas and Electric, doing anything for this place!

Eventually, I was taken to a hall with a long table. Again, everything was painted white.

There were two empty place settings, and unlit candles between the place settings that were on opposite sides of the table. "Have a seat," said Thanica.

I did. She sat across from me. On my plate appeared a buttered lobster tail, two lamb chops, some creamed asparagus, a buttered ear of white corn, and a piece of garlic bread. A cold bottle of Murphy's Stout materialised next to my plate. "If you're going to treat me like this, I don't know if I want to go home," I said.

"The decision's yours. You can check out any time you want, and with me; you can leave."

I smiled. Yes, I was getting more comfortable. "Not the Hotel California, huh?"

"Far from it." A veggie salad appeared in front of Thanica, along with a Reed's Ginger Beer.

"Are you an Eagles fan, too?" I asked.

"I'm more into Tempest. Reminds me of the good ol' days in Ireland, even if the founder is Norwegian."

"I never heard of them," I said.

"That's OK. Then again, my own material; along with that of my contrived family is even better."

"You write music?"

"I do."

"Again, can I ask what you are?" I asked.

"Just a more evolved version of you."

"I can't help but notice your fangs. But you're eating a vegetarian lunch."

Thanica scowled. "I am a fervent member of The Church Of Euthanasia. One of their mottos is 'Eat People, Not Animals'. I take that very seriously. I call myself vegetarian, considering I think most people are vegetables."

"I never heard of them, either."

"Well, their founder is Chris Korda. He proves that some of the worlds most beautiful women are men."

"If you say so."

A picture appeared in her hand. "See what I mean?"

My lower jaw dropped. "That's a man?"

"Yeah. Nice, huh?"

"I have to admit, yes. And you...you're not a transvestite?"

"Not at the moment. This is what you get when a chick works out a lot. They have to work harder than a man to achieve comparable results in strength, and many are limited by a smaller stature so they can't go as far, but that's not one of my problems," said Thanica.

"I notice. You look like you could whup my ass."

"I only whup asses when I have to defend myself or someone I care about!"

"Or when you're feeling carnivorous?"

"There, I don't whup ass. I take 'em out with a crossbow. Wanna watch some time?"

The feeling of unease returned. "No. I don't need to see that."

"Sensitive. Just the way I like 'em. I never miss my shot, by the way. The death is instant. Humane, ya know?"

"Okaaaaaaaay, can we please talk about something else?" I was beginning to enjoy my delicious meal a little less.

*****



'I have never laughed so hard in all of my existence. Thanatos is actually worse than I am. I never would have dreamed this could be happening,' sent Stefan to Donn.

'This is beyond belief. I gotta admit I'm laughing pretty hard myself.'



*****



After the meal, Thanica led me to a living room. More coffee for me, and tea for her! "Does someone else live up here with you?" I asked.

"Gilgamesh. The horse you saw."

"What about that contrived family you mentioned?'

"I visit them. I used to live with them, and when I get sick of my little Queendom, I'll move back. But for now, I'm enjoying this realm too much."

"Everything is white, huh?"

"Everything that can be."

"How does this place work? I never heard of it in any stories."

"I make it work," said Thanica. "After all, I can do anything. Remember?"

"Ah, yes."

She smiled again. "I'm glad you're overcoming your fear of me. There really is no reason to be afraid."

"As long as I don't get fat."

"Yes."

"I hope you're kidding."

"You can do that."

"Do what?"

"HOPE I'm kidding," said Thanica, with a strong emphasis on the word 'hope'.

"But if I am getting fat, I can still leave before I end up in the stew pot?"

"Yes."

"That's reassuring. By the way, I don't want to go into the hall with those before and after pictures again."

"You don't have to."

"How can you do what you did?" I asked.

"Paint them, cook them, and paint them again? Easy. All you need is a canvass, an easel, some brushes, water, and a set of good acrylic paints."

"That is so cold."

"I can be."

"Do you like me?" I asked.

"I'll probably never know. Maybe if you were marinated long enough, but I thought we weren't going to go there."

"That's not what I meant," I said.

"You have your good points."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"I tend to remain detached to your kind."

"Why do you keep me here?"

"I'm not keeping you here," said Thanica. "You landed, and you are staying by your own will. You can leave right at this moment. You are keeping yourself here. You are fascinated by this place, and by me. You're still terrified of me because of my abilities, my dietary tastes, and the fact that I can destroy you in under a second, but to tell you the truth; none of that is relevant. I know past, present, and future when I want to. You will survive me relatively unscathed." When she said that, she reminded me of a hungry panther. The narrowed eyes, the subtle smile.

"Relatively unscathed?"

"We'll get to that when the time comes."

"Are you in any culture's myths?" I asked.

"I like that question. It shows intelligence. As a matter of fact, I am. You'll find out all about that in a little bit, though if I tell you; you won't recognise any of what I tell you off hand. I'm too obscure for public school."



*****



I'd been here for a while. A long while!

I lost track of time in this strange paradise in the clouds. I got almost everything I could possibly want. Well, I didn't go hang gliding, but I got the best foods, the best brews, and even though I never won, I got to play a lot of games with Thanica, like tennis and such. Yes, she could outrun me. I also got to read books I never heard of, and strangely; I learned more things from Thanica than I did in my whole twelve years in school. We'd have endless discussions on history, philosophy, and she had an answer for every question I asked.

I don't think I ever had more respect for an individual. I'm pretty sure I was also in love with her by now, despite her culinary tastes; not that I actually ever saw her in action as far as hunting, processing, cooking, or eating anyone went. All I ever saw her eat was vegetables. To drink, she seemed to like ginger beer, root beer, and a very occasional glass of wine.

Nights were getting increasingly difficult for me. I always slept alone here, and I didn't dig it. Not only for the issue of the forced celibacy, but lack of company. I'd left a girlfriend behind, and I missed having a warm body to wrap myself around.

Thanica knew this. My mind was an open book to her. I didn't have to ask for anything. I just got anything and everything I wanted the minute I thought of it, except for her. I resented it, but I had no right to. I knew the score from day one.

I wasn't going to press the issue, though! Through our discussions, I knew I had no right to ask another to compromise their personal sovereignty for me. I probably would have complained if I was the same man who crash-landed in her domain I don't know how long ago, but I wasn't anymore. I guess I grew up kind of fast, under Thanica's influence.



*****



'Looks like the game is just about over,' sent Stefan to Donn.

'Aye, I think it's time to leave.'

'Hm hm. Wanna ice dance after we get back to Tech Duinn?'

'Hell, yeah!'



*****



Thanica and I were sitting on the edge of a cloudbank, watching the world go by beneath us. To us, it seemed like snow. I didn't understand it, and Thanica just said it is the way it is.

I was cold. Thanica always dressed the same, in her chiffon outfit. The cold didn't affect her. She never shivered or had goose bumps. Even in this not quite freezing temperature, she was fine.

We just sat there, inches away from each other. I didn't dare touch her.

As we soared over an ocean with no land in site, Thanica said, "It's time."

"Time for what?"

"Time for us to leave here. You're ready."

"To go back to the castle?" I asked.

"To go to TRUTH. To leave illusions." She caressed my face with her finger and it felt like it was a feather.

An electrical charge went through me, and...and...well, let's say a part of me I didn't want to be bothered with was just set aflame.

I closed my eyes, and shook my head. "Please. Don't do things like that to me. I have to...I...I...have to go away from you for a little."

She stood up, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up to my feet like I was a small child. "No. Close your eyes."

I did. She embraced me, and I embraced her back. A dream. Everything I've wanted for so long. Just to be with her like this.

Thanica kissed my forehead. "It's OK. We're home now. Really home! Open your eyes."

I did. The whiteness was gone. Now it was dark. Stone grey walls, but more torches, and another fireplace. A bedroom I didn't recognise. A cobbled floor, and a high stone ceiling! It looked like a more traditional castle. "Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked.

"I will." She walked over to one of the end tables, and gave me a vial of oil. Sandalwood. It smelled heavenly. "You think you can do this right with no guidance from me?"

I nodded.

I stayed fully dressed, except for my boots, as I took care of her. As gently as I could, I used the oil to go over and explore every nanometre (Thanica converted me to metric thinking by now.) of her exquisite perfection. Every beautiful muscle line, and every inch of that flawless satin skin! I used every trick I knew to try to enrapture her, though it was impossible to tell I was getting anywhere. She was non-reactive...until she said, "That's enough."

Tables turned.

She reached for one of her knives, which she’d put on the end table, and that was the end of what I was wearing. I don't think I want to talk about what happened after that. I don't think I want to talk about my reaction, either. In fact, I don't even want to think about or remember my reaction. Let's just say it wasn't a high point in personal dignity. It sure was nice going to sleep wrapped around each other, though.



*****



When I woke up, Thanica was gone.

At my side, in a chair, dressed in jeans, a red flannel shirt, and work boots; was a beautiful man of an alabaster complexion, snowy hair, and red glowing eyes. His face was almost identical to Thanica's. It was a little broader, and this individual had an Adam's apple, and a heavier, masculine build. "Hi! I'm Thanatos. Greek Death god, remade to suit a certain Irish War goddess. You know, you got zapped by lightning on your silly hang gliding expedition! I just didn't let you notice, being what I said about being able to do anything is true." His tone of voice was light hearted.

"You're a man?"

"Some times. Usually, actually! Well, no, not really. I just am. I don't innately have a gender, but I kind of make people think I do, OK? I mean, I'm above all this gender thing, ya know? Evolved beyond it, like we're all prone to do. And yes, I was kidding when I said I eat people. It was a ploy to get you into the right frame of mind so you wouldn't have to reincarnate again, if you don't object. You wouldn't have had too many years to live even if you hadn't gotten yourself killed, considering the state of the world; so I kind of helped you get to where you're going at a slightly more rapid state of acceleration.

"Thanatos, huh?"

"Aye. Look me up in the encyclopaedia, then read about me in my love's book; called the Xanon Chronicles."

I just had to laugh. "I'd hate you if I didn't love you so much."

"Watch out! I might sleep with you again."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"



































































































One Too Many





Thanatos and I were walking the library aisles of the Akashic Castle, when Stefan appeared before us, and was literally jumping around all over the place. "Oh, Oh, Oh! I got a good one, and I want me some help! Alcohol poison case! Died at a bar from too much booze too fast, 'cause his wife asked for a divorce, and he couldn't handle it! He's a jerk who treated her like a dishrag, and he's young and cute! I wanna play with him!"

I crossed my arms. "You want some assistance torturing this guy as you take him, not that I even want him?"

He looked at me. "I don't want you, Donn. I want Thanatos as the sleek, hot and sexy Thanica!"

Thanatos asked. "Two hot sluts to put the chauvinist in his place, huh?"

"Aye!" exclaimed Stefan.

I laughed. "Oh, man. I think I see what's comin'! I wanna be the bar tender."

"Sure. Let's have some fun," said Thanatos

Is it necessary to state that we could be pretty badder than bad on occasion?



*****



Elroy's Pub, 1964! Dale Tate had in reality collapsed and died over the bar from his stool, but Stefan...I mean Stephanie and Thanica weren't going to let him know that.

Thanica! About a hundred eighty six centimetres tall, lean, buffed, and spell binding. She was in black suede boots with platform heels that added another not quite eight centimetres to her height, a slit, black, suede mini-skirt, a black silk halter, a silver asp over her defined right upper arm, two thick silver bracelets, black lipstick, and kohled eyes that glowed red, behind some mirrored sunglasses. Nice fangs, too, not that Dale could take note of those yet. She wore her hair up in a topknot, with a lot of loose strands.

Stephanie. A hundred seventy four centimetres, also lean and buffed. Stef wore black go-go boots, a slit knee-length silk skirt embroidered with silver designs you'd expect on a sorcerer's hat, and a black, sleeveless, silk shirt, or blouse, or whatever, that tied under the breasts, and it had bright, fluorescent red lightning designs decorations all over it.

Stef walked in with Than, and sat to Dale's right side, and Thanica sat to his left. I just ‘relieved’ the other bar tender of this illusion. I was in all blue denim, and work boots.

Dale looked at both of them. "Hello, ladies. Are you two together?" He was too out of it to notice the striking resemblence between Thanica and I. In fact, he wouldn't notice all night.

"We sure are," said Stephanie. "We were hoping to find some cute guy to take home with us." A tape measure appeared in her hand out of nowhere, though in his transfer to this side of The Veil; Dale seemed to himself, too drunk to notice, because one's state does not immediately dissipate upon 'death', and Stephanie knew it. She pulled the measuring strip out to roughly twenty-five and a half centimetres (Ten inches, dammit!), and added, "Provided we can find someone who measures up, at that is."

I had to turn away and fade out of there for a moment to regain control of myself; the stunned expression on Dale's face was so comical. It was the last thing he expected. I laughed my head off, and time tripped back; so Dale had no clue I'd left.

"Uh, I don't think so," said Dale. He did slur his words, but I'm not going to go to the trouble of trying to write that phonetically. Sorry, but I'm feeling lazy right now.

Dale could ignore the little stunt that Stephanie had pulled, since though they weren't as full-figured as he liked them; both women sure were beautiful, including Stephanie; despite the fact her nose was big enough for several individuals. And the way they were dressed! Ooh-la-la! They were hotter than a super nova. He also absolutely loved their Celtic accents, on top of that. And if there was a chance that he could bed these two, the tape measure joke might as well be a non-issue. Especially now!

So what does Stephanie do? She hands Dale the tape measure. "OK, here's the schlong metre. Confess!"

"Schlong metre?" He just looked at the tape measure.

Thanica chimed in. "Well, we certainly wouldn't use it for carpentry; would we? Isn't that a man's work?" The sarcasm in her voice could have cut through a metre of steel.

"Yes, it is. Something my wife couldn't admit to," said Dale. "She's actually got a job, and I didn't want her to. Why should she? I make decent money, and after she started working I didn't even have dinner waiting for me on the table; when I got home. She told me she doesn't want me around anymore, because she doesn't have any independence."

"How long have you been married?!" asked Stephanie.

"Two years, but we're getting divorced."

"Kids?"

"A daughter. She wants me to have custody of Jennifer. Man, I'm gonna have to hire a nanny. I don't know how to take care of a kid."

Stephanie wrinkled her nose for a second, then took Dale's hand; and forced him to take the tape measure. "Oh well. That's life, but come on! Let's see what you got."

He scowled, and pulled the tape measure out to seventeen centimetres. (Almost seven inches, you U.S. doofuses.)

Stephanie took the tape measure back, locked it, and held it up. "I dunno, Thanica. What do you think?"

Thanica reached around Dale, and handed Stephanie a small flashlight. "I dunno, either. We've done much better, but there is something else to check."

Stephanie took the flashlight, and turned it on. She lowered herself, and shone it up the very shocked Dale's nostrils. "Oh my God! He either trims them, or doesn't grow much."

"What are you talking about?" asked the much-confused Dale.

"Nose hairs, dude! Nose hairs!"

"I grow nose hairs. Lots of them! I have to cut them, or I look gross," said Dale.

Stephanie's lower jaw dropped, she put her hand over her mouth as she inhaled sharply, as in if panicked. "Oh, how can you do such a thing?! Nose hairs are the sexiest thing." She looked at Thanica. "I don't think we want this one."

"Even it I buy you both a drink?" asked Dale, looking at Thanica. He wanted them pretty badly. Or even just one of them! Especially the snowy haired and alabaster skinned Thanica. What an exotic fox. Was there a red light coming from behind her sun glasses?!

"Well, he is cute," said Thanica, as she delicately caressed his hair. She set him on fire.

"True," said Stephanie. She looked at Dale. "But we can buy our own drinks. We make a lot of money, too."

"Oh? What do you do?" he asked.

"Thanica is a top rated architect, and I'm a design engineer in for IBM," said Stephanie. "We both graduated at the top of the class." That was almost unheard of for women to be in at this time.

"So, you're pretty smart; huh?"

"Relatively," said Thanica with a smile, baring her fangs."

Dale scowled. "What's with the teeth?"

"I had some work done on them. My former boyfriend loved what I could do with them." She lowered her sunglasses. "I had my eyes done for him, too."

Dale smiled. He wasn't sure what to think, but this sure was interesting. Thanica's eyes and teeth made her even hotter. And the Egyptian paint around those eyes?! He'd never seen such a ravishing woman in all his life? Not even in the movies. "OK. Buy your own drinks. Are you an albino?"

She wasn't, but she lied. "Yes, and what would you like?" asked Thanica.

"You're buying for me?"

"Sure. That way we can get you thoroughly plastered and have our way with you," said Thanica.

"Sounds good. One more Coke and rum." This was a dream come true.

Thanica flagged me down. "One Coke and rum, and two Seven-Ups."

"OK," I said. When I walked away, I shook my head. I almost started laughing again, being Dale was still not noticing how much I looked like Thanica. He was obviously distracted beyond distracted.

Stephanie looked at Dale's zipper, and leaned down closer to it. She waved at his privies. "Hiya! You haven't said anything all night. Would you like something, too?"

"Huh?" asked Dale.

"Aw, come on! Don't you occasionally talk to tits, not that we have much in that department since we do work out a lot, and run; but... I just happen to like talking to schlongs!"

Thanica raised her right eyebrow, and chortled once with a snort. That was rather sudden, and not something she'd expected Stephanie to pull.

Dale said, "I never talk to tits like that."

"Well, does he want something?" asked Stephanie, pointing to Dale's zipper.

"Not from the bar."

"OK. We'll see what we can do in a little bit," said Stephanie.

I got the drinks, but not before doing a fade out to recover from my double take. Man, if Stephanie had treated me like that; I think I wouldn't even have let her give me a back rub. I had to admit, from what I saw in Dale; he deserved what he was getting. On the other hand, I wondered if Stephanie would give a woman of the same tendencies this sort of treatment as Stefan. I'd have to ask later, and perhaps make her prove it to me. Still, what Stef was doing to this guy was beyond the beyond.

Stephanie asked, "Can I roll up your sleeve?"

Dale put his right arm on the bar. "Sure."

Stephanie roled up his sleeve, and caressed his forearm. She then tensed. "My arteries stick out more than yours. I'm shaved now, but are your armpit hairs longer than thirteen centimetres?"

"Uh, what's that in inches?" asked Dale.

"A smidgeon longer than five."

"I don't think so."

Stephanie looked at Thanica. "Than, I really am having second thoughts about this. I mean would you date a man who's armpit hairs are shorter than yours?"

"He'd better be real good in bed," said Thanica. She looked at Dale. "Are you?"

"My wife used to say I was." This was sounding better every minute, until...

"I hope you don't spray. I had a cat that did that, until I got him neutered," said Stephanie.

"I think I need another drink," said Dale. It was only obvious that he was being picked on, and he didn't know what to think. Should he be upset, or did these women just have an obnoxious sense of humour? Did he still want to go home with them?

"But you're not done with that one," said Stephanie, as she put her arm around him.

Yeah, he still wanted to go home with them. After all, what delights could these two deliver? "Believe me! After what you just said about the cat, I'm gonna need it."

Stef ran her free index finger down his nose. "Come on! I think you're one of the most gorgeous men I've seen in a long time. I wouldn't want to see you neutered for the life of me. I want to see if you're man enough for me...even if you do have compromised nose hairs."

"What is it about you and nose hairs?

Stephanie pointed to her own nose. "This gorgeous thing doesn't have any. I can't grow them worth a damn, but I'm very drawn to the concept of having them...even if it's only by proxy. I mean, if we hook up; your nose hairs are my nose hairs, right?"

"Uh, sure." He hoped she was kidding. "You two live together?"

"We sure do. We've been friends for a long time, and we work on music together," said Thanica.

"What kind of music?!" asked Dale.

"The tunes are mostly ancient Irish and Scottish folk, or related to that. There's some Greek, Welsh, English, French, Blues, Hebrew and Japanese, but not much. Once in a while we'll come up with a rock tune, but that's once in a blue moon," said Thanica.

Not that Dale was interested, but to be polite; he asked, "Do you have anything recorded?"

"All of it, but a critic for our work is the last thing we want right now, if you get my drift," said Thanica.

Dale was more than happy to hear that. "OK, maybe I don't want another drink." He looked at his watch. "Is this going to be your place or mine?"

"Ours," said Stephanie. "We use satin sheets."

"Both of you at the same time?"

"I don't see why not," said Stephanie. "Ever been caressed with peacock feathers?"

Dale chuckled. "No, but there's always a first time, huh?" All riiiiiiight. This was his kind of night. At least until he shifted his weight on his stool!

He would have fallen off if Stephanie hadn't caught him. "Whoah! Easy, there laddie."

"I think he's had enough, here," said Thanica. "I think we should go."

"I think you're right," said Stephanie.

"OK," Dale said, expecting the wildest night of his life. What he did not expect; was for Stephanie to grab him, and sling him over her shoulder. He knew she was pretty strong from the looks of her muscles, but this was a bit much. Then again, he wasn't that big of a guy. He was just a wee bit taller than Stef, and probably didn't weigh that much more than her, being on the thin side.

"Hey! What are you doing?! I can walk!" Dale objected.

"You just fell off the bar stool. I'm not sure about that," said Stephanie. "Anyway, didn't you ever want to be carried off to be ravished? With consent, of course."

"Actually, I never thought about it; but I'm not going to argue."

When they walked out of the bar, and Dale still slung over Stephanies's shoulder, I collapsed on the bar, I was laughing so hard. Damn, Stephanie could be mean. Then again, the worst was yet to come. I went with them as soon as I recovered myself, though they couldn't see me. Only Stephanie and Thanica would know I was there.



*****



Thanica had helped Stephanie get Dale in the Thunderbird she was driving for this occasion. Thanica drove the two kilometres to the alleged home she shared with Stephanie. At least Dale got to walk to the front door.

The house Thanica had conjured up for this stint was a nice two story Victorian with attic and basement. Of course, it had lots of trees, and nice landscaping with a fountain in the front, and a garage that was a few metres from the house. It was a classy place, but nowhere near as fancy as some of the things we conjured up in the past.

"Have a seat on the couch while I get the feathers," said Thanica.

"This is a nice place," said Dale.

"Thanks," said Thanica.



*****

Stephanie sat next to Dale. She caressed his cheek, and then started playing with his hair. "Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful."

Dale closed his eyes, and leaned into the back of the couch. "Mmmmmmmmmmmm."

"I can't wait until Thanica gets here."

"Neither can I," said Dale, though he sounded like he was going to pass out.

Thanica came in shortly, and handed Stephanie the tail feather of a peacock. Stephanie took it, and stroked Dale's right nostril with it. Thanica did the same with Dale's left nostril.

"Uhhhhhhhh...what are you doing?" asked Dale

"Having our way with you. Stroking your nostrils with peacock feathers. I mean, what did you think we wanted to do with you? Screw you, or something disgusting like that?" asked Stephanie

He sat up. "What?"

Thanica said, "Never with you, buster. I know everything about you; including why your wife Rebecca dumped you. I would have, too. Your dishrag basically decided to free her self. Oh yeah, and you died of alcohol poisoning in the bar. You collapsed forward, and it took fifteen minutes for everyone to realise you weren't going to get up again." Thanica stood up, and transformed herself into a ‘him self’, along with donning more appropriate attire. "This is my more usual form. Thanatos. Greek death god! Stef, switch!"

Stefan stood up, and transformed into 'its' more usual masculine facade; dressing in its Victorian outfit with cloak and gloves included. "And I'm Stefan. A non-deified Gate Keeper. We didn't let you know right away that you'd died. I just wanted to have a little fun with you at your expense, before you could realise the facts of your situation."

Dale nodded. "I see. You did a pretty good job. And, now what?"

Stefan kneeled on the couch, and ruffled Dale's hair. "Now we are going to take you home to Tech Duinn, where you are going to sort yourself out, and get ready for another reincarnation. It's as plain as the nose on my face that you're not ready to stay on this side of The Veil."

"Oh."

"Don't worry. You will be taken care of, and we will make up to you what we just did to you," said Thanatos with a smile.

Dale chuckled. "Thanks. So you Gate Keeper dudes are feminists, huh?"

Thanatos said, "Humanists. We believe everyone should have the same rights, opportunities and respect."

"Critters, too," said Stefan. "Watch out, or Reggie might bite your nose for being speciesist. Then Percy would devastate it completely with his raspy tongue."

Thanatos said, "Ye gods, Stef. Can we get off of it?"

"Naaaaaaaah!"



*****



Later, when I asked Stefan if he'd do this to a woman, he went out of his way to prove that he would. Yes, Stef was accompanied by Thanatos; and the poor lady got it even worse than Dale!

For a price!

As for Dale, he actually ended up not having to reincarnate. After all, hangin' with us, who could stick with their original one-sided philosphies of having your woman barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen?

Especially after meeting Macha The Red!











Rescued From The Sacrilege Of Reality





Here I was, in Newport, Rhode Island. It was 2:00 A.M., I stood in front of Carey Mansion, and I almost wanted to cry. The beautiful great house of my favourite childhood TV show was a mess. It was not only falling apart; but most of it was used as a university, not that this is a first time for that! It didn't even have the same name it used to. I liked Seaview Terrace much better than Carey Mansion. It was more fitting. Too bad it didn't remain an exclusively private residence.

I'd finally gotten enough money together to come to Rhode Island, and see this place. I'd visited earlier during the daylight hours, and was thoroughly appalled. I'd decided to come back later, and maybe the place would recapture the mystique I felt for it after dark.

It didn't. I just got more depressed. I had to get away from this.

What did I need? A walk along the cliffs!

I ran to my car, and off I was.



*****



Stefan was hugging the feline Percy. The very big, sabre toothed Percy. "Babe! Mon chat! Please help me with this one in your human form. Another nut case done in by television needs you. A fellow 'Dark Shadows' fan, though this one still hasn't gotten over it."

Percy's left ear pointed left, while his right ear remained erect. He raised his right...um...can I say 'upper lip'? Well, for a big cat, his expression was very sarcastic looking. 'You were never a real fan of that show. You were just hung up on David Selby for a few years. I am no Quentin Collins, though I did base my looks on him to please your memory of your so-called fox,' he sent back telepathically.

"No. You look more like when Selby played that Zorro-like character in 'Night Rider', anyway. Almost."

'With a few minor modifications and copper eyes, as you say. Yeah. And you want me to dress late eighteenth century?'

"Will you?"

'Oh, all right. Just for you. And for this you'll have to brush me down with soft bristles every time I ask until I think your debt to me is settled.'

"Why do you have to be such a cat?"

Percy rubbed his cheek against Stefan's. 'Because you wouldn't have me any other way.'

Stefan scratched behind Percy's ears, which were now both erect. "Of course you're right, my sweet little puddytat."

'Heh-heh-heh. You so funny, mon.'

"I try."

'You succeed. Hope your Seneca Allen doesn't mind the Irish accent.'

"Or the fact that you're a werecat, not a werewolf?"

'Riiiiiiight. You wearing your fangs for this?'

"Hell, yeah. Not that I'm gonna flaunt 'em."

'Man, the tricks you play on people.'

"Well, it's better than being aware that you just got blown off a sea cliff by a gale force wind, isn't it?"

'Can't argue.'

"Come on! This is gonna be a fun one."

'Your idea of fun and mine do not coincide, dude. To me, this is just another job. Not a chance to play-act for an old phantasy of yours.'

"And current phantasy of someone else."

'Damn enablers.'

Stefan laughed. "Only for a little while. I think we'll do more good than harm."

Percy shifted shape, and ended up dressed like an upper class gentleman from the late eighteen hundreds. "And you want me to ride a horse!"

"Please."

"Pony. I'd rather not be too far off the ground."



*****



Damn, it was cold for early September. I also heard this place was getting hit by a category two hurricane in a day. I was dressed for the cold. I had thermals on under my clothes, gloves, and a leather jacket. The only thing I didn't have; was a hat. My nose and ears were cold, but I'd live with it.

The winds were already picking up, but it was invigorating. Looking over the Atlantic from my rocky perch did more for me than seeing the dilapidated remains of the mansion I so often visualised myself in, when I was a kid.

I'd been inside that house. I'd managed to pass myself off as a confused student. Being twenty-three on opening day, it wasn't hard. I'm just glad no one asked me for my ID. It was a horrible experience, and I didn't stay long. It was as far removed from my phantasies as Bombay was from Amsterdam.

I should never have come here, yet I had to. I just had to see this place for myself, even though I wasn't ready to see it for what it was.

I suppose I was a bit off for this being so important to me. I guess I was having a hard time growing up. Oh well. I'd get over it eventually. Coming here would probably speed up the closure process, and help me get over the childhood obsessions that have never quite left me all the way.

I had to step back, when a gust of wind almost blew me over the edge of the cliffs. I think this was a good time to go back to my motel.

I turned, and headed for the trail back to the road. Just as I started walking, I saw something moving in the distance. The moon was almost full, and what clouds were above me did a good job reflecting the distant lights from the ground, so I had fair visibility. I couldn't quite tell what it was, but I had to go toward whatever, or whoever was up ahead of me.

I probably wasn't supposed to be where I was. I hadn't seen any 'No Trespassing' signs, but trespassing I was, in the wee hours. Was I in a park, or on private land? I didn't know that, not being familiar with the area. It was just a place I'd passed, close to, and on the way to my destination. Should I run?

Nahhhhh. If it were a person, I'd just explain myself. After all, I did no damage.

It wasn't long before I made out the shadows in the distance. It was two people on horseback, and they were coming toward me at a run. I couldn't hear the hoof beats yet, due to the winds.

This was not something I expected. It wasn't long before we crossed paths, and I waved at them as I passed. I also fell on my face as I tripped over a rock that I didn't notice, when I looked up to them.

The one closer to me slid off his beautiful, black Arab horse. It was one of the few breeds I could recognise. "Easy there, lass. Are you all right?"

Oh, what an accent he had. Scottish, or Irish or something! "Oh, probably."

He kneeled beside me. Oh God, he looked like Quentin Collins without the mutton chops whiskers. And the way he was dressed! He could have been off the Dark Shadows set from an episode that took place in the past. "Are you certain?"

I sat up. "I will find out." I smiled. "I'm Seneca Allen, by the way."

He smiled back. "I'm Percy Shannon, and this is my best friend and distant cousin; Stefan. We do have the same surname. We're visiting the states, and wanted to get out in the night atmosphere before we're trapped inside by the coming storm. We're dressed like this because we're indulging in a phantasy of being in the past."

"Where'd you get the horses this time of night?"

"These are ponies, really; though we do have horses. They're ours," said Percy. We have a place, close by. We don't spend much time here, but enough to warrant a house. It's a little less than an hours ride, walking the ponies."

I tried to stand, but my knee gave out. "Whoah! I guess I'm not all right. My knee is messed up."

"Would you like to come with us until we can get you to a doctor? You could ride."

"I have a car on the road."

"We could take you to the car and run the horses home, if you want to follow us," said Percy.

"That's probably the best," I said.

"All right. Should I help you get on Aslan, for now?"

"That would work," I said.

Percy helped me to his pony. I put the foot of my wounded knee into the stirrup, and Percy helped lift me up. That leg couldn't have supported my weight right now.

I'd never been on a horse...or pony before, and it was nice. The animal had a light saddle, and no bit. "The animals are very well trained. Never kick him, and just touch the rein to his neck and he'll turn. They get only the gentlest treatment, or you will end up on the ground."

"Thank you for the warning." I wished Percy would get on in front of me, or better yet; behind me. Aslan probably wouldn’t have appreciated two adult riders, though, despite being a large pony.

Stefan wasn't saying much of anything, but he sure was cute. Granted I wasn't sure I ever saw a nose that big, but it seemed to fit him. I liked his long hair. Percy's hair was nice, too. I couldn't really tell for sure, in the dark; but I was under the impression Percy's hair was jet black. It was also very thick, and a little longer than collar length. It blew me away how much he looked like David Selby did in the nineteen sixties; not that they could have been the same. Percy was way too young, considering how long ago that was. What were the odds of meeting someone who looked like him, while I was here at the mansion that was filmed for the backdrop of Collinwood? I think Percy was shorter than David, too. Percy looked like he may have been around five foot nine or ten, or so.

I looked at Stefan. "What's your house like?"

"Black and purple Victorian. Three-storey with attic, two turrets, huge verandah, and two balconies on each upper level! It's nice. We have four caretakers live there rent free all year, with salary."

I smiled. "Percy looks like Quentin from Dark Shadows, if you're familiar with that series. Do you have a caretaker that looks like Angelique?"

Stefan laughed. "I used to watch Dark Shadows, and ye gods; no! We have one just as beautiful, though, if not even more so. Her name is Deliah. Deliah Nebenzahl. A virtual princess! The other three are Ronin, Sylvia, and Warren. All three help with the stables, landscaping, and household maintenance. Most of the rooms are closed off when we're not there, so the job's not as hard as it looks when you first see the house. When we're there, we clean our own messes up, so even then it's not that bad. You're a Dark Shadows fan?"

"Big time. I haven't seen it in a long time, but I just can't get it out of my system."

"I liked it for a while. Now, I consider it a waste of time. People won't let Percy alone for what he looks like, though. He has women throwing themselves at him all the time," said Stefan.

I looked at Percy. Considering I wanted to do just that, I could understand. "I'm not sure it would have made a difference if Dark Shadows hadn't existed."

Percy looked up at me. "Trust me! It doesn't help." Percy telepathically sent to Stefan, unknown to me, 'If this lady makes a pass at me, I'm gonna lick your nose as a cat. A big cat!'

'I'll hope she's too polite. That, or I'll tell her you're gay.'

'Be my guest,' sent Percy.

"I do find it a bit annoying that so many women are after my boyfriend," said Stefan. "I swear! Is being gay a magnet to straight women or something?"

Gay? Oh, poo! I chuckled a little. "I have no idea. I do promise to be good, though."

Stefan laughed at my comment. My God, he had fangs. "You have no idea how much we appreciate that."

I said, "You have dental implants?"

Stefan nodded. "Aye. Upper and lower! Nothing to do with vampires, though. Two members of my household have those, including me. Keith Munster, is the other; and he got them first. At least I didn't get my eyes done. Keith got modified so his eyes glow red. He had the same done to his horse, after he saw how easy it was. He's a total fox. And speaking of lookalikes, his boyfriend is almost the spittin' image of himself."

"Is everyone gay at your household?"

"No," said Stefan.

"Sounds like you live with some interesting people," I said.

"We do. We're not all genetically related. We're all best of friends, and we work together on various projects. Not so much me, but everyone else is very artistic," said Percy. "They paint, do music, poetry, and there is a little bit of performing art. Vergil, Stefan and Keith are excellent ice dancers, Vergil is a performing stunt rider, and Keith and his ex-girlfriend can put on a great show sparring with swords. They are still friends, but not in the same way."

"Wow!" I hoped I could keep in touch with these two after this. "Can we write each other after we part?" I asked.

"I don't see why not," said Percy. He pointed ahead. "There's your car. I'll help you down when we get there, then you can put your high beams on and follow us."

"OK."



*****



What an awesome house. I'd passed by it to get to Carey Mansion, but I didn't even notice it. There were fancy electric lights that were made up to look like torches that went from the road to the verandah. Stefan took the ponies to the stables, and Percy helped me into the house, which wasn't locked. He helped me to the couch, and asked, "Would you like a cup of tea or latte?"

"Sure," I said. "Tea is fine."

"Earl Grey?"

"Love it."

Percy left me, and came back a few moments later with a tray of three cups, a teakettle, sugar, and cream. He put the tray on the coffee table, poured me a cup, himself a cup, and had a seat in the loveseat beside the couch. "Stefan will be a while. He has to take care of the ponies. Clean the hooves, and they always get a rub down after the ride. Also, this is rather late for most. Hope you're not too tired."

"I work graveyard in a newspaper print shop. I'm fine. I'll start getting tired around nine in the morning."

"We keep odd hours, ourselves." Percy creamed his tea, and wrinkled his nose before he brought the cup up to his lips.

I put cream and two cubes of sugar in mine, and thought it delicious. "This is good. Very strong bergamot flavour! I've never had anything this intense. I love it."

"We only get the best of everything."

I looked around. "This sure is a nice house. Where is everyone else?"

"Probably working on something. Would you like me to get anyone in particular?" asked Percy.

"It might be interesting to meet Keith, from the way you described him. Oh, and Vergil. Later, though! No need to inconvenience them."

Percy closed his eyes, and nodded. He had another sip of his tea, and he did not look like he was enjoying it in the slightest. He sent out, 'Vergil Xanon and Keith Munster, will you kindly get your butts down here to take over entertaining this lady and rescue me from this disgusting cup of tea which I am failing to try and pretend to enjoy? She wants to meet you.'

'Yes, dear,' Vergil sent back. Vergil had been working on a painting, and Keith had been watching the progress. Vergil looked at Keith and said; "Percy calls!"

"I got the message. Let's dress alike. Conservative, though," said Keith.

"Black work shirt, pants, and biker boots?"

"Work boots!" said Keith.

"OK.”



*****



Vergil and Keith came in through the front door. "Man, we barely made it before the rains started. I wonder if we should have boarded the windows. This one is gonna be a bad one," said the shorter light redhead. From Stefan's description, that was Vergil

I looked at them. I couldn't think another word for them, other than spellbinding. Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!

"Double paned tempered glass. We're probably OK," said the tall white one of the red glowing eyes. Keith!

Vergil looked at me. "Well, Percy! Don't just sit there. Introduce us to our guest."

Percy stood up. "Seneca, the red head is Vergil Xanon, and the white haired one is Keith Munster. And this lovely lady is Seneca Allen. The tea should be still hot. Would you like some?"

"Sure," said Vergil.

"I'll get the cups," said Percy, as he left for the kitchen. He took his own cup with him, and wouldn't be bringing it back.

"Thanks," said Vergil, and he sat in the loveseat. He motioned Keith over with his forefinger, and patted the seat beside him.

Keith took Vergil's cue, and had a seat. "Stefan's taking care of the ponies?" he asked me.

"Yup. I'm here because I fell on my face out by the cliffs. I hurt my leg, and Percy was kind enough to invite me in."

Percy just walked in with two cups as I said that. "If I hadn't distracted you, you wouldn't have fallen, I don't think. You would have seen that rock. It was the least we could do."

"I might have seen it, but not necessarily. Still, I thank you for your hospitality."

Percy filled both cups with tea, creamed them, and handed the cups to Vergil and Keith. "Your welcome, but it's no problem."

"Thanks, dude," said Keith to Percy.

"Same," said Vergil, as he raised his cup to Percy.

"Any time," said Percy.

Keith had a sip of his tea. "Killer stuff, Percy."

"Tell me about it," he said as he left the room. 'I don't think I ever want to have any more of that garbage,' he sent to Keith.

'You could have made catnip tea, babe.'

'Yeah, right! I will never understand how you can still intake anything voluntarily now that you don't have to,' sent Percy.

'It’s for show, babe, though we do enjoy it again. Cats are way more practical than people, members of the Tuatha de Danaan, or grandchildren of The Source, OK?'

'At least you admit it.'

'Ah, go lick your own damn nose and get your tail back in here, cat.'

'I always do, and will do,' sent Percy.

In a little bit, a big black cat came through the doorway of which Percy had just walked out of. He jumped into Stefan's lap. Stefan put his right forefinger under the cat's chin. "Uh, dude. Sometimes you take things too literally."

"What?" I asked.

Stefan kissed the cat on the forehead. "We have some private jokes which we will let you in on shortly." He stroked the cat. "You do like cats, I trust?!"

"Very much so. That one's beautiful. Big, too," I said.

"Amazingly intelligent, as well. Too intelligent for our own good, and with a sense of humour that isn't always appreciated." said Stefan.

With that, the cat jumped out of Stefan's lap, and ended up next to me. He pressed himself into me, and then got on my lap. "Oh, how adorable," I said, as I scratched behind his ears. He closed his eyes, and it seemed he smiled. "What's his name?"

Stefan looked at Keith. "How fast shall we move on this?"

Keith shrugged. "I think Seneca will appreciate what she is about to experience. After all, what is she here for?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"His name is Percy," said Stefan.

"Percy? Like your cousin?"

"Uh...yeah. My adopted cousin! He used to be...uh.. .still is...um...Ms. Allen, you have a werecat in your lap."

"Not a werewolf, but a werecat who looks like the werewolf of Dark Shadows?!"

"Almost," said Stefan. "Come on, Percy. Get off her lap, and fess up."

The cat trilled, and jumped off my lap, onto the floor in front of me. He disappeared for a split second, and then reappeared as the gentleman who helped me onto his horse, and into this house.

With a shrug and a smile, he said, "Sorry for the deception, Ms. Allen; but I'm sure you understand."

I nodded. "Please call me Seneca, or Sen for short. This is quite a surprise. I thought all this about shape shifters was fiction."

"Anyone with the knowledge can do it. That's hard to come by, and can't be taught by conventional means. It's not something you can read about and do. It's something you have to know in the core of your being. It's something you have to figure out yourself," said Keith.

"Anyone?" I asked.

"Aye," said Keith.

I looked at Stefan. "So, your boyfriend is a part time cat?!"

"He's been neutered. It's platonic."

Percy looked at Stefan. "Thank you for sharing."

"Well, he's usually a cat. I must admit we do have heavy petting sessions, but I do all the petting, and Percy does most of the scent marking," said Stefan.

"So it goes with all of us," said Vergil. "Percy's quite a popular item. Percy, why don't you show Seneca your preferred form?"

Percy looked at Vergil. "Thank you." He disappeared again, and a really large leopard like cat appeared where he stood, with very long sabre fangs.

"Oh my God!" I said. "What are you?"

I heard his voice, but I didn't see his lips move. 'A cross between a smilodon and a leopard! I can look like anything, but I was a cat first; and that is the form I find most convenient. I like this better than the form of a house cat, though! It makes it easier to get everyone to see things my way.'

"I think I can understand that," I said.

'Will you still pet me if I sit next to you?'

I had to laugh. "Of course! I'd be honoured."

'Then you've got a friend for eternity.'

Percy jumped up next to me, and I just couldn't help but hug him. "Damn, this is great. I suppose I shouldn't talk about this?!"

"Depends on what circle you're in. I wouldn't go to the newspapers with it," said Keith. "Not if you want to remain running loose, anyway."

"I can see that. I wouldn't want anyone to take Percy away for study, anyway. I'm not telling anyone you even exist."

"Thank you," said Vergil. "Now, shall I make us some dinner?"

"Sure," said Keith. He looked at me. "Hope you don't mind that we're vegetarian."

"No. I was told you also have fangs?"

He drew back his lips for a second. "Aye. Just a cosmetic enhancement like Stefan's, though Stefan copied me."

"He told me. I have never been so happy, to have injured myself in all of my life! This is such a trip, meeting you guys."

"And we're happy to have met you, Seneca," said Vergil. He stood up. "Now let me get that meal going."



*****



When dinner was ready, Stefan helped me to the kitchen.

Dinner was an exotic mishmash. East Indian spinach with cheese, Chinese stir fried vegetables, Japanese tempura and miso soup, fresh out of the oven three seeded sourdough bread, butter, an elaborate salad with everything in it but the kitchen sink topped with vinaigrette, and large portabella mushrooms stuffed with a breadcrumb and vegetable stuffing. To drink, we had a choice of coconut juice with tapioca pearls, root beer and ginger beer. I had some of everything. It was awesome.

Percy did not join us at the table. He didn't even stay in the kitchen. "Percy doesn't much like tea, either?" I asked.

"No," said Keith. "He had some for your benefit, but the fact that it's not on his food chain as a cat translates to his human form."

"I'd hate to see what he does eat," I said.

"You don't want to know that just yet," said Keith.

"I believe you," I said. "You know, all the coincidences of this night are a trip. I'm almost sorry this is going to have to end."

"You know, you can stay as long as you want," said Keith.

"But I should go to the doctor about my knee. I think I twisted it."

Vergil cocked his head. "I can probably fix that."

"You can?"

Vergil smiled. "I know a little about chiropractics. Probably. If you only twisted it! Of course if you broke something, that's beyond me; but I'll be able to tell."

"All right."

"I'll see what I can do after I clear the table," said Vergil.

"I'll clear the table," said Stefan. "You take care of Sen."

"Thanks, Stef."

Stefan winked at Vergil. "Any time."



*****



Vergil was the one who supported me in getting to the couch. He had me sit first with my leg bent, then straight; and he checked out my knee both ways. "It's not broken," he said. "I think it'll hurt less if you sit upright, and bend your knee."

"OK." I swung my legs over the side of the couch.

Through my jeans, Vergil pressed on both sides of my knee. I heard a click, but there was no pain. Not even any discomfort, but I did feel something shift around. "You should be OK now."

I stood up. Yes, the pain was gone. "Thank you. Do I owe you anything for that?"

Vergil shook his head. "No. Come on! If a friend needs help, you help them. It's the Irish way."

"I like that philosophy," I said.

"Most do," said Vergil. "Though in life, more in theory than in practise."

"I noticed," I said. "I'm really grateful for this. You probably saved me a small fortune in doctor's bills."

Vergil shrugged. "It's nothing. It didn't even take hardly any time. Don't worry about it."

"I already asked Percy, but an we stay in touch after I go later too? Write letters and all?"

"Sure. No problem. We won't always be here, though. Phone numbers might be better, unless you want to send the same letter to five different places, but let's worry about that later."

"OK. I can't believe I met a real live shape shifter."

"Hey! One day you can be one."

"I have no idea where to start. And Percy was a cat first, huh? How did he figure it out?"

"That's a tale too long to tell right now. Animals doing that; is very rare! There's only been a couple of cases that I know of," said Vergil.

"Two cases?" I asked.

"The other is a bird named Reggie. He's a friend of mine, but he's not here. One day you can meet him, but he's never become a person."

"How does Percy talk to me when he's a cat?"

"He doesn't. He sends you his thoughts. In fact, you don't have to talk to him. You can send your thoughts. He's very powerful."

"This is amazing. This place, and all of you," I said.

"Not really. There're just things you didn't know about. Arcane things that aren't found in too many libraries! Things I know about because my mother was a witch."

"A real witch?"

"Aye. She was a Druid practitioner. She had a good teacher, and she was pretty powerful. Not too nice a lady, but I guess I could understand. Da wasn't the most loyal man in the country."

I go to check out a site I was obsessed with from a TV programme, and I walk into a house that's kind of parallel to that TV programme. There's even a person here who looks like one of my favourite characters does, and he's a shape shifter; like that character. Not in the same way, but hey! The sabre cat was even cooler than a wolf. And all the guys here were cuter than anyone I ever saw in my life. Oh, and those Irish accents. I think I was head over heels for every last one of them. And they were all gay or disinterested?

Figures.

Stefan walked in. "The winds and the rain have started. The weather forecasters thought the storm would come later. It's bad. I wonder if it's still a category two?"

"I don't know," said Vergil. He walked to the window. "I can't know." He drew back the curtains. "Wow!"

Stefan walked next to him, and I followed, pleasantly finding my knee as good as new. When I looked out the window, the sky was a waterfall. The treetops were being whipped to kingdom come, and I don't think I was going to leave this place today if this didn't ease up.

Oh well. My motel bill was paid for the week. Hopefully I wouldn't wear out my welcome here, 'cause I loved this place. "It looks like I'm gonna be stuck here for a little bit. I can't drive in that."

Vergil turned to me. "We wouldn't hear of it. Staying with us is no problem. We've got a couple of guest bedrooms. They're on the top floor with the staff."

"Thanks. I usually go to bed a little before noon," I said.

"Do whatever you want. The walls and floor are thick, and not much is done on the second floor. It should be quiet, except for the howling winds and cascading rain."

"I like that. I find it hypnotic," I said.

"Same," said Stefan.

I heard the front door slam, some commotion in the hall, and shortly an Asian man walked into the living room. "It's torrential out there. I've never seen anything like it." He smiled, and waved at me. "Hello. I'm Ronin."

I waved back. "I'm Seneca. Most call me Sen."

Ronin looked at Vergil. "Hi, Sen. Anyway, the animals are fed and comfy. I gave them each a bucket of grits with a special treat."

Vergil smiled. "Maple syrup mixed in?"

Ronin chuckled. "Yup. Help them meet the day."

"Hopefully this passes soon, and the eye of the storm gets nowhere near us. If that happens, it might be a few days. This is a big one," said Vergil.

"You're telling me," said Ronin. "The winds were almost bad enough to get me airborne."

"That would have been interesting to see if it happened, but I'm glad it didn't. Imagine the medical bills," said Stefan.

"Tell me about it," said Ronin. "Is Deliah up yet?"

"Haven't seen her," said Vergil. "It's almost six, so she should be down soon."

"Why don't I make breakfast this morning," said Ronin.

"Sure. And why don't I light the fireplace?" said Vergil.

"No argument from me. Looks like an easy day," said Ronin.

"No landscaping, and you guys just finished the interior yesterday. Just the equines! Maybe we can all gather 'round later and tell ghost stories or something," said Vergil.

"That sounds like fun," I said.

"OK, let's," said Stefan.



*****



The ghost stories didn't happen, but it didn't matter. Stefan, Vergil, Keith and Percy in human form, all stayed with me; and we had some fascinating conversations. I'd met the rest of the household at the breakfast table. There were a lot of people living here, but it was a big house. It seemed to be a very communal living arrangement. I finally saw Deliah Nebenzahl. I'm surprised she wasn't a model. She even left the young Lara Parker in the dust, and that was not easy to do. I found she was Ronin's girlfriend. They did look good together. Warren was another hottie.

Breakfast was spinach, onion, bell pepper and mushroom omelettes, corn muffins, farina, blueberries, strawberries, honey, and butter. To drink we had tea, orange juice, and unfiltered apple juice. It was one of the best breakfasts I’d ever had.

Later, Vergil, Keith, Stefan, Percy, and I stood on one of the upstairs covered balconies on the second floor to watch the storm for a while. It was neat, but we got pretty wet. My leather jacket did not help keep my pants dry. I was told some fresh clothes could be found for me later, for tomorrow. Some of them might even sort of fit. After this, I was going to take a shower and go to bed. I was told my room, which I hadn't even seen yet; had its own bathroom with tub and shower. Sweet.

Before I retired, I was given a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, long sleeved man's over-shirt, underwear, and socks to wear. The pants were a little long, but that was the only problem, and it wasn't that big of a problem. The tips would not quite drag on the floor when I was in my shoes, so it was all right.

The bathroom was nice. The hot water also seemed to never run out. I was ecstatic to find the bed had satin sheets and an electric blanket. My sleep was long and deep. The rain crashing against the window was strangely comforting.



*****



When I awoke, it was dark. The storm seemed to have passed. I dressed in my borrowed clothes, and walked out of the room. As I walked down the hall, I absorbed the magnificence of this house. All the doors were so ornate, and everything looked so old, yet in mint condition. When I got to the second floor, I paused to look down the hall. Yesterday, I remember passing a library, a study, and barely noticing the pictures that were up on the walls of the hall.

I went down the hall, and looked at those pictures. There was a neat one of Keith fighting a muscular red headed lady with a sword. I guess that was his ex-girlfriend. Another stone fox. And he traded her in for a guy?

Damn, if Keith was built like this... What a bod! Slender, but defined. Then there was a picture of Stefan in something like I'd expect on Peter Lorre, with Vergil in a black dress or tunic, with swords crossed, guarding the gates of a cemetery. There was another painting of a really attractive black couple. I wondered who they were. Did they live here too? Was this black lady, Sylvia? I never met Sylvia. Was she even in the building? Everyone here was so damn gorgeous. It must be awesome working here.

When I got downstairs, I was stunned to find Keith in late eighteenth century clothing. Damn, he looked dashing. "Mornin', Sen. Have a nice rest?"

"Luxurious. I've never slept on satin sheets before. The redhead you're painted with on the second floor was your girlfriend?"

"Aye."

"She was beautiful."

"Still is. We still like each other, but we had our differences. Some things just aren't meant to last," said Keith.

"Stefan implied you traded her in for Vergil."

Keith laughed. "In a sense. Actually, me and Stefan are as close as Vergil and I."

"I thought Percy was Stefan's boyfriend."

Keith laughed even harder. "Stefan is Percy's slave. Percy is a cat better than ninety nine percent of the time. Percy has only taken on a human form for you. He hates doing that. Both Percy and Stefan can't stand it when anyone becomes romantically interested in them. They do love each other, but it's nothing like how two people relate. They are NOT boyfriends. Whoever said that was just trying to dissuade you. They have a typical cat and cat lover relationship.

"Actually we all love Percy. In fact, we call him our head of household; because what Percy wants, Percy usually gets. After all, he is a cat."

I nodded. "I see. Is Sylvia that black lady in the painting?"

"No. Sylvia’s on sabbatical, and left. She'll be back in a day or two if you're in the area."

"I'm here for another four days."

"That's fine. Why don't you cancel your motel stay, get a refund, and spend the rest of your vacation here?"

"You'd let me do that?" I asked.

"Sure! Why not?"

"OK. Tomorrow, I'll do that. Why are you dressed like that?"

Keith looked down at himself. "The style of these clothes is all wrong. Way too early, but I was planning on time tripping with Vergil and Stef to December, 1929 to see Seaview Terrace as it was meant to be."

"Time tripping?"

"Hm hm. It'll be freezing, but do you want to come?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Just what I said. Going back in time to see the mansion in its full glory when no one but the caretakers are there! They can be avoided if we do our tour in the wee hours."

I was stunned. "You can do that?"

"Sure can."

"After seeing what Percy can do, I find it hard to disbelieve you."

"What do I have to gain by lying?"

"Hell, yeah! I'll go!"

"We're going to have to go by horse."

"How far is it?"

"If we kick ass, about forty five minutes. I'll have to find a day where the weather isn't too bad. No snow. Want to ride with me, or on your own horse?"

"I think I'll ride with you. I've never ridden until Percy put me on the back of his pony. That pony was pretty tall."

"He's at the cut off point for horse. He's Deliah's main companion. Percy doesn't have an equine match. When he rides, he borrows one."

"Stefan's mount was the same size. They didn't look bad on their ponies. Stefan’s a little shorter than Percy?"



"About a half-inch. Vergil rides a pony, too. Stef and Vergil are pretty lightweight. They use short stirrups, so they look OK. Everyone’s a good match with their mount. The ponies are pretty strong."

"How tall is Vergil, and how much does he weigh?"

"He's just a smidgeon under five foot nine, and about a hundred fifty pounds."

"He looks lighter than that," I said. "In fact, he looks pretty delicate."

"He's densely built. Not much fat on him. He doesn't look like much at first glance when he's fully dressed, but I wouldn't mess with him; not that he even likes the idea of a fight. In fact, I don't think he's ever been in one, but wait 'til you see what he can do as a stunt rider and a skater."

"He's a stunt rider?"

"Aye. Pretty impressive! His ice dancing is something else, too. To him, a triple axel is as easy as picking up a glass."

"I hope I can watch him one day."

"I think that can be arranged," said Keith.

I heard footsteps. "Keith?" It was Vergil’s voice.

"Here in the living room. Sen is gonna join us. She'll ride with me," called Keith.

Vergil and Stefan walked into the room. Both were dressed late seventeen hundreds. Stefan already had gloves and a cloak on. "She's gonna need a heavy jacket, gloves, and a hat to cover her ears," said Stefan.

"I have the jacket and gloves," I said.

Keith smiled, baring his fangs. He waved his hand over the coffee table, and it all appeared. "Don't worry about it."

Needless to say, I was shocked. "Wow! Are you a witch?"

"Close enough," said Keith. "No Angelique, though."

"When are we time tripping, as you said?" I asked.

Both Keith's eyebrows went up for a split second, as he tossed his head. "We're already there. Dress up, and we'll go to the stables after me and Vergil get into our cloaks and gloves. Ronin should have the equines tacked up. Let's have us some fun."

I chuckled. "Yes, indeed."



*****



Riding with Keith to Seaview Terrace was heaven. Maybe someone else had dibs on him, but it was nice riding in front of him as he had an arm around me. He covered me in part with his cloak, and he helped keep me warm.

The equines cantered for much of the way. It was a smooth, comfortable ride. We rode right up to main entrance, and Keith helped me off his great white horse of the glowing neon eyes after he slid off. Keith just opened the unlocked door, and we all walked in. "No one's gonna catch us?" I asked.

"Not this time of night," said Keith.

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise. Of course we can't see all the rooms, but most of them." He materialised two high-powered flashlights, and gave one to me. "We shouldn't talk any more. Save all your questions for later."

"OK," I whispered.

Stefan and Vergil materialised their own flashlights, and Keith led the way.

Yes, we really were in a different time. This was far more beautiful than what I saw earlier to my stream of consciousness. The house in its original grandeur was marvelous. My earlier depression of how I found the place was completely forgotten.

Keith showed me how to walk with making as little noise as possible. It was easy, with my air-sole running shoes. Keith, Stef and Vergil wore soft sole shoes, so we went very quietly. We didn't dawdle over anything, either. We moved kind of fast. It was the best, most exciting tour I had ever gotten in my life. The chance of getting caught made it all the more adventuresome, though I wasn't going to talk about this, either. There are some things you do not talk about, and time travelling to surreptitiously investigate someone's private property was one of them!

No one would believe me, anyway. In fact, after I got home; would I even believe it? This was almost too strange to be true, but it was so wonderful. Was I dreaming, or was this real?

It took a long time to see the place. I absolutely loved the turrets. Oh, what I wouldn't give to do this during the day at my leisure. We went to all three floors, and there were only five rooms we couldn't look at on the second floor.

It was so cool. Not one door was locked. Some of the rooms were absolutely huge, like the ballroom, the art gallery, the theatre, and the chapel was a real sight. It was amazing how the other half lived, so to speak; not that people this rich compromised even one percent of the world's population.

When the tour was up, a part of me was glad to get out of there. It had been an adrenaline rush from the moment the equines stepped on the estate. It was kind of hard on me, and wore me down. I felt relieved when I saw the mounts were all patiently waiting for us when we got out.

We went home a lot slower, and I was glad. Riding with Keith was still beyond my wildest dreams, even though I knew I could never get anywhere with him. I never felt so cared for, or secure in all my life, though I didn't know why. It made no sense, but that's how it was. I had this strange feeling that he could deal with anything. Someone who could time travel, materialise things, and who was nice to me despite having no apparent vested interest in me at all?

*****



Ronin took the animals at the stables after we came home. There was also a heavenly scent of something cooking. "You guys home?" came a feminine voice that I wasn't familiar with.

"Yes, Sylvia. We also have a very nice guest." Keith turned to me. "So you will stay with us for the rest of your vacation?!"

"If I won't inconvenience you by doing so."

"Not at all," said Keith. "If you were an inconvenience, I wouldn't have asked."

"Makes sense," I said.

Sylvia came out to meet us. She extended her hand to me. "Sylvia, at your service."

Damn, she looked familiar; but I couldn't place her. "Seneca Allen. Most call me Sen."

"All right, Sen. Ronin told me you were all out for a ride in another time frame, so I figured you'd all like a warm dinner when you got home."

I looked at Keith. "You guys do this all the time?"

"Sure do. Vergil wrote a multi-volume book about us doing that, and a whole lot more, in fact. Would you like to read it after dinner?"

"I'd love to. Is it published?" I asked.

"Yes," said Vergil.

"Great," I said.

Dinner was a delicious vegetable stew with salad, and a delicious olive loaf bread right out of the oven! Of course I buttered the bread.



*****



I was shown to the couch, which had a lit fireplace before it after dinner. I had a full teapot on the coffee table and stack of three books. They were in black leather covers, and the writing was silver. The edges of the pages were also gilt in silver.

Fancy. Nice. I was almost afraid to touch them, but Keith assured me it was no big deal. He could just materialise a fresh set if these were damaged.

I was left alone to read.

The minute I lay down on the couch, Percy as the big black house cat jumped on my tummy. 'Can I use you as a mattress while you read?' he asked.

I petted him on the head. "Yes, Percy. As long as you stay this size."

'I would think of nothing else, my dear. Thanks.'

With one hand I would hold the book, whilst the other hand would be scratching Percy's head. When I got to the part with Keith's initial appearance, I knew there was more to this book than it just being an elaboration of an Irish myth. "Keith!" I called out.

"Yes?" he asked as he walked in a few seconds later.

"This book is real, right?"

"Aye."

"Why am I here?" I asked, scratching Percy under the chin now.

"Oh, I guess I can tell you now. You were blown off the cliffs when you were standing by the edge of them. Stefan found out about you when he was bored and looking for something to do, and decided to adopt you as his case in the world of Gate Keepers. We help people cross to the Otherside, and in the process we blank out their minds as to what they really experienced, and give them an illusion of sorts to help them out. Everyone you met tonight is really a Gate Keeper, and though we are officially retired; we still take a case here and there. This isn't our true era anymore, but we obviously come back to it every now and then."

"So this isn't really happening?"

"Oh, it's happening, all right. Sort of, but it's all been an act. You saw an Etheric duplication of the Seaview Terrace of 1929. There was no one there, and never any danger of getting caught. We just made you believe that to give the experience a more authentic feel."

"Was that nice?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Hey! You had fun, didn't you?"

"I've never had more fun in my like," I said.

He ruffled my hair. "That was the point."

I put the book down, sat up while carefully holding Percy, and filled my teacup. "Thanks. So now what?"

Keith sat next to me. "You basically sort out what you want to do, and go from there. I suggest you finish the book series, find out what transition is all about, and then I guess I'll do a mental merge with you to orient you to this side of The Veil instantaneously, instead of letting you find out yourself by trial and error."

"Sounds cool. So this was all Stefan's idea?"

"He had intended to take you on with just Percy's help, but Percy called on me and Vergil...or Donn; rather, so he could get rid of his tea. I decided to elaborate on Stefan's plans."

I smiled. "I see. Can you give Stefan a hug for me?"

Keith chuckled. "Actually, you can do that yourself."

"OK, later I will."

"I'm going to let you finish that series, now," said Keith as he stood up. "If you want anything, just ask."

"All right."



*****



Oh, what a trip this was. The story set was absolutely fascinating, and I couldn't put it down. I lost all sense of time, and I didn't even get tired; though it was a very long story. I had Percy on me for the whole reading. Strange, but I didn't go to the bathroom the entire time I had my nose in the book. And no wonder I recognised Sylvia. It was Sylvia Plath. I'd read 'The Bell Jar' a long time ago, and the book did have her picture on the back. What a lucky lady she was to end up with these guys.

Just as I shut the book, Keith, Vergil, and Stefan came in. "You guys are something else," I said.

"Thanks," said Stefan, with a smile.

I pointed at Stefan. "I owe you a hug for taking me on. Keith wouldn't do it for me."

"All right." He came over to me, and stroked Percy. "Percy, can you get up so Seneca can sit on the couch right to make some room for me?"

The cat stood up, and walked off of me. 'Oh, I suppose so.'

Stefan sat by me, and we gave each other a one armed hug. "Thanks, and you are obviously enjoying yourself here. Just let us know when you want the illusion of this house to fade so we can show you where you really are," he said.

"So, where really am I?" I asked.

Vergil said, "Tech Duinn. You're in front of the perpetually burning fireplace, in reality. You just don't see it right."

"I am? Oh, wow! I'm ready now!"

"I'd close my eyes if I were you, or you are going to end up being a very dizzy lady."

I did. "Ready."

In a split second, Vergil said, "You can open them now."

I did, and I found I was in a room with stone walls, and a very high ceiling. There were tons of tapestries and paintings on those walls. "Man, this is great. Can I see the garden later?"

"You sure can," said Vergil. "But I think you should first learn what it takes to exist here."

I looked at Keith. "You said you were going to do that."

He looked at me. "Or would you prefer the man who decided to take you on?"

I looked into Stefan's gorgeous turquoise eyes. "Yes, I think so. Or would that be the nose who decided to take me on?"

Stefan chuckled. "Well, you just now guaranteed yourself a friend forever with that comment."

We all laughed.

I never dreamed dying could be an adventure anywhere near what I experienced.























































































Look Out Belowwwwwwww





It was torture working in this heat, but hey! Where else can a twenty-two year old make my kind of money with just a high school GED?

Record heat in July, in Phoenix, Arizona was not most comfortable time or place to help put up a skyscraper, but I could relax after this project. The crew was working on putting up the steel frames of the sixth floor. I had more fun on the lower levels, with the ladies giving me wolf whistles. Unlike those of the feminist persuasion, I got a kick out of them. One lady, assuming I can call her that; even left me a note with her phone number on it, but I didn't bite. I had a girlfriend, but I didn't mind being appreciated by the fair sex in general.

I've been in this profession for four years. Right place, right time to get out of the house while still eighteen without joining the damn military. Of course I started out working at slightly lower altitudes, but hey! I was where I wanted to be.

I finished the last few sips from my water bottle, put my right glove back on, lowered my visor, and turned my welding torch on. I like my job, but I didn't dig this heat. I had to wear protective gear, I couldn't go shirtless, but I got more breaks. I needed them to survive these temperatures.

Done. I looked at my watch. I didn't have time to finish the next fitting before lunch. I barely had time to get started. I also needed some more water. Desperately.

I got out of my harness, put my torch down, raised my visor, and held on to the beam. I just had a dizzy spell, and that wasn't too good when you were not quite a hundred fifty metres off the ground.

Someone grabbed my arm. "You OK?"

A new guy! I never saw him before. A foreigner. His accent was Scottish, or Irish, or something. Jeans, helmet, work boots, tool belt, and T-shirt. Very pale, but not turning red! I guess he was wearing lots of sunscreen. Of course, I couldn't tell him the truth regarding his question on me being OK. "I'm fine. When did you start?"

"Last week. You lost a guy."

I took off my visored helmet, and put it down. Next came my gloves, and welder’s shirt. "Yeah. Stacey Landon. I'm Anson Porter."

"Donn Ui'Midir. I'm replacing Stacey."

Dun O'Meer? Irish! Never heard of either name before, but so what?! "He was a nice guy. Pleased to meet you! I'm quitting a few minutes early, because I can't start and stop something in the middle. I must also admit I can't go on any longer without some more water."

Donn took an unopened bottle from the holder in his tool belt. "Haven't touched it yet."

I didn't have a choice in turning it down. "Thanks," I said as I took it. It felt like it had just been taken out of a very cold refrigerator. Just what I needed! "I owe you one." I finished the whole bottle then and there.

Donn laughed. "No you don't. Come on. Let's go to lunch."

"You doing the eight, ten or twelve shift?"

"In this heat? Surely you jest! Eight!"

"Ten. Then I go home to my apartment that I think I have set at thirteen degrees Celsius." (On a side note, that's not quite fifty-five degrees Fahrenheit, after the fact. I'm sorry, I just don't THINK in Fahrenheit. I think it's STOOPID! I have my moments, but I generally don't give a flying doo-doo of whose perspective I'm writing from, and what form of measurement they use in their native country. I, Donn Ui'Midir; am my own man, and I'M writing the story, OK? Except for those rare circumstances when I take on the form of a wo...oh, never mind.)

"Reminds me of my own place at home," said Donn.

"Right now, that sounds nice," I said. We started walking the railed plank to the ladder. I had to stop. This was getting bad. "I think I'm having a problem with heat exhaustion."

"Then maybe you should take the rest of the day off."

"I haven't done that yet! Don't think I want to start."

Donn smiled. "Death before calling in sick, huh?"

I had to chuckle. "Actually, I told my foreman here, that death would be the only reason for me not to show up."

"Then you're obviously a man of your word, even if it kills you."

"That's the idea. Death before dishonour?"

Donn laughed, and shook his head. "Can this conversation get any more ironic?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"We could be chicks, talking about chick stuff," I said. "I can't understand 'em."

"I can now. When I was a youngster, they terrified me. Thank cultural conditioning, and a very self-centred mother who stopped at nothing to get her way."

"I had a father like that. Domineering bastard. He wasn't too nice to my mom, but I've been getting even since I left home. I only talk to mom, and I buy her presents a few times a year. I might even let her live with us if my hopefully future wife doesn't mind. Provided I actually do marry my girl friend, but I probably will. We've been together since my junior year. She's my age."

"Extended families are actually a good thing. They're a good support group for each member of the clan."

"Sure, if everyone gets along. We didn't. I love my mom, but can't stand my dad. My sister's OK, but we don't have anything in common. I think I can handle that ladder, now."

"Off to lunch, then."



*****



We both clocked out for lunch, and sat across from each other at an empty table. I had a tuna salad sandwich, an egg salad sandwich, a banana, and a Coke from the vending machine. Donn had a salad, and a bottle of root beer that he brought from home. "How can you survive on just that rabbit food?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I eat heavier breakfasts and dinners."

"You look like you have to eat a ton. You're pretty cut."

"Thanks. I have to be, for some of my hobbies. A less than good strength-weight ration can get you killed for stunt riding."

"You do rodeos?"

"Ye gods, no. Those are horrid. No. I do various acrobatics and complex mounts and dismounts on my pony with a riding harness. Battle play, and such."

"Do you do performances?"

"Aye. Would you like to see my next one?" asked Donn.

"Depends. Where?"

"Not far from here."

"How much?"

"I don't charge. I throw a party when I do a ride show. Music, chow, dancing, and such! I'm not a professional, though that doesn't mean I'm not good."

"Sure. When's the next show?"

"I haven't done one in a while. How's about this weekend?! East of the airport?! Off of Frank Lloyd Wright, on the other side of the creek."

"Is that legal?"

"Never had any problems, but probably not. Hey! We clean up after ourselves, not to mention we're kind of hard to see, being so far from the road. No one can tell anyone was there, after we're outta there. I could have someone meet you at the end of Cactus Road with a horse.

"That sounds cool. What if we're caught? I mean, with the airport right there, and the low flying planes?"

"It hasn't happened yet."

"OK. I'll be looking forward to it. What kind of food?"

"Stuff that's good for you. None of that hot dog and hamburger garbage! Stews, various roasts, salads, home baked breads and pies. Traditional Irish, mostly! Nothing exotic, but still tasty. Killer beer for those who like beer! I'm not one of them, though."

"I am. Sounds great. I will most definitely be there."

"I'll have a tall red headed lady waiting for you at the crossroads with a black Arab called Aslan. The lady's name is Macha."

"All riiiiiight. Hopefully my girlfriend won't get jealous, or can I bring her too?"

"Later. Maybe the next one."

"OK. I'll tell her."

The only thing was, Patricia didn't pick up the phone for the next three days. That sucked, but the temperature was unprecedentedly cool for those next three days, and I couldn't complain about that.



*****



The lady was...I never saw anything like her. She looked like she was out of a sword and sorcery movie. She was a little bit taller than me, and though I was in damn good shape, I don't think I could have beaten her, arm wrestling. She was royally buffed. She was dressed in a leather tunic, boots, gauntlet, and armed to the teeth. She had a sword on her back, a knife at her belt, and a knife in her left boot. She was holding a large grey mare, and a gorgeous black Arab stallion. Both animals were absolutely beautiful, and proud in carriage. They carried their heads and tails high. They were haltered, and fit with lightweight saddles. "You’re Anson?" The lady asked. Another Irish accent!

I extended my hand. "Yes. And you're Macha?"

"Hm hm. The festival is set up, and in full progress. How well can you ride?"

"I don't do it much anymore, but I can."

"All right. Just give Aslan free rein. Don't kick him, unless you feel like walking, if he’ll even let you live after he throws you. He'll follow me."

"So, just mount up and hang on for dear life?!"

"Basically. We have to ride about three kilometres. Let's go," she said as she mounted up.

Damn, those horses could run.



*****



Macha and I made it to the party in no time. I wasn't paying any attention to my surroundings, and I couldn't hear the music over the hoof beats of the horses until we got pretty close. The landscape was strange, for this part of the country. There were lush grassy lawns, and full, leafy trees. The temperature was unseasonably pleasant. I'd never been out here before, but maybe this was a desert oasis fed by secret underground springs that no one ever bothered to report. Hey! Water was a very valuable commodity in these parts. Of course I had no idea how this place could be here, but geology was not my forte; beyond knowing you don't build skyscrapers in swamplands.

There must have been close to two hundred people here. If this was happening without a permit, somebody was gonna get plastered in fines if anyone came out to investigate. I also couldn't see how we could be missed and not reported, with the airport so close; but Donn already told me it had never been a problem in the past. I guess the pilots just didn't care.

Well, whatever. When we stopped, Macha pointed north. "That's Donn in the black tunic with the golden horse. You go over to him, and he'll get someone to show you around. Go enjoy yourself."

"OK."

Macha took the horses, and led them away.

When I got to Donn, he was with a palomino pony who just had a strapped harness on his body. It was a tight fitting thing with a strap on each side, one down his back, and two across his back. There was some padding for the animal so nothing would cut into him. He was a beautiful creature with silvered hooves. He obviously had Arab blood, but he was too heavy set to be full blooded.

There were a few horses and big ponies here, and they were all show quality animals. The people were all dressed in outfits from different eras, and I felt pretty out of place. I was the only one in late twentieth century clothing.

When I got to Donn, he had a red head with him who was dressed in strange costume that reminded me of Count Dracula, with cloak included. I couldn't tell what it was, but it also wore gloves. "Hi, Donn," I said.

He smiled. "Hi Anson. Nice to have such cool weather, huh?"

"Very." I looked at the red head, and extended my right hand. "Anson Porter."

'It' shook my hand. "Stephanie Shannon."

Female! Boy, what a nose she had, not that it looked bad. "Pleased to meet you."

"I'm going to have to get ready, but Stef can show you around while I prepare for my ride," said Donn.

"OK. See you after the performance, then?" I asked.

"Definitely," said Donn.



*****



Living mostly on fast food, sandwiches, TV dinners, the food here was much appreciated. I actually saw the food taken out of cauldrons with huge ladles, long forks, and served in ancient style bowls and platters. I had some rabbit stew, a piece of spit roasted goat on the bone, a piece of buttered bread, kale, mushrooms, a scone, and two mugs of ale. There were spoons, knives, but no forks. The napkins were paper, and there was no garbage on the ground, anywhere. There were also no children. Perhaps that went hand in hand.

A lot of the people I met reminded me of others, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen those faces. Everyone spoke English, but the accents were very diverse. It amazed me that Donn had gotten so many people together so fast.

The music was great. I'd never quite heard anything like it. Lots of pipes, harps, fiddles, lutes, flutes and guitars! It was all acoustic, and Celtic folk. It was nice, and people were doing these circle dances. It was like square dancing without a caller, but faster, with more moves and grace. The number of dancers was always an even couple, though there were anywhere from four to twelve couples. I, not knowing the steps, decided to be only a spectator; though it looked like a lot of fun. Stephanie said she could teach me some of the dances later.

In about an hour, everything started to die down. The music stopped, and the serving tables were being cleared. Stephanie explained to me how these parties worked, and this was a sign that Donn was going to perform.

Lines of about twenty people sat in front, a group of the same size sat behind them, and those further back, stood up. This grouping was evenly divided between the 'runway' that Donn would use.

The show was amazing. Donn's stallion was incredible. In the very beginning, Donn stood there, and the pony galloped toward Donn. When the stallion whizzed by, Donn ran a couple of steps with him, and threw himself onto the pony's back. Donn could ride kneeling, standing, worked his way under the pony, rode at his side, rode backward, did an aerial dismount forward as the pony was galloping, remounted with the animal still on the run, then did a backward aerial dismount, and even did a controlled handstand, among countless other things. This dude was great. I swear he had more balls than Spartacus. I was pretty impressed.

When they were done, Donn took a bow, and so did the pony; whose name was Hesper, as I found out from Stephanie. Stef also told me the pony sometimes slept in bed with Donn, and would lay on the couch with him. Hesper was treated like a spoiled dog or cat, and he was an indoor-outdoor kind of guy who never had one accident in his life.

From what I saw of Hesper's performance, I believed it. The pony did everything on his own, with no guidance or coercion of any sort. After the show, Donn and Hesper walked off. Stephanie told me the next few hours Donn would be devoted to bathing and grooming Hesper. The animal would receive payment for his work, so to speak.

It wasn't long before the music began again. The food and drinks were set up again, as well. After what I ate earlier, I couldn't handle much more solid food. I ended up just having a scone with a cup of creamed tea. I kind of wanted another one of their beyond delicious ales, but I had to drive home; so I didn't think that was a good idea. The two ales I had were awesomely tasty, but powerful. I'm surprised they didn't floor me. They were way better than the standard U.S. brews. Richer, and the alcohol content was higher; not to mention the mugs I had were pint size.

Stephanie asked me if I wanted to learn one of the simpler dances. I said yes, and she taught me one. She then found Donn and Macha. She went over to them. "Hey! I just taught Anson the steps to 'Dreams Of Tir na nOg'. Let's the four of us find a group likely to humour us."

I'd have to ask what Tir na nOg was, later.

"Any of them will. Let's find a group of six dancers so we can invade without overwhelming them," said Macha.

That took all of five minutes. We waited for the last dance to finish, and Donn asked the group to play 'Dreams Of Tir Na NOg'. No problem. It was a lot of fun, though I really wished I were in costume, along with everyone else.

After we stepped out of the dance, Donn said, "You can watch the moves of various dances. If there's a song you really like, you can memorise those moves, and we can ask the band to play the song again for out latest newcomer. They'll only be too happy to accommodate us."

"OK," I said. "By the way, what's Tir na nOg?"

"Land of Youth," said Donn.

I saw someone walk by with a platter of food. I actually felt like I could eat more. "Do they have fish and chips here?"

"Fish, but no chips," said Macha. "We're celebrating a time before potatoes were introduced to Europe."

"I looked at Donn. "Was this party spontaneously planned?"

"I planned it Tuesday. When we talked about it?"

"How did you get all these people here in three days?"

"E-mail."

I nodded. "If I invited ten people to a party, I'd be lucky if half of them showed up. How much is this costing?"

"A lot less than you'd think," said Donn. "It's a free for all communal gathering. Shall we all get a second helping of food and sit down at one of the tables?"

"Sure," I said.

The four of us walked around at the food serving stations, and had our pick. Donn, Macha, and Stephanie went strictly vegetarian, but I had some grilled salmon with barley, a creamed carrot and onion mixture, and piece of hot baked brown bread of unknown grains. Everything was slathered in butter, and I loved it. I was even encouraged to try some buttermilk, and it was way better than the stuff I had as a kid from the store. If I could find anything this good at the store, I'd make it part of my weekly regimen.

We sat under a table in the shade of a tree. "How can this little verdant island exist here?" I asked.

"Underground aquifer," said Donn.

"Thought so. I'm surprised nobody's developed it."

"There wouldn't be enough for a community. It's fed from a little runoff from the creek," said Donn.

Made sense, I guess. I have no idea how Donn knew this, but I couldn't have thought of a better explanation.

"I wonder if I can somehow buy this not so little plot," I said. "Get a house built here."

"If it were for sale, I think someone would already have done that," said Donn.

I had a bite of my salmon. I tried the next piece with some butter soaked bread, and wow! I chased it down with some of that buttermilk, which had rather large chunks of butter in it. "Man, if I ate like this every day, I'd get fatter than a hippo."

"Probably not," said Donn. "You look like you work out."

I nodded. "Yeah. Not as much as you, but construction jobs ain't for wimps."

"Understood," said Donn.

"Do you organise these get togethers often?" I asked.

Donn shrugged. "Three or four times a year." He looked up to the sky, and smiled. "Your girlfriend can definitely come to the next one."

"That would be great. Maybe you guys can come over some time and we can all meet each other. My girlfriend's name is Patricia Johnson."

Donn and Stephanie looked at each other. Donn then said, "Or it might be more practical for you two to come to our place."

"Whatever. Sure," I said.

After we finished our meal, we threw everything into some trash bins, and I said, "I should probably be getting home soon."

"If you like, or would you like to play some of the games first?"

"You mean, like the archery contest and all that? Huh! I don't think so. I'd miss every time."

"We don't play to win or lose. We just play to have fun, and no one's keeping score," said Donn.

"Maybe next time." I looked at my watch. The battery was dead. Damn! I looked at the sky. The sun was still pretty high. "I guess I can stay a little longer, though. The arts and crafts looked pretty good. No price tags, though."

"We don't sell things, here. We trade. Sometimes we trade services. It's like, I'll mow your lawn if you give me that cup, or bracelet, or this set of items, or whatever."

"Neat," I said. So I'd buy a bunch of things to trade for the next time. I thought money was easier, but this form of commerce did have its benefits, I guess. "Sure, one more round of this paradise, then back to reality."

Stephanie chortled. "Sure. Shall the three of us ride back to the car with you?"

"Yeah. I'd like that," I said.

And so it was.



*****



The ride back to the car was a lot slower than the ride to the party. The landscape also didn't look the same as when I rode out here the first time. There was a lot of desert near where my car was, but it seemed the greenery never went away, and the trees were getting thicker. "Are we going the right way?" I asked.

"We're going west. You can tell that by the position of the sun," said Donn.

So we were, and Macha and I had ridden directly east. "OK, but nothing looks the same."

"Don't worry about it," said Stephanie.

"How can I not worry? This part of Arizona doesn't look like this," I said with a scowl. Actually, I was getting mighty nervous.

"Stop the horses, and look ahead," said Macha.

I did. Someone was coming toward us on horseback, and they were going at an all out run. Well it wasn't tall enough to be a horse. It was a buckskin pony, and the rider had long, auburn hair...just like my girlfriend. Whoever it was, was dressed in jeans, and a blue denim shirt.

Donn raised his right hand in the air. "Yo, Pat!"

I looked at Donn. "Pat?"

He smiled at me. "Aye! Patricia Johnson. Your girlfriend?"

Sure enough! I waved. "Pat! Great to see you!"

I'm not sure if she heard me, but she raised her hand back, and got to me shortly. "Anson! Isn't it wonderful here?"

"Oh, yeah. Way better than the city."

"Man, I am soooooo glad we're together again. I just couldn't handle it when you took that fall. I just had to see your body, and it was pretty bad. I went home and blew my brains out right after with that gun you had me get for self-defence."

I looked at Donn. "Huh?"

Donn shrugged. "That day we first met? Actually, you did fall. In fact, you landed on a fellow crewmember, and took him with you. Roger Loomis. It's just that I didn't let your conscious, or unconscious mind experience what happened. I gave you the illusion of working another three days in a more comfortable environment, and then the party. We're not in Arizona. We're in Tir na nOg. The Land Of Youth! A Celtic Afterworld."

I crossed my arms. "Oh!"

Patricia rode next to me. "Wait 'til you see the gardens of Tech Duinn. It's not here, but it's Donn's house. A really cool castle with historical representations of every major civilisation that ever was! Did you have fun getting here?"

I chuckled. "Actually, I have to admit that I did. Coming here, expecting to go back to the car was a little disturbing with the disorientation, but all in all; I don't think I ever had a better time."

"Don't you love those circle dances? And that music! I don't think I'm a rock 'n' roll chick anymore," said Patricia.

"Don't blame you," I said.

Donn looked at me. "All right. Now let's go home to the castle. I can shift us instantly and traumatise you, or we can ride across plane sections without a glitch in your perception."

I was confused. "Let's do the latter. How do you do that? From the Phoenix-Scottsdale area to here without me having a clue on how I got here?" We started riding at a walk.

Donn shrugged. "You haven't been in the real, Physical Phoenix-Scottsdale area since a few seconds before we met, and the way of the Etheric Plane; which is where you are, is manifestation. Instant or gradual manifestation of things and environment! I'll teach you how to do it as soon as we get you settled."

"I can do it," said Pat. "It's nice. You can have anything you want in under a second, but then you realise you don't really need anything; so most people realise that stuff is just stuff with no real value."

"Well, we're kind of hung up on artistic merit and have erected tons of monuments, but we can leave it all behind. In fact, we have. The three of us are basically retired and don't live in the Etheric anymore for the most part, but we do come back here every once in a while to take a case here and there just for the Hell of it," said Donn. "We've evolved, and we're not even native to your era anymore. We're Gate Keepers. Some of us have been deified, and called Death gods, not that we deserve it. You can read about us at your leisure, later."

"Yeah," said Pat. "I already read Donn's book series. It's a pretty interesting story. I'm surprised everyone in the series is still together, considering what they put each other through."

Donn chuckled. "Don't spoil the plot too much, as far as our sordid existences went."

"This should be interesting. I was never much of a reader, but there's no time like the present, huh?" I asked.

"Indeed," said Donn.

When we got to where we were going, I was blown away. From Arizona, to Tir na nOg, to an Etheric island way station between life and death I went, on horseback. Not bad. And the digs were incredible. As far as a learning experience went, it beat the hell out of college, no doubt.

Damn, it was great. If I knew better at the time, I think I would have spent all my time cussin' life out for holding me back. But I suppose it was better I didn't know better. After all, life does have its purpose, and I did ask for it before I was born; I found out later.

That only proves those on the Otherside aren't much smarter than those in the Physical. No less masochistic, anyway.





























































Compromise? Yeah, I Did That Once. Oops!





FLASHBACK



I was 16 when we met. He was 21. He was the most gorgeous man I ever saw in my life. An American born Mexican who was half Mayan, and half Spanish! He never laid a hand on me, though he ended up taking me out to dinner every Friday and Saturday. He was from a very rich family, positively brilliant, and was on the verge of graduating college with an electrical engineering degree. He could answer about every question I had, and he explained any math or chemistry problems I had in school so I could understand them. After meeting Rick Saldhana, I aced my math and chemistry classes. He also helped me with my Spanish classes, needless to say.

I don't know why I interested him. I was just a scrawny tomboy in high school. We met when we literally crashed into each other outside of a grocery store, when neither of us was looking where we were going. I'd been running an errand for my mom, and dropped both bags. He helped me pick them up, and ended up taking me into a Starbucks for a couple of cups of latte, and cookies.

Needless to say, he had me spellbound. He was as charming as Hell.

We ended up dating, though I didn't let him meet my parents. They knew about him, but I let them believe he was just another kid; not that it mattered. The only time he touched me; was either to ruffle my hair, give me a gentle sock in the shoulder, or some other innocuous manoeuver of the sort. He was a good Catholic who only believed in sex after marriage. He took his religion seriously, though I had to admit it got kind of hard on me, though I knew better than to try to change the situation. Especially when I was underage.

I'd met Rick's parents. They lived in a huge adobe mansion, and when I came over; I was treated to some genuine, high quality Mexican dinners, made by their cook.

I was 17 when I graduated high school. I had my birthday in late June, and started a technical trade school in July. I was no longer jailbait, but Rick was as well behaved as ever. Eventually, we got married. I was 22, and employed as a lab technician for a disc manufacturing plant. Six years of a platonic relationship with a fox like Rick was a bitch, but it was worth the wait. By now my parents had met him, and they ended up adoring him.

It was great. Rick and I used to run together, work out together, and everything else. I'd moved in with him and his family.

It was a modern paradise. No housework, no rent, no conditions, and we had a lot of privacy. Rick and family didn't even object to me keeping my own name on marriage. Jessica Kay, I remained, though of course everyone called me Jessie.

Everything went great until I was 27. Contraceptive failure. I ended up pregnant.



*****



I absolutely hated kids. I was also on the vain side; and thought pregnant looked repulsive. I wanted to get an abortion, but Rick wouldn't hear of it.

"Look," he told me. "It's my child, too. If you don't want to have anything to do with him or her, I'll hire a governess. I had one of those when I was young. Jessie, I know how you feel; but I don't think I could handle it if you killed our child."

"You have no idea how much resentment is running through me for being in the position I'm in!"

"It'll be over in 8 months. Please. For me?! Do you love me enough? You won't have to care for our child at all. Maybe later you can learn to love him or her. You can also take a few months off of your job. You work way too hard, and could use a little vacation."

Not something I wanted to do. I had a perfect attendance record from day one, and I loved my job. Nevertheless, I relented to having the damn kid. Rick was so persuasive, and I had it soooooo good, as he didn't fail to remind me.

I tried to sort of passively get rid of my little parasite. I worked out harder, ran more, took very hot baths, drank pennyroyal-cohosh-other tea mixtures, and got nowhere. I knew I was poisoning myself, but I didn't care. Apparently I didn't poison myself enough, because I didn't even slow myself down. I must have set the record for low weight gain, though.

I went into labour at seven and a half months, probably because of my attempt at inducing a spontaneous abortion. At least that was a saving grace. A premature baby!

Through everyone's objections, I had myself knocked out. I also refused to be cut. I vehemently declined an episiotomy, and said if I tear, I tear. I had demanded to be sterilised right after labour so this wouldn't happen again, along with an endometrial ablation so I wouldn't go on the rag anymore before I was brought to the hospital with the premature delivery. It had all been taken care of in a prior consultation, and so it would be. One generally didn't get endometrial ablations done right after giving birth, and I was told I'd probably have to get it done again to 'finish the job all the way'; being I'd be hard to work on, but I said all right. Do it anyway. Money talked.

(Yes, I did have to get a second round to complete the goal of the endometrial ablation; and I'd have that done 3 months later.)

I didn't tear. The not-to-term kid was small and easy to get out of me, and when I woke up I found the thing had to be put in an incubator. I was also in a hell of a lot of pain, but I smiled, knowing my self-abuse did at least a little bit of damage to the unwanted brat. I hoped the damn thing would die, and I made no secret of it.

That was the end of the marriage, as far as I was concerned.

After I went home, I demanded my own bedroom; and promised Rick if he ever tried to lay a hand on me again it would be a fight to the death. I withdrew from everyone. I still lived in the house, but I avoided all contact with any member of that household; even the servants. I stayed in my room, except to go to the kitchen for food. If I did run into anyone; I refused to talk to them. I went back to work 10 days after giving birth. I got a lot of compliments on what I looked like, being I hadn't put on much weight. Rick hired a middle-aged lady named Elvira Vasques to take care of the little pain in the butt that I refused to acknowledge.

I wasn't too pleasant to be around. I was chronically pissed, and I didn't hide it. I felt violated. My free will had been interfered with. I was coerced into doing something I couldn't stand, and I'd make the world pay.

Everyone thought it was a phase I was going through. I'd get over it. Well, I didn't.



*****



THE HERE NOW



It's been 5 months since I'd given birth. I felt as homicidal toward that bit of septic waste as ever. A daughter. Maria Saldhana. I refused to have my name hyphenated onto that. I never saw her if I could help it, but I sure as hell heard her. There was nothing so irritating to me as a crying baby. Isn't that what they invented guillotines for?

I think I was going to ask for a divorce. I couldn't stand living here anymore. A luxurious cage which I could break free of any time. I was kind of surprised I hadn't been kicked out for being such a bitch. Perhaps it was only because everyone seemed so ga-ga over my fucking midden pile. The damn screechling recovered quite nicely from my half-cocked attempts of trying to destroy it, unfortunately. I think I've seen the vile brat twice since I gave birth to her. It was accidental, both times.

I had to get out of here. Even if just for a weekend! Or maybe for good. I was so disgusted with myself, and what I'd been through! I felt like I'd allowed my life to be raped. Every time I heard that damn kid scream, I'd be reminded of it. I was so furious I'd blow up the world yesterday if I'd been able to. I felt about as violated as possible, and it was worse because I'd given my consent, however unwilling it was.

I swear I hated myself as much as I hated that kid, and grown to hate Rick.

I ordered lots of monkshood seeds on line from several different vendors. I'd have them delivered to work. No, I couldn't stand it anymore. I'd grown to hate everything to the utmost apex, including life itself. It was October 5. This year's Samhain (I was Wicca, and it worked; considering we'd never discussed religion. We just did our own thing, and accepted each other. I had to admit I enjoyed the family's Mexican Catholic celebrations in the past. They were fun, though for me it was only parties.) was on a Saturday. I wouldn't be coming home the Friday before.

I closed my eyes, and pictured my husband. Still so handsome, and nice, despite how badly I'd treated him since I'd given birth. He never said one bad thing to me, and he told me if I ever decided to give him another chance, he'd be there forever.

Well, I still hated him; but I had to admit I loved what he looked like. The deep black eyes, the jet-black, collar length hair, the smooth tawny skin, the high cheekbones and Mayan nose, the thin moustache, the tall, buffed body. Absolutely gorgeous! And he was damn good in bed. Might as well use him a few times before I did myself in.

I showed up at the dinner table that night for the first time in forever, and acted as friendly as I could be. I pretended nothing had ever happened, and so did everyone else. I hugged my husband, mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister-in-law. I ignored Maria. Everyone knew better than to bring that up. My sister-in-law, Margarita took care of Maria when Elvira was off. It was obvious she loved that little piece of shit, and apparently the feeling was mutual.

I couldn't stand infants. Never could. I thought they were the most repulsive things. I could obviously put on an act that I liked someone, but feigning a love for babies was beyond me. ESPECIALLY my own, who I wanted to do nothing more than wipe out of existence!

When Rick hugged me, brushed my hair back, and kissed my forehead, my hatred almost abated some. I think it would have if that kid of mine didn't choose then to let out a scream.

Still, I hugged him back; and pretended all was as it once was.

"Nice to have you back. I missed you a lot."

"I missed you in some ways, too. I can be such a brat, huh?"

He traced his finger down my nose. "I'm not going to argue, but it's all behind us, huh? And it can't happen again."

I smiled. "I'll try to make up for lost time."

Rick chuckled. "So will I."

We sat down and ate.



*****



Donn, Stefan and Thanatos were reviewing a suicide. (You know, it's so weird writing about yourself in third person.)

"This one's all yours, Stef," said Donn.

Stefan laughed. "If I didn't know better, I'd say this one is me in another life. I also think she's gonna need an intimate moment with her Gate Keeper." He stopped laughing. "That I don't do."

"Don't look at me. I don't play those games anymore, either," said Donn. “I never did with my cases.”

Thanatos sighed. "I think if this case wasn't so damn interesting, I'd just be inclined to leave it for someone else. I know I do what I have to do, but...dammit, I NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH ANYONE before what Macha did to me!"

Stefan leaned into Thanatos. "I really, really needed you like that a long time ago. You kept me from losing it, luv."

"That was so different. Your motivation! What you felt for Donn and me. What you still feel."

"So do we take her, or leave her?" asked Donn.

Thanatos shrugged. "Oh well! I guess Stef and I can deal with her. All part of the game-plan!" He smiled at Stefan. "Are ya with me, ya damn fruit?"

Stefan flicked his wrists. "Indeed. Now, who's the pretty one?"

Thanatos shook is head, and chortled. "How about your nose. Come on, let's time trip back and intercept the little psycho."

"HEY!" exclaimed Stefan. "I'd think the same way if I were in here circumstances."

Thanatos said, "You know what I mean."

"All right. Let's go, but I am NOT sleeping with her!”



*****



I almost changed my mind about killing myself. The last few weeks were absolute heaven. If I weren't so damn tenacious and determined over my dauntless conviction of delivering the truly undeserved retribution on my husband for him goading into having that worthless brat I didn't want, I would have dropped my plans; but getting me to change course in a situation like this is like trying to derail a train with a sewing needle. Once I made up my mind to do something, it was about impossible to deter me. In this case, I couldn't even deter myself. I think that was a matter of pride to the nth degree or something, but that's the way I was.

On the 30th of October, I did not go home. I went to a nice hotel. I brought one change of clothes, the sexiest nighty I had, my 9 packets of monkshood seeds, and a bucket for if I vomited within the hopefully 10 minutes it would take to die. I figured the 225 seed I had would do me in, in about 10 minutes rather than longer; but it was more a hope than anything else. Hey, all my studies of plants didn't help me abort my kid. The hazards of being a dilettante herbalist!

All I knew for sure was the aconite would kill me. I wasn't sure how long it would take, but whatever! As long as I was a goner before checkout time, I didn't care. I knew it wasn't going to be painless, but I didn't care about that, either. Living with myself sure as hell wasn't painless these days.

I went into my room, and looked at the TV schedule. All Riiiiiiiiight! 'Death Takes A Holiday' was on. I hadn't seen that in forever. Great flick. Freddy March was one fine dude, though I did like longer hair.

I think I wanted to really enjoy this. Yeah, popcorn, root beer, Jordan almonds, and what would I order for delivery? Or should I just eat at the hotel restaurant? Yeah, I'd check out their menu later. Maybe I'd order room service.

I dropped my stuff off, and went to A & P Market. I got two 12 packs of Mug, a 3 pack of Orville Rickenbacker popcorn with extra butter, real butter to pour over it, and some garlic powder. I couldn't find any Jordan almonds, so I skipped that. After I walked out of the store, I slipped before I got off the sidewalk. It was like someone had spilled some oil or something, but somebody who was just about to pass me actually caught me before I hit the sidewalk. "Whoah! Easy, there lady." It was some guy with a nice Irish or Scottish accent.

This was strange. Meeting another dude during an accident in front of a grocery store.

"Thanks," I said, and I looked at him. Ripped, faded jeans, harnessed biker boots, tight black T-shirt, lean, buffed, long hair, mirrored shades in wire aviator frames, gorgeous face, and he was all white. Both hair and skin! A real cute red headed dude in a black work shirt, black jeans, and black work boots was standing next to him. The red head had a nose big enough to fill a room, but it didn't matter. He was still a knockout. The redhead also had long hair, and the most stunning, wide turquoise eyes I ever saw in my life. Both of the dudes looked real pretty, rather than handsome! The faces had a strong effeminate touch. "My god, where are you from?"

"We live in Cobh, in County Cork," said the white one. "We got here three days ago."

"Ireland?"

"Aye. We're on holiday," said the red head with a charming smile.

"I'm Jessie Kay. Where are you staying?"

"Howard Johnson. I'm Keith Munster, and my lad friend is Stefan Shannon."

I chuckled. "Pleased to meet you. What a trip! I'm staying at the same hotel! I just got a bunch of root beer and popcorn so I could watch 'Death Takes A Holiday' in style."

"I saw that once," said Stefan. "Great movie."

"I missed that one," said Keith.

I looked at my watch. "It's on in three hours. Wanna do dinner and watch it together?" What did I have to lose? Life? Ha-ha-ha!

Keith looked at Stefan. "Do we trust her enough to not woo us, and kill us, and have us for dinner?"

"I wouldn't dream of doing that," I said.

"All right," said Stefan, who was laughing a bit. "But if you betray our trust, I won't let you pet my nose."

After I stopped laughing, and a "Riiiiiiight!" I asked, "How'd you get here?"

"The plane part, or the bus to the store part?" asked Stefan.

"Bus to store? I got a car. I'll take you back with me. Follow," I said as I motioned them to do just that.

They both got in the back seat when we got to the car, and nestled against each other. Damn, they looked so adorable.

"Do you know Boston?" asked Keith.

"I used to go there, but I don't like it anymore," I said.

"Then we won't ask you to be our tour guide," said Keith.

"I could still do that. I know some of the better parts. Wanna go tomorrow?" I asked.

"Sure," said Keith. "Thanks."

"Have you eaten at the hotel restaurant?"

"Hm hm. Almost like home," said Stefan. "Anglo-Saxon menu. I like Asian food better, though."

"So do I. I love Chinese. Why don't we go to my room and order as soon as we get there?! I'm paying," I said.

"You don't have to do that. We're quite well off," said Keith.

"So am I," I said.

Stefan stroked Keith's nose. I saw it in the mirror. He then said, "Never argue with a cat or a woman. You'll always lose."

"I like your way of thinking, Stef," I said. After what he said earlier about petting his nose, and what I saw him do to Keith; I just had to ask, "So Stefan! Can I pet your nose later?"

"Maybe." The tone of voice he used was histrionic, and hilarious. It reminded me of 'Saturday Night Live's' Church Lady character.

"How long have you been boyfriends?" I asked.

"Hard question to answer," said Stefan. "A long time, though there is a third member to this party back home who's holding down the fort. We're friends first and everything else after."

"Kind of like 'The Three Musketeers'?" I asked.

"Yes, but only different," said Stefan. "We do work together, but in the arts; and not defending worthless royalty."

"What kind of arts?" I asked.

"Everything. Visual, literary, performing! Our Vergil, back home even has a book published; but it's huge so it's in volumes. The Xanon Chronicles. We can get it to you for free," said Stefan.

"What's it about?" I asked.

"It's written like an autobiography of the Irish death god, Donn Ui'Midir. It's a pretty thought provoking phantasy, and it's kinda funny in parts."

"Never heard of Donn," I said. "Sounds good, though." Maybe I'd kill myself next month, instead.

I pulled into a parking spot, and we all got out. We walked in, and headed for the elevator. I went for the top floor. I hated having people over me. I put the root beer and butter in the refrigerator, and Keith sat on the couch. Stefan was still standing when I got to the living room, and said, "I'm going to go to our place and get some tea and cream. Be right back."

"What room are you in?" I asked.

He winked at me. "Just three doors down the hall. We like the view from the top."

"I just hate footsteps over me," I said.

"We're not thrilled with that, either," said Keith.

"Aye," said Stefan, as he walked out.

I sat in the chair perpendicular to the couch. Keith still had his shades on. "You wear sunglasses indoors?" I noticed a strange red light coming from behind them.

"I'll take them off it you don't let my modified eyes bug you."

"Modified eyes?" I asked.

He took the glasses off. His eyes glowed neon red. "Aye. My teeth, too! I used to have a girlfriend who liked her men a little different."

"The eyes are cool. What's with the teeth?"

He drew back his lips to expose a pair of upper and lower fangs. "Had some dental work done. Some people trip when they find out I’m a vegetarian."

"Girlfriend? I thought you were gay"

He shrugged. "Uh, I'm not that particular. It was a long while ago."

"So you're a switch hitter?!"

"Let's not go there. We're just here to have dinner and watch a movie, right?"

"Sure," I said. I hoped I could talk them into staying a little longer. Then again, I'd be giving them a tour of Boston, so this wasn't the end.

Stefan came back in a few minutes with a box of Earl Grey, a pint of cream, a teakettle, and three empty cups on a tray. He'd left the door unlocked when he left, and let himself in. He went to the kitchen, and I heard him fill up the kettle. He then came back to us, and sat next to Keith. He looked at Keith. "Glasses off. I assume you told her of your sordid past."

"Stefan, I told her of my demanding old girlfriend."

"Sordid past? This sounds interesting," I said.

"Jessie, how about ordering that dinner?" asked Keith, moving off the topic.

I laughed. "Stef, are you vegetarian, too?"

"Aye. Not vegan. We still do egg and dairy, as is obvious by the fact I brought some cream over for the tea."

"OK. I'll respect that."

The tea was great, and it was gonna be a tofu kinda night. Steamed rice, mixed veggies with bean curd, snow peas and mushrooms, garlic fried green beans, spicy egg plant, bean curd rice buns, bean curd and broccoli, veggie chow mein, veggie wontons, hot and sour soup, three orders of pearl mango drink, three orders of pearl lychee drink, and extra hot oil and Chinese mustard. It would be more than we could eat, but hey.

During the dinner, I just had to ask, "Either of you have any kids?"

"No," said Keith.

"I don't hate myself that much," said Stefan. "I can't stand the things unless they're properly cooked, so I got fixed when I was 19."

"I should have done that," I said. "Pill failed me once, and I got stuck with a disgusting intruder I didn't want. Daddy didn't want me to get it aborted, and he's hired someone to take care of it; so it could have been worse, but still. I have never been so pissed off in my life, and that anger never went away."

"Want to talk about it?" asked Keith.

"Want to forget about it," I said. “It's kind of hard, though. It happened about a half a year ago, but at least I don't have to deal with the little bastard."

"Why are you staying here, alone at this expensive hotel in one of the most expensive rooms they have to offer?" asked Keith.

"Escape," I said.

"From?" asked Keith.

"Myself. Life. Everything."

"Everything?" asked Keith.

"House, circumstances, husband, and I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if the pill failed me, or if Rick bribed the doctor to give me placebos. I mean, the pill worked for so long, and I never forgot to take one. My husband's a multimillionaire; the Mexicans are pretty family-oriented, so I can't help but dwell on it!

"Everything was so wonderful until that damn pregnancy. Rick and his family are still cool, and I feel kind of bad about the shitty way I've been treating them; but at the same time, I did something I swore I'd never do; and not only do I hate them for talking me into it, I hate myself for allowing myself to be talked into it. I wish I'd gone through with the abortion, anyway."

"And the outcome would have been?" asked Keith.

"I don't know. Probably not good."

"So maybe you did what you had to do to mitigate the circumstances," said Keith.

"But I feel like I've betrayed myself. You have no idea how horrible I feel."

"Don't be too sure of that," said Stefan. "From what I'm hearing, there for the grace of the goddess, I go not. We have an identical point of view on children and pregnancy."

"But you can't get pregnant. You're a guy, right?" I asked.

"Look at me. Was I always?" asked Stefan.

"You had a sex change?" I asked.

"I used to be Stephanie."

I looked at Keith. He had his eyes narrowed, and I think if he bit down on his barely existent lower lip any harder, he was going to draw blood. Especially where his fangs hit him. I looked back to Stefan. "I see."

Keith swallowed. "He's never admitted that to anyone like that before."

"Thank you for trusting me. I'm almost flattered."

"Well, thank you for inviting us in," said Keith.

"And thank you for catching me in that fall," I said to Keith.

"No problem. I was just conveniently available. How much longer for the movie?"

I looked at my watch. "About 45 minutes. I'm pretty full. I can't even start on the lychee drink."

"Same," said Keith. "Let's have it later."

"OK," I said.

Keith cleaned the paper plates and all from the table as I put the food in the fridge, and Stefan proceeded to wipe the table. After we got everything cleaned up, Stefan made us another pot of tea, and we all sat on the couch. Keith sat down first, I sat next to him this time, and when Stef came back; he sat down next to me, after pouring us our tea.

Stef looked over me, to Keith. "Want to check out if Jessie was sabotaged, later?"

"She was. Considering what she told us, I don't think the Saldhana family would have put up with her if she hadn't been. There's the guilt factor, you know? And because Jess had a daughter, they probably would have done it again if she hadn't made sure it wouldn't happen again; hoping for a son the second time around."

"Stirring the pot, are we?" I asked.

"Huh?" asked Keith.

"I'm just getting more and more pissed off. What you're saying just makes so much sense, and I feel like they viewed me as if I were a prize cow or something."

"I don't think so. They probably had quite a bit of respect for you," said Keith.

"They sure treated me well, I gotta admit," I said. "I never had to lift a finger to do anything. It was just work and play. I didn't even have to work, but I like to earn my own keep and leave the option for an out from all circumstances."

"Stephanie Shannon the Second," said Stefan.

"Seems like it," said Keith.

"Interesting. Can we still eat popcorn after that dinner?" I asked.

"No!" said Stefan.

"Neither can I," said Keith.

"That's why I asked. I sure as Hell can't." I said. I looked at my watch again. "I think we can turn on the TV."

"OK."

We didn't say a word during the movie. Not even during the commercials. However, one of my arms went around Keith, and the other went around Stefan somewhere in the middle of the flick. My hold ended up being returned by both!



*****



"That was one hell of a great film. I almost wanted to cry," I said. Actually, I had to fight like Hell to keep from crying. I think I was more depressed than ever, now.

Stefan looked at Keith. "Gods, that movie brings back memories!"

"Doesn't it, though," said Keith.

"By the way, those scents. What are you two wearing? It's great?" I asked. We were still all wrapped around each other.

"Me, Drakkar, Keith, sandalwood," said Stefan.

"Keith, I also can't help notice the way you move. Your grace is kind of uncommon," I said.

"You know that ex-girlfriend with the strange taste in men?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"It's her fault," said Keith. "I did it part time when she was training me how to use a claymore because it turned her on more, and I just took it out of the ring."

"Claymore? Like the sword?" I asked.

"Aye," said Keith.

"Dare I ask?" I asked.

"You can, but I don't think this is a good time to answer. Aren't we supposed to be going to our own room now?" asked Keith.

"You want to?" I asked.

"Shouldn't we all get some sleep for Boston tomorrow?" asked Stefan.

"When are you going back to Ireland?" I asked.

"Monday," said Keith.

I disengaged myself from them. I couldn't handle them leaving so soon. I really ended up liking these two, and they were going away in less than three days. I didn't want them to see me fall apart. My voice cracked as I said, "OK, leave. Also, if you don't mind, I really did have other plans for tomorrow besides Boston. I think I'd rather go back to those. Forget we met, OK?"

Stefan pulled away from me. "Me thinks I should go."

Keith nodded at him, and he left. Keith still hadn't let go of me. He looked at me. "I get the strange feeling I shouldn't leave you just yet.

I looked at him. Those really were the words I needed to hear. I wasn't going to fight him. "OK, stay." I barely managed to not break down in tears. "Now what?"

He scowled, and stroked my hair back. "Face me, and get in my lap."

"As I am?"

He nodded, and closed his eyes.

I did as he requested, and we gently embraced each other. I rested my head on his shoulder, and something very strange happened to me.

I suddenly felt enveloped by a love as I'd never known it! I was at peace for the first time in over a year. I also suddenly became very, very tired.

I passed out in Keith's arms.



*****



Dreams. Strange visions. I saw my husband in them. He looked very haggard, and he was grey with a lot of lines on his still handsome face. There was a beautiful young woman with him who looked to be in her early twenties. She had raven hair, ebony eyes, and her Mayan heritage predominated. It was my daughter of the future.

I saw into her mind. There was a strong twinge of pain caused by the fact that I hated her so much that I killed myself to escape her.

Death walked beside me. He wore a hooded robe, gloves, and carried a scythe. He made me think of 'The Ghost Of Christmas Future', from Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol'. Like Keith, Death also had red glowing eyes, though I couldn't see what the face looked like. The room was dim, and the dark hood obscured his face too much.

I saw into the thoughts of my husband. What I assumed, and what Keith knew about my birth control pills having been sabotaged had been correct, and the consequences weighed heavily on Rick. He had loved me more than anything, and was ready to forgive me anything; including if I'd never lifted a hand to help with our daughter. Having a child had just been so important to him, and though he realised how much I detested them; he hoped I'd change my mind. When I didn't, he grew desperate.

I saw Rick's perspective first hand.

When I looked at my daughter again, I cried. All my hatred for her vanished! A beautiful, intelligent, gentle lady, forever condemned to wonder what it could have been like if circumstances had been different.

I looked at Death. "What have I done?"

He let the scythe drop noisily to the floor, and pulled his hood back. It was Keith. "You poisoned yourself with aconite, 22 years ago."

Rick and Maria didn't react to us. It was like we weren't there.

"But I didn't," I said through my tears.

"You did. It was a horrible death, but I didn't let you retain your awareness of it."

"The last thing I did was to fall asleep in your arms at my hotel room. We watched a movie, and...and. ."

"In reality, you watched the movie. What you remember, and will continue to remember is not what happened."

"Can you let me see what happened?" I asked. I was beginning to get myself under control.

"Thrashing around from the burning pain, then puking your guts out only to have your heart and respiratory system fail? You want to see that? While you know you're clear headed until the end?"

"OK, maybe not. How long did it take?"

"Couple of hours."

"Not ten minutes?"

"You wish." said Keith.

"Why are you here?"

"To make you face yourself so you can come to grips with yourself and everything you did. To help you move on, instead of allowing you to trap yourself in Hell by your own bad decisions." He held out his arms to me.

I stepped into those arms, and we embraced again. "So, death's name is Keith?!" My tone was kind of flat.

"I use that name a lot. You'll find out why, soon enough. The one my mother gave me, and is well known; is Thanatos. I was really first adopted by the Greeks, not the Irish. In fact, Ireland doesn't recognise me in their myths at all. I just sort of ended up there because of that old girlfriend I kept mentioning I had. It's a long story."

I pressed the side of my face against his chest. "You love me, huh?!"

"Yes, but not like in the movie you saw. It's an unconditional, detached love that I feel. I'm not yours, and will never be yours. There are many like you. They stay with me...with us...until they no longer need us. Many think they will stay forever at first, but very few do. Those that do, end up working with us; somewhere out of time, either helping us to take cases like you, or in the arts."

"Do Rick and Maria know we're here?"

"No. They can't see us. We're not on the same side of The Veil."

"Can we go somewhere else? Being here with those two bothers me."

He ran his hand through my hair again. I loved when he did that. "Close your eyes Jess!"

I did. When I opened them again, I was in a beautiful grove of trees, with wildflowers all around. "This is nice. Where are we?"

"Elysian Fields. My true home, but we're not going to stay here for that long. I spend more time at a place in the same realm called Tech Duinn. It's my Irish counterpart's home. An island with a beautiful castle and garden! It's more to my liking, and yours, from what I see of you. He is Donn Ui'Midir, who goes as Vergil Xanon on occasion"

"Are you reading my mind?"

"Your mind is mine."

I ran my hand sensuously down his back. "Can we?"

"Before I took you on, I thought it might be necessary. I don't think so, anymore. No."



*****



I woke up, reclining in Keith's lap. We still had our arms around each other. His head was tilted to the side, halfway on the back of the couch. We were both leaning toward the armrest a bit. He had his eyes closed, his breathing was rhythmic, and he seemed to be asleep.

I looked at his arms. Powerful, smooth without hair, and so damn perfect! I could see his muscle lines under his tight black T-shirt. I dreamt he was death. Thanatos. I also remember dreaming of my husband and daughter in the future.

I ran my hand across Keith's sexy chest as gently as I could, and then got up. I went to the drawer were I'd put the wolfsbane seeds. The packets were torn, and empty. All four of them! "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I said rather loudly.

Keith woke up, sat erect, and looked at me. "Huh? What?"

"My aconite! What happened to my aconite?!"

Keith chuckled. "I already told you that in the dream."

I walked over to him. "You mean that was real? Am I dead or alive?!"

"There is no death. Only transition."

"So, am I transitted, or not?" I petted his nose.

"Maybe," he said with a smile.

I laughed. "So, are you really Death? Thanatos?"

"Is it important?"

"I'll take that as a yes. I'm taking a shower. You coming with me?" I backed up from him.

"I already told you I don't want to go there, though not in those words. You can keep calling me Keith. You like that better."

"Thanks, but why don’t you want to go there, as you say?" I asked.

"I don't like your motivation. I've been used enough, all right?"

"That sounds so chick."

He crossed his arms. "What if our situation was reversed?"

I thought about it for a moment. "You win. I'm still taking that shower, though. I feel kind of scuzzy."

"That, or I can teach you how to clean up without one, not that clean up is really necessary here after you get the hang of what it is to be here."

"Later. Now, I think I'll take a shower, and a little bit more. I might be a while, if you get my drift."

"Fine. I'll wait."

I laughed. "I don't know if I'm gonna love you or hate you."

"You can do both. You've already proven that."

I blew him a kiss, and winked. "Twit."

"I've been called much worse," he said with a smile. My, we said that a lot.

I went into the bathroom, disrobed, hit the shower, and had fun with the hand held shower massage.



*****



After I got dressed, I found Keith on the couch; and he was a bit more conservatively dressed. He was in unripped jeans, a red flannel shirt, and work boots. I sat next to him. "Who is Stefan?"

"An adoptee who's loved my Irish counterpart, Donn most of her Physical life. Only thing is, she originally thought Donn was I, because he's pretty obscure, and I'm not. My name gets around more, you know? Stef, or Kyle as she was known when she was alive, just came across my name first, and assumed Donn had to be me. She sorted it out later, though.

"I've loved Donn forever too, and me and Donn just sort of ended up with Stephanie...now usually Stefan, or whatever."

"He doesn't have a static gender?"

"There is no gender here. Only illusion of gender."

"What about his, her, its nose? Is that for real?"

Keith laughed, and shook his head twice. "That nose is contrived. Stefan built it, but it is as real as real gets around here. We can look like whatever we want, and I swear that nose gets more attention than anybody in the household I choose to reside in. Stefan pretends that nose is an entity in its own right, and that it's the love of his life. It's only a game, but a newcomer might think different. Stef is pretty persistent in it, you know? He even claims to be the High Nostril of The Holey Order Of The Septum."

I had to laugh, myself. "Does this cult have any other members than Stefan?"

"Only in jest. It's just something to say. Stef is pretty funny, really. He's got a wicked sense of humour, not that this is always a good thing. He's been known to really traumatise people. Especially children. Cannibalism jokes are his specialty, and he can pull it off as if he's serious when threatening someone.

"Not to say I haven't been bad a few times. I've also done some damage I really shouldn't have, but I got too personally involved with a few of my cases, and vindicated their deaths in the worst possible way. Only a handful, though!

"Oh, and then there's Percy. Stefan's feline master! Don't ever get on Percy's bad side. Eternity is a long time to rue something."

"Stefan did say something about never arguing with women and cats."

"So he did."

"Keith, I have a question for you."

"Jessie, I have an answer for you. I dressed so seductively in your eyes so you'd invite us to your hotel room to eat, watch a movie, along with the remote hope I'd screw the living daylights out of you. I also materialised the oil spill to rescue you from falling over."

"Why am I not bothered by these abilities of yours?"

"Perhaps because I am of no threat to you, and have only your best interest at heart."

"If you know all about me, why do you ask me any questions?" I asked.

"Because you are more comfortable with it. You're used to it. You wouldn't have it any other way."

"Can you feel what I feel, too?"

"Yes."

"Then how can you..."

He interrupted me. "Jess, wait. Go back to the bedroom. Let me show you what is reality."

I nodded. I stood up, and Keith was right behind me.

I...or rather what had been me, was in my sexy nighty; on the floor. The barf bucket I'd brought was tipped over at the side of the bed, and there was vomit all over the place, including myself. I was very pale, lying on my side. "I can't remember this in the slightest," I said.

"I blocked it from you. It was a nightmare. You really don't want to experience it. Now remember what I showed you of the future."

I shrugged. "Yeah. Rick messed with me so he could get what he wanted. Then there was the price. Not only to him, but the kid I didn't want. I think I'm gonna be proud of Maria, though."

Keith smiled with his teeth apart, baring all four fangs in the process. He held his arms out to me one more time. "Come here, and close your eyes again."

I did. He completely enveloped me in his hold. Slowly, he stepped behind me, giving me exquisite caresses on the way. Man, I was on fire over him before; but now I felt like I was going to explode all over the room.

I opened my eyes. We weren't at the hotel anymore. We were in a bedroom with a canopy bed done up in black satin sheets and lots of covers. There was also a fireplace burning high, and a few torches on the walls. Incense was burning, and there was a vial on the end table nearest to me.

It was pretty cold in here.

Keith led me to the bed close to the end table. I sat down, and picked up the vial. Sandalwood oil. A pot of tea with two cups suddenly appeared out of nowhere on that end table. I recognised the Earl Grey scent. I put the vial down, and poured us both a cup of the stuff.

Keith sat beside me, and untied his bootlaces. "Make yourself comfortable."

"OK, I will."

I disrobed, got under the covers, and worked on my first cup of tea. Keith did the same, and snuggled next to me in the process.

After we finished the pot of tea, I got a gentle all over lube job with the sandalwood oil, and experienced the most refined, and sometimes wildest time I ever had in my life.

It was made clear this would never happen again. At least not the physical aspect of what we did. It wouldn't matter to me, though. The memories would carry me through eternity, even if Keith; or Thanatos really, didn't.

He’d made me see everything I’d done, and everything that had happened to me from a more detached perspective, and it brought me a feeling of closure. Peace. And our one time together showed me that sometimes doing what you really don’t want to do can be worth it.



*****



When it was time for Rick and Maria to pass to my side of The Veil, I was there for both of them. We all had forgiven each other long before we met again for the final time.

















































































Stairway To The Northern Lights





Damn, the price of gas was expensive. Getting towed out of ditches even my four wheel drive couldn't handle a couple of times didn't help either, but such are the hazards of driving to Sitka in the late fall from someone who never left the Santa Barbara area in all her life. Thank the gods I wasn't poor. I wasn't rich either, but I had enough to throw away a few thousand bucks without too much concern for my latest 'art project'.

Yeah, I could be stupid some times. I was only 23. I had that right, didn't I? Hey! At least I had chains on my tires. I even put 'em on myself.

It had been a beautiful drive up here. I loved the remote roads, the clean air, and being away from the crowds. On the other hand, I hated the cold. I wasn't used to it.

Why did such incredible beauty have to always be so damn uncomfortable? Deadly, even! Tsetse flies in Africa, malaria in tropical jungles, high humidity, pernicious desert heat, teeth that bite, claws that scratch, horns that gore. I'd been lucky enough to see a few moose and elk. Not too much else as far as the land animals went, though. I guess I was glad I'd seen no bears. They terrified me.

Having a country split up like the United States was, was stupid and inconvenient; I thought. The paranoia of Canada these days was ridiculous. Thankfully, I was squeaky clean and had no issues, but I'd read about things on the web.

My jeep was loaded with gear for filming both stationary and moving pictures. I was going to spend a week in Sitka, sitting outside at night waiting for Aurora Borealis shots. Maybe I could sell them, or maybe I'd just post them on YouTube or my blog. I didn't know yet.

I'd probably be stuck going the non-profit route. After all, the web was filled with aurora pictures. What were a couple hundred more, or whatever? Especially on digital recording devices! It wasn't like I was going to take grandpa's old Hasselblad 500c to take museum piece snap shots, up with me.

Yes, I was a photography major! Did it show?

I'd found this adorable little bed and breakfast place on the edge of town. It was cozy, modern antique, and had a good place for me to set up my cameras right on the waterfront. I could even watch the skies from indoors; being there was a huge window overlooking that waterfront in the lobby. Considering the frigid temperatures, that’s where I waited with my equipment. When I stepped outside, the staff was only too happy to guard that equipment. Tipping high and buying the checkout clerk random cups of coffee had its merits. Here’s to legal bribery!

Two days of nothing. Or should I say two nights of nothing. Rather long nights they were. Too long to stay awake for the whole duration! I placed a request to be woken up if there was any auroral activity, and the little inn was only too happy to oblige me.

The third night was a winner. I swear I never saw such a beautiful yellow-green, leading to aqua marine colour in my entire life. I activate my tripoded SLR video cam, and started taking shots with my also tripoded Nikon D300 SLR. Man, I was gonna have the hugest collection of aurora shots on the planet.

Did I go home after that? Hell no! I intended to stay for a week, and for a week I'd stay.

Day four was a bomb, but day five was another hit. The winds were high, though. I could only use one camera, being I couldn't just let the video cam roll unattended without the tripod blowing over. I stayed with my Nikon. At the rate I was going, I was probably saturating my diskette. If I didn't run out of batteries first, that is.

I had tough, heavy tripods. The next gust of wind knocked it over, anyway; and there was nothing I could do about it. It almost knocked me over. It was strange, but I was real dizzy for about a half-minute or so, and I had to sit in the snow for a bit before I dared even try to get up.

The wind died down, and...

*****



I stood up, righted my camera, and watched something so weird I couldn't believe I saw it.

The green lights turned to violet. A large rectangle of lighter purple light appeared in the middle of the sky over me ahead, and the aurora froze. I struggled to get the camera ready to photograph this before it disappeared, and suddenly a staircase of a clear and colourless material appeared before me, and it went over the water. It led to the lighter rectangle in the sky.

"Oh my God," I said to myself. "What is this?"

I got set up, and found the battery was dead again. Before I could start cussin' up a storm, someone came up from behind me. A gorgeous blond kid who looked about my age! Or was the hair light red? It was hard to tell in the dim light, but I think it was red. All I can say is he looked like an angel dressed like a rock star, and he wasn't dressed for this weather.

I was in thermals, heavy jeans, two pairs of outer shirts, a combination of leather and knitted gloves that allowed me to operate my equipment, two pairs of socks, heavy boots, two scarves including one to give extra cover to my ears, and a parka. My hands and nose were cold, but other than that it wasn't too bad.

This guy wore a pair of tight fitting, bell bottomed, ripped, and faded blue jeans, a long- sleeved black satin shirt, a silver torc, and a pair of low platform black boots of unknown height. He wasn't shivering, and didn't appear at all uncomfortable. "Greetings, lass. Caught the northern lights on film, I assume?" Oh, what an accent.

"Sure did. Aren't you cold?"

"Not particularly." He then moved on toward the stairs.

I ran after him. "Where are you going?"

"Home. Would you like to come?"

I pointed to the rectangle. "Up there?"

"Aye." He was still walking, and when we got to the stairs, he started going up them.

I looked back at my camera, but this was just so wild. "How far is it?" I asked as I ran up after him.

"About four hours, I imagine. Less if I hurry"

"The aurora is probably a hundred miles up. What is this? This can't be happening, but it is."

"Do you mind if I say it's kind of hard to explain?"

"I'll hate myself if I don't go with you, but none of this makes sense. This is for real, right?"

He smiled. "Neither does the world make sense. It's real, isn't it?"

My heart melted with that smile. So did everything else. "If this is not real, and only a dream; I hope I never wake up."

He stopped and extended his right hand to me. "Do I feel like a dream?"

I brushed my hand against his. There was something there. He was solid. "No. If I follow you, can I ever come back here?"

"No, but why would you want to?"

I chuckled. "You may have a point, provided you don't lead me into Hell."

He placed his right forefingers gently under my chin, "If I did that, you could always kill yourself, couldn't you?"

I had to laugh. It was the way he said it. There was an irony to his voice. I also liked his touch, which didn't last long enough for my taste. "I can't argue. Four hour trip?! That doesn't sound like we're walking up to an aurora, not that we could even breath; that high up."

"You have a point."

We climbed up at a fairly fast pace. Strange, but I didn't seem to be getting tired. We concentrated on our ascent, didn't say much, and what was even stranger is the rectangle of light didn't seem to be getting any bigger, though we were obviously getting closer to it. I was also getting warm, which made about as little sense as everything else since the sky turned purple.

Out of the blue, my companion said, "Marian, don't look back."

How did he know I was just going to look down? "Did I tell you my name?"

"You didn't have to. I'm Donn, by the way."

"OK. And can I ask you what you are, assuming we are not alike?"

"A Gate Keeper. That's one of the nicer terms. Also a telepath."

I laughed. "And you're still letting me walk with you?" Let's say I was not having honourable thoughts about this stone fox.

He stopped, and looked at me. "I'm not going to bed with you. Your phantasies of my seduction are irrelevant." His expression and tone were serious.

How red did I turn? I changed the subject. "OK. Donn, I have to take this parka off. It's supposed to be so cold up here, but I'm getting too warm. I know I'm on the move, but still..."

"You can leave it on the stairs. You won't be needing it again."

"What's going on?! Tell me exactly what my circumstances are!"

"That gust of wind that knocked your tripod over sent you into the water. You didn't last 10 minutes in that cold. I didn't let you perceive what actually happened because I don't think you deserved the experience. I took over your mind and granted you this illusion. You're dead to the world, though death is really just a word for transition. We're more than halfway to destination as we are going. I'd like to hurry up the process, but I see that you would like to finish that journey as is."

I looked up. "Yes, I would. Now why did you tell me not to look down?" I asked as I took my parka and scarves off.

"Because I'd rather you walk up these steps on your own, rather than me have to haul your passed out self up the stairs because your brain couldn't deal with what you saw. You can look down after we are at the top."

"Wouldn't I see something like just being on a high cliff or in an aeroplane, or something?" I dropped the shed parka on the stairs, like Donn suggested.

He looked at the parka, the scarves, and they disappeared. "If you turned around, you would see yourself at the edge of a staircase ending in thin air just a metre below you; and a little more that you are not ready to process. Just keep concentrating on going up like you have been."

"OK, I'll try; though you've got me mighty curious about what you're telling me what not to do. Can you tell me why I feel so warm?"

"What you knew, and what is; isn't the same. Don't worry, though. You might appreciate what you have on now after we get through the portal. Until you make the full transition to where you're going, anyway. The grounds of my place tend to be on the cold side, though hardly arctic."

"Why does the portal look to be the same size from my perspective as it did when we were on the ground?" I asked.

"Let's just say the laws of physics don't apply in the non-physical reality."

I shrugged. "I guess that makes sense."

We slowed down, but at least we were talking now. Donn stopped, and chuckled. He looked up the stairs. "We're being waited on."

I looked up. "We're so far away. How can you tell?"

"I just know. Do you want to run up the remaining steps?"

"I feel like I can, but I feel over dressed for that."

He sighed. "Actually, I must admit I'm a bit short on patience right now. I do have the option of simply transferring us up there."

I didn't want to do that. "Let's run," I said, as I took off.

Donn caught up with me easily.

I was amazed that I could keep up the pace. After a while, I managed to see two individuals standing on the edge of the portal, as Donn had called it. At a distance, I thought it was two men, but as I approached; I found it was a man and a woman.

When I got to the top of the stairs, passing a strange, very thin purple wall of light to enter another land, Donn stood behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Marian, you can turn around and look down now."

I was standing on a stone path with grass, trees and flowers all around me, with a very high, very long stone wall before me. When I looked back, there appeared to be a hole in the ground, and through that hole, I saw Earth from space. Needless to say, I got quite dizzy. "Whoa!"

"You didn't need to see that on the way up," said Donn.

"So I notice," I said. Donn let go of me after he was sure I'd regained my equilibrium, and I looked at the two who were waiting for us. The woman spoke. "I'm Macha, and this is Thanatos. We already know you, Marian Slater. In fact, you are going to be rather well known on Earth for the pictures and videos you took."

I chuckled. "Pleased to meet you." I looked at Thanatos. He looked just like Donn, barring the fact he was as white as snow, a bit taller, and had red glowing eyes. I pointed to both Donn and Thanatos. "Are you two related?"

Donn shook his head. "No. The fact Thanatos looks as he does is her fault." He pointed at Macha. "You can read about it in the book I wrote, after we get settled."

Macha was a statuesque woman who was as tall as Thanatos. She was in ripped jeans, biker boots, and a halter-top. She was also pretty buffed, and you didn't want to mess with her. Ms. Universe, eat your heart out. I'd never seen such fiery hair or such gorgeous green eyes in all my life. I don't think I ever saw a prettier lady, and no; I wasn't gay.

Thanatos was in jeans, a red flannel shirt, and work boots. He was dressed like a lumberjack, but he had such a delicate look to him, the attire looked out of place. The graceful way he moved, made me think he'd look better in something you'd find in the Castro of Frisco, or something; not that I'd ever been to Frisco.

When I looked back at where I'd come up the stairs, all I saw was a stone path. Considering all that happened, I just took it for granted. "Now what?" I asked.

Macha said, "I guess we'll enter the garden, give you a tour of that, go into the castle, get us something to eat; then you can do as you will as you figure out what you want to do with yourself."

I shrugged. "I think I have a book to read that Donn wrote?"

Macha said, "Understood. It will help you understand us, and see how dysfunctional we used to be, before we found ourselves."

"Stefan is still as dysfunctional as ever," said Donn.

"I think he/she/it always will so be," said Macha.

I know he/she/it will always so be," said Thanatos.

"Stefan?" I asked.

"Our token nose," said Donn. "Stefan's quite likable once you get used to it, don't mind it's unstatic gender and lots of cannibalism jokes; mostly involving children.

I scowled. "A nose!"

"Well, he's usually a man; does have a big nose, and is rather proud of it," said Macha. "Now, let's get ourselves on the castle grounds proper."

"OK," I said.

We walked past an open gate through a short tunnel. When we got to the other side of the wall, I don't think I ever saw a more beautiful or peaceful sight in all my life. The garden was huge, and everything so perfect. I loved the torches, and all the fountains and statues. There were tons of gazebos, all so different from each other; and I don't think I ever wanted to leave.

I felt I'd hit paradise, but soon I would find I ain't seen nuthin' yet.

I had to admit, my death was the best experience of my life.

Super Star, Super Nova





I had the life. Jason Pearce was the name, acting was the occupation of choice, and everyone called me Jay. I was 26, one of the most gorgeous men in show biz both in face and form, had a huge hit series filmed in Canada, did a movie every year, and was going to be a billionaire by the time I was thirty, from the looks of it.

Acting was something I've wanted to do since I was a kid. I fought hard to be in all the school plays from age 10. It was in my blood. I had a knack for it.

It wasn't easy. When I was working on my TV series, I spent 18 hours a day on the set with one day off every week. I had to work out to stay as buffed as I was, and that took place on the set between shoots. I did have to sleep some time.

I did modeling, too, of course. That was pretty easy. Just sit, stand, or lie there, with no lines to read or remember. Going through a dozen changes of clothes was a breeze compared to the regimen at the studio.

I resisted the urge to keep myself running on drugs. I knew what a devastating effect they could have, and I wanted to stay in business as long as I could. My career depended much on my looks, and I wasn't going to risk them for destructive hedonism. I knew what my job was about, and I was ready for it.

I was lucky. I had support. My best bud from childhood, Alex Daniels took care of everything for me. If I wanted something, or needed anything done, he did it. He saw to the paperwork for our business transactions, the groceries, made sure my two malamutes had everything they wanted, and he also seemed to make sure I wouldn't have a girlfriend for more than two years.

I didn't call Alex my boyfriend. He was more of a comrade in arms. We worked together to make each other’s lives as easy as possible, and we never fought. We usually slept in separate beds. We had our moments, but we were basically not of the right gender mix for too much of that sort of intimacy very often. We loved each other, but lust wasn't really a part of the deal. Not for me, anyway. Probably not for Alex either, because neither one of us instigated anything more than a couple of times a year, on average.

Of course, I had women, and a few men throwing themselves at me left and right. I didn't have time for them. My work came first, and when I wasn't working; I had to rest. I was never without a girlfriend, but the relationship always got strained and fell apart. I could never give her enough time, and I had to admit I was a bit wary of most women. I never planned on getting married, or having children, not that I could any more. Complicating my life in such a fashion was not on the agenda. I never even let a girlfriend move in with me. I wasn't about to put myself in a position of being sued for support by some predatory fortune hunter. Alex helped me see them all in a more realistic light. Often he'd spend more time with my girlfriend than me, and if she told him any dirty details, I'd hear about it. I'd had my present girlfriend for 8 months, and all was good between us so far, but Lucy was a different sort of woman from those in my more distant past.



*****



One thing that amused me to no end, was the fan mail! Of course I couldn't read it all. I'd hired someone to do that. Two people, in fact! Sheila Navarro, and Frances Day. They'd sort through, and put aside the 20 or 30 letters a week I had time to read. Sometimes I'd even answer them.

Then there were the e-mails. If I got a dollar per e-mail I think I'd be a trillionaire already! I ignored my e-mails. I couldn't deal with them. When you have 8 year olds begging you for a date, something just happens to you. I don't know how to describe it, but that sort of thing really wore my patience out.

There was a paradox to my existence. On top of my line of work being exhausting, I became a deity in the eyes of many. An objectified phantasy that I couldn't, or didn't even want to live up to! Then there were people who wrote to the character I played, as if I were him. That is very annoying, but I had to be nice. A celebrity can't go around telling people what fools they are for worshipping you. Media whores have to bend backwards to maintain their ridiculously high standards of living, all the time. It seems we can't ever step off the stage. Without Alex to back me up, I don't know if I could have stuck with it.

I planned on retiring from television when I was 40. I figured I might do a movie every couple of years, and a cameo here and there. If I still had the looks, I could still model. I figure I had a chance.

I avoided direct sun exposure whenever I could, wore hats and long sleeves or non-toxic sunscreen when I couldn't, ate a mostly vegetarian diet with an occasional cheeseburger, and the only stress in my life was my job. I knew I'd hold out. After all, I had a lot of self-discipline and determination. You needed it in the acting field, but I'd always had it; and it stayed with me off the set, and out of the public eye.

I was lucky to have a fall-winter shooting schedule on the job, and working so far north let me dress right for my mostly outdoor shots.



*****



I'd just finished the season finale. The half a year of life with no sleep. I was resting on top of my bed with Kit and Sasha, my two dogs. They were brother and sister, a quarter wolf, but they were sweethearts. I'd gotten them off a fan in Minnesota who knew I was an animal lover, and who just happened to mention they would have been destroyed, if someone didn't take them.

Sheila gave me that letter. I reacted to it. Me and Alex flew to St. Paul, Minnesota, and came back with a couple of the most beautiful 3 month old puppies I'd ever seen in my life. We took them back to our place in Bellingham by car.

These dogs were basically my children. We'd just had a play session outside, and now I was in the middle, with an arm around each dog. Sasha was resting her head on my midsection, and Kit had his head in the crook of my left arm. Alex came in, carrying a couple of lattes. "Irish cream. I made them myself." He put one on my end table, and the other on his.

"Thanks, sweetheart. You know, I think you're about as close to a wife as I'll ever have." Yes, I was joking. I sat up slowly, trying to disrupt the dogs as little as possible.

"Probably. Can I have a dog?" asked Alex, after he had a sip of his latte.

"Ask the dogs." I had a sip of mine. Damn good cup it was. "This is great."

"Thanks. Made it with half and half. Kit?" Alex patted the side of his bed.

Kit looked at him, and after Alex patted the bed again, the dog came over onto his bed. Alex looked at me as he wrapped himself around Kit. "Lucy is probably going to call today"

Lucy Vasques. My current girlfriend! A Mexican oil heiress who was hotter than hot. Beautiful, but we looked a little strange together. I was 6 foot 4, and she was only 5 foot 3. A delicate looking thing she was, but you didn't want to get on her bad side. Lucy and I had never had a fight, but she told me about some fights she did have. She worked out, had some martial arts training, and a dead-eye aim when it came to throwing things; which I'd seen for myself. Even I didn't want to risk messing with her. Lucy was my favourite so far. Spanish-Aztec warrior queen! I myself spoke fair Spanish, and we often switched language in mid conversation. Having been born and raised in El Paso helped me with that.

"I hope she does call. It would be nice if she could come up in a couple of days."

Alex ruffled Kit's fur, and had another sip of his latte. "The way she bosses me around, I think she should pay me a salary too."

"I'll tell her that."

Alex laughed. "Don't you dare! Anyway, she helps me out most of the time. I hope this woman works out. She's the best so far. I admire her a lot."

"Maybe she will. After all, she's got her own life; and I'm not the centre of it. Another nice thing about her is her aversion to children. She's fixed, too." I'd gotten a vasectomy a month after I turned 18.

"I know. She told me."

"If she can hold out long enough, I might want to settle down with her; but that's pretty far on down the road."

Alex chuckled. "Well, if she doesn't work out, you've always got me."

I had to laugh. "Alex, I love you more than anything. You've never let me down."

"And the same goes for you."

That phone call from Lucy came in minutes. I picked up the landline I had on the end table. "Jay, please."

"Speaking."

"Hola, Jay. Considering your shoot's over, mind if I come up this Wednesday?" she asked.

"Lucy! We were just talking about you. In a good way, of course! I'd love to have you. Missed you when I had time to think about you," I said.

"Well, I'll make sure you miss me a lot more when it's time for me to go again. I have a week. You?"

"I have 6 weeks. Then I'm working on 'Star Gazer.' Unfortunately, that may go on until my show starts up again."

"You have more time off than I have, babe. Running a company no es fácil (isn't easy)," said Lucy

"Go on and book your flight. Tell me when you're due to get here, and we'll come get you at the airport."

"You and Alex?"

“Sí, señora.” (Yes, ma’am. Now did I really have to translate that?)

"If he were a girl, I'd be jealous."

"But he's not a girl, and I'm glad you're not jealous," I said.

"When's he gonna get a girlfriend?"

"I think I'm it, for now."

Lucy laughed. "You so funny. No, seriously."

"As soon as he finds a girl who want him for himself, and isn't conniving to get to me through him."

"Makes sense. I gotta go now. I'll call you with my flight info as soon as I get it. Adios, baby."

"Adiós." I hung up.

I looked at Alex. "Wanna party for a week?"

"Sure. The five of us, right?" He was including the dogs.

"Hell, yeah. We can go to Neptune Beach, run on the sands, have all our food delivered, get some prime lamb roasts and salmon for the dogs..."

"Sasha loves her salmon with lemon-dill sauce," said Alex.

"You're spoiling her."

"Yeah. We want a two bedroom, I assume."

"That, or you can leave for 6 or 7 hours a day."

Alex scowled. "What?!"

"Dude, me and Lucy only see each other for maybe 20 days a year. I don't mess around on my girl. At least not with another girl! What you and me do once in a blue moon doesn't count."

"At least Lucy thinks the same. Wanna make up for lost time, huh?"

"At least." Yes, I'd told her about Alex and my not quite platonic relationship. We had no secrets between the three of us, and we knew where everyone stood. Lucy also knew she'd always play second banana to my job, and no one would ever come before Alex. She dealt with it. She also understood what I went through from personal experience in the world of work. She had to do 80 hours a week on a regular basis, and spend half the year in Mexico City; being the corporate hot shot she was. She was 4 years older than me. She still looked like she was a late teen, though.



*****



The weather wasn't too good on Wednesday. We could have picked Lucy up ourselves, but in this case we chose not to. I just didn’t feel like dealing with the storm.

When I wasn't on the job, I usually drove my own car. I only had limo service when I was too tired to drive, which was when I was working. I had someone take me back and forth between the hotel and the set, and home every Saturday night or afternoon; depending on how successful the shoots were. Retakes were my enemy. When you had a schedule like mine, every hour was precious.

Yeah, I had a couple of mansions. One in El Paso, and one in Bellingham! I wasn't as wasteful as most celebrities. My parents took care of the one in El Paso, and my sister lived there with them. Priscilla was still going to college, and she probably wasn't going to move out even after she graduated. It was free rent, considering the estate was paid for in full. Of course the property taxes were pretty high, but not enough to bother me in the slightest.

We rented a stretch limo. Of course we took the dogs with us.

We didn't have to wait long at the airport. There was only a 15-minute delay. Alex stayed with the dogs, and I waited at the gate. Lucy had four suitcases total. I carried the heavier ones. She let me...this time.

When we went to the car, it was pouring. On the way home, the driver had to pull off to the side of the road twice because the rain came down so hard it was impossible to see. The lightening was so bad it...um...almost...um... OK! I admit it! It didn't quite scare the shit out of me, but it came close.

When we finally made it home, I was relieved. I'd been hugging both dogs most of the way home, and they seemed to appreciate it. They pressed themselves against me, put their paws on me, and all that. I don't know if they were afraid as well, or if they were trying to comfort and reassure me.

Hey! It worked both ways. Dogs are very perceptive creatures, and they knew when I was down or disturbed. They were always there for me.

Too bad I wasn't always there for them. When I was working, I'd only see them three days of the week. Thank God for Alex.

The driver pulled up to the front verandah, and we all got out. Marshall, the driver helped with the suitcases. I gave him $1500.00 cash. Not bad for a couple of hours, I guess. He'd only have to pay taxes for $240.00, but I have to admit I gave him a little more than I originally intended; as hazard pay. After everything was put on the porch, Alex and I took the suitcases.

I unlocked the front door, opened it, and Lucy was expected to enter first. I was old school in how I treated women, provided they weren't radical feminists. I valued my life too much to deal with them.

Lucy Vasques was a feminist, but she was a feminine feminist. To her, feminism meant the right to personal sovereignty, and equal opportunity. It didn't mean she was going to erase what she was to become more masculine. She seemed to delight in what she was, and that was fine by me. After all, I did too. I closed my eyes and smiled at what would happen later this night.

Lucy and I would be taking a guest bedroom.

When she walked in, she asked, "Wow! What did you do to this place?"

"Huh?" I asked as I let the dogs in before me?

"You did a killer job redecorating. In fact, how did you do that to the walls?"

I scowled. I hadn't done anything to the place since she was here over Christmas. I walked in. "Alex!" I put down the one suitcase I was holding.

"What is it?"

"What the Hell is this?"

Alex put his suitcases down, and stepped beside me. "Holy shit!"

Lucy looked at us. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "We didn't do this. This just happened between now and when we left for the airport."

The walls were now of rock, like a castle. The floors were cobbled, the decor...there were tapestries all over the walls, and torches on the walls, and there was a picture of a long haired red-blond young man who was even prettier than I was, on the wall. He was dressed in a black silk tunic, black leotards and boots. I think I consciously decided then and there I was totally bisexual.

Lucy pointed to the painting. "Who is that?"

"I have no idea," I said. "If I did, I might trade you in if you object to me two timing you with him." I meant that as a joke.

"Same goes for you, buster," she retorted.

"Deal, but this is not my house. This is...I mean it looks the same from the outside, but this can't be real."

"I don't understand this," said Alex.

"Man, did the show I'm on just become real, or something?" I asked of no one in particular. My TV hit had a metaphysical theme.

Alex said, "Let me get the suitcases in, and let's figure this out." He went to the door. "JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed.

I ran to the door. "OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Lucy ran to us. "What is...madre santa de Dios! (holy mother of God!)"

The front yard was no longer the same. We overlooked a walled courtyard with fountains and flowers, and a couple of gazebos. I got dizzy and sat on the floor before I passed out and fell. My Kit and Sasha came running up to me. So did something else.

It was a cat. A big cat! It was like a large leopard, but a little stockier and it had very big fangs that looked like they belonged on a sabretooth tiger. It didn't attack me, and the dogs didn't mind it. The cat nuzzled me, in fact.

I heard a voice. "Percy? Where are you?" It was a male Irish tenor. I didn't have any Irish household servants, so I was a bit confused not only by the change in my surroundings, but by the unfamiliar voice in my house.

The cat roared.

"Coming. The newcomers have arrived, I'll guess." A man walked into view. He looked sort of like the man in the painting, only he was white as snow, and his eyes glowed red. He walked over to us. "Jay, are you all right?"

"Uh, not really. I'm a bit light headed, but what happened?"

He came over to me, took me by the hand and pulled me up like I weighed 20 pounds. (About 9.1 kilograms, for those who don't like U.S. measurements. I wish those idiots across the pond would get over it and go metric like the rest of the world so I don't have to think so much on what I should write. Sheesh! What have I missed in all my writings even with multiple edits?!) He then held on to me, to make sure I wouldn't go down. "Let's get you on a couch."

He was a little shorter than me, had a somewhat slighter build, but he seemed quite a bit stronger than I. "Come on, you guys," he said to Lucy and Alex.

He led me down a totally unfamiliar hall, to a couch in front of a lit fireplace. He helped me situate myself, and said, "Maybe you should all sit down."

Sasha jumped on me, Alex sat sat to one side of me while Kit sat by him, and Lucy seated herself by my other side. Suddenly three full hot cups of some nice scented coffee offshoots appeared before us. The man pointed to them, as he identified them. "Irish cream latte for Alex, raspberry latte for Jay, and espresso for you; Lucy."

It was just what I wanted. "OK," I said. "What's happenin'?!"

"Man, this took a bit of doing to get you all here together; but your car got hit by lightning. Everyone got fried. I just didn't let you know about it. You're a pretty beautiful set of individuals, and...oh yeah. I'm sorry.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Thanatos. I was adopted by Greece to represent Death, and dead you are to where you were before you got here; but obviously you aren't dead to yourselves. Just to those you left behind. I gave you the illusion that you were never struck by that bolt of lightning, and just let you think you walked beyond The Veil that separates my world from what used to be your world.

"You are in a place called 'The House Of Donn', and Donn is the dude you saw in that picture that every one of you is smitten with. Jay and Lucy, no you will not trade each other in for him; because none of those here would have any of you like that, if you don't mind."

I looked at Lucy. "Oh my."

Lucy looked at me. "Parece que el hombre es telepático." (It seems the man is telepathic.)

Thanatos smiled. Nice fangs. "Y hablo español. De hecho, hablo todas las idiomas. También, no soy un vampiro. Los colmillos son cosméticos solamente." (And I do speak Spanish. In fact, I speak all languages. Also, I am not a vampire. The fangs are cosmetic only. End of translation! Man. Now I'm giving Spanish lessons. Aren't I nice?)

Lucy picked up her espresso. She had a sip. "I never had an expresso this good before. Also, now what?"

Thanatos sat in a chair to the front side of us. "Thank you. Well, after you all get over your initial shock, you can play here for a while, get yourselves sorted out on what you all want to do with yourselves, and do it. You're all pretty evolved, and you have no further use of Physical Existence; and it would have been such a tragedy to split the five of you up, so I interceded myself into what was to be; and changed it a little bit. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," said Alex. "It was rather sweet of you."

Three more people came into the room then, with the red-blond one in the black silk tunic included. The other two were an astoundingly gorgeous, tall, pretty impressive looking red headed woman, and a darker red headed man with one hell of a beak. "Cool. You got them all," said the red headed man with a nose I will never forget in my life...er...existence.

The one in the tunic said, "I'm Donn, the lady's Macha, and the nose is Stefan. Pleased to meet you all." Another Irish accent!

Lucy laughed, and looked at Stefan. "¿Usted es una nariz?" (You're a nose?)

"Sobre todo. (Mostly.) I mean it does seem to take up most of my body weight."

"In your dreams," said Lucy.

"Hey! Them thar's fightin' words," said Stefan, struggling very hard not to laugh.

I think I was liking this! I smiled. "I'm betting on Lucy. I've seen what she can do, and I'd concede before anything started."

Stefan flicked both wrists and his accent went totally Irish-gay. "Then I suppose I should be wise to do the same. Concede before anything starts, that is."

"Wise choice," said Thanatos. "Now how's about a welcoming feast for our new guests?"

Yes, I was definitely liking this! Especially after I finally had my first sip of that latte.

It seems we died and went to a place beyond heaven, as far as I was concerned.

It took us all a while to stop laughing after Percy jumped up between Lucy and I from behind the couch, while informing us, 'I smell a couple o' critter lovers. So move over, let me in, and start coddling me, dammit.'

































































































Dresden





Stefan found Thanatos sitting in the shade next to a cave, with his eyes closed in the Elysian Fields. "Than, are you OK?"

"Just reviewing history."

Stefan tuned into him "Dresden, huh?"

"Aye."

"And Winston Churchill was knighted for slaughtering the half million defenceless people that were so way under-reported, as far as the death count went?!"

"He did more than that, but that's war. Amazing, huh?"

"Totally. You're contemplating looking for a case, I see," said Stefan.

"Hm hm. A Fritzi Kaufmann caught my attention. A twenty year old lassie."

Stefan scowled. "Fritzi. Gods, they do have some names."

Thanatos smiled. "They? You are one of them, considering Germany was your last place of birth."

"If I didn't hate life so much, I'd contemplate going back just so I could say I was genetically Irish or Scottish. Before England screwed them up, of course."

"Of course."

Stefan looked down. "Would England have done less damage without the corruption Rome?!"

"Physical existence was never meant to be fair. Trial and tribulation is the way. People did obnoxious things everywhere. Aye, Rome was good at screwing up the world; but if it weren't Rome, it would have been some other nation. Tribes have terrorised each other from day one. Even your dear First Nations folk, and since when did the ancient Irish live in peace?"

"Never mind. You doing this alone?"

"You want to see people melting in the streets?" asked Thanatos.

"I already saw 'The Devil's Rain' when I was a kid. I guess not."

Thanatos laughed. "Stefan, did anyone ever tell you that you were one sick puppy?"

"Woof."

"It's so much fun to know you have the power to stop this crap, but you're forbidden from using it."

"I'm glad I'm not you," said Stefan.

"Dude, so am I. But you know something?"

"What?"

"I think you can help me. I also want Donn, Kev, Deliah, and Sylvia. You guys can take Papa Leon, Mama Hannah, Brother Jan, and Sister Sophie. Sylvia will hold down the fort, and as for the rest; the dudes can take the dudes, and the chicks can take the chicks. Keep the family together, and provide a nice surprise for everyone."

"That sounds great. Dudes and chicks, huh?"

"Thank you, Steffie-poo. That's your fault. You’ve corrupted my way of speaking to a fault."

"Any time."



*****



Dresden.

A beautiful, seven hundred year old city of no military importance! A cultural centre! It hadn't been touched since the beginning of the war, and everyone thought it would remain so.

It became a city of refugees, then a city of devastation. In reality, Fritzi Kaufmann was burnt up in the worst possible way; melting into the asphalt in her grey and black dress, heavy winter coat, mittens, cap, thick tights, and pumps. She would have no memory of that.

Thanatos time tripped back to the moments before her death, took over her mind, and what she would perceive.



*****



Fritzi was looking up from the street just as the air raid sirens went off. She was confused, and had no clue on what was about to hit. She wheeled to the sound of hoofbeats right by her.

Fritzi saw that a strange, snow-white man, with long, snow white hair, on a horse of the same colour had ridden right up to her. The man's eyes, and the eyes of the horse glowed red. She was too shocked by the sirens to be terrified by the vision next to her, as she might have been under other circumstances. The planes coming in overhead were also a distraction enough to scramble the thoughts of her brain that was multi-tasking more than it should.

She couldn't have heard the man through all the noise, but she got a calm, distinct "Kämpfen Sie mich nicht Fritzi, sonst der Überfall tötet Sie."

Oh yeah. English. That was basically, "Don't fight me Fritzi, or the raid will kill you."

The horse had a halter, and a riding harness, but no saddle. That made it easy for Thanatos...uh...who was going as Keith for this one, to take a weird half mounted position on the side of the stallion to scoop the lady up; and drag her onto the horse in front of himself. Five seconds later, the incendiary bombs started falling.

Now, Fritzi screamed.

"It's OK," yelled Keith. "We'll be all right." The stallion, Gilgamesh ran at a fast gallop that wouldn't slow until they left the city behind them. The horse ran through flames, but Fritzi didn't feel it. She was too overwhelmed by circumstances to even think about questioning the anomaly.

On the way, Fritzi was dimly aware of the people dropping over, having been suffocated from the fire sucking in all the oxygen, and also the people on fire. Having the asphalt boil beneath you was one of the worst ways to go, but Fritzi wasn't too concerned with what surrounded her right now. She was in partial shutdown mode from too much sensory stimulation. Some things would not register. The main thing Fritzi was aware of; was a very strange looking man had taken her out of the flaming carnage on an equally strange looking horse. For this, she was grateful, but what were the man's intentions?

Whatever they were, could they be any worse than what could have happened to her had this person not rescued her from the firebombing?

Eventually, they came to a stop.



*****



"Thank you, but who are you?" asked Fritzi of the man.

"Keith Munster."

"Fritzi Kaufamnn. Pleased to meet you, but what's going on?"

Keith dismounted. "Dresden is being destroyed by the United States and the United Kingdom."

"But why?" asked Fritzi as Keith helped her off the stallion. "We're no threat. We were told Dresden would never be bombed. We also have a lot of refugees. Helpless refugees."

"They will say to demoralise your people. I'd say a bit of sadism of the military powers is a motivator. This incident will live in infamy, not that that's any help to the victims."

"Why did you take me from this?" asked Fritzi, waving her hand over the fiery city."

"I could only take one on the horse, and you were there."

"But my family was left behind, and what am I going to do now? How am I going to survive?" There were tears in her eyes.

Keith smiled, but he kept his lips together. "I wouldn't have rescued you to feed you to the vultures."

"And you look so strange. Like a daemon, yet like an angel."

"I'm neither. I've just had a few things done to me. My teeth, too." Now he flaunted his fangs."

"And your horse? His eyes?"

"It was an easy operation, and I'm rather vain. We do look good together, no?" asked Keith.

"Very," Fritzi admitted. "He's the most beautiful horse I've ever seen." She didn't tell Keith she thought the same of him, as far as men went. "What do you have on the horse?"

"A stunt riding harness. It's more comfortable for both of us, and it's easier to diversify my riding skills with that than a saddle. Remember when I picked you up?"

"Yes."

"I could have done it with a saddle, but that wouldn't have been comfortable with two riders. Less weight for Gilgamesh to carry, too," said Keith.

Fritzi went up, and stroked Gil's nose. "You use no bit, and it hurts me to walk now. I'm sore from the ride."

"He only wears a halter. He doesn't need a bit. It's not comfortable for the horse, and if the animal is well trained; you never need one. I think you should get on him again, until we get to where we're going."

"Can I?"

"Sure." Keith cupped his hands to give Fritzi a leg up.

Fritzi accepted Keith's help up, and was soon sitting on the stallion alone. "Where are we going?"

Keith looked up to her. "A sanctuary. We also have to keep ahead of the Red Army. The carnage they leave behind is just as bad, for many of their victims are left alive to deal with what was done to them."

Fritzi closed her eyes. "I heard."

Keith looked at the city again. "This is almost as bad as the destruction of The Library Of Alexandria." He couldn't have done anything about that, either. All that information lost to humanity. And then there was what The Vatican was sitting on, in Fritzi's time. Keith actually bared his fangs, and hissed.

"I think this is worse," said Fritzi.

"It's close," said Keith. "The lost lives and suffering are bad, but when one moves on; they are gone from here and go to some place else. Another realm, for the soul is eternal. The city will also be rebuilt, but the destroyed knowledge is gone here forever to all that came after."

Fritzi looked down at Keith. "I guess if you're detached from the situation and see the whole picture, you're right; but I was born here. I've lived here all my life. I have no idea if my family or any of my friends will survive this. It's almost a curse to be the only one to come out of this."

"I can understand. Let's go a little faster."

"You want to ride?"

"No. I can run for a few kilometres. Let's go, and don’t kick Gil. Just let him do what he wants."

Keith broke into a fast run, and Gilgamesh cantered beside him.



*****



Fritzi was pretty impressed with Keith's stamina. She had no idea how fast they were going, but Keith wasn't slowing down, and Gil wasn't getting winded. They could still see the fire when they turned up a little side road toward a cozy, traditional German looking two-storey house. The lights were on, and smoke was coming out of the chimney. "This is your house?" asked Fritzi.

Keith and Gilgamesh slowed to a walk. "Not really. We can rest here for a while, but we'll have to move on. We can eat here, sleep for the day, and leave by nightfall after everyone gets back."

"After everyone gets back?"

"There will be a total of eleven of us, if everything goes according to plan," said Keith.

"How will we get out, though? Other cities have been bombed, and there are soldiers everywhere."

"We have a plan. It can't fail."

"But even if you have a plane...it can get shot down, and I don't know how else we can get out of here fast enough," said Fritzi.

"Not a plane. Just wait a day."

"All right. What about your horse?"

"The horses come with us. Let me help you off, you walk to the door and tell the lady you're with Keith."

"What lady?"

"Sylvia. A lady I work with."

"OK."

Fritzi waddled to the front door, and knocked. A beautiful blonde lady answered. "I'm Fritzi Kaufmann, and I'm with Keith. He rescued me from the fire bombing."

"Come on in and have a seat. Would you like some tea, coffee, or wine?"

Fritzi smiled. "After what I've just been through...no beer?"

Sylvia chuckled. "No, but I have a delicious sherry."

Fritzi was led to a chair in the living room, and sat down. "That would be fine. That's one of my favourite wines."

"All right. Let me get some, and I think I'll be joining you."

Sylvia left, Fritzi heard a cork go off in a minute, and Sylvia returned with two glasses, and a bottle. Sylvia filled both glasses, put the bottle down on the coffee table, gave a glass to Fritzi, and sat across from Fritzi in another chair.

Fritzi had a sip. "Yes, I do like this as much as a good beer."

"Excellent vintage. I'm glad you do. I also have dinner almost ready. Stuffed cabbage rolls, mushrooms in cream sauce, green beans with dill, potato salad, and onion cake. Apple strudel for desert with vanilla ice cream. I made a lot, because I'm expecting a big crowd tonight."

"That's a real feast. Who's coming?"

"My adopted family. Of course there will be Keith, and Vergil Xanon, Kevalyn Foster, Deliah Nebenzahl, and Stefan Shannon."

"Interesting." None of the names were German. "And the rest?" asked Fritzi.

"Whoever they find. Like Keith found you."

Fritzi had another sip of sherry, and swallowed again. "I might cry any second. I lost my whole family."

"Did you?"

"My parents, and my little brother and sister. I saw the streets on fire by where we lived. I don't see how anyone could have survived that. I almost wish Keith had left me."

"Let's wait for verification before we jump to any conclusions. Miracles do happen," said Sylvia. "We can go back later and see who's left alive."

Fritzi shook her head, and had another sip of her wine. Her voice cracked. "I was pretty out of it when Keith got me, but looking back on it; I don't think so. There’s no way my family could still be alive."

Sylvia stood up, came over to Fritzi, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Fritzi, I don't know what to say."

"I don't think there's anything to say. What's happened; has happened. It's done. I'll just have to figure out how to pick up the pieces, but I don't even know what's going to happen to me after I leave here."

"You'll be with us for a while. For as long as you want."

Fritzi looked up to Sylvia. "Welcomes get worn out. I know better. We had some people stay with us who we took in. It was the right thing to do, but it was stressful and annoying some times."

Sylvia gave a wan smile. "Like my ex-husband."

Fritzi smiled. "Thanks. That was funny."

"A little bit."

"Sylvia, can I ask about the eyes and teeth of Keith?"

"Not natural. They sure look good on him. The eyes look good on Gilgamesh, too."

"Keith is very handsome, or should I say pretty? His horse is beautiful, too.”

"I can't remember seeing a more beautiful man myself, but what's strange is that Vergil looks almost exactly like him. The difference is Vergil has light red hair, pale skin, black eyes, and he's a bit shorter. Keith is pretty tall."

"Were his eyes pink before the operation?"

"I never saw him any other way. You’re going to have to ask him.."

"If I ever get up the nerve, but I probably won’t. He looks like something out of a moving picture, or something."

"You like him, huh?"

"Is he married?"

"No, but he's in a relationship. Very devoted," said Sylvia. Though Keith was the only one left of us who did occasionally get intimate once with his cases in a conventional sense if circumstances made it necessary. That wasn't the point, though.

Just then Keith walked in, from the back way.

Fritzi wiped her sleeve across her face, and finished her sherry. "Oh well."

Sylvia sat down again. "Speak of the devil."

Keith looked at her. "Talking about me?"

"Of course," said Sylvia. “After all, you are rather interesting.”

Keith said, "I suppose so. I'll be right back after I make myself a cup of tea."

"I just opened a very good bottle of sherry," said Sylvia.

Keith wrinkled his nose. "Not something I'm in the mood for right now. The situation is just a little too critical. No one else here yet?"

"No," said Sylvia.

"Did you know this was going to happen?" asked Fritzi of Keith.

"Yes, but I couldn't do anything to stop it."

Keith reflected on the other German cities that got plastered in bombing raids of the war. Berlin, Cologne, Dortmund, Dusseldorf, Essen, Frankfurt, Hamburg, Leipzig, Munich, Bochum, Bremen, Chemnitz, Dessau, Duisburg, Hagen, Hannover, Kassel, Kiel, Magdeburg, Mannheim, Nurnburg, Stettin, and Stuttgart. That was quit a list. Then Tokyo was going to get plastered in a couple of months on Fritzi's timeline. Keith almost wanted to cry himself, but that's the way it was.

"You couldn't have warned anyone?" asked Fritzi.

"No. I'll explain everything later." He came to her, ruffled her hair, and said somberly, "Promise. No later than a day! Now, I want some tea."

"OK."

Keith walked out.

"He's very nice," said Fritzi.

"I'll have to agree with that. Very helpful! You'd be amazed at a lot of the things he's done. Now I'm going to have to go to the kitchen too. Would you like to come?"

"Sure."

Sylvia had the remaining two sips of her Sherry, and got up. Fritzi followed her.

As soon as they both entered the kitchen, Fritzi heard the front door open. A call came. "I found one. An entree named Jan."

Fritzi's ears perked up. That was the name of her little brother.

"You promised you weren't going to eat me!" screamed an older boy.

That even sounded like Jan. Fritzi ran out to the living room. By God, is WAS Jan.

"Jan! You survived!"

"Fritzi!"

They ran to each other, and Fritzi and her thirteen-year old brother embraced. "Thank God I didn't lose everyone!" Fritzi looked to the handsome red headed man with a big nose. "Did you threaten to eat my brother?"

The red head winked. "I tend to tell the younger generations I consider them food products until they're sixteen. It is in jest, of course."

Fritzi scowled. "That is not nice."

Stefan smiled. "I can do a lot worse. Trust me. I have. You're Fritzi Kaufmann?"

"Yes. This boy's oldest sister! Keith brought me here."

"Jan wouldn't stop talking about you or Sophie. Stefan Shannon, at your service. If I say anything too outlandish or anti-social, don't take me seriously. I have a very morbid sense of humour."

Keith came out. "Good timing. Dinner's ready. And Stefan, as for that morbid sense of humour; can you put it on hold for just a day or two? I think these two have been through enough.

"Oh, I suppose so," said Stefan. He raised his voice for Sylvia. "Shall I set the table?"

"Please," said Sylvia. "Full service, and three settings for the kitchen in case everyone makes it back with a find."

"OK."

Stefan went to work, while Fritzi and Jan hugged each other again.



*****



Sylvia was dishing out some potato salad when some more hoof beats were heard.

"Looks like somebody else made it back," said Keith. He got up from the table. "I wonder if they..."

A scream interrupted him. "SOPHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" It was a woman.

Fritzi and Jan looked at each other. "It couldn't be!" said Jan.

Fritzi stood up, and ran past Keith, to the front door.

A black pony was coming to a stop in front of the house, and he had two women on him. A

beautiful raven-haired woman, and an older teen were riding him! There were two other ponies, a red headed man who looked a lot like Keith, a beautiful, slender, tall red headed woman, Leon, and Hannah Kaufmann, who were Fritzi's father and mother. Sophie, Fritzi's younger sister was in front of the raven-haired woman.

Jan ran out of the house.

Sophie and the raven-haired woman dismounted! "We all made it!" exclaimed Hannah, and everyone ran together for a family-embrace.

Keith, Stefan and Donn looked at each other. All three raised their fists simultaneously in a sign of victory. Deliah and Kevalyn looked at each other, and chuckled.

"Looks like we have a nice little family reunion here," said Kevalyn. She telepathically sent to Donn. 'When do we tell them what really happened?'

'After dinner,' Donn sent back.

I’m Rich, I’m Famous, I’m Good, And I Hate My Job





Damn, how much longer could I take this? I worked so hard to get to where I'm at, but I just couldn't stand it any more.

I looked at the project I just finished. It was a cougar. A beautiful, innocent cougar that was shot for the sake of becoming a stuffed household decoration!

I took care of a couple of living house cats. A black one named Onyx, and a slate grey one named Forsythe. I just couldn't help but think of them while I was working on this mountain lion.

When I was a kid, after I saw some stuffed animals at a museum; I wanted to become a taxidermist. That passion never left me, until recently. I'd been doing it for thirty years, and feeling mighty guilty over it at the moment.

My clients were very wealthy. They had to be for the prices I charged, but they were killing animals for the sake of a trophy. They were killing them to get my services. I wondered if I should just quit, and get into another line of work. At fifty-two, how easy would that be?

Oh, whatever. Now I just wanted to get drunk.



*****



Stefan looked at Donn. "Damn it. It takes some people forever to wake up."

"Tell me about it. I'm still waiting for you to do that in some respects."

"Well, I'm never going to stop bitching about the existence of the Physical Realm, the cannibal humour will never end, and is there a need to say anything about mushroom testers?!"

"CHILDREN! Gods above and below, Stefan! It's just an act that I wish you'd knock off. It's not real, and everyone knows it. All the kids you take on end up thinking you're the coolest thing since hydrogen slush."

Stefan chuckled. "Thanks, but don't you ever tell anyone."

"I'm just glad most of them know you're kidding when you call them 'unprocessed fajita meat'."

"I'm not, but are you taking Dan Tiburon yourself; or do you want my help?"

"I think I better do this one alone," said Donn. He smiled. "Or better yet, with Percy."



*****



Irish Cream! I loved it, and usually added an extra shot of whiskey to make it stronger. I put on my DVD of 'Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!' and filled my glass. Onyx and Forsythe were snuggled up next to me on the sofa, and they'd get stroked until I los consciousness.

When I got drunk, I just went to sleep. Alcohol was simply a sedative for me, on top of being a thing to numb my mind. After my second drink, I wouldn't care about anything. I'd take it slow, though. I wanted to watch the movie.

Tura Satana was the woman of my dreams. At the time the movie was made, anyway. She was always a bit old for me, being she made this movie when I was just a kid, but after I read up on her, my respect for the actress knew no bounds. I never met anyone remotely like her, and my ex-wife sure was a let down. Joan had been nothing but a fortune-hunting user who ended up spending my money faster than I made it. That marriage lasted not quite three years, and made sure I'd never marry again. It was an expensive lesson.

What a lady Tura was, to have survived and surmounted all that garbage she'd had to deal with. The world needed more women like her, but that was in my dreams.

I concentrated the best I could on the movie, as I slowly went through my 'enhanced' bottle of Bailey's. By the end of the movie, I'd poured my forth glass. I was on the verge of passing out, and pass out I did, careful not to land on the cats.

*****



When I woke up, I was surprised I didn't feel too bad. I'd never had that much to drink in such a short time, and three glasses was generally my limit. I'd thrown that up before, and I rarely had more than two. Onyx was lying on my midsection, and Forsythe was sitting on the coffee table. That, and there was something that made me wonder if maybe I shouldn't have had that forth glass.

There was a cougar on the floor between the coffee table and the television. She looked like the project I just finished up, but she wasn't in the snarling attack position I'd put her in when I stuffed her. She looked like she was asleep.

I was too stunned to scream. I put Onyx next to Forsythe.

I recovered myself enough to walk to my studio as quietly as possible.

The stuffed cougar wasn't there.

I covered my mouth. What the hell was going on?

I went back to the living room. Both Onyx and Forsythe were investigating the cougar, who was no longer asleep.

The mountain lion was lying there, looking at my cats. When she noticed me, she just looked at me; and continued lying there.

The dark glass eyes were gone. Her eyes were a hazel colour with black pupils. She made a soft snarling sound that didn't seem very threatening.

I didn't know what to do. I just sat down again on the sofa.

The big cat acted pretty tame. Was I supposed to open up a couple of cans of tuna for her, not that I had any delusions about that being a meal for a creature of her size? Maybe check out what other fish or meat I had in the freezer? I knew you didn't feed them commercial cat food, though mine did get the best food available.

After a few minutes, I got up and slowly approached her. She made no move. I got in front of her, and put my hand in front of her nose. She sniffed it, and made another soft snarling noise.

"Well, hello to you too."

I scratched her behind the ears, and she tilted her head. I swear she was smiling. She stretched, got on her feet, and pressed herself into me like Onyx or Forsythe would. I was big enough not to get knocked over. She wasn't the largest specimen around, for her species.

The reality hit me full force. My stuffed cat had come to life. Only that wasn't possible in my world. I must still be out cold, having the most lucid dream of my life. This had never happened to me when I was drunk before, but hey! There was a first time for everything.

I stroke her back. "Want to come into the kitchen with me, and see if I can find you something to eat?"

Of course she didn't say anything, but strangely enough; she did face the kitchen, and took a step toward it.

I got up, and the cougar and both of my cats followed me. I went through the cupboard, and found two cans of tuna. I opened one, and put the fish on a plate. I put the plate on the floor, but no one seemed interested in it. I was glad I hadn't opened the other can.

I picked up Onyx, and put him on the kitchen table. I didn't mind where the cats went. Sometimes we ate together, all three of us on the table; with each cat having his own bowl, or both eating from the same plate if I cooked a fish steak or other seafood for them. They'd get seafood meant for people three or four times a week. They loved salmon, shrimp, scallops, lobster, and ahi tuna. They had gourmet tastes.

I put the tuna in the refrigerator for later. Next I put a bowl of water down, and then I emptied my cream container that had been meant for my coffee. No one showed the slightest indication that they wanted anything.

Well, I might still use that cream for my coffee.

I went back to the sofa, and all three cats joined me. The cougar fit all right. Perhaps she weighed ninety kilograms, if that.

The cougar acted like a house cat. Needless to say, I paid her a bit more attention than Onyx or Forsythe, though I was petting all three.

Cougars can purr, and it was loud. It was also music to my ears, but I couldn't keep her here. It was a matter of state regulations. But on the other hand, I must have still been asleep, and still dreaming. My taxidermy projects cannot come to life. The world just didn't work like that.

Just then, the doorbell rang. I looked at my watch. This time of night?! What the Hell?! It was close to 3:00 am. Yet it was a dream, so it was all right. I hope.



*****



I went to the front door, and looked out the small window I had. I saw no one. I turned, but the bell rang again. I looked out the window again, but still there was no one. "Show yourself!" I yelled.

An Irish accent said, 'I'm below your line of sight. Please let me in. You have a cougar with you, right?' It was a man's voice.

"How do you know this?!"

'I've got a nose, and I know how to use it. Please let me see her. I promise I won't hurt you.'

"Back away from the door. I want to see you," I hollered.

I heard something fall against the door. 'OK, you should be able to see me.'

I looked again. He was black, had a shiny wet nose, and very long fangs. He also looked very feline. "This can't be happening! A black sabre tooth tiger is talking to me?"

'Dude! Cats can't talk. I'm sending you my thoughts mind to mind. Pleeeeeeeeeease let me in? It's cold out here. I promise you will not become my lunch, and I will be careful of your furniture. I won't shred the carpet, either. I'm also house broken, though you won't need to worry about that.'

I shook my head in disbelief, and said. "OK. Get down so I can open the door without you falling, since it opens inward."

'OK. Go.'

"Here goes."

I opened the door, and he came in.

'I'm Percy Shannon,' he sent to me. 'I can read you, so I already know you're Daniel Tiburon; born Daniel Rogers before your name change.'

He had a long tail, and he was too light and had the wrong build to be a sabre tooth tiger, but he didn't look like anything I'd ever stuffed. "So you know me inside and out, huh?" I asked.

'Yes, and you're wondering what I am. I am what you'd get if you crossed a sabre tooth with a leopard. Now where is my sweet lady cat?'

I started walking to the living room. "Follow me. She's on the couch. This is a pretty interesting dream, you know? My stuffed cougar comes to life, and a telepathic sabre cat comes to me door demanding to be let in? I gotta have some more of that fortified Irish cream, if this is the result."

'If you say so.'

When we got to the living room, Percy went up the cougar; and they nosed each other. The cougar got off of the couch; both big cats sat in front of the TV, and started grooming each other. Onyx and Forsythe, who were still on the couch, started doing the same thing to each other, as well. It was all pretty cute, and I had to laugh.

"Percy, can anyone else send me their thoughts?"

'Mmmmmmmmmm. Not as intrusively as me. When you open yourself up, you can pick up some of what the other cats want. You do that a little with Forsythe and Onyx. Of course they can read your stronger thoughts and moods, but again, not as well as I. Animals communicate telepathically to quite a degree. Most not in language, though! It's generally a pointless waste of time.' He and the cougar were still grooming each other.

"Why are you communicating with me in English?"

'Because a man named Andre Courtois decided to share his mind with me! It's a long story, and I'll tell you everything later.'

"Uh, this is a dream; right?"

'Dreams are an alternate reality. All this is actually happening, just not in the world you're familiar with. Also, one of my slaves is looking for me. He might show up at the door. He's a real pretty longhaired man with light red, not quite blond hair. Well, actually he does have some blond strands; but the red is the dominant colour.

'Can you be a dear and let him in if he does? He's a real sweetheart. His name is Donn, though his pen name is Vergil. Vergil Xanon. He's a writer, among other things.'

"One of your slaves?"

'Like how you're a slave to Onyx and Forsythe! You know. You do everything to keep them happy.'

He had a point. "Uh, sure. Can you talk to the cougar?"

'No, but I can communicate with her. She thinks you did a pretty good job restoring her.'

"Good, but..." I didn't finish the sentence. I went over to the large cats, and scratched both their heads. I then ran my hand over where I had sewn the cougar's hide on the mould. There were no stitches. "Percy, can I ask how this is happening? How this beautiful cat came to life from being a stuffed exhibit? And also how I can be talking to a cat that can't exist?"

I heard something of a laugh. 'You're having a lucid dream, remember? At least that's what you're trying to convince yourself of, be it true or no.'

I assumed he was just being a smart-ass. "OK. I guess that explains everything. Can I control this dream?"

'Uh, sure! Um...you want me to try and get you to prove to yourself that you're dreaming?'

"Can you? I sure don't feel asleep." I was embracing both cats.

'Let's see. You like chocolate mousse pie with whipped cream.'

"Very much so. You really know me, huh?"

'Daniel, I probably know you better than you know yourself. Why don't you visualise a plate of chocolate mousse pie. Concentrate on the texture, and the flavour. Make it appear on that coffee table. Maybe with that cup of espresso you'd like to have it with.'

"I can do that?"

'If you think you can, you can. This is a dream. Remember?'

I nodded, got up from the floor, and sat on the couch. I close my eyes, and visualised that pie with a cup of espresso. When I opened my eyes, there they were. "Oh, wow," I said. "I don't think I want to wake up again."

'What if that can be arranged?'

I scowled. "Let me think about that."

I went to the kitchen, and got a spoon. The pie tasted great. I might as well have gotten in from a good baker. I ate about a third of it with the espresso, and put it in the refrigerator. I didn't offer the cats any, because I figured if chocolate was toxic to house cats, it would poison their larger cousins, as well.

I went back to the floor, and ended up dividing my pets between Percy, the unnamed cougar, Forsythe, and Onyx. Three of them purred, though Percy did not. He was of the panthera class, and was incapable of it.

Percy suddenly lifted his head, and his ears went forward. 'I can hear him. Donn's calling my name.'

I stopped everything, and listened. "I can't hear anything."

'Of course not! You're a mere lowly human. Trust me. Could you please go and open the door, and go out front?'

"All right."

I did just that, and Percy came with me. I saw a person half a block away, coming in my direction under the streetlights. Percy let out a roar, and I cringed. How would I explain that if someone complained? Not one, but two big cats in my house? With no permit, or anything else?

The person came running toward us. When he got to us, he kneeled, and Percy came as close to hugging him as a big cat could. "Percy," he said. "Where have you been, love?"

'With Daniel Tiburon and a lovely lady with no name.'

He rubbed Percy's cheeks, Percy backed up, and the man stood up. He extended his hand. "You were in the papers last year, if I'm not mistaken. Pleased to meet you." What a beautiful accent he had.

"Indeed I was. Pleased to meet you, too! Would you like to come in for some coffee?"

"Thank you, and also thank you for taking care of Master Percy."

I had to laugh. "Master Percy, huh? He did call you his slave."

Donn chuckled, as well. "He calls me that all the time, and it's true. There's not much I wouldn't do for him."

I stepped forward, and stroked Percy's head. "Considering he speaks the same language, and with those fangs, I'd be inclined to be the same way. He must also be one of the most beautiful animals I ever saw in my life."

'You mean I'm not at the very apex?' asked Percy

"You are. Let's go in. It's freezing out here," I said.



*****



Donn was dressed in jeans, work boots, and a white poet shirt. He was also beautiful enough to put a lot of women to shame. His voice was as androgynous as his looks. "I don't really care, but are you gay?" I asked as we walked to the kitchen. He sure looked it.

"I really don't know how to answer that anymore. I didn't start out like that, but gender isn't relevant where love is concerned. I guess I'm beyond labels these days."

I nodded. "Understood. I have Columbian, French roast, and Turkish coffee."

"Actually, I'm more of a tea drinker."

I went to the cabinet. "Got that, too. Darjeeling and Earl Grey."

"Two of my favourites. Earl Grey, I guess."

"Sounds good," I said, as I filled the kettle with water.

"Mind if I go sit with the cats?"

"Not at all. Be there in a minute."

"All right."

Donn left me, and I got two cups and saucers down from another cabinet. I turned the stove on, and went to the living room, to find all the cats all over Donn.

"The cougar. I can't explain what happened, but it's like my stuffed exhibit came to life."

"She's not your pet?"

"Huh! I'd love that, but it wouldn't be allowed in these parts. Even if it were, you need a permit and a cage. I'd have problems if law enforcement came here. I just hope that Percy doesn't roar again."

'I won't. I just did that to let Donn know where I was. Don't worry about it. No one will call the cops.'

"You seem sure of yourself," I said to him.

'I am. After all, I'm never wrong.'

I patted him on the head. "If you say so."

'Dude! I said nothing. I'm a cat. I can't talk. Remember?'

I looked at Donn. "I think I better quit while I'm behind."

Donn shrugged, "When it comes to dealing with Percy, lots of us end up saying that at one point or another."

I stroked the other cats, too. "I can understand. Do you like cream or sugar?" I asked Donn.

"Just cream."

"And Percy. Would you like anything?"

'Not particularly! I only eat when circumstances demand it.'

"And your lady friend cougar?"

'Same as me! We're not hungry in the slightest, but we thank you.'

"Can you tell me why you can communicate in English, and the other cats can't?"

'I've had the education forced onto me. I told you I had a mind-share with Andre Courtois. All his knowledge became mine. I can actually communicate in several different languages, but... Most cats don't think in words, because we weren't really made that way. It's too time consuming and superfluous. It’s stupid, really! I go both ways, and my intrinsic way of communication is much more practical.'

"All right. The teakettle is just starting to go off. Let me get to the kitchen, and I shall return."



*****



As I put a couple of tea bags in the kettle, I was really wondering what was going on with me. Was I truly asleep like I was hoping, or had my reality gone topsy-turvy on me like in a TV horror movie episode; only for real? A telepathic cat that could not exist, my stuffed cougar coming to life, this gorgeous guy who I wished was a girl coming to my place because he'd been hailed by the roar of the telepathic cat, and no police sirens due to that roar?! Nothing made sense.

I picked the empty cups up, and took them to the living room. When I got there, I dropped them.

Donn was gone. There was Percy, the cougar, and a jaguar in my living room in the middle of a three way grooming session. Onyx and Forsythe were doing the same. "DONNNNNNNNNNNN!" I screamed.

I wasn't ready for what happened next. The jaguar backed away from the other two, and disappeared, to be replaced by Donn. I got mighty woozy, there.

Donn came toward me. "Are you all right?"

"Did I just see what I thought I saw?" I whispered.

"I'm sorry. Those two were having so much fun, I just thought I'd join them for a few." He pointed to the broken cups and saucers. "Let me clean that up."

The broken dishware disappeared, and two fresh cups and saucers like the ones that just broke appeared on the coffee table. "Well, I just manifested a mousse pie and espresso before you got here under Percy's guidance; so I guess what you just did shouldn't surprise me, but what the Hell are you?" I asked with a squeak.

He just smiled at me, and helped me to the couch. "We'll get to that in a little bit. Don't worry, though. I won't hurt you. I'd have nothing to gain from that. Anyway, from what I read of you, you're a very nice gentleman."

"What you read of me?" I asked as I sat down.

"Your mind. Percy's not the only telepath on site. It is the way we are all meant to innately communicate. It's just a lost art with your species, though some do get the ability back in varying degrees. No need to be afraid, though."

"Oh." My species? Was Donn something different?

Donn sniffed the air. "Let me get that tea. You like a spoonful of sugar in yours, in addition to the cream."

"Yes."

I just sat there, completely stunned as Donn went to the kitchen, came back with the kettle and some cream, went back, then came back to get the sugar, and prepared my cup. He sat next to me, and picked up his own cup. He sipped it, then Onyx jumped next to him, and placed the front half of himself in Donn's lap.

If Onyx liked Donn, he must be OK. Both of my cats; were a very good judge of character! Donn stroked the cat, and Onyx ended up getting all the way in Donn's lap, stood up, and went nose to nose with him. Donn kissed him on the bridge of the nose. "You have some very nice feline companions."

I managed to pick my tea up, and had a sip. "I wouldn't want to live without them, and you can turn yourself into a cat?!"

"I can turn myself into anything. So can you. It's another lost art. I'll teach you how, if you like. It's as easy as manifesting, and you've already done that."

"That does sound like a handy ability." Was this really happening? "But I've been trying to convince myself that this is all a dream, since there is no way this could be happening."

"Dreams are happenings. Percy already explained that to you. They're just as real as your waking life. More so, in fact! You are truer to you real self in dreams than you are in what you know as your conscious existence."

I had another sip of my strangely slightly more delicious than usual tea. "So, am I asleep now; or awake."

Donn chuckled. "You're asking me?"

"I'm not sure anymore. Stuffed animals coming to life, telepathic sabre toothed cats demanding to be let in, and you. A telepathic shapes shifter who looks like an angel. How did you make the broken cups disappear? Where did they go?"

"Same way you made your mousse appear, and the cups were simply dissipated. Nothing you can't do. I will teach you how to do it before the night is through. I promise!"

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Because it's the place to be."

The cougar then withdrew from Percy, and came over to me. She jumped on the couch, and sat beside me, pressing herself against me. There was enough room for her, this being a four-seat sofa. I put an arm around her, and scratched her on the neck and head. "Donn, really. What are you?"

"A writer, an artist, a musician, an ice skater, and a stunt rider."

"That's quite a list. How old are you?"

"Older than I look."

I smiled. "I believe it. How much older than you look?"

He had another sip of his tea. "You'd find it difficult to believe."

"From what I've seen you do, I wonder if you're not a few hundred years old."

He raised his cup to me. "At least."

I nodded. "I see. You wear your years quite well."

"Thank you. After we finish this teakettle...I invite you to walk with me to my place. We can bring the cats, too. It's just around the block, and down a little."

I put my cup down, and wrapped myself around the cougar, who was purring up a storm. "I've never seen you before. Which place is yours?"

"The two story stone one with the vines going up it at the end of the Sylvan Glen cul-de-sac."

It was the nicest house in the neighbourhood. I'd seen it many times when I took walks in the area. Sylvan Glen was a peaceful, high-class street. The destination was four blocks away, and I had been curious about it. It was like a little castle. Hell, yeah I wanted to see it. "Sure, but why bring the cats?"

"Onyx and Forsythe will love it. Lots of nooks and crannies! You could drive, if you like. There's enough room for Percy and the cougar in the back seat."

"Not all cats like car rides. It took a while for Onyx and Forsythe to tolerate them."

'We don't mind,' conveyed Percy to me. 'Actually, it might be a good idea to go by car. It's much faster.'

"All right," I said.

Donn and I had one more cup of tea, we put the dishes in the sink, I put the cream back in the refrigerator, I picked up Forsythe, Donn carried Onyx, and off to the car we went. Both house cats were in Donn's lap as I drove the kilometer to Donn's house, and the big cats just sat in the back. I parked in Donn's driveway, and the adventure would get stranger yet.



*****



The house was beautiful, half hidden by trees, half covered in vines, and there were three large different rock gardens out front with a variety of flowers I couldn't make out now, but I've seen them before from a distance. It wasn't quite twilight yet, so I couldn't make out the vast array of colours at this hour in the morning. The lights by the house were too far away. It was a very large front yard.

Donn didn't even unlock the door. He just opened it up, and walked in. We put the cats down, Percy and the cougar followed us, Donn closed the door, and I got the scare of my life. What I thought was a big dog, came running up to us. He ignored the cats, and just ran up to Donn in the foyer, putting his paws on Donn's shoulder. Donn embraced him. "Hiya, babe."

The cats were not alarmed, and no one went after anyone. I scowled. No, it wasn't a dog. "This is a wolf?"

"Hm hm. He's very nice."

The wolf dropped on all fours, nosed Percy, the cougar, Onyx, ignored Forsythe, and then sniffed my hand. I petted him. "You look like something I stuffed once. You're beautiful."

The wolf licked my hand, and I guess he said 'hello' to Forsythe in his own lupine manner. The two animals touched noses, and the wolf went on his way. "There are lots on animals here," said Donn.

I looked around. It didn't smell like it, and the place looked immaculate. "How do you keep the place so clean? And I heard that wolves don't smell too good, but that one had no scent that I could make out."

"He just had a bath. How about more tea and some hazelnut cookies?"

"Sounds like something I can get into. I like hazelnuts, but I've never had them in cookies."

"Well, you're in for a treat. Let's go to the kitchen."

Donn must have had money out the yin-yang. I know I was pretty well off, but this guy was way out of my league. We went through a living room with elaborate furniture, tapestries, two fireplaces at opposite walls, and a marble floor covered with intricate throw rugs, and decorated in such a way that reminded me of the European Renaissance. There were lots of Celtic designs in a lot of things.

All the floors were marble. There was a dining room with a table for twelve, and the kitchen was huge, with all the latest contraptions. There was a raccoon on the kitchen table, when we got there. "Don't mind her," said Donn. "She won't bite, and she stays our of your food. The animals have free rein of the whole house, so nothing is off limits.

She trilled at me. "Can I pet her?"

"She'd like that."

I went over to her, sat down, and started stroking her. She trilled some more. "I've done a few 'coons in my life. How do you keep the house so clean, and the furniture so in tact with a wolf, Percy, and a raccoon around?"

"I have my ways."

"Like how you made those broken cups go away?" I sat down.

Donn got out some cookies, and put a kettle on. "Yes, and these cookies are home made; not manifested. Hazelnut-butter cookies, really! Hope you're not on a diet."

I chuckled. "No." I bit into one. "Oh my god."

"That good?"

"I've never had a cookie remotely this lush." They were still soft, like they'd been just out of the oven. "And you actually made these?"

"From scratch. They were baked just before I went to look for the errant Percy. Thank you."

"If you can cook anything else this good, will you marry me?"

Donn all out laughed. "Ye gods, no! I'm already in a rather complex...um...relationship."

I scowled. "I figured as much, and I was kidding. You really aren't my type." I hesitated for a moment. "There's a word. I want to ask if you are it, but I can't remember it. I think it began with a T. An Irish people of long ago."

"Tuatha de Danaan? Yes. I am."

"So they're real?!"

"Yes. A lot of legends are."

"Why are you in the United States?" I asked.

"Oh, why not?! I don't spend that much time here, and I'm only here for a little while. I have property all over the place. I get bored being in one place."

"What are the odds of meeting one of you?"

"You may have met others. We don't usually advertise ourselves. We also don't settle down in one place long enough for people to notice that we're not getting any older. A lot of people have some of our blood, though."

"Why did you let me know?"

He put some cups on the table, and petted the raccoon. "You'll find out soon enough."

Just then a goshawk flew into the kitchen, and landed by the raccoon. He lay down, and looked at me. He did a good job, missing the cups. "Goshawk. I did one of these two months ago."

Donn petted the bird lightly on the head. "And you have come to loathe your job. You feel guilty for providing a service to those who kill for trophies."

"Yup."

"Do you have permits for all these animals?"

Donn shook his head. "No. Considering what you've seen me do, do you think I need them?"

"Good point. And you said you'd teach me some of it?"

"All of it. After our tea?! I have something important to tell you, but let's finish our snack and go to the living room first."

"You're not going to tell me I'm your long lost son or anything, I hope."

Donn broke out laughing again. "Daniel, where do you come up with these ideas?! No! I have no children. Nothing so traumatic! At least not as far as I'm concerned, anyway."

"Dude, the suspense is killing me."

"OK, then let's hurry this up a bit." He turned the stove off, took the kettle off, sat down across from me, and suddenly my cup was full of creamed and sugared tea.

Why wasn't I surprised?! I tasted the tea. It was as good as ever, even if it wasn’t from the kettle. Better, even. "What flavour is this?"

"China black with mango."

I'd never had it. "You are amazing."

"No I'm not. As I’ve said several times, anyone can do anything I can do."

I dunked a cookie into the tea, and wow! "A part of me feels like I should be afraid of you, but I'm not."

"No need to be afraid. The only thing I want from you is to see your personal evolution; but that's for you, not me."

I nodded. "I think I understand." I looked at the raccoon and the goshawk on the table just a half a metre away from me. I finished my cookie, and stroked the bird. "Where are these animals from?"

"I'll explain that when we get to the living room, too."

"This is going to be real interesting, I imagine."

"Daniel, you are going to be engaging in the most fascinating conversation you ever engaged in, in less than fifteen minutes."

"I believe it."

Damn, I was going nuts. Oh, well. Just a few more minutes!



*****



How many more shocks was I going to have to deal with? When we went to the living room, Percy, the cougar, and a mountain goat were all snuggled on the couch! Of course, I did a double take. "How in the hell? That goat is cat food!"

"When there's no need to kill, and no stress, and everyone becomes acquainted with everyone else in such a way where the predator-prey relationship is a non-issue, everyone gets along."

"OK. Now who are all these animals?"

"You better sit down." Donn pointed to the fireplace, and it ignited spontaneously. "The chair by the fireplace is good. I'll sit across from you."

I did as he suggested, and a musk deer walked into the room, and up to me. He looked up at me as if asking me to pet him, so I did. "OK."

Donn sat down, and said, "These animals are a few of those that you worked on."

"But how can that be?"

"Daniel, what do you think?! You don't usually drink much, and you had how much of the most powerful legal drink in your state?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dude, you went overboard. If you hadn't choked on your own vomit, you would have died of alcohol poisoning. I am Donn. The main Irish Gatekeeper, or psychopomp, but you don't know what that means.

"I'm a spirit guide. I receive the recently transferred, or recently dead as most say; though death is an illusion. Some call me a death god, but I cringe when I'm referred to as that. I can hardly be called a deity. I'm just a man of another class of being that was deified by those who knew no better."

Yes, I was glad I was sitting down. "Oh."

"All the animals you ever worked on are here. They bear you no grudge, and I knew that by meeting them like this that your guilt over your occupation would be alleviated. After all, you didn't cause their demise, and you made a memorial to each and every one of them with their own bodies. Kind of like Eva Peron and Lenin were preserved. Not really a bad thing in its own right."

Percy looked at me. 'In a morbid kind of way, it's really an honour, I'd say. After all, you are quite famous.'

"Yeah, so I'm dead; but I just walked out of my house and drove here with you," I said to Donn.

"Or so you think. It wasn't your house. It was an illusory copy of it. Percy roared and attracted no attention, because there was no one there whose attention to attract. You were not on Earth. You were on the Etheric Plane. You still are. In fact, if you go outside again, you will find that you are on my island, and if you go back a few rooms, you will find you are in a vast castle that is also something of a museum."

"But my cats! They're here. Did you kill them?"

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Donn exclaimed. "I do not kill. I never killed anything while I was what I am. I transferred the cats here with you because I knew they'd be as heartbroken over their separation with you as you would be over your separation with them. There will be no trace of them when your body is discovered. The cougar likes you quite a bit, too. So do many of your other exhibits. Now I told you I was going to teach you how to communicate with them, shape shift, and basically everything else that is necessary to exist here."

"Sounds like a lot. How long will it take?"

"No time at all, yet it may seem like forever. There is no time here, as you know it. I'll do it by sharing aspects of my mind with you."

I scowled. "That sounds almost kinky."

Donn crossed his arms. "Daniel, this is a whole nother ball game. You can do it my way, or you can go through all these trials, errors, and frustrations. The choice is yours."

I smiled. "I'll do it your way. I kind of like you anyway, though not in that way; if you know what I mean. I don't play that side of the street."

Donn chuckled. "I know, and I have no intention of going there. I've had my fill of those games, anyway."

"So how do we do this?"

"Just sit there. I'll stay here, and you just close your eyes and surrender your identity until it's over. We're going to become one in a way you forgot about, as most do when they are born to the Physical Realm."

"All right."



*****



Peace, rapture, knowledge, a strange, beautiful unconditional love, and a whole new way of looking at things. I suddenly remembered past lives, and why I was alive, and that I'd never have to be alive again. Donn never touched me, but I felt I was being made love to. Really, being made love to, without the slightest twinge of lust. I never once in life felt this good, or this elated. Not even with some of the drugs I've experimented with in my youth.

The animals. Every last animal I had ever stuffed was here. I would meet with every one of them, and some would stay with me for eternity, or until we got sick of each other, which ever came first. That might be eternity, for I really loved animals.

When Donn withdrew his mind from mine, I knew everything I had to know. I experimented with my new abilities, and found them as easy as ripping a sheet of paper. I could pick up any unguarded thought of anything alive, and I now knew how to communicate with the animals in their language. It was with pictures, and with feelings. This was a place of no lies. What was, was! Things could be hidden if they must be, but no untruths could exist here.

I looked at Donn. "You're no Tura Satana, but I think I love you."

He smiled. "I love you too, but you know the gist of it. Tura is really something else."

I nodded, and closed my eyes. Percy and the cougar he took to came up to me. Percy sat down, and the cougar carefully placed her front paws in my lap, with claws retracted. I stroked the sides of her cheeks. "You're a big cat, but you're not that big. Want to try and get in my lap?" I sent her an image of what I wanted.

It was a little awkward, but she jumped into my lap. I outweighed her by thirty kilograms, so it wasn't that bad. I picked up her feelings of affection for me. She did her best to position herself to offer me the least discomfort, and I embraced her.

Donn said, "It looks like you have one more cat to rule you."

"At least," I said. "So I'm going to see the rest of the castle as it really is, hang out for a while, then go to the Elysian Fields with the beautiful menagerie that I'd turned into exhibits, huh?"

"Aye."

I pressed myself into the cougar, as Forsythe jumped onto the arm of the chair I was in. "I think I can live with that."

"An ironic choice of words, but hey!"

"Yeah! Hey!"























































































There Are Things Worse Than Scaphism





Convicted of a crime that should not be a crime. Free thought. A desire for personal sovereignty! A desire to not fit the mould, because I didn't like it! I ran away, but I was caught.

I was chained, starved, and only given urine to drink for two weeks, while my family collected what was necessary for my death. A large vat of waste from the farm animals, and themselves! I was to be tied to a chair, and submerged in that vat, for having a mind of my own. Worse! Having a mind of my own, and being female. Can't have a defiant girl in your family. It just doesn't do anything for the family honour. I was a slut for having chosen her own fiancée.

I'd been beaten up some, on top of it all. Not bad enough to break any bones, but enough to make me quite miserable as I awaited my execution. Little brother came by, and told me daddy was going to kill me slow. Submerge me for a few seconds, pull me up, and do it again and again. Maybe he'd let me stay submerged after two or three days. My mother stood by them. I got no sympathy from her, not that I ever got along with her; the brain washed bitch.



*****



"BASTARDS!" Screamed Stefan.

"I'll take care of it," said Thanatos.

"You'll skin them all, and remove pieces of their organs one by one?” asked Stefan.

Thanatos laughed. "Stefan, you are so over the top. That is not going to be necessary. I don't have to do anything to them. I just time-tripped, and they're all doomed. Ramand, Kaja's fiancée will take care of Kaja's father with an arrow, not that he'll be killed; but a massive family feud will ensue, and everything will work out as it should. On top of that, the region is due for an 8.1 in not quite three months. I think I'll do a little structural weakening of the Barzani house. Is that OK with you?"

"I guess it has to be."

Thanatos ruffled Stefan's hair. "It's OK. Now let's give Kaja the adventure of her existence."



*****



I was tied naked to the chair over the vat.

The smell was so horrid I would have thrown up everything, if I'd had anything to throw up. I gagged, and dry heaved, and I never knew torture could be this bad. Daddy was wearing a gas mask from the old days of war. Everyone else stood back, but they seemed eager for the onset of my destruction. I'm surprised they didn't invite the whole town to watch, but I guess they considered me a private matter.

I really wondered what the big deal was. Who was really hurt by me choosing my own husband? What did it matter if I wanted to make decisions for myself? WHAT WHERE THEY AFRAID OF?????? I didn't give them the satisfaction of begging for mercy. My last words, were, "You still didn't bend me to your will, you cowardly fuckers."

Daddy started lowering the chair. Something happened that no one expect, though.

The ropes broke. All of them!

Yes, I screamed.

I went down, completely submerged; but the minute I hit bottom, the vat broke. Everything went all over the ground. I also broke free of the ropes. It was like they'd been cut before I was bound, so they'd barely hold me.

The minute I was free, I ran. I didn't look back to see how everyone was affected by the 'accident'. I was completely covered in the vilest stuff on the planet, and I just headed for the hills. We lived on the edge of town, so that made my escape easier. I could clean myself up by some in a stream in the wooded hills I was aiming for. I felt I had a surge of adrenaline, and I don't think anyone could have caught me. Having gone barefoot most of my life, not wearing shoes didn't hamper me. I ran like the wind. I didn't care that I was naked, or about the modesty that had been instilled into me, right now. If anyone tried to get in my way, I would fight like a wildcat...to the death.

I didn't stop until I got to the stream. It was about four kilometres that I'd covered. I looked around me. No one had followed me. I didn't know why. I figured they'd hunt me down on horseback, and cut my head off then and there, or worse. But there was no one there. It made no sense, but I couldn't complain.

I knew better than to enter the water as I was. I would have contaminated it. I also knew I couldn't do too good of a job of cleaning myself up. I had no soap, or cloth. Just leaves, dirt, and water!

I made a mud puddle. It was work. I did my best to not touch the stream until my hands and arms were clean. Then I got most of the filth off of me. I covered myself in mud, and rinsed it off. My hair was difficult, but when I was finished, I was much better off than when I first started.

I followed the stream north. It was nice to have water to drink, after what I'd just been through. There were berries, and a few greens to eat. Not having eaten for two weeks, it helped; but it wasn't enough. I wanted some buttered bread, cheese, yoghurt, meat, eggs, and couscous.

I wondered if I would freeze this night? I was cold now, but it wasn't anything intolerable yet. Would the leaves protect me enough? I didn't know. It would start getting dark in a few hours, but now I just had to get further from home, and find more food.

There were small fish in the stream, but I didn't know how to start a fire with no matches, and I didn't want to eat them raw. I didn't even have a knife to cut them up to dry them, not that this would have provided me a meal now.

I'd never been this far north. I didn't know this area. I spotted a cobbled stone path, and wondered if I should take it.

Sure. Why not?

I didn't follow it very far. Just around the hill was a broken down old shack. It was only one room. It had a table, two chairs, a wood burning stove, a good size sleeping mat, two pillows three blankets, there were a few pots, two plates, two cups, two spoons, two forks, and three knives all of different sizes. There was also a bar of soap, two towels, and a very large, sheer piece of black, rectangular chiffon cloth. There was a well in back.

I looked in the stove. It was ready to go. I thanked God there was a box with thirteen matches left in it. There were even some dates and dried bananas in one of the draws. I ate those in record time.

The next thing I did, was boil some water. I drank some of the hot water to warm me up. There wasn't any coffee or tea, here. Still, even the hot water was welcome.

Next came another wash down with soap. I washed up at the well, and poured some heated water over myself for the final rinse. I finally got my hair all the way clean. I dried off, and tied that large sheer fabric around me in some semblance of a dress. It only came to just below my knees, but oh well. It was better than nothing, not that there was a dress code to follow when I was alone in some unknown place in the forest. I put it together so my left arm and shoulder were bare, and my right arm was covered to below the elbow. The fabric was see-through, so it wouldn't have cut the muster except maybe if I were someone's private belly dancer or something. Someone's whore, in other words. Or was 'concubine' a better word?

There was a plum tree and an apricot tree out back a bit farther. They were in season. I ate a lot of them, and this would give me the runs, but what choice did I have?

A little later, I heard clucking. It sounded like a chicken had just laid an egg.

I hunted down the bird. The hen was roosting in a tree where it was just started to branch out. I walked over to her, and she threatened to attack me. I picked her up, and found she was brooding three eggs. She pecked at my arm, but it didn't hurt much. I put her on the ground, and gathered the eggs. I'd boil them. Could my luck get any better?

No, but the eggs were just what I needed. I had another cup of hot water, and went to bed on the mat; though the sun hadn't set yet. This was the first time I slept without clothes for as long as I could remember, and it was nice. I passed out into a really deep sleep.



*****



It was pleasant for a while, and then it became terrifying. I awoke to the sound hoof beats. They were going to find me! I ran for the biggest knife in the draw, and then dressed sloppily in that chiffon fabric. I waited in the shadows.



*****



"She's got a knife, and she's out to kill the first one of us in reach," whispered Thanatos.

Stefan handed Thanatos the cloth bag he was carrying. "Let me deal with this. I know exactly what to do," he whispered back.

Thanatos took the bag, and a torch appeared in Stefan's hand. Both Stefan and Thanatos were in blue jeans, hiking boots, and blue denim shirts. It's the first time in a while that Stefan wasn't in his usual 'Victorian-Dracula' outfit, but it just wouldn't have been conducive for this case.

Stefan entered the shack. While Stef was still three metres away from Kaja, he let out a blood-curdling shriek, dropped the torch, and ran back outside. "THERE'S A HOMICIDAL KILLER IN THERE! MOUNT YOUR HORSE AND RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!"



*****



The floor was dirt, and the dropped torch didn't burn anything.

I picked the still lit torch up, and came out laughing. "No! I thought you were someone else. I'm sorry. Is this...?" I couldn’t finish my sentence. I saw a tall, gorgeous, longhaired, snow-white man in hiking clothes carrying three bags, but he had red glowing eyes. I thought I was looking at the devil himself. It was my turn to scream and drop the torch.

"It's OK. We won't hurt you. This is our way station," said a red head with a nose that must have taken half his body weight. He was the one who had originally come in to run from me. He picked up the torch before it did catch something on fire outside, and stepped back.

The white man scowled. "Is this a contest on who can break my ear drums first, or what?"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?" I yelled at the white one.

He sighed, and looked to the sky. "Just another part of God. Same as you." He looked at me. "Now will you please calm down? We are not going to have you for dinner or anything! We won't do anything to hurt you."

The red head looked at white man. "Does that mean I shouldn't tell any cannibalism jokes?"

The white one narrowed his eyes. "Give the lady some time to know you first. I'm Thanatos, and this is Stefan. We're not from here, but we come by often enough to have some land here, and you're on it, not that we care." Both of them had really nice accents that I couldn't identify.

"I'm Kaja Barzani. My family just tried to kill me for trying to elope. I wonder what happened to Ramand?"

Thanatos closed his eyes. "Ramand Sargis?"

"Yes."

"He talked of a lady named Kaja that he wanted to marry, but she was taken away and killed; or so he said. You're her?!"

"Yes. I got away."

"Ramand is OK," said Thanatos. "He was in tears, but things will work out. We just met him today."

"Does that mean I can still marry him?"

"Kaja, you can never go back to the village. You can't stay here forever, either. There's not enough food growing in this area. We can help you get to somewhere else, but now can we please go inside so I can put these damn bags down, let the horses loose, and fix us something to eat?"

Food? Real food? I wasn't going to argue. "Sorry. Yes, lets."

Thanatos put the bags on the table.

"Not enough chairs for all of us," I said.

"Not enough sleeping space, either. It's hard enough to cram both of us on the mat," said Stefan.

Despite his nose, Stefan was still spellbindingly beautiful. Both men were pretty rather than handsome. I just had to ask, "Are you two lovers?"

"We have been," said Stefan.

Thanatos glared at him. "We still are."

Stefan flicked his right wrist. "How true. I'm sorry." He altered his voice for that statement. I didn't know what it meant, but it was pretty funny.

I chuckled slightly. "It's OK. I've had a few hours sleep. I'll be OK for a while. You guys can have the mat."

"We're not tired now, either," said Thanatos. He looked at his watch. "10:05. Early. I have to take care of the horses."

"OK," I said.

From the bag, Stefan put on the table; a jar of olives, some flat bread that had been wrapped in paper, six eggs, a container of cucumber yoghurt, more dates and dried bananas, raisins a container of rice mixed with vegetables, falafels, fresh grapes, a box of tea, and a two bottles of mulled wine. He motioned me over to the table. "A little of everything?"

"Please."

A little of everything, my ass! He loaded my plate sky high. "The eggs are already boiled," he said.

I could barely refrain from eating before he was finished serving me.

This was nice. In my culture, the women served the men at the table. I was charmed beyond charmed when he made the tea, and poured me a cup. In the other cup, he poured me some wine. He smelled good, too. It was like he was wearing a cologne of sorts! "What are you wearing? It's nice."

"Drakkar Noir. It means black longboat, or something like that. It's French."

"It suits you," I said. I don't think I ever ate so fast in all my life.

When Thanatos came in, he sat across from me. "You act like you haven't eaten in a year." He looked at Stefan. 'I time tripped and gave both horses a rub down. You owe me one,' he sent to Stefan telepathically.

Stefan winked at Thanatos. 'No problem! I like grooming Gil just for the hell of it.'

I had a sip of wine. "This is excellent. Two weeks, and they only gave me piss to drink," I said, unaware of their private telepathic communication at this point in time.

Stefan looked at Thanatos. "Than!"

"NO!" said Thanatos. "Everything is fine the way it is."

"If you say so," said Stefan."

"What are you two talking about?" There conversation made no sense to me. I've never had such good food, tea, or even wine; on those rare occasions when I had that, in my life.

"Stefan personally wants to vindicate you. I would like to as well, but it's not a course of action we should take. Not worth the consequences, you know?"

"I just want to get away from those fuckers. I never got along with them. They couldn't think themselves out of the outhouse," I said. "I don't know how people can be so stupid. They wanted me to marry a cousin who was fifteen years older than me. I didn't feel like marrying someone I barely knew, and I don't want to play nurse for the last twenty years of his life. He smokes and drinks too much, anyway."

Stefan looked at Thanatos, and shook his head.

Thanatos said to Stefan, "While you're up, can you see if you can find another cup? I just want some tea."

Stefan went through the cabinets first, then finding them empty; went through the draws. He pulled out two cups that I hadn't seen. "Same. I'm not hungry anymore."

"Does that mean I can have seconds?" I asked.

"Help yourself," said Thanatos. "We have to finish all of it off in the morning anyway, or it will go bad. We have to get you some regular clothes."

"Can you get me something like what you're wearing?" I asked.

"Sure," said Stefan.

I looked at Stefan. "I love your hair. Can you also cut my hair like that later?"

Stefan looked at Thanatos. "I think you'd do a better job giving her an even cut."

"Feathered five layer shag that hits half way down the shoulder blades? I think so. It's a bitch of a cut, but you'll probably look great. Your hair is thick enough. After we get out of here, of course. I don't carry barber's tools on me."

Stefan said, "Let me check my spare clothes. I think it's worth wearing the same clothes if mine will fit Kaja. I'm not that much bigger than her." He looked at me. "If you don't mind men's underwear."

"I'll live with it. I ran here naked. This black cloth is the only thing I have on."

"Did a good job with it," said Thanatos. "Looks like an exotic dress."

"Thanks," I said. "Thanatos. You move kind of like a cat. You flow. Kind of like you're always on the dance floor."

"In the past, I sword danced like that. I just incorporated it into my everyday life."

"Oh."

Stefan went outside, and came back in with saddlebags. He pulled out a pair of jeans, a pair of bikini briefs with fly, and a long sleeved black shirt that was like the one he was wearing, only a different colour.

I finished my second plate, and Thanatos wrapped everything back up. He put everything in one of the cabinets. It was pretty cold now, so it was almost like a refrigerator in here.

"We should start going home tomorrow," said Thanatos. "You can ride with me," he said to me.

"I haven't been on a horse since I was a kid." I was 17 for a couple more months.

"No problem. I won't let you fall," said Thanatos. "As for now, maybe you should go back to sleep. I don't think Stef and I should pass out in case something happens, but we'll be OK. With our no-stress lifestyle, we can go for a couple of days with no sleep."

Considering how I'd stuffed myself, I did want to go back to bed. "OK. I won't argue. So you're going to guard me, huh?"

"If necessary," said Thanatos.

"First can you tell me about your eyes?"

"I'll tell you in good time, and that's not now."

"OK. Good night, you two."

"Night," said Thanatos.

"Nighty-night," said Stefan.

I dreamt of paradise. A cold green paradise by the sea, with a castle as big as my village, and a garden of perfection!



*****



The next morning was the first time I ever dressed like a man, and I liked it. I was still barefoot, but I didn't care.

We all finished off the food that was left, though we didn't even start on the second bottle of mulled wine, which was put in one of the cabinets. Only Thanatos and I had any wine. Stefan said he couldn't stand the stuff. I'd had two cups of it last night, and that was enough to make me just a little bit woozy, but not all out drunk. It helped me sleep easier.

The horses weren't there when I went out. Two light saddles, two halters and two pair of saddlebags had been slung over the rail outside the front of the shack. When Thanatos whistled, his white stallion, and Stefan's grey pony came running up to him. The white stallion also had red glowing eyes. "Can you tell me about the eyes yet?" I asked.

"Later, today," Thanatos replied.

"I'm gonna hold you to that," I said.

"Worry not. I never go back on my word."

"Are either of you married?"

"Don't go there," said Thanatos. "We're not available. Not in the way you're thinking."

"You know what I'm thinking?!"

"Same as almost every woman, and a few men think when they meet us," said Thanatos. "I've been used, abused and misused enough to last into eternity in this regard, and I just don't play anymore except in very rare extenuating circumstances where it must be done to keep the universe at peace, OK?"

"And I am not one of those extenuating circumstances?!"

"True."

"And you, Stefan?"

"It doesn’t happen very often, these days, and if I does, it would only be with Thanatos and, or Donn Ui'Midir. But you may pet my nose."

"No! I give up."

Thanatos said, "Come on and let me help you on the white horse."

"Isn't he yours?" I asked.

"He's my friend, not my horse. If he didn't want to be here with us right now, he wouldn't be. His name is Gilgamesh, like the Sumerian king."

"Interesting. Horses are just serving animals to us," I said, as he lifted me on his back. "I don't think I ever saw a horse as pretty as this one, though. He's big."

Thanatos got up behind me without even using the stirrup. He more or less vaulted on. "I need a horse this big for my weight and riding requirements. Stefan rides a technical pony. If Shiva were just a few millimetres taller, he'd be a horse, but he doesn't quite make it. I'm going to hold on to you to make sure you don't go overboard, OK?"

Just what I wanted to hear! "Fine."

Stefan mounted Shiva, and we were off.

I smelled something, and I liked it. I sniffed the air, and tilted my head.

"Sandalwood," said Thanatos. "I never leave home without it."

"A part of me can't wait to get away from you, a part of me never wants you to leave," I said. "Is there a more frustrating individual on the planet to deal with than you?"

"It’s a lust thing. I understand. You'll also get over it," said Thanatos

"Oh, will I?"

"Yes. I'll explain everything about me in a few hours."

I swear, Stefan was laughing at our conversation. "Are we amusing you, Stefan?" I had to ask.

He did chuckle. "Kaja, I know exactly what you're dealing with. I had to go through the same damn thing you are, but more than once."

"I used to have a girlfriend, and I used to be pretty devoted to her in a rather demented sort of way," said Thanatos. "It took desperate circumstances for me to initially accommodate Stefan."

"You can read about it after we get home," said Stefan. "It's kind of funny."

Thanatos laughed. "It was absolutely ridiculous, but I used to have a different set of priorities. Still, everything that happened to me served me right for some of the stuff I did. Gods, I was stupid in so many ways."

"Than, stupid is the last thing you were. You brought us to where we are," said Stefan. "You saved my sanity in the past."

"Stefan, you're as insane as ever. I did no such thing," said Thanatos.

"You know what I mean," said Stefan. "You saved Donn and Macha a lot of grief, too."

"Yes, I suppose so," said Thanatos

"First, I don't know how to read, and just exactly who are Donn and Macha?" I asked.

"Then we'll teach you to read. Macha is my ex-girlfriend, though still a close friend in other ways, and Donn...he's my everything."

"I don't think I want to know anymore," I said. Damn fruits! "Where are we going?"

"Another way station. This one belongs to Donn. We'll get there in maybe about four hours if the horses only walk. If they run, we can cut the time," said Thanatos.

"I've never been on a..." I didn't even get to finish the sentence. Gilgamesh took off, and Shiva sped up right after us.

Whoa! If Thanatos hadn't been behind me, I think I would have panicked and fallen off.

I don't know for how long we ran, but when we slowed, Gilgamesh didn't seem at all winded, and the landscape looked different. Unfamiliar. Lusher. The trees were wrong. I've never seen these kinds of trees in my life.

I didn't say a word during the run. Neither did anyone else. "That was fun," I said. Exciting, really. "Where are we?"

"We more than cut our journey's time in half," said Thanatos.

"This doesn't look like where we started from. This looks like a different land," I said. "It reminds me a little of a dream I had after I went to bed the second time."

Stefan looked at us, and smiled. "It was a good dream, I hope."

"Very good. Very long and vivid! It hurt to wake up from it. It was so beautiful. There was a castle, and a garden. It was by the ocean. I've never been to the ocean. I only saw pictures that my brother brought home from school."

"You didn't go to school, huh?" asked Stefan.

"Girls don't go to school much. They're needed around the house."

Stefan smiled. "It's not like that where I come from. I think you're going to have the culture shock of your life, dealing with us."

"I already got it when you served me my dinner, made me my tea, and poured me my wine," I said. "I liked that. I also like wearing men's clothes. My family would have a heart attack if they saw me now."

"No need to think about them anymore," said Thanatos.

"Yeah, right. Tell me not to think about my past, why don't you," said Stefan.

Thanatos said, "Stefan is addicted to his past, and I swear...sometimes I feel like if he says one more word about it and how much he hates life, I'm gonna steal that precious nose of his, and never give it back."

I laughed. "You guys are crazy."

"Thank you," said Stefan.

"No comment," said Thanatos.

When that conversation ended, the forest was thicker than anything I ever saw. The dirt trail became cobbled. "We're almost there, huh?" I asked.

"Almost," said Thanatos. "You'll be able to see the place at the next clearing in about a minute or so."

"What's it like?"

"Much better than the dilapidated shack."

I suddenly became aware of the fact it wasn't as warm as it was when we left. "It's cold here."

"Little bit," said Stefan. "I've seen much worse."

Gilgamesh then stopped. We hit that clearing "Look up," said Thanatos.

I did. I saw a castle with a huge wall around it. "This was in my dream!"

"OK. Explanation time," said Thanatos. "My eyes, and Gilgamesh's eyes are like this because it is how we were made. We weren't born. A version of me committed suicide ages ago, Macha made this body to look like the man she became infatuated with, and couldn't have; but with a few changes. Donn was that man who spurned her. My soul, who also loved Donn; invaded this body and brought it to life! Donn has black eyes, he’s shorter than me; and he's a normally pale Irish red head, not quite blond, but he looks like me in every other respect!

"All those who exist where we are going, are Gate Keepers. Some call us Death gods. We help people adjust to this side of The Veil when they die, and it took you forty minutes to do that. You were overcome and killed by the toxic fumes! We just didn't let you perceive what really happened.

"The vat did not fall apart, in their eyes. You did not break free and run away. It was an illusion for you."

When I heard that, I fell apart. I collapsed, would have fallen forward if Thanatos hadn't been holding me, and I broke down in tears. Considering how I'd been treated in life, I couldn't believe someone actually cared about me enough to do something like this for me. "I...I...I don't know what to say."

Thanatos got off Gilgamesh, and helped me down. "Let me hold you," he said.

I was quite a bit shorter than him, so he led me to the side of the path, and kneeled, taking me down with him. He embraced me, and I hugged him back, convulsing in my sobs.

He stroked my hair back, and kissed me on the forehead. "It's OK. Everything is as it's supposed to be. You stayed true to yourself against all odds. Now you'll come with us, and move on."

"Thanatos! Nobody ever...ever..."

He held me tighter. "Yes, they did. Lifetimes ago in both past and future people have genuinely cared for you."

I sniffled. "I love you."

"I love you too. Now let me show you what everything is all about. Your mind is mine, and let me share part of mine with you."

My tears faded, and my sweet sadness turned to complete euphoria, as I found out what he felt for me, by feeling it myself. It was an unconditional love of no lies, no lust, and no illusion. I was also given knowledge that should have been mine in life, but was denied me. Finally, I was reconsolidated with all I was.

We didn't walk into the castle.

Thanatos transferred me.

Apparently, he changed his mind about me not being one of those extenuating circumstances.

I never even noticed he had fangs, until now.

So delicate! So gentle! It would never happen again, but it was enough.









The Last Journey Of A Ghost Keeper





My name is Red Feather Woman. I am Lakota-Cheyenne, and now I am alone, with nothing.

Night Wolf, my stepson had shot himself a year ago. I had no children of my own, because I just couldn't have any. I'd kept Night Wolf's wanagi, or ghost for a year; and my village had just sent my hokšicantkiye (boy beloved) on to the Ghost Road south.

I'd given away everything I owned at the last day of the feast and mourning of my stepson, according to custom. I was due to be given new things by my friends, but I didn't even want to live any more.

I'd lost my husband six years ago to diabetes, and my stepson was the only one that kept me going. Our poverty, and lack of opportunity just wasn't something Night Wolf could deal with.

I hate the wasicu invaders. I lost everyone because of them. They try to impose a culture on us that is alien and materialistic. They try to make us like they are. Selfish, and cold! They have no spirit. They took all the land we used to live on, and they tried to destroy us. What's left of us has to go their way, or live very badly.

We used to live well. We used to be free. We migrated with the seasons, and had enough to eat. If we weren't killed in warfare, we lived to be old. Now, we get sick. White man's illness! Diabetes, arthritis, tuberculosis, alcoholism, drugs, violence against women and children. That didn't happen before the white man came. All the wasicu cares about is his Rolex and BMW.

We used to care about family, and village. Now, we fight amongst ourselves. We used to care for each other. We used to live in extended family groups we called 'tiospayes'. The one that gave the most to the tiospaye, was the one in highest esteem. The one who could provide the most food, or defend us the best from enemy tribes.

We used to have respect for everything. We venerated the animals and the Earth, and we didn't destroy anything for no reason like the wasicu. We also had fortitude. We did what we had to do, no matter what; for our way depended on it. Our tiospayes depended on it. And we also used to listen to the wisdom of the elders, and we talk to them after they die. When we listen, we can hear the dead. The ghost of my son talked to me when I visited with him in his ghost tipi.

One thing we still have, is tribal pride. I also had personal pride. I no longer wanted anything from anyone, though I had nothing. I lost everything with my stepson. Every immediate family member was gone, and I was old school. All that mattered to me was family. I'd lost two husbands, and now the ghost of my stepson was on his way down the Wanagi Tacanku, or Ghost Road.

Anyway, I was an old woman. I was fifty-two, and my body was failing me. I once heard a tourist guess I was in my seventies. There was nothing for me. Tonight, I would go to Pahá Sápa to die. I would find my last husband, or maybe both husbands, and my...stepson, who had gone on before me.



*****



I left the cottage of my best friend's family after they had gone to sleep. (Nothing beats Lakota hospitality.) It was easy. Pretend to go to the outhouse, and not come back. It was late October, and it was very cold. I would find a place I could not be found, and lay down to die after I got to the hills. The light of the full moon was helping me see.

I didn't dress too warm. I wore a buckskin dress, and moccasins. It was all I had left after the ceremony of giving away. There had been a feast, but I didn't eat much. I couldn't. I felt that missed meal now, but it didn't matter. I knew hunger.

I made it to the foothills, though I don't know how long it took. It was getting cloudy, as I walked between two hills. At the next ridge, I would go up.

It was going to rain. I could feel it. This was good. Perhaps I would die faster. I felt very stiff, and was very cold now, but that wasn't new to me, either. I've known winters with little heat. I'm surprised I'd lived this long.

I needed to rest before I made my ascent. It was starting to drizzle, and the water was freezing. I wished I still had a gun, but the rifle I had was given away on the last night when we sent my stepson's ghost away. Shooting myself would have been so much faster, and less uncomfortable. I sat under a tree, on a large rock. The rain was coming down harder as I waited. It would make climbing the hill a bit more difficult, not that I cared much. It wasn't a consequential problem. It was just another little hurdle to overcome. Hopefully my last!

After I was rested, I trudged upward; and even found a trail by sheer luck. The storm became electric shortly after.

There were trees, so I wasn't always directly pelted with the rain. When I finally made it to the crest of the ridge, I saw something on a connected hill of not so many trees that surprised me. When the lightning struck, I spotted a single white tipi on it. Smoke was coming from it's top, so there was a fire lit inside. This was strange. There was also a fire burning beside it, but how could it burn in the rain?

I looked at it. The fire outside of the tipi flew into the air. It had the form of a bird. It looked almost like an eagle made of fire. It landed on top of the tipi, but the tipi didn't burn.

Was this a vision? I didn't know, but I had to go over to it. My curiosity overwhelmed me. I forgot how cold and wet I was, for the moment. I even forgot how old I was, and about my arthritic pain.

I almost ran.



*****



The eagle of fire vanished before my eyes, as I approached the tipi. "Hau? Hello?" I called out?

I was getting pelted with rain, and just standing there; all my discomforts came back to me.

I heard a voice. 'Don't just stand there! Come in!' It spoke English, and had a nice accent that I'd never heard before.

I didn't see where the voice had come from, but it was very clear. I entered the tipi.

There was no one in it, but a bird. A very strange, and beautiful bird. It had long legs, a long tail, and three claws on each wing. It also had teeth, and almost came up to my knees. The face was half naked, and looked lizard-like. It had a slightly crested head. There were a few longer feathers on top of its head, facing toward its neck. Its feathers were different shades of blue, green, and somewhere in between. It tilted its head. 'Have some tea and pemmican. There's some flat bread, dried fruit, and dried buffalo in the tins by the south. There's rice and seasonings too, but you have to cook that yourself.'

There was a fire going, and a steaming teapot was beside it, along with stone cups. There were many animal skins on the floor, and a neat stack of clothing, and feathers, and moccasins, and cooking utensils, and the place looked very lived in. It was nice.

I looked at the bird. "Are you talking to me?"

'Conveying. Archaeopterii can't talk. Have a seat after you pour yourself some tea. You look cold.'

"I am cold. What is an archaeopterii?"

'Archaeopteryx, actually! You're looking at one. I was being sarcastic in the pluralisation of my species. If you like, you can also get out of your wet clothes and wrap a blanket around yourself. Thanatos won't be back for a little while. He was expecting you.'

"Thanatos? What tribe is that name from?"

'Dude! He's not First Nations, though he sometimes dresses like it. He's very nice, though. He’s not wasicu. He’s very generous. He'll be back in the morning. Eat, have some tea before it gets cold, and make yourself comfortable.'

"But I came here to die."

'There's plenty of time for that.'

"And did I see a fire eagle?"

The bird before me disappeared, and the bird of fire replaced him. 'Yes, you did. And sometimes I'm a dragon. I'll show you that, later. There's not enough room in this tipi for that." In a few seconds, the archaeopteryx was back.

"A dragon?" I asked.

'Big, fire breathing lizard with wings.'

"Oh. You're a spirit bird?"

'That can define me. Yes. Now, take care of yourself. I have to go out and hunt down Percy.'

"Percy?"

'A cat! Nice cat. He can help keep you warm when you go to sleep.'

A bird being friends with a cat! Well, this bird looked like no cat would want to mess with him. He was too big. "All right."

'Oh, and my name is Reginald. Call me Reggie.'

"I'm Red Feather Woman."

'I know. I’ll see you later.' said Reggie as he walked out of the tipi.



*****



The tea was sweet, and tasty. After I had a second cup, I got out of my wet dress, and wrapped myself in a blanket. I also took the invitation to eat.

I had some of the bread with honey. I also had the dried buffalo, and fruit. There were dried apples, peaches, cherries, apricots, strawberries, and things I never saw before. They were all good, though. I didn't have any rice. I was too tired to wait for it to cook, and I'd had enough.

This was nice. I was warm, fed, and the pain from my arthritis was fading. I felt almost as good as if I'd just gotten out of a sweat lodge. Sweat lodges really helped me feel better from my arthritis...for a while.

After dinner, Reggie still hadn't shown up.

I went to sleep.

Later, I awoke when something pressed itself next to me. It was big, furry, and made soft, non-threatening trilly growling noises. I was too far too tired to take too much notice of it.



*****



When I awoke for real the next morning, I was beside myself. There was a cat next to me, all right. He must have weighed more than me. He was big, black, and had very, very long fangs that protruded well past his lower jaw. He was beautiful, but if I'd seen him under other circumstances, I think I would have outrun the fastest man in my village, arthritis be damned. What almost made me laugh, was that Reggie was curled up, and sleeping on top of this cat.

This must be Percy, I thought. I stroked his head, and heard a 'Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. And good day to you, Red Feather Woman.' The cat opened his eyes.

"Good day to you, too. You're also conveying things to me, like Reggie?"

'Indeed, for cats can't talk; either.'

"And you're a spirit cat, like Reggie is a spirit bird."

'That makes sense. Sure.'

I chuckled, before I got up, and looked at my dress. It was still wet. "Damn," I said.

'Get a fresh one from the clothes stack,' sent Reggie, who was now awake.

"I can do that?"

'Trust me! They wouldn't fit Thanatos, not that he's in much of the habit of wearing dresses,' sent Reggie.

"Not much?" I asked.

'Well, it has happened,' sent Percy, who's 'sent' thoughts had Reggie's accent. 'It's rare, though.'

"Is he two-spirit?"

'Very much so.'

"Oh. But I'm dirty. I don't know if I want to wear someone else's dress."

'So clean up in the lake below,' sent Reggie.

"There's a lake below?"

'Yes,' sent Reggie. 'To the West! It's a long walk, though. Perhaps I should take you?'

I laughed. 'You're too small, Reggie.'

He tilted his head. 'Will you please go outside?'

"What?"

He walked past me. 'Follow me.'

I adjusted the blanket around me, and I heeded Reggie's request. I was stunned at what I saw.



*****



The moon. It was still visible, still full, and it looked very close to us. Closer than I'd ever seen it. The sun looked blood red, the sky had a greenish tint, and the land...it wasn't what I had left before I had come into the tipi. This wasn't the black hills. It was rocky, and there were hardly any trees. It looked like I was on a mesa. I huge shadow hit me from above, and I looked up. It flew, but it looked like a bird with no feathers that had a long bony crest on the back of his head, and a very long beak. "What is that?"

'Pteranodon. Distant relative of mine,' sent Reggie.

"Where are we?" I asked.

'Home.'

"Does this place have a name?"

Reggie tilted his head again. 'Home. Where ever we are is home. Why should we name it? Now stand back so I can make myself into something that can take you down to the lake.'

I was frustrated by his answer, but I did as he instructed. What I saw had me spellbound.

The not so little bird disappeared, and was replaced by a huge winged lizard. He lowered his neck, and sent, 'Get on me.'

"Get on you?"

'Yes. If you want to wash, get on my back, and I'll take you down. Hold onto my neck, and you won't fall.'

Percy came out of the tipi, then. 'Wouldn't it be wise to have her get a bar of soap and washcloth, first? Thanatos does have some environmentally friendly glycerine soap in the tipi.'

Glycerine soap? I never heard of that. I looked at him. "What are you, and where am I?"

Percy blinked. 'I'm a cat. Isn't that obvious? Also, we are where we're supposed to be; as is everything else, for nothing can be anywhere else.'

"OK." Equivocative bastard. "I guess I'll get that soap and wash cloth. Where is it?"

'North part of the tipi.'

I nodded, and went in to get the washcloth and soap. The soap was a clear yellow bar that I could almost see through. It smelled of some sort of flower I was unfamiliar with. There was a bone comb by it. I grabbed the soap, the washcloth, and went back outside.

It was too warm for October in South Dakota. Then again, this didn't look at all like the South Dakota I knew, but here I was; talking to animals that I didn't know existed, watching one of them shape shift, and I was about to take a ride on the back of one of these animals, who had just a while ago; been the size of a small chicken, or very large crow. Nothing made sense, so why question anything?

I got on Reggie's back, still in the blanket, he flew off, and in no time we were to the edge of the mesa I thought we were on. It wasn't anything like the slopes I knew. One couldn't walk down this very easily. It was a sharp drop, and there was a huge lake that I never knew to be here before. There was no body of water of this size anywhere in, or near the Black Hills.

There were huge stone pillars in the lake. As Reggie landed by the shore, I found there was also a large cave in the cliffs, which I was curious about, but now I wanted mostly to get cleaned up and go back to the tipi. I hoped Reggie could take me to the cave a bit later.

I wondered if I was dreaming. If I was, this is the longest, most lucid dream of my life.

I tested the water. It was absolutely freezing. I tasted it. It was fresh water, and looked very clean. It was delicious, and I had some more to soothe the fact I was thirsty. I also had to go to the bathroom. You didn't do that near the water. "Reggie, I'm going to the bathroom first; closer to the cliffs. Don't look."

'Thanks for the warning. Trust me. I won't!'

I walked to the cliffs, dug a hole, did my thing, covered it with sand, and went back to the water.

"Don't watch me take a bath, either," I said to Reggie.

'As, if!’ he sent back.

I wet the washcloth, and soaped it up. I splashed myself down, washed up; and then used the soap on my hair. Yes, I actually entered the water to rinse; then wrapped myself in the blanket. I was freezing. "All right. I'm ready to go back," I said to Reggie, who was still turned away from me.

The dragon lowered his neck. 'OK. Never thought you'd be riding a dragon, huh?'

"No. I never thought much about dragons. They're the white man's myth."

Reggie let out a thought of a chuckle. 'Asia too, but are you telling me that I don't exist?'

I got onto his back. "Reggie, this is all so strange that I don't know if I exist right now."

'Don't worry. Things will probably get even stranger.'

"Why do I believe you?"

'Because you have no choice! And earlier you were wondering if I would take you to the cave by the water. Yes, before we go. It's nice, large, and has a pool with a hot spring.'

"And you had me rinse off in that frigid lake?!"

'You didn't ask.'

"Remind me you said that the next time I have a taste for dragon meat."

I was glad we weren't in the air yet, Reggie 'laughed' so hard. I don't know what he meant, when he conveyed, 'Stefan is going to love you.'

I didn't ask.



*****



When Reggie landed in front of the tipi, there was a tall, beautiful white stallion next to it, with glowing red eyes. He had his neck arched, carried his tail high, had feathered hocks, and was very well muscled. He was un-tacked, but he had feathers braided into his mane and tail. He also had a red-brown hand stain on his neck. I think I fell in love with him.

I adored horses. My favourite was one I had as a teenager. A pinto mare named Wind Runner. I lost her to pneumonia when I was nineteen. I don't think I ever really got over her. She was another reason to die.

'Thanatos is here,' conveyed Reggie.

I wasn't ready for what I saw next. A tall man came out of the tipi. He was of stark white complexion, and dressed in a tan loincloth, moccasin shoes, a headband, and a hair tie with four feathers. When I got close, I realised they were eagle feathers. He had the same glowing red eyes of his horse. He had long, layered, snow coloured hair, wore bangs, and had black and red stripes painted on his cheeks and chin. He was slender, defined, and absolutely beautiful. Percy came out of the tipi, and rubbed against Thanatos. Thanatos stroked the cat, and waved to me. And I was dressed in a blanket for this initial meeting? Oh well.

I extended my hand. "Thank you and yours for your altruism."

He gently took my hand, and shook it. "You would have done no less for me." When he backed off, Reggie; as an archaeopteryx, landed on Thanatos' right shoulder. "I trust Reggie and Percy treated you well."

"Yes, but I've never seen anything like them, or like you. Where am I?"

"Home." Same answer Reggie gave me. Most irritating.

"How did I get here from the Black Hills?" I asked.

"You walked."

"When I walked into your tipi, I was in the Black Hills. When I walked out, I find this. It makes no sense. Talking to animals I'd never seen before. Your bird is a shape shifter who can become fire and a dragon."

He stroked Reggie. "He's become a snake, too. I fixed a real meal. Skewered pronghorn for you, and a vegetable stew with turnips, potatoes, onions, carrots, garlic, and corn for both of us. Hot bread, too. Why don't you go in first, get dressed in some fresh clothes, and call me in when you're ready."

I chuckled. "A warrior like you, cooks?"

He placed his left index finger under my chin. "And I don't eat meat, either."

I then noticed he had fangs. Both upper and lower! He made sure I saw them, for he'd bared his teeth when he spoke his last sentence. "I suppose I should be glad to hear that, judging from your teeth," I said.

He smiled. "Go. I have some clothes out for you," he said, pointing to the tipi.

I nodded, and went inside. He had a beautiful, leather and silver beaded white dress laid out for me, and some white suede moccasin boots that my tribe didn't make. They were fancier clothes than I was used to wearing. The food also smelled very good. I got dressed fast, everything fit nicely, and I was surprised that I didn't feel any pain as I tied the laces of the boots.

I looked at my hands, and they looked better than the last time I took note of them. The skin seemed smoother, and they weren't gnarled. In fact, all of my skin looked and felt smoother. I wondered why, but it wasn't something I'd complain about. I went out. "All right. Shall we eat?"

"You're ready?"

"Yes. This is a very nice dress and boots. Don't tell me you made them."

"Then you'd be asking me to speak in forked tongue, though I didn't make them in the traditional way."

"Will you marry me then?" I asked jokingly.

"I'm too old for you."

"Right," I said with a laugh.

We both went into the tipi, and Thanatos served me. He had also made some more tea, and the food was very good. "After breakfast, would you like to go for a ride?"

"On a dragon?"

"Horse."

"One horse?" I asked.

"Until we get you your own. I do have a horse for you, but we have to ride down below to the shore. We have to go north a ways to avoid the cliffs."

"I think I'd like that very much. Can I ride in front?"

“You may."

We did, and we left Percy and Reggie behind.



*****



I'd never been on such a big horse. We rode bareback with a single rein halter. I held that rein, and Thanatos had one arm around me to stabilise us. He had told me never to kick the horse he called Gilgamesh, and to handle him very gently or we'd both end up on the ground. Both he and the stallion had such strange names. "Reggie said you're not First Nations," I said. "Not even one drop of blood?"

"No," he said.

I stroked his smooth, powerful forearm. "You have no hair, like us. You shave?"

"No need for that. I don't grow it."

"Why do you have the teeth of an animal, and why do your eyes glow red?"

"I was once born, yet live thrice."

"You speak riddles."

"Take literally, what I said."

I didn't understand, but it wasn't important now. "Are you a shape shifter like your bird?"

"Yes."

"Skin-walker, as they say down south?"

"No!"

That was all I needed to know. "You've been very nice to me for an invader. You also dress like we used to."

"Not too often, but if the circumstances call for it."

"So, you're a poser?!" I asked rhetorically.

"I have to be, in my profession."

"What do you do?"

"I'll tell you when you meet your horse."

"What kind of horse is it?"

"She's a pinto mustang," he said. "Black and white."

"I had one of those once. Had her for five years, then she got sick in the winter, and died. I still love her. You never forget a good horse."

Thanatos nosed the back of my head. "I know. Shall I tell Gil to go a little faster?"

I closed my eyes, and smiled. "All right."

Thanatos clicked his tongue, and Gilgamesh took off at a comfortable canter.

It seemed the stallion could keep it up, forever.



*****



When we got to the bottom of the slope, Gilgamesh had to walk in the water for a while, up to his knees. He didn't mind, but both Thanatos and I got a bit wet. The temperature was warm, so the cold water didn't bother me; considering this time I wasn't submerged in it. "My horse is down here?" I asked.

"I'll call her when we're in range. It won't be long. There's a cave."

"I wanted to see that cave."

"Reggie likes it. He named it 'The Dragon's Keep'."

"Does he consider it his?"

"To a degree. He feels like he's borrowing it, which he is. We really own nothing but our selves...and even that..."

"My people think that way. Or at least we're supposed to. We did before the wasicu came. It is nice that you aren’t one of the fat-takers, for being not of here.”

"I am an outlander. Not only to you, but those you despise. When we get to the sands, let's run again."

"OK."



*****



When we were almost at the cave, Thanatos told Gilgamesh to slow. He whistled loudly, and I almost couldn't believe what I saw running toward us.

A black and white pinto mare with red feathers tied into her forelock. She was the spitting image of Wind Runner. "Thanatos! That looks like my old horse that I was talking about."

Thanatos jumped down from his stallion, and helped me down. "She's a nice looking animal, Red Feather Woman. Her name is Wind Runner, and in her way; she told me she was waiting for you. She loves you quite a bit."

I looked at Thanatos. I don't remember telling him my name. "This is my horse, from when I was younger! Does this mean I'm dead?"

He smiled, and stroked my hair. "You can call it that, but it's not a good term. Transitioned is better. It's like I call myself a Gate Keeper, not a Death God."

Wind Runner came up to me, and nuzzled me. I embraced her, and broke into tears. After I recovered, I said, "Thanatos, thank you."

He pointed to the cave. "And there's more you want to see."

"Yes. Can you help me on my horse?"

Thanatos said, "You used to be able to get on by yourself. She's not really a horse. She's a tall pony."

"I was a teenager then. I'm an old woman, now."

He shook his head. "No you're not. There are no old women here. You're a beautiful Cheyenne-Lakota woman in her prime." A medium sized mirror appeared in his hands. He held it up to me, and I looked like I did when I was about twenty-five. "Haven't you noticed it's easier for you to move?"

My lower jaw dropped, and I brought my hands to my face. "How did you do that? Are you Wakan Tanka? The Great Unknown?"

He chuckled, and took my hand. "No. I'm Its grandson, though I call it Chaos. Let's go to the cave." The mirror disappeared.

I smiled, and a few tears of happiness trailed down my face. I did mount Wind Runner by myself, and we galloped to the cave.

When we got to that cave, we got off our horses before going in. There was a large bonfire in it, and the smoke went up a ventilation hole in one of the walls. Around the fire, sat my stepson, both my 'dead' husbands, Reggie the archaeopteryx, and Percy. My husbands and stepson were roasting meat over the fire on skewers. Night Wolf hailed me, and stood up. He gave his skewer to his father, who now looked Night Wolf's age, and he ran to me. "Ma! You're finally here!"

We embraced, and both of us cried over our reunion. We were soon joined by me husbands, and what a reunion it was.

Thanatos and I joined the feast, though Thanatos only had the tea and bread that was with the meat. Reggie and Percy didn't eat, and were just happy with our company. Reggie let me hold him for a while, and after we ate; Reggie showed me where the hot spring pool was. I looked at it, and kissed him on the head as I told him to never let me freeze my tail off again when I had other options.

He promised he wouldn't.

When we all walked out of the cave, the huge freshwater lake and sands were gone. Instead, there was a lush green field with many fruit trees, vegetables, berries, and animals.

"This is what most know as The Happy Hunting Ground," said Thanatos. "The thing is, you don't have to hunt anything here; not that you really can. If you want meat, you materialise it. That way all your animal brothers and sisters will remain your friends. I ought to do a mind share with you now, so you know exactly where you are, and how to exist here."

The mind share was a very nice experience. I'd never known a stronger intimacy with anyone, and it was one that I didn't have to feel guilty about.

I thought my death was much better than what the legends had led me to expect. Everyone also laughed over the fact that I would be spending eternity with two husbands, in addition to my stepson and horse.

Thanatos, Reggie and Percy told me they'd also drop by whenever I wanted to see them. All I had to do was give them a mental call.

What more could a Cheyenne-Lakota woman ask for?















































































My Last Night At Rishikesh





Finally! That damn statue infatuated me from the first day I saw it, and now I was here. Rishikesh, India, at the shore of the Ganga!

Shiva. So beautiful! So serene...with a cobra draped about his neck. I must have taken a hundred pictures.

There were so many people here. I wished they would all go away, and just leave me with this statue. No such luck, though. But there would be fewer people here in the wee hours. I'd come back then. Now, back to my hotel. Maybe I'd have some tea in the courtyard before trying to get some sleep.

People left sacrifices of flowers and sandalwood paste for Shiva. Perhaps I'd do the same. Or I could burn some sandalwood incense for him tonight? Sure. Why not do it all?! I’d buy the supplies after I got up.

I bought my tea, and had a seat in a fragrant little haven of beautiful flowers, and life sized religious statuary. Krishna, Kali, Vishnu, Ganesha, Durga, and of course my dear Shiva with his wife, Parvati. I think I was jealous.

I smiled at my foolishness, realising my thoughts were a bit in left field. I leaned back in my chair, and closed my eyes, inhaling the steam of my tea, then enjoying the flowers again, before my nose got used to them.

I had been the only one in the courtyard, but I opened my eyes when I heard footsteps.

I about went into shock.

A very tall, wiry, longhaired, absolutely drop dead gorgeous man was walking to another chair with his own cup of tea. He was as white as snow, and I swear his eyes glowed red. He wore bleached, tattered blue jean cut offs that qualified as hot pants, a silver torc around his neck, a pair of flip flops, and he sat in the shade in a lounge chair that had the back down so one could lie down on it. By golly, there was a live black cobra wrapped around him, a black leopard walked in with him, and sat next to him like a tame dog or something.

I just had to say something. "You look like that Shiva statue."

He looked at me and smiled. "No I don't." Nice accent. It was Scottish, or Irish, or something. He was also very graceful in the way he moved.

"I think you do."

"Shiva doesn't have a Celtic nose, my jaw line is more squared off, I have a chin dimple; more prominent cheekbones, a narrower body, and I am a bit better defined. Also, my hair only goes to my mid back; and I’ve only worn a topknot once."

"Is the snake de-venomed?"

"No. We're friends, though." The cobra actually put its face before the man's, and licked his nose. It then slithered onto his lap, and the man lay back after putting his tea on the side table. The snake curled itself up on his chest, and the leopard rested his head on the lounge chair, with the man placing his hand on the cat's head.

"Beautiful cat. No leash, huh?" I asked.

"Percy's a real pussycat. Also, anyone who thinks a man can stop a leopard with a leash is a bit uninformed. These animals are way more powerful than people. He's a sweetheart, though. He's never hurt anyone."

"What about the snake?"

"Reggie's never bitten anyone either. He's only known TLC, so he's cool."

"You look like you burn easily. Where are you from?"

"I'm sun-screened, and spend most of my time better dressed. I'm from Southwest Ireland, but I've been in these parts for a while." He kicked his thongs off, and let them fall as they may. "Gods, I hate those things."

"The sandals?" I asked.

"I should have worn something with straps in back. I'm not used to flip-flops. I'd rather go barefoot, but you never know what you're going to step in around here."

I had to laugh. "Tell me about it. I was going to buy Shiva some sandalwood incense among other things before retiring for tonight's sacrifice of mine. Want to come with me?" OK, so I changed my plans. I didn't want to lose this one's company.

"Damn, I love sandalwood too. Sure, but I think I want to change into something a bit more appropriate first. I'm just out of bed, and I wanted some chai to get me going. I can't stay with you too long, though. I have to get Percy three chickens, and see what I can catch for Reggie later." Those plans would change.

"I don't think I want to see that."

"Didn't think so." He carefully reached for his cup of tea without disturbing Reggie, who was still curled up and unmoving, on his abdomen.

"Can I pet Percy?"

"Hm hm. Put your hand in front of his nose first to let him get acquainted with you. It's proper protocol for introducing yourself to all animals."

I had another sip of my tea, and went over to Percy with the cup. I did as the man said, and stroked the black leopard on the forehead and neck after he lowered his head. I kneeled before him. "You are so beautiful, Percy. But you know that, don't you?"

"He does," said the man. "By the way, I'm Keith Munster." He pronounced his name the Irish way. Kayth.

"Paula Byron. Pleased to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too." We shook hands, loosely.

He had a few sips of his chai, put the cup down, stroked Reggie, and Reggie raised his head. Keith then sat up, and Reggie wrapped himself around Keith. He never spread his hood. I don't know who was more graceful. Reggie, or Keith. They both flowed like a banner in the breeze. Not that Percy was any less refined in his movements, but I was really entranced by Keith.

Reggie and Keith went nose to nose, and Keith got his nose licked again. Reggie then looked at me. "Can I pet you, too?"

"Same as Percy. Put your hand to his nose. He'll taste you, then you can pet him," said Keith

"And he won't bite me, or spit at me or anything?"

"No. He's a nice snake. They all are, if you treat them right."

Everything happened just the way Keith said it would. Being so close to him, I also detected a pleasant scent. "I see. Are you wearing sandalwood?"

"Always."

"And you're not Shiva incarnate?!"

"No! If I were, Parvati would have whupped my...oh, never mind." Percy chose that moment to jump up on the lounge chair next to Keith. He was one hell of a big cat, but he managed to do it without knocking anything or anyone over. Keith kissed Percy on the nose, and asked, "Are we feeling possessive?" Percy gave him a faint growl, as if answering him.

I tilted my head. "Why would Parvati have whupped your ass, which I assume you were going to say?"

Keith yawned. Damn, he had upper and lower fangs that gave Percy a run for his money. "Let's say I've got a past she wouldn't appreciate."

Looking like he did, I could only begin to imagine. "Your teeth!"

"Artificially constructed. My first girlfriend insisted on them. Same with the eyes."

I nodded. "How can you see?"

"Quite well."

"How many girlfriends have you had?"



"That I was really, really close to? Um...I don't know how to answer that. One and a half, I guess. Let us drop this subject, please. It's too convoluted to explain." He put his right arm around the leopard. Reggie brushed his head against Percy, and Percy gently nosed the snake.

I almost didn't hear Keith, because I was so awed at what the animals were doing. "Uh, yeah. Those two really love each other."

"Aye."

I finished my tea. "Trip and a half. Let me take my...are you almost done with your tea? I can take both cups back."

He finished his. "Actually, I have to get up to go to my room and change anyway. I can take the cups." He stood up, snake and all. He got back into his thongs, and waited for me to unload my cup off on him.

"OK," I said, as I handed it to him.

He took it, and walked into the restaurant.



*****



I waited about 15 minutes, and Keith reappeared. He wore black jeans tucked into black buckled boots that a lot of motorcycle riders wear back home in the states. He also wore a long sleeved black shirt, thin leather gloves, and a Stetson. "Sorry I took so long, but I do better with more sun protection."

"It wasn't that long."

"Want to just pick up the incense, or check out some more of the town?"

Just what I wanted to hear! "I also wanted to get him some flowers and sandalwood paste, but I'd love to see more of this place, if you don't mind. You know it?"

"Like the back of my hand," he said with a smile. I'd never met anyone who looked so angelic. Even despite the neon eyes and fangs.

I didn't really take conscious note, but our outing was unbelievably convenient. It seemed like 80 percent of the people of the city had disappeared. I picked up my incense cones, sandalwood paste, flowers, and matches, but we ended up going to a lot of street vendors. I don't think I ever had so many mango lassis in my life. Keith insisted on paying for everything. He bought skewered chicken and plates of lamb for Percy here and there. The leopard seemed to like the curry and tandoori cooked chicken. It was funny to watch Keith feed Percy. He'd buy 3 or 4 skewers, hold them in front of Percy's nose, Percy would bite down, and Keith would just pull on the skewer. Percy would chew a couple times, swallow, and then look at Keith, with a 'More, please' expression. Keith let me feed Percy a few times, and I was really beginning to fall for that cat.

When we actually sat down at a restaurant, it was amazing. No one questioned Keith about his cat or snake. I guess everyone was used to them. We sat outside, under an awning. Keith ordered strictly vegetarian for himself. He told me he wasn't a meat eater. I ordered vegetarian, out of respect for Keith. Reggie the cobra would be wrapped around him for the whole meal.

As for Percy...Percy actually sat on a chair. Keith ordered 3 fish pakora servings for him, along with several orders of de-skewered chicken tikka kabab, lamb tikka masala, raita, and sag paneer; heavy on the cheese. The pussycat needed his veggies, and Keith said Percy liked spinach.

One thing that happened that about made me hit the floor after it was over; is that at one point, Reggie stretched his head over to Percy's plate. Percy looked at him, and growled. Reggie backed off for a few seconds, then shot out and grabbed a piece of Percy's chicken, swallowing it with ease. Percy just looked at him, and hissed. Reggie spread his hood, and hissed back. Percy growled again, and everyone went back to what they were doing.

Of course initially it scared the bejesus out of me, but it was over in seconds, and after what had happened sank it, I had a hard time to keep from laughing. "Does this sort of thing happen often?" I asked.

"No. I don't usually take them out to eat. Ideally, Percy should be eating his food raw, and Reggie should be getting his food live. Actually, Percy kills his own chickens. He gets subsidised with fish, eggs, dairy, and a few cooked veggies. What's happening today is very rare."

I was sitting across from Percy, who was kitty-corner from Keith. We each had our own side of the table. "I can't believe Percy and Reggie like their food so spicy," I said.

"This is pretty mild," said Keith. "After all, I'm Irish; and it's not knocking me through the roof. I've been used to a bland diet."

"I guess you're right. After all, I've gotten through half my plate with no need to quench any fires with ice water. By the way, what do you think of Shiva?"

"He's an exemplary role model. I have nothing bad to say about him."

"I wonder if he looks like that statue."

"He can look like anything he wants," said Keith.

"If he ever gets a divorce, I'm available."

Keith laughed. "That's highly unlikely."

"Tell me about it. Can I hold Reggie on the way back to the hotel?"

"If he likes. Hold your arm out to him when you're ready. It's my way of inviting him, though with me; he needs no invitation. He just does what he wants, and I accommodate him. I'm honoured to have the company of these animals, and they rule me. You want to go back to the hotel already?"

"Remember I wanted to go to the statue in the wee hours? I think it might be a good idea to get a few more hours of sleep."

"Tired?"

"No."

"Let's go to the statue now. Then we can go back. We can look at some of the other Shiva statues on the way. They're just as pretty."

"No argument from me.



*****



When it was time to leave the table, I held my arm out to Reggie like Keith suggested, and the cobra slithered up it leaving Keith for me, wrapped himself around me, and rested his head on my right shoulder. When I looked at him, he raised his head, and licked my nose. I just had to smile. I never thought I'd fall in love with a snake, but I didn't want to even begin to think that we'd never see each other again, very soon.

Keith paid for our dinner, and we were off. It was early twilight by now, and the streets were nearly deserted. This was very strange, because all the other days I'd been here; the place was quite crowded at this time period. "Where is everyone?" I asked.

"I wouldn't question our luck." Keith pointed to a flower vendor. "Let me buy something for Shiva, too."

We went to the vendor, and Keith bought two flowerpots. One held musk roses, the other; lily-of-the-valley. He carried them as we looked at other sites with statues of Shiva, and other deities. Percy always walked between us.

I didn't talk much. Keith did most of that. He told me about the history of India, and how what was; had been corrupted by colonisation and human nature itself.

Greed and laziness! The bane of humanity. It was the downfall of the world, he told me. This place had some of the best philosophers of history, but look at how the people lived.

When we got to the statue of our intended sacrifices, there was absolutely no one there. It wasn't yet 10:00 pm, but the place was completely deserted. Keith gave me the pot of roses, and he reverently laid his pot in front of the statue. I did the same, with Reggie still wrapped around me. Percy just sat down behind us.

I lay out my cut jasmine flowers, smeared the sandalwood paste on the stone skin Shiva was sitting on, lay the incense cones between the flowers, and kneeled. Keith ended up kneeling beside me, and lit the cones. Percy came closer to us, and lay beside Keith while he was doing that.

At the lighting of the final cone, Keith said, "Shiva! I think it's time for you to land another blow to Maya."

I didn't understand what he meant. I just closed my eyes and concentrated on Shiva. Reggie brushed his head against my cheek, and I smiled.

Just a few seconds later, I heard a strange man beside me say, "Namaste." I hadn't heard anyone come up to us.

I looked up. A man was standing next to me. He had long black hair tied in a topknot with a silver crescent moon weaved into its outer left side. He was holding a trident. He wore a white loincloth, and he had a king cobra around himself, just like how I had Reggie. He wore two bracelets and armlets around his biceps that were fashioned after the cobra, and a black pearl necklace. He had a vertical slit on his forehead, and he was every bit as gorgeous as Keith. He looked like the statue before us.

Keith looked up to him, smiled, and stood up. "Namaste. Been a while."

The man extended his hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet. "Namaste, Paula. Thank you for your offering, though your motivation and intent was a bit questionable."

"Namaste. Guilty as charged to a degree, I'm afraid," I said. Thank you for embarrassing the living daylights out of me, but what could I expect? Shiva was known to be a bit of a prankster with quite a sense of humour. Well, I note he said 'was'. This is true. I was now awed out of my wits, and my former 'motivation' had gone straight to the back burner. I turned to Keith. "Been a while?"

Shiva chuckled. "We know each other. Work for the same sort of thing, though Keith; or Thanatos rather, is more like Yama than like me."

I scowled. "I know both those names. Death!" I looked around me. There were still only the three of us. "Am I dead?"

"Poisoned and robbed by your cook at the hotel. It happens," said Keith...er...Thanatos.

Suddenly Reggie looked at Thanatos, and I heard an unfamiliar voice in my head. 'Can I go to my regular form now?'

"Ask Paula."

Reggie got his face in mine. 'I'm not usually a snake. In fact I used to eat them in my youth. Now I would really like my wings back.'

I stroked him under the chin. "So you can talk, huh? Sure."

'No, I can't talk. I can communicate, though. Thanks.' He slid to the ground, and where before was a snake, stood an archaeopteryx, which immediately flew to Thanatos' left shoulder.

"Telepathy amongst all creatures is the norm on this side of The Veil," said Shiva.

"Long extinct creatures," I said, looking at Reggie. "You are absolutely beautiful."

'Thank you,' replied Reggie. 'Nothing that ever was ever goes away. It goes somewhere else, but it always is.'

Percy stretched. 'I think I'll go to my preferred form, myself.' Bigger, stockier black cat with very long sabre tooth fangs. He kept his long tail, and didn't quite have the build of a smilodon. He looked like a hybrid. A beautiful hybrid!

"Oh my God!" I said.

"Which one?" asked Shiva, with a chuckle!

"Oh, all of them. Who cares? This is great. When was I killed, by the way?"

"Last night," said Thanatos. "Neither me nor Shiva wanted you to experience what really happened, so I took over your mind. Your reality, to make you see and experience what you did."

"What poison was used to take me out?" I asked.

"Datura is the favourite in these parts," said Shiva. He then looked to Thanatos. "Paula is better suited for you to take on, than me. It would be too much of a culture shock for her in my realm. I haven't been to Tech Duinn or the Elysian Fields in forever, anyway; and I'd like to see those places again."

The Elysian Fields, I'd heard of; but... "Tech Duinn?' I asked?

"One of the estates of the main love of my life," said Thanatos. "Donn Ui'Midir. Irish Gate Keeper! Your initial reaction to meeting him without being forewarned, would be to freak; but I'm forewarning you now. We look alike due to circumstances that were once beyond our control, and now that they are no longer beyond our control; we continue to look alike, because it works. It's just that Donn is a bit shorter than I, has red-blond hair, ebony eyes, and though pale; does have some colour to him. However, if a pencil sketch of both of us is done, you couldn't tell the difference between us."

Shiva tilted his head. "You give the impression of looking a little older."

"Yes, it has been a long time since you visited us. Donn's decided to go for what he was due to look like in his prime, not the visage of the 17 year old kid. We are absolutely identical now."

"Oh." Shiva nodded, and chuckled. "And there's a bit more to that story, I see."

"A bit, but let's not go there now," said Thanatos. He looked at me. "Well, Paula? Shall we go to one of the pads I hang at so you can decide on what to do with yourself?"

"What's it like?" I asked.

"A vast live-in museum with the most beautiful garden on the Etheric Plane," said Thanatos.

"I can't wait to go, myself," said Shiva.

"OK, then let's," I said.

After I was transferred to Tech Duinn, I soon found Thanatos' other main love...his so called 'half' girlfriend, depending on what gender 'it' was; had a equine companion named Shiva.

Small world...um...or should I say the realms of existence weren't quite as vast as I'd expected them to be.

Death! The greatest trip of my life!

Oh, and one word of warning before I go. If you are sitting at the dinner table with Shiva across from you and you bring up Ganesha...if Shiva is not between mouthfuls and you are inclined to ask 'Who's the daddy’...DON'T!

































Skate Away





Thanatos and I were lying back under a tree in the Elysian Fields, after a Nirvanic make out session that surpassed the encounter of when he took me over just before I became a Gate Keeper.

I was perpendicular to him, and had my head on his midsection. He was periodically scratching me on top of the head. "So, you can now skate better than I," I said.

"You could modify yourself to be able to do what I can do."

"Quadruple lutz with a clean landing. A three point five axel! Wow! Modifying myself would be cheating, though. I am at the apex of how I was born to be. If I can't do it, I can't do it."

"I don't put limits on myself like that." said Thanatos.

"You have no limits."

"Oh, I do. Just not like that."

"Only self-imposed limits."

"Shouldn't we all, to stay on the light grey road?" he asked.

"Light grey? You don't take the white road?"

He laughed, jarring me a bit. "Donn, you've seen some of the pranks I've pulled, and will pull again. I'd hardly call my road white. I get personally involved in cases, too. You may have noticed."

I sat up. "I notice nothing bothers you more than injustice."

He sat up, too. "That, and the fact I can't come to terms with the past of Keith."

I sat beside him, and put my arm around him. "You were great when you only knew yourself as Keith. You were always so sweet and helpful. You got a little high strung just before you found who you really were, but if all that happened didn't happen, what would you be like now?"

He threw himself around me. "Damn, I love you. Now speaking of skating, there was a case of a lady in Warren, New Jersey. She fell through the ice, and no one ever came for her on this side. Shall we fix that?"

"!968, huh?"

"Aye. December. This one is very, very important to me," said Thanatos.

"Sure. Let's go back and get 'er. Then, after we get back I want to see you do a solo to 'Requiem Mass'."

"Mozart, and Süssmayr? Sure. Too bad Mozart died before he could finish it. And maybe we can choreograph something to it, like what you and Stefan do."

"Gladly."



*****



Her name was Kale Feldt. It was pronounced just like it was spelled. Kale, the vegetable! I swear! Why do people name their children after produce?! Well, at least it wasn't broccoli or cauliflower; but still...

It was a little above freezing as Kale was skating on someone else's private pond, without that someone else knowing about it. She was also pretty good. She'd obviously had lessons, but it's kind of weird watching an adept, graceful skater in a parka.

Me? I wasn't going to dress up for the winter. I decided to go temperature insensitive, and skate in my tunic. Yeah, it wasn't a good time or place for a guy to be wearing a 'dress' in public, but I wasn't exactly in Times Square. I was also so damn cute in it, that it wouldn't bother Kale any. Not after the initial shock, anyway.

I trudged down to the pond from the hill beside it, sat on the rock where Kale had her winter boots, changed my hiking boots for my skates, and had the tops of a couple of black boot socks sticking out over my skate tops by a few centimetres; being my skates didn't quite hit my calves.

Kale came up to me. "Is this pond yours?"

It might as well be, since we weren't going to be in New Jersey very much longer. "Sort of. It belongs to the family, but we don't care if you use it. A lot of people do."

"Thanks. You have a nice accent. Where are you from?"

"Off the coast of Cork, Ireland."

"Aren't you cold?"

I tilted my head. "I came here pretty fast, and I skate hard. No, but I will be if I keep sittin' on my tail."

"OK. I have to get back to my practise, myself. Thanks again for letting me use this. I'd rather not drive to the rink and pay."

I got up, and went on the ice. "I see where you're coming from. No problem."

We both did out thing and ignored each other for a little while. A little while! Then I had a rapt audience, and I went into all out performance mode. I did wild jumps and spins, and a few impressive acrobatics, including a couple of aerials. I affected Keith's adopted grace, and flowed like an oil slick, as our private cliché went.

Aye, that's not a very romantic analogy, but oil slicks do flow gracefully, OK? Anyway, I didn't come up with it. Stefan did. Can you expect anything else from him?

When I finally ended my run, I panted, though I wasn't really winded. I just pretended to be, because a mere mortal would have been. Kale clapped her hands. "That was good. Are you a professional?"

I chuckled. "No. It's just a hobby. You're pretty good, yourself."

"I wouldn't dare do half the things you do."

"I trained long and hard for it. If you were dedicated enough, you could do it all."

"I don't know if I have the guts or the strength."

I crossed my arms. "If you think it's because you're a woman, a woman inspired me to become what I am, and she could do a quadruple toe loop jump. Unfortunately she hurt her achilles tendon and never fully recovered, but until that injury; she was as good as me. I don't think I ever outdid her." I was talking about Surya Bonaly, who wasn't born yet according to Kale, but what I said was the truth. Surya was to skating what Macha The Red was to fighting. She'd never be beaten, as a total package. Oh, and what a fox she was.

Well, OK! Now Keith could out skate her, but come on! The two aren't even the same species.

Kale smiled. "I'll have to remember that."

That was the moment the ice started cracking beneath her. I was only a metre and a half away, so I raced toward her, grabbed her arm, and gave her the illusion of a rescue via reflexes and speed.

"Whew! That was close," I said as the ice cracked more.

"Oh man, I think you just save my life."

I will not fall to the ground laughing, I will not... "Actually, I think I just saved you from being very uncomfortable, but I don't think we should skate here anymore. In fact, would you like to come in for a cup of tea?"

"Where's your house?"

I pointed to the hill I'd just come down from. "Just on the other side of the hill. Part of the house is built into the hill. Saves on heating costs."

"Sure. You married?"

"Not yet." It's not like I was ever going to get married, but it was the answer to give under these circumstances.

"What is that you're wearing?"

"My skating tunic. It doesn't confine me. I need complete freedom of movement on the ice."

"I've never seen anything like it. It's nice, but do people ever make fun of you for wearing it?"

"It hasn't happened yet. Thanks, though."

We went to the rock where we had our boots, and I waited for Kale to change hers, first. I then changed mine, and we went toward the house in the hill that was nothing at all like it's New Jersey counterpart. The New Jersey counterpart was nice, but not nearly as extravagant as my latest piece of architectural art.



*****



When the house was in sight, Kale's lower jaw dropped. "That thing is huge! It's yours?"

"It’s my family's. They don't stay here much." Like, not at all. "By the way, I'm Vergil Xanon."

"Kale Feldt. I think my parents had a mean sense of humour. Being German, being called a Kraut on occasion, Kraut meaning cabbage in German, and kale being a cabbage?"

I just had to chuckle. I hadn't thought of that. "Sounds like something my girlfriend would appreciate. She comes up with all kinds of ways to torture children, not that she ever wants one."

"What's she like?"

"Stephanie? Creative, artsy, vicious sense of humour, devoted, kind of on the macho side, and she likes to pretend to live for her very large nose." I didn't mention the fact that she's usually a he, but this was not the time to get into that. "She skates too. We ice dance together."

"Is she as good as you?"

"She's damn good, but not quite. Or should I say that she's just a little more conservative. She's not so reckless as to do an aerial on ice. She's done them on gym mats and off of diving boards, but that's more of a psychological hang-up than an inability. Her triple axels aren't always a hundred percent, but considering how long it took her to seriously attempt them; I'm not going to come down on her for that." I couldn't even watch her...uh...him hone the skill he had now, regarding triple axels. Stef just didn't consider them that important.

"I wouldn't even do an aerial on a gym mat, and I can't do a triple axel, either. I can do a double. Maybe next year, 'cause I'm working on it."

"Considering what I had to go through to get to where I'm at, I don't blame you on the aerials. I took a few painful bad landings when I was learning. As for Stephanie, I've got a few paintings of her up; if you want to know what she looks like."

"Cool. You paint?"

"Sure do. So does Stef, but these are mine." We went up the cobbled walkway from the wide dirt road that went to a side road. Not that we were in Warren anymore, but Warren in the time of 1968 was fairly rural. There were quite a few farms in the town.

The door had been left unlocked, and we just walked in. Kale hung her parka on the rack, and followed me. I thought it was silly to wear such a heavy coat, since it was unseasonably warm today in Warren; as well as had been the past two days. I showed her seven paintings I had in the hall. Stefan in front of castle ruins in his usual Victorian Dracula-esque outfit, one where me and him were riding together, one where 'it' was in female form with fangs, dressed as a dominatrix about to cut my belt off, with my shirt already having been shredded, one of me on Hesper in my tunic, one of Thanatos and Macha sparring in the ring, one of Thanatos dressed down, on Gilgamesh, and one of me and Thanatos playing chess in jeans and work shirts.

"The red head with the nose is Stef, the Amazon is Macha, and the one who looks like me is Keith. No, we're not related."

"I like where you painted Stephanie like a vampire. Is Keith married?"

I gave a single chortle. "Don't have a boyfriend?"

"Not much of one. Keith's very handsome. You both are."

I shrugged. "Thanks. Keith isn't really good material. He's not the type who can be tied down in the conventional sense."

"Why did you paint his eyes like that? Looks like he has eyes of fire."

"Aye. He's had that done to him self. Dental implants, too. That's where I got the idea to paint Stephanie like that." Stef wouldn’t be wearing fangs for this case. They did go well with 'its' cannibalism jokes, however.

Kale stared at the picture with Keith fighting Macha, where he had his mouth open. "I barely see fangs in this picture. So that's real?!"

"Aye," I said. “It sure is.”

"Wow!"

"Pretty impressive looking man, huh?! Wait 'til you see HIM skate."

"You mean I can meet him?"

"That can be arranged. After all, he and Stephanie are my best friends."

"Oh, yeah. Stephanie is pretty, too. I like her eyes. I've never seen that colour."

"It's rare, but it's around." Hey! Turquoise was the colour of my eyes, before I shifted the irises to black, along with the darkening my formerly light red eyebrows.

"She's really got muscles. So, Stephanie is your fiancée?

For the sake of propriety in Kale's era, I said, "Yes," and hoped Stef wouldn't kill me for it, in analogy. "Let me go make us that tea. Do you like Earl Grey?" I really wanted out of where this conversation was going.

"Very much so. Thank you."

We passed the library on the way to the kitchen. Kale looked inside. "You have a lot of books."

"I like to read. I like learning new things, or in the case of most of those books, old things! I like reading the classics, poetry, and philosophers of yore."

"I'm not much into poetry, but I like Dickens, and the stories of Oscar Wilde, and such."

"I have that. You can check it out later. In fact, should I make dinner and call Stef and Keith for tonight?" I asked. "They live real close, and actually spend a lot of nights here. I even have a room for each of them."

"I'd love that."

"Great. Hope you don't mind that we're vegetarian."

"No."

"OK. Let me call my mates," I said as we went into the kitchen. I had a black rotary phone up on the wall by the entrance to the kitchen. I dialed a random number, waited, and "Hi Stef. This is Vergil. I found a skater on my pond who almost fell through, and wonder if you and Keith can come over for dinner, 'cause she's interested in meeting others who share her hobby."

I waited a few seconds, playing what would be Stephanie's response in my head, and then said, "OK. See you guys in about an hour. Bye."

I hesitated a few more seconds for my nonexistent conversation partner to hang up, then hung up myself. I got the teakettle out of the cupboard, filled it with water, and put it on the gas stove. I then went to the refrigerator and pulled out a half a blueberry pie, and some whipped cream, along with some plates and a couple of forks. I put it all on the table. "Have a seat. This is good on a cold day like this."

"Blueberry? That's one of my favourites."

Yes. I knew that. That's why I put it out. I also put out some sugar cubes, and cream for the tea. I personally cringed at the idea of putting sugar in Earl Grey tea, but not everyone was like me. "Mine, too; though I like most fruit pies. Can you eat half of this?"

"You must be kidding! Of course!"

I sliced what was left of the pie in half, put a piece on a plate, and gave it to her. She sprayed on a bunch of whipped cream on it, and I did the same with mine.

I had a couple of bites, and the teakettle went off. I put three tea bags in it to make it nice and strong, and brought the kettle over to the table. I put a potholder under it before setting it down. Kale seemed to be having the time of her life.



*****



"How shall we dress for this?" asked Stefan.

"First, you can change your gender."

"Yeah, but..."

"How's about we dress like hot sluts?"

"THANATOS!"

"Hey! There's a first time for everything, as far as you're concerned. I do it all the time for my cases."

Stefan laughed. "And most of the time you tell 'em to play on the highway when they ask for your services."

Thanatos shrugged. "I do have to get them interested. Get them in a properly manipulatable state to accept what's happened to them? Motivate them?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you want me to dress like a bleedin' bimbo in the conventional sense to give the impression I'm worthy of the company of the lofty Vergil Xanon and Keith Munster."

"Dude! Pretend you're in it for yourself. It's an act. You're part of the motivation; though as a role model, and not a potential lay she's not even gonna want; since she's straight."

Stefan smiled. "Sure. Once. Why not."

Thanatos kissed him on the forehead. "Thanks. For me...and even more for Donn."

They embraced. "I'll do what I gotta do," said Stefan.



*****



When Thanatos and Stephanie showed up, they pulled up on a motorcycle. Thanatos was dressed in badly ripped, bleached jeans, harnessed biker boots, a badly ripped black t-shirt, studded black leather jacket, mirrored sunglasses, and black biker gloves. Stephanie was in a slit black leather mini-skirt, black go-go boots, a black silk halter, a black leather jacket, black driving gloves, and of all the pranks she had to pull, she had impaled three pores on her left nostril, and four pores of her right nostril with black cat whiskers. They were NOT dressed appropriately for the weather outside. When she walked in, Stef sashayed to the hilt like what you would expect of an ultra-campy gay dude on stage. She also adopted an accent, sounding much like an Irish Snagglepuss. It was just too much for me, and I had to fight to keep from laughing; but Kale did enough of that for both of us.

Stef and Thanatos put their jackets on the coat rack, both flaunting their buffed forms. Stephanie stood out more, because it's almost unheard of to see a woman more defined than Rachel McLish in her prime.

Barely controlling myself, I pointed to Thanatos, who I shall refer to as Keith for the rest of this story. "Kale, this is Keith Munster and Stephanie Shannon. Stef can obviously be quite a character, as you can see. Guys, this is Kale Feldt."

Thanatos extended his hand, and they shook. "Pleased to meet you. So you're a skater, too?!"

"Yes."

Stephanie flicked her wrist before limply presenting her hand. "Kale. Such a brilliant name for a Kraut." Oh, the hazards of living with a telepath.

Kale chuckled. "Indeed. You're pretty funny."

Stef flicked both wrists. "Oh, thank you. I do try." Stef grinned at Kale, thank The Goddess, with regular teeth.

I looked down, put my hand to my forehead, and shook my head, then looked at Keith; who shrugged with a smile.

"OK, everyone. You guys make yourselves at home while I put another pot of tea on, and start dinner," I said. "This shouldn't take too long."

"All right, luv," said Stephanie. "Then after we recover from that, shall we all strut our stuff in your basement rink?"

I didn't know I had a basement rink. I guess I did now. "Sure. That would be great."

"You have an indoor ice rink?" asked Kale.

"Yes," I said.

"Great! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Well, I couldn't tell her I just found out that it was there myself, but "I wasn't sure about inviting you downstairs, you know? It might have sounded inappropriate."

"I guess so," said Kale.

"We can show her the rink while you make the tea, and can I take my nose whiskers out now that I showed everyone my new concept of cosmetic enhancement? These things are as uncomfortable as high heels."

Now I laughed. "Yes, please. You're making me jealous anyway."

"I'll save some more for you as Percy sheds them," said Stephanie.

Hm. Are we talking house cat whiskers, or saber cat whiskers? "I appreciate that," I said.

From the looks of Kale's expression, it seemed she was having a hard time believing this conversation was happening. When I did a minor scan on her, I found Kale was quite amused at Stef's antics.

"Oh, let's show Kale some of the digs," said Stephanie, as she intertwined her fingers in front of herself with a bit of histrionics.

"Go," I said. "I'm putting the tea on."



*****



There was now a small area at the bottom of the stairs with a bench, a record player, about fifty records, and our skates, or in my case; a place for my skates, being I'd dropped them just behind the front door; with Kale's. The rest of the basement was covered with ice. There were rails along the walls to grab for support. There wasn't much to see, but Kale was impressed; and almost couldn't wait for the chance to strut her stuff. "This is wild," she said. "I've been skating on that pond for the past few winters, and I never knew anything like this was here."

"I guess you never explored this side of the hill," said Keith.

"No. I didn't have a clue on who owned this land," said Kale

"It doesn't matter. A lot of people use the pond. Even us, when we want to play outside. Vergil probably already told you that," said Keith.

"He did."

It was the prevailing attitude that no one cared if you trespassed on their property if you didn't do any damage to it, in these parts, at the time. A lot of folks had major acreage, and what was it to them if a neighbour walked across the land, or raided their non-commercial fruit trees or berry bushes, or were just taking a hike? People knew each other, and were generally on friendly terms. It was a time you could just knock on your neighbour's door and be invited in for a cup of coffee, or whatever.

When everyone came back upstairs, Keith yelled to me, "We'll be in the living room. I'm starting the fireplace."

"Thanks," I hollered back. "The tea is brewing. I'll be right in."

Stephanie said, "I'm gonna help Vergil. I think we'll need two trays for the four of us."

"All right," said Keith.

Stephanie came into the kitchen.

As I was traying the cups and saucers, I said, "Stef, you really out did yourself this time. The cat whiskers in your nose?"

"Admit it! It made me look cuter."

"Actually it did, but I don't know if I'd go public with that innovation. I don't think the world is ready for it."

"Think it ever will be?"

"No!"

Stephanie put the cream, sugar, and teakettle on another tray. "Biscotti too?"

"Sure."

Stephanie materialised some milk chocolate coated vanilla biscotti with toffee and hazelnuts. "Our favourite."

"It'll be a hit with Kale. I'm glad she likes your sense of humour. You're leaving both Liberace and Richard Penniman in the dust with your gay boy act. I'll also join you for one cup after I get the veggies boiling."

"OK."



*****



Keith was closing the fire screen when Stef and I came in, and the flames were starting up. We put everything on the coffee table, and Stephanie sat next to Keith on the couch. Kale was in a chair next to the fire, and the couch was across from it. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes," I said, before I went back to the kitchen.

I clattered around a bit, but didn't actually do much work. I got a pot of water boiling with rice pilaf, seaweed, miso, chives, dill, another pot with potatoes and garlic that I was going to mash, butter and cream, one pot with a carrot, pea, pearl onion and mushroom mixture, and one pot with a thick mushroom and red wine sauce for the mashed potatoes on simmer. I'd materialised it all, and was with the gang in about three minutes.

I sat next to Stephanie, poured my cup, and creamed it.

"This is a very beautiful house," said Kale.

"Thank you," I said.

Kale looked at Keith. "Vergil said you live close by."

"Just a kilometre down Mount Horeb, and up Vergil's back road. That's why we didn't dress for the weather. It only took us a couple of minutes to get here on my bike. I keep it and the car in a heated garage so nothing freezes up or sticks. I'm just glad there was no snow, sleet or rain, because I hate driving the car."

"Oh. I can't handle the cold." Kale looked at me. "I'd have frozen in that flimsy tunic you're wearing." Kale said to me.

"You've seen how I skate," I said. "That generates a lot of heat."

"I guess so," said Kale. "I get pretty hot in my clothes, but after I stop; I'm glad I have them on."

"I can understand. We're also used to cooler temperatures than most. To us, it's not really that bad outside right now. We've been through much worse." I had another sip of my tea, and stood up with the cup. "I better get back in the kitchen, and watch my food. I don't want my mushroom gravy to burn."

Stephanie got up. Finally using her normal tone of voice, she said, "And let me set the table for us."

"Thanks," I said to Stef, we went for the kitchen.

"No problem," she replied.

The rice would be done in another ten minutes, as if time were still relevant. I materialised a large, intricate salad in a bowl, and Stef set the table with plates, salad bowls, two forks, a spoon, a butter knife, a glass goblet, and a cloth napkin at each place. The table had a cotton tablecloth on it. Not practical, but showy. Stef also materialised, and placed four large bottles of Martinelli apple cidre on the table, one by each place setting. When she came back, I asked, "Are you going to instigate a burping contest tonight?"

"I thought about it, but I don't think so. There are limits with some people."

"You mean you actually recognise that?" I asked.

Stephanie smiled, and put her right index finger in front of her lips. "Shhhhhhh."

I smiled back. "All right. I won't tell anybody.



*****



"I almost can't believe you and Vergil aren't related. You're almost twins," said Kale to Keith.

"Well, we're not. It's not often doppelgangers meet up, huh? Especially when they've known each other from childhood."

"The fangs are neat. You a Dracula fan?" With his affected graceful moves, how attractive he was, not to mention his provocative dress, Kale really had to fight not to stare at him.

"I like the look, but as you note my fangs are both upper and lower; so it's not based on the cinema vampire. The idea of sucking blood from someone's neck is repulsive to me, so not really. Also the romanticised Hollywood vampires aren't anything like those the myths are written of. The vampires of legend are vile, decayed and disgusting creatures."

"And your eyes. I can see the light behind the glasses. Vergil told me you had your eyes modified."

Keith took his mirrored glasses off, and put them on the coffee table. "So I did. I can be vain, sometimes."

"You darken your eyebrows?"

"Sometimes. And lashes. These guys like it, so I cater to them half the time these days."

"Vergil has dark eyebrows too. Dark eyes, though. It looks good with his light hair. Nice contrast."

"There's no way to argue against that."

"I can't wait to see you skate," said Kale.

"I can't wait to see you strut your stuff either. You want me in costume?"

"Sure, if it's not too inconvenient."

"It's not. I have outfits here. After all, I almost live here. Me, Vergil and Stephanie work together on our arts all the time."

"Stephanie. She's got the definition of a guy. How much does she work out?"

"You can get that way if you work out two hours a day every second day, and eat right. It's not easy, though. You have to drive yourself to your limits."

"I don't know if that looks good or bad on a woman. I kind of like it, but it's weird; you know?"

"Something that takes getting used to. Aye," said Keith.

"I like her. That was hilarious what she did with the nose whiskers."

"She is pretty funny. She comes up with a lot of stunts and jokes. Some of them are pretty gruesome, but if you don't take them too seriously, you know? Cannibalism is one of her specialised topics. You may or may not hear a joke on that before the night is through, and even if she's playing it straight; she's not serious."

"Thanks for the warning."

"Din-din!" I called.

Everything was on the table.

We all served ourselves.



*****



Kale had a bite of her rice. "I have never tasted rice this good. What's in it?"

"It's Japanese rice with miso, mushrooms, and seaweed," I said.

Kale grimaced. "Seaweed?"

Stephanie said, "I thought it would be gross, too. Somebody ordered it for me once at a Chinese restaurant, and I found I loved it. It's actually great stuff, and very good for you."

"I will admit this is a very good mixture," said Kale. She grabbed a slice of bread, and buttered it. She dunked it into my mushroom wine gravy, and had a bite. "If this is what being a vegetarian is like, I think I want to become one."

"It's work. You have to make sure you eat the right vegetables to get all the proper amino acids. It's healthier, and you cause less suffering among the animals," said Stephanie. "By the way, I'm gonna dress up for the ice. What are you wearing, Keith?"

Keith had a bite of his mixed veggies, and looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'm trying to decide between the white and silver satin outfit, or the tiger stripes."

"Dude! If you do the stripes, you need an hour for us to paint you." I said.

"That sounds neat," said Kale.

"Don't encourage him," I said. "It's time consuming, regardless of how good we are."

"So, you think we're going to want to hit the ice the second we're done stuffing ourselves silly?" asked Keith.

"OK. Point taken. Stef are you up to this?" I asked.

"Sure. If he pets my nose for an hour for compensation, later."

"I will NOT!" said Keith. "Getting a chance to watch me perform should be enough!"

"Oh, all right," said Stephanie.

Kale's right eyebrow went up. "Pet your nose for an hour?"

Stephanie looked at me. "Think she's ready for this?"

"NO!" I said. I looked at Kale. "Let's just say Stef pretends to be very nose-focused."

"Pretends?" asked Stephanie. “I think I have a right to be.”

"Never mind. Let's just drop it." I turned to Kale. "Kale, we're leaving you for an hour. You can skate, explore the house, hang at the library, whatever; until we're ready."

"I can't wait to see the end result," said Kale.

"I think I can," I said.

Of course we didn't 'paint' Keith. Keith became striped at will, and the stripes would not wipe off. They were part of him. We just hung out in Stephanie's 'part time' room. Stef dressed in black nylons for the first time I ever saw her, and a silk dress that was bare back, v-neck, and had asymmetrical layers down to the knees in parts, and was thigh high in other parts. Her skates came up to her calf, though she wouldn't get into those until we were at the rink. She also wore socks over the nylons that were almost as high as the skates. I was stunned to see Stef in that outfit. So was Keith.

"Dude! You look great! You goin' fem on us?" asked Keith.

"Hell no! In fact I'm gonna do a more macho routine than I ever did before. Just if I make a mistake, I'm gonna time trip back and do it again...right. If I already dressed in drag for tonight looking like a hot slut, I might as well do it on the ice, too. After all, you are."

"Understood," said Keith.

The finished product of Keith was white satin hot pants slightly slit up the sides, white, calf high skates, socks, and a tiger stripe pattern on face, body and limbs. He looked great, and Kale was going to go even more ga-ga over him.

"You look very seductive. Will you cater to her if she asks?" I asked.

"No, and she won't ask. She doesn't have that kind of upbringing. That's not why I'm dressed like this."

"He could look better," said Stephanie.

"I'M NOT WEARING NOSE WHISKERS!!!!!!!!"

"OK, fine. Then I'm not interested, either," said Stephanie.

"As if," said Thanatos. "Stef! I have a damn good reason for doing this. We already talked about it some. There's a little something that I didn't tell you, and I won't let you OR Vergil know until it's over; or you both might screw this up. Just continue with the act, and doing the best that you can.

"Fine," said Stephanie with an affected petulance. "I'm feeling strangely narcissistic this evening." A set of cat-like whiskers appeared in Stephanie's nose again. These wouldn't be uncomfortable, for she had temporarily modified herself to be as she was. They actually were hers. "There! I think I'm ready."

I doubled over with this one.

Keith chuckled. "Ye gods, I'm not skating if you don't cut it out. I don’t think I’ll even be able to!"

The whiskers disappeared. "OK."

I was dying to know what Keith knew, and wasn't telling us.



*****



We found Kale on the ice at the end of that hour. Me, Keith and Stef had worn slippers down to the rink, to make it easier to just shed what we were wearing to get into our skates.

"Wow! You two look great!" said Kale to Keith and Stephanie, as she skated over to us.

"Thanks," they both replied simultaneously.

Keith then asked, "Who first?"

"You," said Stephanie.

Keith looked at me. "Give me, 'All Along The Watchtower', 'Sound Of Silence', 'Norwegian Wood'’, and 'Hazy Shade of Winter'."

"OK." I went through the record collection, got out Jimi Hendrix, Simon and Garfunkle, and The Beatles.

Keith went on the ice, and waited for the music to start.

He had the rapt attention of all of us. I think he must have given the best performance of his existence. He showed off power, agility, litheness, grace, and sheer guts. He left me in the dust. He concluded his sets with a backward aerial, and landed on a single blade with his left knee almost touching the ice. Of course he had his hands outstretched.

We all clapped, and I said, "Kale, it seems like we have the best for first, instead of the best for last. You want to go on next?"

"After that, I don't even know if I want to."

"Dudette! He has been skating for a very long time," I said. "In fact, so have I; but when I hit the ice, I'm not going anywhere near what he just did."

"Neither am I," said Stephanie. "I'm not that crazy."

Keith was walking over to us as Stephanie had said that. "Yes you are. In fact, you're crazier than I am, Miss Nose Whiskers."

Stephanie laughed. "You know what I mean."

"Aye! In another five years, you'll be able to duplicate what I just did; 'cause you won't be able to live with yourself if you can't, and you're gonna ask me to help you all the way," said Keith.

"You're probably right, but now let's watch Kale. What soundtracks do you want?" asked Stephanie.

"Do you have 'Liar Liar' and that new piece, 'Mony Mony'?"

"Sure do."

Too bad Kale wasn't in costume. Her style was completely different from ours, and actually pretty intricate. She basically rocked out on the ice. She got a couple of double axels, toe loops, and lutzes in there. Her performance was flawless. With dedication, she could have become top of the line, if she'd had more time. She got a standing ovation from us. When she came back to us, Keith said, "NEVER cut yourself short again. You're great. The only thing we have on you is experience. You could easily be in our league with proper training."

"You think so?"

"Of course. In fact, your style is so different; we can learn something too. I'm glad we met you," said Keith.

"I'm honoured that you think so. I'm glad I met all of you, too." Kale was in seventh heaven.

"Thanks," said Keith. "Who's next?"

"I'll go," said Stephanie. She gave a wicked smile. "That instrumental called 'Chase'! The fastest one! The club version?"

It hadn't been written yet in Kale's timeline, but it didn't matter. I materialised the ‘Midnight Express’ album, and put it on.

Stephanie gave us a run we'd never forget. It was a violent performance where grace was not in the vocabulary. No aerials, but quite a few pretty astounding jumps; both the pirouette types, and the distance jumps. She landed from a triple axel clockwise, came to a sharp stop, and went into a triple lutz, counterclockwise. Yeah, I've done it, but it isn't easy. She kind of bounced all over the rink like a spastic super-ball. I wondered if she spent more time in the air than on ice. If I didn't know what she was, I'd be hanging on the edge of my seat, waiting for the skating accident of eternity. Kale sure was tense. Keith just sat there, and enjoyed the show. The very long show, because I put the long version of the song on.

She wisely put on a show of panting when she got back to us. "Well, I think you just proved you're a better man than most men," said Keith.

"Thanks!"

"So I guess a woman can do anything a man can do on ice," said Kale.

"As long as it's not throwing your partner in the air, I guess so," said Stephanie. "Just on being able to handle yourself, but you must work harder at it! A lot harder! Get that strength-weight ratio up to par and all that."

Kale asked Stephanie, "Have you ever arm wrestled Vergil?"

"He'd win. I know I'm as tall as he is, but he has seven kilograms on me, and he's in as good o' shape as I am."

"Skating, though; she can technically do everything I can do," I said. I couldn't tell the difference in skating style or ability regardless of what gender 'it' was, not that I saw 'it' skate in the feminine very often.

"OK, Vergil! You're up next," said Keith.

I smiled. "Earlier, I said something about wanting to see you doing an ice dance to 'Requiem Mass'. I stroked my index finger down his nose. "I think I'll do that, Tiger."

Stef and Kale laughed. "Good one," said Stephanie.

Keith said to me, "And you said something about us working together." Wordlessly, Keith added, 'Hey! We can time trip, work out a routine, and Kale won't know the difference.'

I nodded. "And I'm the bitch, right?"

He ruffled my hair. "Always!" Not really, but...oh, never mind.

I winked at 'the girls', and Keith and I took to the ice.



*****



If time were real, and time were relevant to our perspective, me and Keith would have been gone for two months, and doing nothing but skating without a break.

Are we dedicated, or are we dedicated? Keith pushed me quite a bit. I never knew he could be so obsessed. What was it about Kale?!

When we got back, we had a gorgeous, rather moving, dark dance routine that concentrated purely on refinement, and would end with me 'dead' in Keith's arms. There weren't too many jumps, and few acrobatics. It was an interpretive dance where two ice dancers of different genders were more appropriate for the 1968 point of view, but we had an open-minded foreign audience of one; so no big deal. Anyway, I looked enough like a chick that even if we had a wider audience who didn't know us, we could get away with it.

After we came back and were done with our performance, both Kale and Stef had tears in their eyes. "That was absolutely beautiful," said Kale.

"Thank you," said Keith for both of us. We started getting out of our skates.

Kale looked at her watch. "Unfortunately, I should really look into going home. It's getting late."

Keith and I looked at each other. He gave me a thumbs-up. "OK. Shall we get dressed and walk you back to the street?" He asked her.

"Sure," said Kale. "I only live a few houses down." With spreads like what people had here, that could mean some distance.

"OK," said Stef. She looked at Kale. "We won't be wearing what we came here with. Being me and Keith half live here, we have outfits here." We were walking up the stairs. "If we're going to be outside for a while, we will be dressing warmer.

"No need to explain," said Kale.

"Be right back," said Keith, as he and Stephanie left.



*****



When Stephanie and Keith got back to us, both were in jeans and work shirts. Keith's was plaid, and Stephanie's was black. Keith was still in his tiger stripes, for the sake of not having to explain how he got out of them so fast. They got into their jackets, Kale got into her parka, I threw a cloak on, and off we were toward the pond, which was the direct route back to the main road, called Mount Horeb.

When we got to the pond, a crew was in the process of pulling Kale's body from the bottom.

Kale looked confused. "What's going on?"

I stepped in front of her, and took her hands. "Kale. I didn't really save you from falling through the ice. I couldn't. I'm not allowed to do things like that. I just gave you that illusion I did, so you wouldn't perceive what you went through. You picked a bad day to skate on an outdoor pond. The weather's been too mild for the past few days, and there was hardly even any snow on the ground. The ice was too thin. I'm a Gate Keeper, better known as Donn Ui'Midir, for those into Irish mythology. Some call me a death god."

"My parents!"

"No need to go up to them," said Keith. "They won't see you. You're not in the same realm any more. You'll pass right through each other."

Kale started to cry. I stepped forward and embraced her. "Kale. All is as it's supposed to be. Life and death are one. There is no end, and it was just your time to move on. This is how you wanted to die before you were born. Your parents sought to lose a child as a learning experience before they were born."

Keith walked up to us, and it turned into a group hug. "Yes, all this happened for a reason. You are not through with this realm, however. You will be reborn," he said to Kale.

She looked up to him. "Reincarnation is for real, then."

Keith stroked her hair back. "Aye. Let's take you back and show you where we really live. Either Vergil...Donn...whatever, or myself can do a mind share with you to help you remember all you are in an instant, as opposed to you finding out for yourself; which takes longer. And you know something else?"

"What?" she asked.

"You love to skate, and we'll train you to become the best skater that ever was before you're reborn. It'll be in your blood."

I looked up at Keith. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Keith ruffled my hair, and smiled. "I sure am, luv."

"What are you saying?" asked Kale. Her tears were now under control.

Keith kissed her on top of the head. "First I have to tell you that time doesn't really exist. Second, you are going to be the one that initially inspired and taught Vergil how to skate via your displays on ice in your next life on film, being you two will not meet again while you are in the Physical Realm on your next time around."

"I'm not sure I understand all this," said Kale.

I stepped out of the three-way embrace. "Kale! All I have to say is that I'm very grateful to you."

Stephanie said, "Ye gods! Talk about time loops!"

"Time loops?" asked Kale

"Yeah. Keith will explain everything after we get to the castle. Let's go," I said.

"Castle?"

Keith backed off from her, and gently took her hand. "Aye. We're not really in New Jersey anymore."

"Oh."

"When we get back to the house, it won't be the same as you remember after we get through the front door," I said. "I'm going to make this transition as easy as possible for you, so you don't get completely disoriented; because nothing you see is as it is," I said.

"Does this mean I can change gender now?" asked Stefan.

"Sure," said Keith.

"Huh?" asked Kale.

"We're way lower density, here. We're all shape shifters. You'll learn how to do that after we do the mind share," I said.

"Oh." Kale looked at Stephanie...I mean Stefan. "So you can change sex then and there?"

"I already did."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Note the Adam's apple, and slightly lower voice."

"I almost can't tell the difference."

"That's OK," I said. "Neither can we."

Kale laughed, as we started walking back to the house, soon to be shown as it truly is.

Tech Duinn...where we would have a feast for who in my eyes, would be the most impressive and beautiful mortal ice dancer in eternity. The future Surya Bonaly.

Well, if there technically was a future,





























My Name Is Ka, Dammit!





The room was freezing, I had a heating pad beneath me, an electric blanket to the right side of me, a lit fireplace two metres from the foot of the bed that did nothing for the bed, and a marginally dressed masochistic twit to my left slathering jasmine oil onto my back. I was half way under cover, and pretty comfortable. Stephanie was maybe about a quarter way under cover, and freezing her nose hairs off.

I was hugging the heating pad, but Stef was half vertical; so she was shivering up a storm, though she didn't have to; being temperature sensitivity was optional for our kind. "Stef, why don't you pull the blanket up around you more?"

"Don't feel like it just yet. I want to give it a little more time. Maybe after I work the oil into you all the way."

"How can I enjoy this when you're suffering?! Get under cover and let me hold you. Sheesh!"

"Sounds tempting, but you know how I am," said Stephanie

"A creature of extremes, unfortunately. All right. Make yourself suffer. Be that way!"

"As if I'll change."

"You haven't yet."

"Yeah. Wait a sec. I have to pull one of my socks up."

"I've got to pull both of mine up, but I'll wait until you're done," I said.

Stef backed away from me and pulled up her left sock. She then lay down, and brought the covers up to the top of her underwear, and propped herself up on her left shoulder. The rubdown changed to something one handed, and a bit gentler. "OK, I'm wussing out. How's this for a compromise?"

"Better, but you're still colder than hell. Come on. Give it up."

She backed off. "OK. You win."

I rolled over on my back, and pulled both socks up. Stef faced left, and I pressed myself against her. "Shall we actually go to sleep in a while?"

"Haven't done it in forever. Aye. Remember those stories I wrote when I was a mere lowly mortal in my twenties?"

"How can I forget them? I didn't think it was possible to trash someone like what you did to me in that book set. Me, Thanatos, and Nyx. Everyone, really; including yourself!"

"One of my past characters is haunting me. Blackhawk Morningstar."

"Ah yes! The Navajo-Apache demi-god," I said.

"There's someone like that in Flagstaff, 1996. A sixteenyear old on the verge of involuntary transition! He goes as Ka Hok'ee. Want to?"

"Sure. When?"

"After we wake up," sad Stephanie.

I kissed Stef on the shoulder, and wrapped myself around her. We both passed out shortly.



*****



Stef remained in female. Ripped faded blue jeans tucked into harnessed Harley boots, ripped black T-shirt with a Firebird on it, beaded bracelet, and a few hawk feathers tied in her hair.

Me? Black pressed bell bottoms that looked fresh off the rack, five centimetre heeled leather platforms that were two and a half centimetres in front, a black satin shirt, a black and red beaded choker, and a Stetson with an eagle feather in the band, which I wasn't supposed to have.

We came to him at the moment of his transition, which he was unaware of, and sat down next to him on the stairs of a cheap set of flats that he didn't live I; in the not quite Etheric copy of Flagstaff! After all, he was homeless. I sat to his right, and Stef sat to his left. "Yateh," said Stephanie. It was a Diné greeting.

I also said, "Yateh," and it seemed to calm the somewhat alarmed Ka.

"Yateh. You part blood?"

"No," said Stephanie. "Sympathisers."

Both Stef and I had white bags filled with 'fast food', and cans of pop. I took out a bunch of napkins, and gave Ka a bison burger, and a Pepsi; which was his favourite. "Buffalo," I said.

Stef handed him a bag of onion rings, and a container of breaded mushrooms. We pulled out our own veggie burgers, and unwrapped them.

"Thanks. Why are you doing this?" asked Ka as he took the food.

"Because you're there," said Stephanie. "I'm Stephanie Shannon, and my co-worker is Donn Ui'Midir."

"I'm Ka Hok'ee." The last name wasn't his parents' name. He'd 'adopted' it. He dug into his meal like he hadn't eaten in over a week. In reality he had eaten yesterday, though from a dumpster. What money he'd panhandled went for regular cigarettes, cannabis, and booze, when he managed to get somebody to buy him a bottle of wine or beer. He was kind of on the short side. A hundred sixty-five centimetres! He was also way underfed. Forty-eight kilograms. Then there were the open sores, the AIDS, every other venereal disease in the book, hepatitis B, juvanile diabetes was just starting to set in, and the list goes on. He'd lost half his teeth, from a combination of neglect and getting his lights punched out more than once. Needless to say, the kid's presence was an assault on our nostrils, but you gotta tolerate what you gotta tolerate. Yes, his clothes were filthy and tattered.

So was the life of a runaway child abuse victim. Being First Nations', he could have gotten help, but he didn't know that. He'd been on the streets for about three years.

Stef and I were still working on our lunch when Ka finished. Stef said, "I used to write. You remind me of a character I wrote about in my twenties. Blackhawk Morningstar. He was a Diné-Chiricahua cross. A dying homeless kid rescued by my alter-ego and friends."

Ka laughed. "You got the tribes right. I'm not gonna last another two months, though. I can barely scrounge for my dinner anymore. I'm past rescue. You two ain't from around here. Your accents?!" The kid didn't have much of an education, but he was far from stupid.

"No," said Stephanie. "Donn's Irish, and I was with him long enough to pick up the accent."

I winked at Stephanie, bit into my sandwich, chewed, swallowed, then said, "Hawk, would you like to borrow our shower and washing machine?"

"I'm Ka! Why bother?! I'll just get dirty again. It's not like I can whore myself out anymore, and at least this way I probably won't be raped again."

Ouch. "Dude! You're a mess even with a shower. You're a walking skeleton, and you’re covered with sores despite how pretty you'd be if you were healthy," said Stephanie.

"If you're on the streets just living day by day, you don't think about tomorrow; lady."

I could almost see Stephanie bristle at being called 'lady'. If she had fur, she'd look twice as big as she was. "Hawk, I ain't no lady!"

"Ka! What are you, then?" asked Ka.

Stef pointed to her nose. "You see this gorgeous thing? How big it is? I strongly identify with it, being it must take up at least ninety five percent of my body weight. I consider myself a nose."

Ka laughed. "Whatever you say. Either of you got a joint or a cigarette to spare?"

I materialised something even 'better'. I gave him a five-centimetre piece of a hash infused Thai stick cigar from my shirt pocket. "Here." I lit it for him the moment he put it in his mouth.

"Oh, yeaaaaaaaah!" He went through it like a drowning man goes for air. It was a good deal stronger than he was used to, and that basically was the end of him for a while. Yes, he was a goner. It made him easy to 'kidnap'. He didn't have a care in the world after a few minutes, and we could lead him anywhere; so we did, even if we had to carry him.

Stef and I didn't finish our lunch. We dematerialised everything left over with all the garbage, and I drove our pleasantly stuffed, and higher than a kite; case to our temporary, lavish house at the end of a dead end street with a twenty acre lot, a pool, and stables on the outskirts of the not quite Flagstaff clone in an MG convertible. Stephanie transferred herself due to the limited space of the little car.

Ka was in a time and space all his own. He couldn't have realised if time were real, only two minutes had passed since he'd gotten into the car, and was led out to our alleged estate. He wasn't even aware that Stephanie hadn't ridden with us. She was there to help him out of the car and half carry him into the house. We led him to a plastic covered couch, and let him get back to his regular state of consciousness on his own. There was no way we were going to sit there and wait for him, though we could have time tripped forward. We chose not to. We left Ka alone not only for our sake, but his.

We left Ka a brand new pair of jeans, a Lakota ghost shirt, laced black boots, socks, a belt, a beaded headband, and underwear on the coffee table. There was also a towel, a canister of ‘medicinal’ oil, and a note that said; Stef and I took our horses out for a ride. You can help yourself to anything in the kitchen, and the oil on this table helps heal open skin. The clothes are yours.'

Ka was thoroughly confused when he woke up. Still, he was glad to have awoken on a soft surface, as opposed a bunch of newspapers or cardboard under a bridge or in a door front. He vaguely remembered Stephanie and me. He assumed he was at our place, but he didn't know why or even how he got here.

Ka assumed correctly the couch was plastic covered because he was a filthy mess. He looked at the note, the clothing on the table, and smiled. He picked up the ghost shirt, and said, "Man! I couldn't have dreamed of wearing one of these!"

He was starving. Anything in the kitchen, huh? Where was the kitchen?

It didn't take long for him to find it. He went to the refrigerator, and found a plate of fresh made, heat and eat tamales. He had no clue what kind they were yet, but whatever. He put three on a plate, and microwaved them. To drink, he had a choice of fresh orange juice, canned coconut juice with coconut meat, and Belgian ale. Of course, he picked the ale. There was also a half eaten pie made of some sort of an orange coloured mousse. He couldn't digest milk products, but what the hell. So he'd get the runs and a bad case of gas. It was a small price to pay if the pie was any good. Hell, he'd even throw some whipped cream on it. It was there!

The tamales were made of shredded mutton and garlic. He'd never had that before, and it was delicious. It was also easy to chew, which was good. He'd poured salsa over them, and he had two more tamales after he finished the first three. He had those with a single bottle of ale. Damn, it was a good brew, and nice and strong. This was way beyond his alms budget.

The pie was mango mousse. He ended up eating a quarter of the pie, and he did douse it with whipped cream. He'd never had food this good in his entire life.

After lunch, he became unusually aware of how dirty he was. He would get cleaned up.

He found the bathroom. There was a new toothbrush, still in a sealed container next to a tube of fennel toothpaste, still in the box. When was the last time he'd brushed what was left of his teeth?

He couldn't remember. He assumed this was for him. A rare luxury to indulge in! Brush his teeth, he did. The fennel toothpaste tasted great, but his mouth felt numb after he was done. He didn't understand that, because nothing like that had ever happened to him before.

He went back to the table, and got the clothes and towel. He had to go back a second time to get the bath oil that allegedly healed wounds. The bathroom had a separate shower and tub. The tub was underground with a Jacuzzi switch. Awesome!

Before going into the tub, Ka took a shower. He scrubbed everywhere that he had skin, and washed his hair. After the shower, he looked at himself in front of the mirror. He would have been horrified, if he didn't know better. He was skin and bones, and had red splotches, blisters and other sores all over his body. He looked absolutely disgusting, but he still had an attractive, though emaciated face. His long black hair was pretty thick, too.

He started filling the tub, poured the oil in, wrapped the towel around himself, went to the kitchen, and he got himself one more ale.

Ahhhhh, this was the life. Or what was left of it, anyway. Back to the tub with the ale he went. He turned on the Jacuzzi switch, had the water on as hot as he could stand it, and enjoyed his cold brew. Now for another one of those Thai sticks, then he'd be in heaven.

Ka's mouth hurt a little bit along the gums. He didn't think much of it. It wasn't anything new. Even if he lived, he'd probably lose all his teeth in the next few years. What remained were mostly brown, loose, and rotting. He had problems with some kinds of food. He couldn't handle anything like a raw carrot, not that he was inclined to eat anything like that.

When Ka got out of the tub, he flipped the switch to drain it, dried, and dressed. His skin did feel better. There was less itching, and pain.

He looked into the mirror again, as he combed his hair. The ghost shirt wasn't of his tribes, but it instilled a sense of pride in him. He was First Nations' first, and Diné-Chiricahua second. All the clothes were a little big on him, but the fit was acceptable. It was the first time in forever since he'd worn socks or underwear. The new boots were a dream. His old shoes didn't even match, and they were two sizes too big. These were the right length from heel to toe, but a little loose sideways; not that it mattered. The soft leather felt good.

When he got back to the living room coffee table, he saw four bottles of the so-called 'healing oil', a ten-centimetre Thai stick cigar, a lighter, and another note. 'We had to go and will be gone for a couple of days. If you can stay, we'll pay you two hundred dollars a day for two days until we come back. Please give the palomino and grey horse each a quart of oats, a quart of corn, five carrots from the fridge, and three apples in the morning. If you take one out for a ride, treat them gentle, and don't kick them. They respond to voice command. Gee, haw, whoah, and go. The palomino is Hesper, and the grey is Shiva. The guest bedroom upstairs at the end of the hall has bathroom and balcony. Thanks.' Two hundred dollars a day?! Two days? Four hundred dollars?! He'd never seen that kind of money in his life!

He looked at the Thai stick. It would wait. Now, he wanted to ride a horse. Strangely, he actually felt strong enough to do it. Amazing what a full stomach can do for you, he thought.

He went out back, and to the stables. The doors were all open, and the horses...or ponies as Ka knew them to be, were outside. There was an un-gated opening to the corral, so the animals could come and go as they pleased. They had free grazing a little beyond the corral when they wanted it. The animals were way more beautiful than the scrawny, ragged mustangs his family had; which basically had to take care of them selves.

It was mid-twilight. No, he'd ride tomorrow. It was getting too late. Still, he went up to both animals, and befriended them. He went back to the kitchen, and brought them both an apple. Then he brushed them down. Ka loved anything equine. It was getting pretty late though, and Ka wanted to go to bed. Maybe after a few hits of that Thai stick, that was waiting for him.

Ka hadn't even seen where he was going to sleep. He saw the balcony from the outside, but he had no idea what the bedroom looked like. He went upstairs, and was pretty stunned when he saw it. Canopy bed with black satin sheets! He was pretty ecstatic at the concept of sleeping in such a 'high falutin'’ place as this. He wanted to take another shower before bedding down in this. After all, he did smell a bit like horse. The furniture was stained black with silver handles, and it looked pretty classy. Just out of curiosity, he opened all the draws, and found one with white T-shirts, one with skivvies, and one with socks. He figured it was OK to get fresh underwear and socks, so he took those down to the bathroom.

Ka decided to eat before his next shower and bath. He finished the tamales and pie. Of course, he had another ale with that.

After Ka undressed for the shower, he found his skin looked quite a bit better since the last time he saw it. The red splotches were half gone, and his open sores had shrunk to a noticeable degree. The discomfort was marginalised. Man, that oil really worked. On the other hand, his gums were really starting to bother him. He felt like they'd been cut, where his teeth used to be. He gently ran his tongue over where the pain was, and he felt something that shouldn't have been there.

He was confused, and looked in the mirror. Where there had been nothing, little bits of white enamel showed. He scowled. It looked like he was growing a third set of teeth. That made no sense. No, he didn't get past sixth grade in school before dropping out; but he knew people only grew two sets of teeth. Strange things were happening since Stephanie and I sat down next to him. None of it had been bad, however.

Ka shrugged, and took his shower. After he ran the water for the tub with some more of that healing oil, he went and got another ale. He loved having a brew while 'hot tubbing' it. He then dressed, brushed his teeth ever so carefully, and went up to bed. He'd start on the Thai stick tomorrow after he took care of the ponies, and went for a ride. He knew he really overdid it with the one that I had given him. Moderation had not been in his vocabulary in the past, but now he was having second thoughts.

He took his T-shirt off before he got under the covers. That satin just felt too good to be wasted on a piece of cloth.



*****



Ka couldn't remember his dreams when he woke up. He just remembered they were more peaceful than usual. He also remembered he had some ponies to take care of. He'd do that before anything.

He got into his pants and boots, and went to the refrigerator. He pulled out the whole bag of carrots, eight apples, six stalks of celery, two heads of lettuce, and two pounds of grapes. He pulled the grapes off of the stalks, and put them in two bowls. He cut everything else up, and divided it evenly between the bowls, and took them to the stables. Both ponies were waiting for him, and they pretended to appreciate the treat. They normally didn't eat, considering it an unnecessary waste of time; but as a favour to Stef and I, they compromised their intrinsic nature.

On the Etheric, animals generally didn't partake in any former Earthly necessities that were no longer required. More evolved people were the same, but it took most of that species a while to get over it. I personally was over it when I became a Gate Keeper, but I was coerced into 'devolving'; so to speak, by the company I kept...for a while. Now, I could basically take or leave everything, though for the sake of being a little more convincing; I did participate in the introductory feasts of our new cases. I neither looked forward to nor dreaded the circumstances. They just were, and I had to admit I got a moderate amount of pleasure out of it.

It just wasn’t enough to make me dwell on it.

Well, OK! I still liked to share a cup of tea with my comrades. It had always represented a bonding ritual, so...

After Ka got the animals their oats and corn rations, he haltered Hesper up. He'd ridden bareback on the reservation, and he'd ride bareback now. He was too weak to vault onto Hesper's back, so he led the pony to the fence to mount up. When he told Hesper to go, the pony immediately went into a canter; which was welcomed by Ka. It was much better than going into a potentially uncomfortable trot. What tripped Ka out; was Shiva spontaneously cantered beside Hesper.

Ka felt pretty good. He rode to the back of 'our' property, and beyond. The land merged into a large ranch, and the wooden post fence between the lands was rotten away and never repaired.

Ka smiled. This is how it might have been before the white man took over. Too bad there weren't any horses here before the invaders came.

Ka wasn't too fond of whites for the most part. Of course he made exceptions for the individual, but he'd faced a bit of bigotry, not that his own alcoholic family had treated him much better. It was like every frustration his mother, father, older brothers and sisters was taken out on him.

So it was, having been the youngest in a family of eleven; parents included. A whole family of dysfunctional losers of which he was one! He ran away from the abuse at thirteen, and basically that meant he jumped from the frying pan into the fire. He'd had no idea what life on the streets was like, and he found out it wasn't exactly a picnic. Freeze, cook, starve, get beat up just for being there, and having been raped twice was the absolute worst of it. Once that happened, you got out of town. You didn't want to be hunted down again as an easy victim, and Ka was that. Being of the small stature he was, he was doomed. Having been always undernourished didn't help, either. Then when all of his chronic illnesses piled on, forget about it. He wondered if he could defend himself from a hummingbird.

He knew his life wasn't how it was supposed to be. If he'd been born five hundred years ago, he never would have been treated as badly as he was. The First Nations' Folk valued their children, and treated them well. Way better than they did in Europe, at the time. And they'd had a better standard of living where the only food shortages occurred when nature didn't cooperate.

But now life was good for the first time. For two days, anyway! If only he could have a cigarette. He hadn't had one in two days, and that was longer than he was comfortable with. He liked to go through two packs a day when he hustled up enough money. He spent that money on cigarettes before food. He knew that was stupid, but he was an addict. What choice did he have?

Well, he'd take a few hits off the Thai stick cigar when he got home. He wouldn't knock himself silly by going through half of it, like what he did when I gave him that piece on our first meeting.

Suddenly a molar came loose in his mouth. "Damn!" he said, as he spit it into his hand. He felt where he lost it with his tongue, but there was something there; despite the fact he'd spat out an entire, rather disgusting looking tooth. It was brown streaked, and cavity ridden. He threw it away, and instructed Hesper to turn home.

Both Hesper and Shiva loped all the way back to the barn. Ka was pretty impressed with the stamina of the ponies. They showed no sign of wear or distress after they got home. Ka cleaned their hooves out, and gave them both a grooming. He noted both ponies were unshod. The First Nations' way! And he’d been greeted the Diné way. He wondered if they knew the language. Diné Bizaad. He'd have to ask them when they came home.

When Ka finally got back to the house, it was early afternoon. Thai stick first, shower, or lunch?!

The shower won. He also took one more container of healing oil off the coffee table. It really seemed to work. His splotches were all gone, and his sores were scabbed over and shrinking. He looked inside his mouth before going into the shower. All the teeth he had lost...there was a new growth of sparkling white teeth, and they were a quarter of the way in. It was beyond explanation, but why question a good thing?

After the shower, Ka brushed his teeth while filling up the tub. He hoped to be able to take the toothpaste with himself when he hit the streets again. On the other hand, he didn't really want to think about that now.

As he lowered himself into the tub, he was aware of feeling stronger. He also hadn't had any dizzy spells since he first came here.

He looked at his right arm, and ran his left hand down it. Yes, it looked like it had a bit of meat on it, as opposed to him looking like a poster child for Auschwitz. Which reminded him. What would he have for lunch? The tamales were gone. He'd look through the freezer and cabinets.

He got into his underwear and socks, and threw his old clothes, new jeans, and used under-things into the washer, which took him about ten minutes to find. It took him just as long to figure out how to use it. His family had washed things by hand, and he'd never been to a laundry mat. He then went to the kitchen. He found some ground lamb in the freezer. There were also rolls, tomatoes, another two heads of lettuce, a few onions, and a jar of pickles in the fridge. He'd make a couple of lamb burgers.

He thawed the meat in the microwave, and then fried it up with lots of garlic powder, black pepper, paprika and cumin. He ate two very large burgers, had another bottle of ale, and then went back to the coffee table after he put his clothes in the dryer. The lack of cigarettes was driving him absolutely nuts, but at least he had a nice distraction available.

Ka took the much-enhanced cigar, and lit it. After five tokes, he put it out. This time, he didn't get totally zonked out. Granted the last thing he wanted to do was get something accomplished, but it was a good time for some real heavy introspection. A reflection of his life!

Could things have been different? Could Ka have done anything at all to have come to a better here and now?!

He didn't think so. Not the way everyone in the family used to beat him up. There was never enough of anything, and he was the most short changed. From the way everyone always complained about the lack of food, he was surprised he didn't end up on the dinner table. If his family thought they could get away with it, he probably would have. He laughed at the concept. It would have been preferable to the life he'd lived.

Ka ended up going up to bed. He didn't take his T-shirt off this time. He'd also forgotten about his clothes in the dryer.



*****



It was 3:00 am when Ka awoke. He went immediately to the dryer, and brought his clothes, and all his host's clothes that he had worn, back to the bedroom. This would be his last day on the job. Then back to the streets? If that happened, he decided it would be better to just commit suicide. Something he'd contemplated many times, but could never go through with. Now, he was sure he could. After tasting this life, he couldn't go back to the streets.

But first, he'd spend his four hundred dollars.

He got dressed, and went to the kitchen. A top incisor decided it didn't want to hang around in Ka's mouth the moment he opened the freezer. He closed the freezer, spat the tooth out, and grimaced. He went to the bathroom, and bared his teeth. Everything he'd lost had re-grown to almost full length. He could eat anything, now. The tooth he just lost had a stub of a new one showing where it had been. He clenched his teeth. Everything was firm.

He went back to the freezer, and couldn't find anything he wanted. He went through the cupboards.

He pulled out a package of corn muffin mixture. He looked at the instructions, and figured he could handle it. While those were heating up in the oven, he cleaned up the dishes he'd let pile up since he'd been here.

Of the muffins, he'd give everything he couldn't eat to the ponies. He also scrambled some eggs with a red bell pepper and some spinach leaves. He didn't know how to make an omelet, but this was close enough. He actually made himself some tea, instead of having breakfast with another ale. China black with mango! He liked the tea. He did his dishes right after using them, this time.

It was daybreak when he went out to the horses. He didn't have any carrots left, being he gave them all to the animals yesterday, but he got the rest of the celery and lettuce. At least there were enough apples left for the morning quota. That, and each pony would get two corn muffins.

Damn, it was cold. Ka went out in his jeans, boots, a T-shirt, and his old ripped up shirt. He couldn't throw the ghost shirt in the wash, so he didn't want to mess it up. Flagstaff was pretty high up, so the nights got pretty nippy even in the summer. He'd been through worse, though; and he'd deal with it.

When Ka got to the ponies, they looked at each other. Ka almost felt like they shrugged before they ate what he gave them. After he gave them their oat and corn rations, he brushed them down again. Today he would ride Shiva. Hesper followed him just like Shiva did, yesterday. He really ended up loving those two ponies. He'd always liked animals better than people.

When Stephanie and I came back that afternoon, we found Ka in tears, hugging Hesper.

"What's wrong, Hawk?" Stephanie asked.

Ka, quite embarrassed, took a while before he could answer. "I'm going to miss these two. We had some horses, but they weren't anything like this."

Stephanie pulled her wallet out, and counted out twenty twenty-dollar bills. As she handed Ka the money, she said, "Then don't leave. By the way, we brought home a ton of Chinese take away. Would you like to join us?"

"Sure. I haven't had too much of that, but what I did have; I liked."

"OK, come on," I said, and I started walking back to the house.

Ka and Stephanie followed. "What's in that oil, by the way? I'm almost healed of everything. I didn't think some of it would go away. I've had some itchy red spots for years."

"Probably a skin fungus, or something." said Stephanie. "Glad you're doing better. We also have to get you some more clothes."

"Why?"

Stephanie smiled. "To me, you're my Blackhawk Morningstar."

Ka shook his head. "No. My name is Ka." He scowled. "Wait a minute! When we first met down town, didn't you say this was a character you wrote about? You're letting me stay because I remind you of someone you invented?"

"More than that," I said.

"And that is?" asked Ka.

Stephanie smiled. "We'll show you after lunch, but we have to see if another pony or horse is available, so we can all ride there."

Ka nodded. "OK."

We three went to the dining room, which I'd already set. Stef and I put cans of coconut juice by our plates, and I put a bottle of Belgian ale by Ka's. I loaded our plates with mixed stir fried vegetables, steamed rice, snow peas, shiitake mushrooms, spinach, bean curd, and left the small container of lemon chicken and sweet and sour pork for Ka to unload on his own plate. I also gave him a pork bun. "We don't eat meat, but we keep it around for guests," I said.

"Thank you," said Ka, who'd started digging in the minute it was obvious I wouldn't be putting anything else on his plate."

"You didn't finish your cigar," I said.

Ka shrugged. "I did drugs to forget about everything. The only thing I really need are cigarettes, but I haven't even thought about that since I woke up. Oh, yeah. I like beer and wine lot. It dulled the pain, and it tastes good. Thanks."

"Never got into the hard stuff, huh?" asked Stephanie?

"Burns too bad going down. Makes me throw up, too. This food is great. Thanks a lot. By the way, do you guys speak Diné Bizaad?"

"Some, but not that well. Just enough to get by! We could learn more, though," I said.

Ka smiled. "I could teach you."

"We'll take you up on that," I said. I looked at Stephanie. "After this, see if you can call Gilgamesh. I'll clean up."

"OK."



*****



The expression on Ka's face when he saw the neon-eyed white stallion was almost comical. You'd figure he'd just seen Cthulhu rising from the toilet, or something. "What the hell is that?!"

"Horse," I said.

"Red eyes? Glowing red eyes? Is he a machine?"

"No."

Stephanie was trying hard not to laugh. "Wait until you meet his original rider, but Than is one of the sweetest guys you could ever hope to meet."

"Than?"

"Short for Thanatos. He has one name," sad Stephanie.

"What kind of a name is that?"

"Greek, but he speaks with an Irish accent; too. He's been with us for so long," said Stephanie.

"Can I ride Hesper?" asked Ka.

"You sure can," I said. "He's quite fond of you. So is Shiva."

Ka smiled. "Good, because I really love those two."

"So, come on. Let's halter them up, and make your day," I said.

"What is it you want to show me?" asked Ka.

"It won't take long to get there. I think it'll be better to surprise you, Hawk," said Stephanie.

"Ka!"

"Yeah, whatever," said Stephanie.

We went to the stables, I helped Ka get on Hesper, Stef easily vaulted on Shiva, and Ka was blown away on how easily I mounted Gil from the ground. I led us to the front of the house, and to the road.

"Let's go a little faster," I called back.

"OK," said Stephanie.

Hesper started loping at my mental urging, and then before anyone knew it the animals were at an all out run. This was nothing like the 'real' Flagstaff, and it took us about ten minutes to get to where I wanted to get us. A half a block away from the parallel reality of where we'd 'found' Ka, I stopped Hesper, and Shiva and Gil followed suit.

Traffic was very light, to the point of being almost nonexistent. "Where are all the cars?" asked Ka.

"They're around," I said. "Come on," I said as I got of Gilgamesh. "Let's dismount. It's better we walk the final steps to where we're going."

Both Stephanie and Ka dismounted. Stephanie said, "Hawk! There is something you've wanted most of your life that you now have." She gently took his hand.

Ka looked at her, and smiled. "Ka! If it's a chance, then I guess so."

"It's not a chance. It's a guarantee," I said, as we started walking.

Ka looked around. "This is...is this where you found me?"

"Aye," I said. "We're going to go there, then the three of us are going home.

The traffic got heavier. It became normal, only the cars couldn't be heard; and everything became translucent. Ka grew very confused. "What's happening?"

"You aren't where you used to be. You've moved on," I said.

"What do you mean?" asked Ka.

Stephanie pointed ahead. "Look on the ground, ahead."

Ka saw a pair of legs with mismatched shoes. He scowled. When we got to the body, Ka saw it was him self...or what used to be him self! "What is this?"

"It was you," I said. "We are Death, and you are now with us. We can now end the charade, and take you to where you truly belong; and trust me. It's better than anything you've ever seen or known."

Needless to say, Ka was stunned. He wasn't displeased, however. He looked at Stephanie, and remembered what she said to him when they first met, after he called her a lady. "Death is a nose?"

"This aspect of it," said Stephanie, pointing to her self.

"This isn't what I was expecting," said Ka.

I extended both my hands to him. "That's OK. This is just an introductory course. It's not even real. I usually don't move this fast, but let's do a mind share; and get you sorted out now."

"A mind share?"

"Well, I already know yours; but now you'll know mine, and everything you need to know...in no time," I said.

Ka nodded. He took my hands, and I showed him all he was, and all the limitless possibilities on this side of The Veil. The mental merging was eternity, yet over in an instant.

When we separated, Ka embraced me. "Thank you for taking me on." He then turned to Stephanie, and took her hand. "And thank you for looking for me."

Stephanie bowed her head. "Ka Hok'ee. The abandoned arrow, has found a new sheath."

Ka smiled. "So you're finally calling me by my real name?!"

Stephanie ruffled his hair. "We was only messin' with ya. Now let's check out The Hunting Ground, then go to Tech Duinn."

"I'd like that. And you guys will find me a horse?"

"We most certainly will," I said.

Stef and I gave each other a 'high five', and Ka gave us both a thumbs-up.













































The Last Break With Reality





Donn, Thanatos, Stefan, and Percy were in the Elysian Fields. Thanatos was lying back in the grass with Percy resting his feline head on him at a slight angle, so Percy wouldn't injure his 'pillow' with his sabre fangs. Thanatos had his eyes closed, and was taking in what was happening in the world of yore.

"Wow! There's a real cool case, and it's a straight male. I wouldn't have to dress like a bimbo for this one," said Thanatos.

"You don't always have to dress like a bimbo for straight chicks," said Stefan.

"No, but it helps," said Thanatos. "Elliot Kamata. A nutter playing with lightning! He got a little too into his phantasies. High hill, stormy night, and a lad who's not too well grounded in modern day reality! I want this."

"Of course, you could go as a chick; dressed like a bimbo. Need help?" asked Stefan.

"No to both of those questions. I have to do this one alone," said Thanatos, "but I'd like to borrow Shiva."

"Ask Shiva," said Stefan.

The pony would agree.

Despite what Thanatos said, he did end up dressing a little like a bimbo...kinda, sorta, vaguely. For a little while, though his goal wasn't seduction. Not the usual kind, anyway.



*****



Wow! Tonight I'd get a summer night's storm on a day off. Great. I turned the news off, and went back to the table. I had a Dungeons and Dragons board up, and I was playing four characters. Dungeon master, wizard, a female elf warrior, and a mounted knight! I've been playing this one for the past three weeks, and I swear I had more fun playing with myself than with someone else.

I was a sword and sorcery nut. I had tons of posters of hot chicks with strategically placed armour, holding swords; sexy, buffed, blade holding chicks on horses, and a couple of nice castles with dragons up. I know I was Japanese, but the theme of my apartment was European. I had a couple of halberds up over a shield, a set of épées, a set of broadswords, a set of dirks, and various other blades on the walls. I had tons of expensive pewter goblets all over the flat surfaces in my apartment, one large glass castle with a staircase of blue glass inside; and I wished I could paint the walls black, but the owner of the place would have a fit.

I had three bookcases full of phantasy books, and a DVD holder with close to a hundred movies on the same topic, give or take. I kind of wished I could find a girlfriend like what was on my walls, but I have yet to meet one. I did have a girlfriend, but Tora Yoshida; as she was called in the states, was a dainty, feminine, traditional sort of woman. I suppose it was to be expected since she came to the states from Japan, two years ago. Well, she'd never be the macho warrior-slut type, but she was one fine looking lady.

I was 27, and Tora wondered if I wasn't a little old for what I was into; but oh well. She did admit to liking the movies. We'd watched 'Lord Of The Rings' last weekend, and she enjoyed that quite a bit; along with the $40.00 plate dinner I bought her before the movie at Akaihana, not that my dinner was much cheaper; and both of us could have eaten more, but such was the price of eating at a high status Japanese restaurant. We were both gluttons for the costlier menu items, and so it was. I ended up tipping 50 percent, so it was a $120.00 meal, but I was a damned good systems analyst who was paid what he was worth; so no big deal.

I was the total motorcycle riding, leather wearing nerd at work, and the total escapist at home.

I went out on my balcony, and looked west. It was partly cloudy where I was, but off in the distance; I saw some nice, dark looking storm clouds. I planned on going out and playing in it after dark. Maybe hold up one of my swords to the lightning. I couldn't challenge a dragon, but I could challenge nature.

I wish I had a horse. I could afford one, but I'd have to give something else up; and I didn't feel like doing that. I thought it would be so cool to ride through the hills out back in a storm, dressed up like one of my Dungeons and Dragons characters. The mounted knight!

I didn't have any armour, but I had some nice goth, punk, and heavy metal clothes and accessories from my late teens and early twenties phases. They still fit me. I never got very tall, having stopped growing at a hundred and seventy centimetres (about five foot seven), but that's life. I hadn't gained any weight since those years, either. I wasn't going to find my buffed warrior-slut, and I wasn't going to be another Conan, either. Poo!

The temperature was nice. I didn't like the summer heat, and today I'd escape it due to the low-pressure system. Too bad Tora wasn't here, but I'd see her next Friday night. Now, I felt like some tea.

I went back inside, and put the kettle on. I went through the cupboard, and pulled out some jasmine green. After it was done, I filled a mug with it, and went back out on the balcony. Those little Japanese or Chinese cups just didn't do me. I only used those if I had guests. I thought they were silly. I'd rather have one mug all at once, rather than have to refill one of those tiny things three or four times.

I leaned on the rail, and enjoyed my tea. It was pretty quiet up here in the foothills. I could hear it when the sirens screamed, but the traffic noise wasn't too bad. The busy street was four blocks away. I lived in an expensive semi-remote complex with a fireplace, and only two of the families here had children. One kid was twelve, and the other fifteen. They were both studious, quiet kids. If I ever decided to have one, hopefully he or she would be that well behaved. Maybe Tora might even be the other parent. We did get along pretty well.

I had a second cup, though I had that one at the kitchen table. After that, I took a shower. It was time to transform myself into something else. In my imagination, anyway!

I scrubbed down a little harder than usual, and brushed my teeth in the shower. I washed my slightly longer than shoulder length mullet, and got out from under the water. I blow dried my hair, and went to the bedroom.

Ahhh, what to wear?

There was a remote chance I might get hit by lightning, but I wasn't worried. I chuckled to myself, having read about so many golfers getting zapped on the course. Well, I wasn't playing golf, so I'd probably be OK.

I wondered if maybe God didn't like golfers? I personally hated the game. If I'm going to play something, give me something where I can run around; like tennis, or soccer. As for watching sports on TV, I thought that was silly. If I were going to enjoy something, I'd do it myself; and not watch someone else play.

I pulled out one pair of leather pants that I wore when I rode my ancient, rebuilt CB350 Honda. Leather was my uniform when I left the flat, since it offered the best protection for my bike riding. I only used the car for shopping. The motorcycle was cheaper on gas. It was a nice bike. Mint condition.

Would I wear a shirt? Nahhhhh! Leather vest. I got an old dog collar, gloves, a couple of wrist bands; one wide, one narrow, my Harley boots, socks, and thong underwear.

I sprayed myself down with a scent called 'Phoenix'. I almost felt like I was getting ready for a date. I suppose I was. A date with a storm!

I got dressed slowly, and with each article of clothing I donned; I felt more and more like I was entering another world. After I was all suited up, I looked into the full-length mirror I had up in the bedroom.

Yeah, I liked what I saw. I wasn't a half bad looking dude. Better than most, I thought. I wasn't quite the male equivalent of the lovely Tory, but I suppose I was close enough. We did look good together. She'd probably have a fit when I tell her next week what I'm doing now, but this was probably only going to be a once in a lifetime deal.

I'd put two studded wristbands on my right wrist, and with the glove; it looked like I wore a gauntlet. I strapped a knife on my right hip, and a sheathed sabre on my left. Too bad I didn't have a way to carry one of my claymores. I'd have to order a scabbard and harness for that, later.

I saw the room light up with a flash of lightning, and heard the thunder a few seconds later.

It was mid-twilight. I planned to wait until a little later, but I didn't think now that I could constrain myself. I didn't want to run into any law enforcement with the weapons I had on me. On the other hand, no one ever came up here unless there was a phone call.

The Hell with it! I went to the back of the complex. We had a nice, park like setting, and a large plot of unused land surrounded two sides of us. The place was at the end of a cul de sac.

Behind, and to the east of the complex was private property; but no one knew who owned it. Yes, there was a 'no trespassing' sign up, but I'd never seen anyone on that land. I jumped the barbed wire fence.

It was all up hill from here, I thought. I went up the nearest hill, which had trees on top. It was drizzling slightly, and I couldn't believe how pleasant the temperature was. I was getting high on the negative ions, and feeling more like what I was imagining myself to be.

I looked west again, over the town beneath me. The streetlights had been turned on a while ago, and it looked better at night than during the day. I pulled my sword out, and raised it over my head, holding it horizontal. I gave a war cry, when the lightning flashed. Damn, it was close; but I remained standing. It was a good feeling. A sensation of a symbolic victory over Thor, or something!

I was looking up at my destination when the next lightning bolt went off. My God, there was a horse up there. Would it still be there after I got there?

The sword slowed me down, but I started to run up the hill. I was in decent shape. I jogged a few miles a couple of times a week, did some weight lifting at home. I almost made it to the top without stopping.

Almost.

When I did stop, I saw the horse was still there when the lightning flashed again. When I got to it, I found it was a stallion. He was too small to be a horse. He was a beautiful grey pony with a black mane and tail. He also had an eel stripe down his back, and black feathers on his hocks. He carried his head and tail high, and had the big nostrils and dish shaped head of an Arab. He might have been a pure bred, but his colours were odd. His markings were primaeval. Though I'd never ridden one, I knew a little about horses. I'd read about them. He snorted at me and pawed the ground. When I put my hand to his nose, he nuzzled me.

"Can I ride you, beautiful?" He was big enough. He was almost a horse.

He wasn't tacked, and despite the fact I'd never been on a horse before; I wasn't afraid to try and ride. I figured if he'd just stand there, or walk a little, I'd be happy.

I petted him for a while, and then went to his side. I put my hands on his back and pushed down to see how he'd react. He just looked at me, with his ears forward. Yeah, I'd try to get on.

I succeeded with some figuring out on how to do it, and he didn't seem to mind. Being he was a pony, I managed to hoist myself onto him without causing him too much duress.

I didn't have any way to control him, so I didn't dare kick him.

He started walking down the far side of the hill. I didn't mind. I was really enjoying this. The rain was coming down harder, but it still wasn't that heavy. The pony stopped on a flat part of the descent, and I looked over the town again. We were still pretty high up, and I couldn't resist. I pulled out my sabre one more time, and held it over me again. I just had to do this once, on horseback. The lightning flashed again. It was even closer to me this time, then the last time. Maybe I should put the sword back? After all, I didn't want to be responsible for helping destroy the beautiful animal I was on. I re-sheathed the thing.

I looked up to the crest of the hill next to me. At the next flash of light, I saw another person on a horse on that crest. The horse was rearing. Then I got the shit scared out of me. Not literally, but...



*****



My pony took off. I grabbed hold of his mane, lowered myself, and hung on for dear life. I have no idea how I stayed on as he raced down hill, but his gait was amazingly smooth. He then raced up the hill with that rider on it, and before I knew it; I was face to face with the strangest sight I ever saw in my life. The horse and rider had red glowing eyes. The horse was a tall, snowy, powerful, thing; also with feathered hocks. He had an Araby head, and Arab carriage like the grey I was on, but he was way too big and stocky to be full blooded. The horse was haltered, and wore a very light saddle.

The rider was a longhaired dude who was as white as his horse. He was in knee high black lace-up boots, a loincloth, a torc, a baldric harness with claymore, a real gauntlet on his left hand, a dirk on his right hip, and a head band. If I'd had any posters with men, he would have been the first choice to go up. I know I wouldn't want him as a bed warmer, but he left me in the dust, from an aesthetic perspective.

The rider cocked his head, crossed his arms, and smiled at me. "And who might you be?"

"Elliot. Is this your property?"

"No. I came looking for the errant pony you're riding. Shiva. I'm Keith Munster." I liked his accent. Irish, I assumed from the name. He also moved a little weird, not that this was a bad thing. He reminded me of a ballet I saw.

"Kayth? My last name is Kamata." I slid off the pony.

"Pleased to meet you. I pronounce my name the Irish way. It's spelled K-e-i-t-h. Cool how you're dressed. Looks like we're doing the same thing. Acting out phantasies on a dark and stormy night? I do it all the time."

"Guilty as charged," I said. I'm glad he wasn't upset about the pony. "Can I ask you about your eyes, and your horse's eyes?"

"Vanity. Expensive, but no harm done to either of us! My place is over two ridges east in the valley. I have a vested interest in asking you this, because Shiva is more likely to follow me home with a rider; but would you like to mount up again and join me to check my place out? I have a feeling you'd love my interior decorating."

"Sure."

"Got a private road that leads to Redwood Avenue."

"I know where that is. Not too far. Yeah!" The lightning flashed again, and the rain started coming down hard now. I got back on the pony called Shiva, and waited. Keith walked his horse down the hill, and like he said; Shiva followed.

When we got to the bottom of the hill, there was a trail. Keith's horse started to run, and so did Shiva. It was amazing how easy it was to stay on that pony even without a saddle. We stayed in the valley, and the animals ran between the hills to a road. When I saw Keith's house, I was even more amazed. It was a huge two-storey stone mansion with an attic, and a turret like entrance. There were vines all over it, a beautiful garden in front of it, one fountain, and a gazebo. It was surrounded by trees, and completely shaded. We rode the equines to the stable, Keith cleaned their hooves; and I dried Shiva off, and brushed him down. I'd never done it before, but I watched Keith with his white stallion; and figured it was easy enough to do. I hosed my boots off, but Keith's weren't dirty in the slightest.

I was a little sore from the ride, but it wasn't too bad.

I couldn't wait to see the interior of Keith's house after I’d seen the outside, and when I saw it; I thought I found a soul mate in male.

Like me, he had bladed weapons all over the walls, only more. Keith did have a suit of armour up, and he said to me, "Check this out," as he raised the visor. It had a skull inside.

"What a trip. Is it real?"

"Sure is. There's a complete skeleton inside. Kind of hard to get, but if you know the right people..."

"Hm hm. You were right when you said you thought I'd like your decor."

"Wait 'til you see the black light posters. I have them in the den, the library, my bedroom, the guest bedrooms, and my staff has some in theirs', too."

"I have a collection of those. Hot warrior babes, and a couple of castles and dragons."

"Seems like we have a lot in common. Let me give you a tour, though three of the rooms are off limits, upstairs. They're loaned out to my housekeeper, landscaper, and errand runner.

"Understood."

"But first let's dry off and get us some tea."

"OK."

Keith led me to a linen closet, and got two towels for us. I dried my hair, my arms, and ran the towel over my vest and leather pants. After, we had some Darjeeling tea; then the tour began.



*****



The house was decorated in modern-mediaeval. It was like a dream, for me. Even the walls were dark, just how I liked them. His poster collection was framed, and he had tapestries, and a lot of paintings up. I loved the painting of a really tall, buffed, red headed lady who was on one canvass with Keith. They were both squaring off with claymores, and from the looks of it, Keith was toast. Her blade was just centimetres from his undefended flesh.

There was another painting of a more delicate, black haired lady in a belly dancer's outfit on a black Arabian horse. She reminded me a little of a white version of Tora, but I had to admit I don't think I ever saw a more beautiful woman in my life, than this lady in the painting.

"Are these women real?" I asked.

"Sure are."

"Girlfriends?"

"Sort of. I used to be very devoted to the red head. We're still friends, but it is platonic now." He pointed to the raven-haired fox. "As for Deliah...we were never that close, though we get along fine. She's hooked up with a Ronin Sakanashi."

I smiled. "She's with a Japanese dude?"

Keith shrugged. "Ronin was only one who could tame her, so to speak. She used to be a wild one. You also couldn't argue with her. There was no way to win. There still isn't, but there aren't really any more issues; so all is cool."

"Issues?"

Keith sighed. "I'd rather not talk about it. Let's just say she always got what she wanted."

I nodded. "I think I got it."

"Uh, yes."

I looked at the picture again. "I almost envy you."

He almost snarled. "I wouldn't."

I scowled. "You have fangs?"

"Not natural. The red head I'm fighting in that picture there, insisted on them." He motioned to the picture of him and the lady about to clobber him with the claymore. "Everything I am is due to her. At least in the looks department! Trust me! I wasn't born like this."

"She's really as tall as you?"

"Aye, and she used to whup my ass when she was training me. Never really hurt me, though. She would hold back a couple of millimetres before actually making a hit. She's the best swords-woman on the planet, as far as I'm concerned. We don't even spar anymore, because it always ends in a draw now."

"Wow," I said. I'd want to meet this lady some day. "Does she live here?"

"No. She's never set foot here. I don't spend that much time here, myself. I have other places I'd rather be."

"This is a nice place," I said.

"Depends on what you're comparing it to."

"I have a suspicion your other places are beyond my imagination."

He shrugged. "I doubt it. I'm going to get dressed in some regular clothes, and fix us dinner. Then I can drive you back, or you can spend the night."

"You'd actually let me stay the night?"

"Sure. What's it to me? Maybe later you can play Dungeons And Dragons with us, or something."

I smiled. "I have a board of that on my table, but I'm playing four roles all by myself. I love that game."

"Four roles? Sounds like a lot to keep track of."

I shrugged. "I get a kick out of it. I don't have enough people to play with. My girlfriend isn't interested in it at all."

"Too bad, but I’ll be back in a few. Actually, I'm gonna take a quick shower. Rain wasn't a good alternative, even when you're dressed down."

My somewhat waterproof leathers kept me a bit drier. At least the bottom half of me! "OK. I'm going to go back and look at some of those posters and paintings while I wait for you,"

"Fine."



*****



There was one painting that I thought was wild. There was a red-blond guy who looked just like Keith, but was colourised. He wore a belted, black satin tunic, black leotards, and black boots. I wondered if he was Keith before he'd been 'modified'. I had no idea how to turn the skin white like that, unless he was wearing some weird sort of waterproof make-up, but there was no evidence of him being any other colour anywhere that I could see.

Whoever it was, was sitting on a bench in front of a gated cemetery with a sword at his side.

I couldn't get away from the painting. When Keith came down, he was dressed in jeans, a long sleeved denim shirt, and the boots he wore when we met. I asked, "Is this you?"

He shook his head. "No. That's Vergil Xanon. We do look alike, but that's just...that just is."

"What is he?"

"Lot's of things. Writer, visual artist, musician! He's a pretty mean ice dancer, and can do amazing things on horseback, too."

"Should I know him?" I asked.

"He's pretty obscure. I doubt it. Not unless you're into Irish mythology and death. He's got a book out."

"Death, kind of. Irish myths, no.! You do know him?"

"Oh, yes. My best friend, other than...Stephanie."

"Who's Stephanie?"

Keith pointed to a picture of a rather attractive individual whose gender I couldn't make out if I hadn't been told. She was a red head with turquoise eyes that really stood out, and a nose that could have used some major downsizing. She was dressed in black breeches, boots, a white shirt with high collar and cravat, a vest, a Victorian man's jacket, gloves, and a cloak. "Stephanie. My...uh...current girlfriend who will accompany me throughout eternity."

I liked the Amazon red head and Deliah better in the looks department, but there was more to relationships than that. I looked at the signatures. "Vergil did all these?!"

"Aye. He's not a commercial painter, though."

"He ought to be. He's as good as Vallejo, Johnson, Waterhouse, Pitre, and Whelan."

"Tell me about it."

"Where do these guys live?"

"Across the pond. Ireland. Let me make us some dinner, now that you’re here. Also, you never answered my question. Want me to drive you home after, or you want to stay in one of the guest bedrooms?"

"I must say I'm a bit entranced by the luxury this place offers. I'll stay the night. I'd offer you the same, but one of us would be sleeping on the couch."

Keith chuckled. "I've slept on couches before, but it's OK."

"I've got a huge phantasy movie and book collection, if you ever want to check that out. Your books are all nonfiction, from the looks of it; except for some of the classics."

"Sure. Some time." We walked to the kitchen. "You'll have to excuse me, but this household is vegetarian."

"No problem," I said.

Dinner was an elaborate salad with sesame oil and rice vinegar. I was stunned when I was served a large bowl of miso soup with tofu and green onions, tempura vegetables and jasmine rice which was as good as the stuff I'd had at Akaihana; and that was the best rice imported from Japan. In addition to that, I was given another platter with palaak paneer and veggie samosas. It was a Japanese-Indian kind of meal, and I almost couldn't believe it.

"We like Asian food the best," said Keith. "Everything from the Middle East to Japan, though Russia isn't really on the list."

"This is quite a treat. The way you cut up those vegetables, I'd figure you were a professional chef."

"As you noted, a lot of the things were pre-prepared."

We had young coconut juice with the meal, and that was fresh. I saw Keith saw off the top of the coconut, and it was given to me in a bowl with a spoon. It was delicious. I didn't realise how hungry I was until I had my first bite. I was served first, but I didn't touch anything until Keith sat down.

"Where is the household help?" I asked.

"They'll come back on Monday. They live here, but they have their own lives. They just keep the place maintained. It's rare they have to work more than thirty hours a week. They help each other out sometimes. The garden isn't much, the housekeeper only has to worry about the downstairs, and my errand runner does the shopping, spends a couple hours a day on the horses, and they get the weekends off. I clean my own room and bathroom every couple of weeks, take care of the two horses on the weekend, and that's it."

"What happens to the horses when you're not here?"

"The household help stays here, and they live it up and do what they want; just making sure everything looks right for when I get back."

"If anyone quits and you pay good, can I get a job with you?"

Keith laughed. "I'll keep the option open."

"Thanks."



*****



After dinner, was great. Keith lit the fireplace in the living room, and brought in a big pot of creamed Earl Grey tea. We ended up talking about Dungeons and Dragons, and what life was really like in the Middle-ages, and then he got into how the historians and elite wrote things down all wrong to give us a false picture of the past. It was a fascinating conversation, and went on until a little after midnight.

When I finally could barely keep my eyes open, Keith showed me to my room; and told me there were some spare socks and underwear in the drawers of the bureau, which I could help myself to. I was given a plastic bag for my used clothes that needed laundering, and was under no obligation to return what Keith told me about.

Each guest bedroom had it's own bathroom, which I thought was killer. When I found out the bed had satin sheets, I decided not to wear anything to sleep. This was all too good to be true.

It was so quiet here, as far as industrial noise pollution went. There was no traffic noise whatsoever, or those damned ubiquitous sirens. It was still raining, though the electrical part of the storm had gone away. The rain was hitting the windowpane, and the sound was hypnotic. I fell into a deep, very restful sleep.



*****



I dreamed I met everyone in the paintings. The Amazon red head told me she was Macha The Red. She took my hand, and led me around. We were at an out door party with tons of food, music, and dancing. The people were colourfully dressed, and the place was very lush and beautiful. We were in a meadow with lots of wild flowers, and that meadow was surrounded by lots of trees. The people there looked like they were all in their twenties, and they were the most attractive collection of individuals I ever saw! They were dressed in clothing I'd never seen before.

"This is The Land Of Youth. Tir na nOg," said Macha. "Many come here for a while after they are done living on Earth. Some return to Earth, some move on. Some stay here for a very, very long time; not that time really exists. It's just how I have to describe it."

"Anyone can come here, even though they aren't Irish?!" I asked. After all, I was here.

Macha said, "The only requirements for coming here is you have to know about it, and you have to expect to be able to come here. The paintings you saw! Ronin, Deliah, Sylvia, Andre, and the rest of us are just visiting here. We all spend most of our so-called time in a place much more advanced than this. This is a Low Etheric Realm, and we are generally Astral. We can visit the Low Causal with comfort, though we're too nostalgic to move there on a permanent basis just yet. In fact, we have a fading attachment to this realm; so we occasionally visit to take on the tasks of jobs we used to do as Gate Keepers, though we are mostly retired. One Gate Keeper you're familiar with is Anubis, though the rest of us do the same thing. Keith's other name is Thanatos, and he's a fairly famous Greek Gate Keeper. Vergil, or Donn is an obscure Irish one. The rest of my crowd are just ex-mortals who took the job because they ended up falling in love with us, and wanted to lighten our case load when we had one."

"This is way better than any Dungeons and Dragons game," I said.

"That game is better left to being just a game. I killed some of those dragons," said Macha. "I helped clean up Ireland of the vile Formorians, but I've killed many people in the distant past. I was filled with blood lust in times of yore, but I'm now repulsed by it. I could take you to a battlefield, but I don't think you'd react to it very well. There's blood, guts, limbs hacked off, brains bashed it, and a lot of pain. Looking back, the smell is horrendous, and the moans of agony are hard to listen to. That wasn't always my mindset, but even I had to grow up some time."

"I've seen some of that in various movies. The later ones that didn't glorify war, like 'Apocalypse Now', and stuff," I said.

"That was the modern day equivalent of a Joseph Conrad novel, and even that was tame compared to what really happens," said Macha. "Now, I think we ought to go back to the party. Have some fun before you wake up, so you're in a better mood."

"You mean I'm dreaming?"

"Aye. Or living your other reality, is a better way of looking at it."

"I wish I wouldn't have to wake up."

She stroked my hair back. "Elliot, you can come back here any time you want; very soon."

"I can?"

"Yes. Now would you like to join a circle dance?"

"I've never done it before. I don't know how."

"Just watch for a while. It's easy. I'll dance with you."

And so we did.



*****



When I woke up, I was very happy. When I saw my surroundings, I remembered I wasn't home anymore. Suddenly I wasn't that happy. I'd have to leave this place, and I really didn't want to. It was so serene, and I felt like I was in another world.

Still, I dragged myself out of bed, to the shower. I dried off, got into those fresh socks, underwear, and into my leathers. I didn't don the dog collar, gloves and leather bracelets. The sword and scabbard would also have to wait. That game was over.

When I was about to step outside of my room, I noticed a card on the floor by the door. It said, 'Come on down for breakfast, then I'll take you home; unless you want to ride Shiva.'

I smiled. I'd love to ride home. It would extend the little break from the 'real world' for just a little bit longer.

I went downstairs.

The table was set, and my plate was ready. Three split devilled eggs, buttered grits, hashed browns with onions, and a pre-buttered split corn muffin. To drink, there was a pitcher of orange juice, mango juice, and a pot of tea.

I had the mango juice first. "Quite a layout. Thanks for inviting me."

"No problem. This is pretty mundane, really. I was too lazy to make a fruit salad. Breakfasts are usually more intricate on weekdays."

"You'll let me ride home on Shiva?"

"Sure will. Hey, it's how you got here. Spare me the time to exercise two horses. You saw what happened yesterday when I tried to do both at once. Shiva just decided to go his own way."

"I'm gonna miss this place. I know I'm on the outskirts of town, but this place is still so much quieter. I didn't hear one siren, or one car. Just the rain pouring down! It was like last night was the best night of my life."

"You can come by again. We can trade phone numbers."

"That would be great. Can't do it next week, though. I have a weekend date with my girlfriend."

Keith shrugged. "Understood. It's OK. I'm gonna be around for a little while. I'm working on something."

"That would be cool."

Keith raised his glass of orange juice to me. "Any time. I like your company. You're more interesting than most."

"You know, I dreamed of you and all the people you painted; last night. I visited an Irish Afterworld, and the lady who was painted about to plaster you with the sword told me she was a dragon killer. She mentioned cleaning up Ireland, but I can't remember what she cleaned it up from."

"What was this Afterworld like?"

"Nice. It was an outdoor picnic party. There was dancing, and really pretty music on instruments I'd never seen before. It was like I was in a huge park. I'd never seen such a blue sky, or grass as vividly green. Everyone there was around the same age. No old people, and no children."

"Sounds nice."

"In a couple of weeks, if I can get a day off from work; can I come by on a weekday?"

"I have no problem with that. Just give me two day's warning."

"Will do."



*****



After breakfast, I finished suiting up, and we went out to the stables. The door was open, and the horses (It's easier to just call them both horses, as opposed to referring to them as the horse and pony.) weren't there. Keith whistled loudly, and both animals came running. He saddled them up with what looked like racing saddles with regular length, pleasure-riding straps for the stirrups. He haltered them both. He said, "They don't need bridles or bits. All you have to do is touch the rein to the neck, and they turn. Also never kick them. Just click at them, and they'll go faster. They're used to gentle treatment, and harsh treatment gets the rider thrown."

"OK."

Keith looked at me. "I forgot about the phone number exchange."

"If you can leave the horses by the fence, we can do that at my place."

"Sure."

We ended up riding up the valley trail that we'd come here on. "I can't believe I'm going back to my regular life. This place is so Otherworld."

Keith smiled at me. "You really don't want to leave here, huh?"

"To be perfectly honest? No."

Keith's white stallion reared. "Then don't!" He yelled. "Follow meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" His horse took off running.

Shiva went after him before I even signalled the pony. We didn't go up the hill where we'd come down. We just kept going down the valley trail. I dropped the reins, leaned forward, and hung on to what little I could, of the saddle.

I lost all perception of time. I also lost all perception of my surroundings. The only thing that mattered was I stay on that pony, though it was even easier than before. This time, I wasn't bareback; and Shiva flowed like a gentle stream.

When Keith slowed, the vast brown hills we’d been in were gone. The land had a few lower, very green hills with lots of varied trees and bushes that I couldn’t remember seeing, but was mostly flat. That made no sense, since the range we’d been in extended for hundreds of miles. It was foggy, which was unusual, considering I woke up to sunny skies. It also seemed like the sun was setting, though it was morning.

I became more than a little bit concerned. I rode up to Keith's side. "Keith! None of what I'm seeing makes sense. It's too dark for morning, and how can we have fog?"

He pointed ahead. "I have something to tell you, but first; look up."

There was a large castle in front of us. I was thoroughly flabbergasted. "Wow! What is this?"

"The castle known as Tech Duinn, or The House Of Donn; in your language. That dream you had last night wasn't a dream. It was a vision given to you, by me. When you went out on that hill with your sword, you got zapped. Totally cooked. Your body will be found in a few days, but you no longer live on Earth. You're on the Low Etheric, and you will be able to dress like anything you want, look like anything you want, and manifest anything you want; at will, as soon as you learn how. Of course, I can teach you everything you need to know in an instant; and will do that shortly."

"So I'm dead?!"

"Only to the world you came from."

"I don't feel dead."

"You just shed your physical body. No big deal. Happens every day."

I had to chuckle. "So it does." The path beneath us was cobbled, and I only now became aware of it. We soon crossed a bridge over the moat, and went through a short tunnel. At the end of the tunnel, was a remarkable courtyard with fountains, a couple of gazebos, beautiful bushes, flowers, and lit torches all over the place. "This is awesome, if you don't mind the 'Valley-Speak'.

"Not at all. We do it, too. Stephanie is from that era, though in this world where all is as one wants it; she will probably be a he who you refer to as Stefan. It had a slightly more masculine personality in life, and is more comfortable as a male...usually."

"Usually?"

"Yeah! Usually."

"Dare I ask?"

"I prefer you didn't."

I smiled, and nodded once. "Never mind."



*****



I'd find I had a whole castle to explore, and I'd be exposed to history how it happened in truth, for the first time in my present stream of consciousness. I'd also meet up with a few who had as much of an aptitude for Dungeons and Dragons as myself.

I guess I was in Heaven, by any other name.





























































The Haunting





Me (Donn Ui’Midir), Stefan, Thanatos, Macha and Kevalyn were sitting in the whirlpool of the Akashic Castle. Stefan stretched. "Hmmmmmmmmmmm."

"Yes?" I asked.

"Anybody want to have some fun?" asked Stefan.

"Yes, but I'm not sure your idea of fun is our idea of fun," said Thanatos.

Stefan closed his eyes, and smiled. "I thought it would be a trip to intercept one of those cases where...ya know...a person would tie a rope around their neck, tie the other end to a tree, and take off in a car to decapitate themselves?"

"No!" I said.

"I could swear we've already covered this," said Thanatos.

"I have a vague memory of that," said Stefan.

"And you think we'd change our minds on not wanting anything to do with these rare incidents?" I asked. "That is grosser than gross, and how in the Hell can we provide an illusion to mitigate that kind of death?"

Stefan opened his eyes, and shrugged. "We probably couldn't, but we could make the experience a Hell of a lot more interesting to the suicide."

"Like how you made the guy who chopped himself in half with a band saw think he survived it?" asked Thanatos?

"Aye."

"Stefan, just because you haven't been keel-hauled yet; doesn't mean it can't happen," said Thanatos. Of course, he was jesting.

"And if I happen to be keel-hauled, no one ever pets my nose again!"

Kevalyn brought her forearm to her forehead. "Oh, Heavens and Hells forbid! I'll lose my will to exist if I can't pet your nose!" She said that with a histrionic tone of desperation.

"You threaten us all like that, and a day later it shall be; 'Will you please pet my nose?'" said Thanatos.

"I wanna do something different," said Stefan.

"You wanna press some buttons," I said.

"Yeah. How about one of Vlad Tepes' victims? Wouldn't it be great to have a stake in that part of history?" asked Stefan.

"For the umpteenth time, where's that rolled up newspaper when you need it?" asked Macha. “We already did a reincarnation of Vlad! You pick the worst historical figures to obsess on.”

"Yeah, but, Tepes really put a new meaning into the phrase of ripping someone a new asshole," said Stefan.

"I will not dunk him under water, I will not dunk him under water," said Thanatos.

"Please don't," said Kevalyn. "I'm picking up some new material here."

Stefan looked up. "Hey! How long you been a'hangin' around up there?"

Thanatos said, "Stef, please pick another time period; and pick a case where you can be a little more sympathetic."

"A stewed missionary? Mass Aztec sacrifice?! China revolution?"

Thanatos sighed. "Who's on the menu today? Am I invited?"

"Aye," said Stefan.

"Why don't you pick one where I can build another house?" I asked. "I love those deaths in the boondocks."

"I like those cases with the parties we had, like the guy with the Firebird," said Kevalyn.

Stefan scowled. "Could we do that with a case of Purina Wolf, or Bear, or Big Cat Chow?"

Thanatos laughed, and shook his head. "Are we feeling anti-social today, Stefan?"

"Always. And then there's the other death by torture cases. The rack, the wheel, the Judas Cradle, the Pear of Anguish, the head crusher, the schlong ri..."

"Cease!!!!!" Exclaimed Thanatos, obviously trying to control himself.

I cocked my head to the left. "Stefan, you are really in top form today."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it," I said.

"OK, seriously," said Stefan. "How about a certain exposure case kid lost in the woods, and a building haunted house?"

"Sounds like an idea for a killer head game," said Kevalyn.

"That's entertainment, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah. Let me in on this one, too," said Macha.

Thanatos closed his eyes. "Location, Hungary. 1988."

"After we finish our luxurious soak, huh?" I asked.

"Aye," said Stefan.

Needless to say, none of us took these jobs as seriously as we used to, since we've mostly retired. We wouldn't have dreamed of doing this sort of thing when we were working in our native era.



*****



The nearest town was Gaj. His name was Elek Varga. He was 16, and he lost his way on a hike in the forest for the first time. He'd gone too far off the trail. It was early April, and it wasn't looking good.

Elek had expected to be almost home by now. It was getting toward dusk, and it was getting mighty cold. He didn't like the looks of the sky. Hopefully it wouldn't rain, but it probably would. The canopy of the trees would offer only limited protection.

Elek had a pretty good sense of direction, but this time he'd gotten disoriented after looking at an interesting rock formation. He’d analysed it, walked around it, and sat down by it for a while to study it better. When he stood up, he forgot which direction he'd come from. He turned around, and went in the direction he'd hoped he'd come from, on a wing and a prayer.

Apparently he’d been wrong. He still hadn't come to the trail. He wondered if anyone was looking for him.

Eventually he did come to a trail, but was it the right one? Well, at least it would lead somewhere. It did.

It led to a creek, then went along side that creek. It was wrong trail, because there was no stream by the one he was familiar with. Still, it would be wiser to stay on it. It was late twilight by now, and he couldn't see too well. It had started to rain a little bit.

Elek figured he should probably make a little shelter out of the branches and leaves, and just hole up for the night. In a little while, maybe!

The trail turned away from the creek. He was concentrating on it intently, making sure he wouldn't lose it. He'd have to stop soon, because this was more than his night vision could handle. It would have been OK out in the open, but this forest was just too thick with trees. The light the clouds reflected didn't make it through in too many areas.

He was just about to give it up for the night, when the trail turned to stone. He looked ahead, and there was a clearing. There was actually a house in that clearing. Maybe they'd take him in for the night, and tell him where he was.

The house was a large two-storey place with an attic. It was made of wood. There was a well in the front. The yard was unkempt, like no one ever saw to it. There weren't any lights on inside that he could see.

It wasn't that late. Was everyone asleep, or was no one there?

He walked up five stairs to the verandah. He knocked on the door. There wasn't any answer, and when he tried the door, Elek found it was unlocked. It was too dark to see anything at all. "Anyone here?" (Well, actually he said, "Akárki itt?" but let's not go there.)

There was no answer.

The place smelled musty, stuffy, and dusty. It was as cold in the house, as outside. The only consoling features were that it was dry, and there was no wind. It being pitch-black, didn't help anything. Would this place be empty, or furnished?

He heard a noise. It sounded like a single knock. "Hello?"

No answer. He had left the front door open. That way he could make a run for it if he heard anything come at him, though he knew he wouldn't get far. He'd be running almost blind. The place needed airing out, anyway.

Now he needed to go to the bathroom. He figured this place would have an outhouse.

He went outside, and to the back. He was right. Elek also got a bit wetter, but such was life.

The outhouse didn't smell too bad. It was like it hadn't been used in forever.

Next, Elek went to the well. There was a chain that you hooked the metal bucket to. There were three buckets, and they looked like they were in pretty good shape. From what little he could see and feel, they weren't rusted out. He pulled some water from the well, and rinsed his hands off. The water was freezing. He was also thirsty, so he had some to drink. It tasted pretty good, but being cold and wet; the icy water didn't do him any good in that department. He wondered if he'd freeze to death on the floor of this house.

Should he get out of his wet clothes? But there was nothing to replace them with.

No, he'd keep them on. He went back to the house.

At least he had water, and a dry place to spend the night.

Elek wasn't tired yet. Disturbed, a bit frightened; but not tired. His parents probably wouldn't let him go hiking for a long time after this incident. Then again, would he even WANT to go hiking after this incident? He wondered what kind of trouble he'd be in after he got home...if he would even make it home.

He was shivering like crazy. He was also starving. Elek was in a pretty miserable state.

It seemed the thing to do, to try to feel his way around the house. Why was it so dark? The windows weren't boarded up. He couldn't even see any broken windows, from what he remembered. He put one hand against the wall, one hand in front of himself, and moved forward very slowly.

Ouch! His hand had been too high. His thigh hit something. He cursed.

It was a table. He could tell from the feel that it was very dirty. Dusty. Still, he moved his hand slowly over the top. He came across a small cardboard box. It felt like a matchbox. He picked it up. It was a matchbox. It actually had a few matches in it. So, for a few seconds he could see where he was.

He lit the first match, and found an oil lamp was also on the table. He reached for it, and tried to light the oil lamp, but the match had burned too far. He tried again, and failed again. On the fifth attempt, he succeeded. There were eight matches left.

He picked up the oil lamp, and saw the room was fully furnished, and there was a fireplace against the far wall. Beside the fireplace was a half a cord of wood. Could life get any better under these circumstances? It had been as dark as it was due to all the windows having heavy curtains.

He'd be carrying that oil lamp with him wherever he went.

Apparently life had just gotten better. There were some thin slats of wood for kindling in a dark metal holder screwed to the wall by the fireplace. First, Elek looked up the chimney. He had to open the flue. No problem. Elek then put some of the slats on the bottom of the fireplace, and put two logs on top of them. He crossed two more logs on top of those, lit another slat with the oil lamp, and touched those to the kindling slats. In no time, he had a toasty fire.

There was an incredibly dusty sofa in front of the fireplace. It was a luxurious thing that would be slept on, after Elek cleaned it off.

Elek proceeded to check out the rest of the house. He found a library with leather bound books, some sort of a studio, and a den. There was a bathroom downstairs. It had a tub, a washbasin, and no plumbing or toilet of any kind. To take a bath, one would have to get the water from the well; and heat it before pouring it into the tub. There were even several bars of lye soap, and two towels hung over racks. Elek would use that soap to wash his clothes, and put them to dry by the fire before going to sleep. It was cold, but he figured maybe he could deal with it if he passed out in front of the fire. He'd throw on some more logs to make it bigger.

When he went upstairs, Elek found a study, one room with a table surrounded by six chairs, another library, and three bedrooms. All the bedrooms had large canopy beds. The family who owns or owned this must be pretty wealthy.

Elek took two blankets from one of the beds, and brought them downstairs. He put them on the sofa, went outside, filled the bucket with water, took off his outer shirt, wet it, wrung it out, and dusted off the couch with it. The couch fabric was a smooth satiny texture, so it worked. He proceeded to dust off the furniture tops of the living room, and then he rinsed his shirt, and put it on the hearth of the fireplace. He'd clean it with soap, later.

Finally, Elek went to the kitchen. It also had a fireplace with a few logs and kindling by it. The fireplace had a fireplace crane you could hang pots from. The cooking was done there. He wasted no time in starting another fire. When he went through the cupboards he found the kitchen was fully stocked. There were ceramic and metal plates, goblets, steins, bowls, cast iron pans, pots, a Dutch oven, a cauldron, and silverwares that were made of actual silver from the looks of it. The silverware sets must have been worth a fortune, but he'd leave it where it was.

Elek was delighted to find a full spice rack, and bins with peas, rice, oats, farina, barley, various beans, flour, sugar, salt, and tea. Everything was air tight, and nothing was bug infested. It all looked and smelled viable. He immediately hung a pot of water up to boil on the fireplace crane, for some tea. Away from the fire, he was still as cold as hell.

After he made his tea, he hung up the Dutch oven with some more water. After the water was boiling, Elek added a mug of a seasoned pea and rice mixture he'd thrown together. When it was done, he thought it was the best meal he ever had. It was also the first meal he'd ever cooked. Cooking wasn't expected of him, but he'd watched his mother do it often enough that he had a good idea of what to do.

Elek washed all the cooking and eating utensils he used, while cursing the lack of indoor plumbing. It was still raining, so every time he went to the well, he got wet. He used the lye soap and a dishrag he'd found to clean everything. It seemed to work. After he put everything away, he thought he heard a whisper saying, "Thank you."

He wheeled around. No one was there.

He figured he was hallucinating.

He was pretty tired by now. Still, he had to wash his clothes.

Elek got another bucket of water from the well, heated it, and swept off the hearths of both fireplaces with the ancient broom in the kitchen. He disrobed, put his shoes back on, and wrapped himself in one of the blankets he brought down from upstairs. He got his outer shirt, which had double as a dust rag from the living fireplace; washed it, his undershirt, his pants, socks, and skivvies. He rinsed everything with cold water, and dumped the wastewater in the kitchen sink, which did have a drainpipe to the outside of the house. He hung his pants on the fireplace crane in the kitchen, after positioning it outside of the fireplace. The rest of his clothing, he spread on the hearths of both fireplaces. Then he took his shoes off, and lay on the couch to sleep.

He heard footsteps. First they sounded like they were coming from upstairs, then downstairs.

He'd been through the whole house. He hadn't seen anyone. He'd read about ghosts. He believed in them, and this seemed an ideal location. He figured that's probably what it was. He was too tired to care about it.



*****



Elek woke when he had to go to the bathroom. At first he was alarmed at his unfamiliar surroundings, but it didn't take long for him to remember what had happened. He was also thirsty.

Damn, he was so nice and warm; and now he'd have to get up to go out into the cold cruel world again.

It was still raining, and raining torrents, now. How annoying!

It was only a bladder issue, so this time he wouldn't go all the way to the outhouse.

He got into his shoes, picked up the oil lamp, and went to the kitchen for the bucket. He emptied his bladder over the rail of the verandah, ran the twenty metres from the verandah to the well, filled the bucket, rinsed his hands by pouring some water on them, and brought the bucket in. He ended up sopping wet, and freezing his rear off. At least drying off would be easy, because he was un-attired. He drank some of the water cold, and put some in a kettle for more tea after he got inside to the kitchen. He had to warm up again...fast.

He looked at the kitchen fire. It was still burning bright. It should have died down, by now. The clothes were dry. He brought his pants to the living room. While the water was heating up in the kitchen, he went to the bathroom to dry off. The underside of the towels shouldn't be too dusty.

When he got to the bathroom, he was stunned. The tub was full, steaming, and foamy. The foam smelled like rose. "Is anybody here?" He called out.

No answer. He tested the water. There was no way it could be that hot if you filled it pot by pot, but it was as hot as it was. He got in the tub. It felt nice, and it was good to get really clean again. He soaked in it a while, then remembered his teakettle was on the fire.

Damn! He got out quickly, grabbed a towel, and found the whole towel was clean. He wrapped it around himself, and ran to the kitchen.

The fireplace crane was out, the kettle was mostly full, steaming hot, and when he went to get a cup, he found one on the counter full of tea. Creamed tea.

There was no cream in the house, though. Who had done this?

Elek smelled the tea. It seemed fine. He tasted it. It was delicious. It was a fruity black tea that he'd never had before.

Was he dreaming, or was this for real? He didn't care. He was still tired, and went back to the couch. He got out of his shoes, into his underwear, wrapped himself back up in the blanket, and went back to sleep; taking that the fire had not died down for granted.

As he drifted off, he heard some beautiful music in the distance. He recognised it as ancient Celtic, but it wasn't anything like he'd heard before. He dimly remembered he had to drain the bathtub. He'd do that tomorrow.



*****



The next morning, Elek knew he should try to find his way home; but he had no clue on where to start. He figured he'd take the trail that led to this place to its other end. It would probably lead to a road.

He had to use the bathroom again. This time, he'd use the outhouse. He got dressed.

Elek looked at the fire. It was still burning high. It's like someone tended it while he was asleep. He was very confused, but this was a strange house.

As he tied his shoelaces, he heard hoof beats outside. It had finally stopped raining, so Elek could hear that. He hurried to tie that shoe, and ran to the front door. When he opened it, he saw two transparent individuals get off two lightly tacked, equally spectral horses. The horses were only haltered. One was an astoundingly beautiful pure white stallion whose eyes glowed red. The other was a powerful, large grey mare that was also quite a vision.

A man had gotten off the stallion. He was snow white, with read glowing eyes' just like his horse. He was the most attractive man Elek had ever seen. He had long, layered hair, which he wore with bangs. His clothing was odd. He wore a black loincloth, and black boots. He also had a silver torque around his neck, a claymore on his back in a baldric harness, a knife at his side, a gauntlet on his left hand, a knife on his right side, an a silver asp on the bicep of his left arm. He was smiling, and seemed friendly, but he had fangs. Elek found that a bit disconcerting, though traditional vampires of legend didn't look this good. The Hollywood movies with vampires had it all wrong.

No, this guy couldn't be a vampire.

The lady was as tall as the man. A beautiful redhead in a short, torn leather tunic that didn't leave too much to the imagination! She also wore boots, a harnessed claymore, and a knife at her belt. She had a boot knife in addition, and of course, a gauntlet, which she wore on her right hand. She was very muscular, but naturally so. She was too lean to have taken steroids. Elek didn't think anyone messed with her.

Both un-haltered the horses, and just threw the gear over the porch railing. The horses ran off. The man and woman didn't even seem to see Elek. They walked up to the porch, and woman asked, "I wonder who left the door open?"

The man shrugged. "Don't know."

They both had pleasant foreign accents, but they spoke the local language.

Elek was flabbergasted. He couldn't even move when the two walked up to him, and right through him; hand in hand. When they came through him, he felt a strange, warm energy surge. It felt rather pleasant. Apparently they were oblivious to him.

In his dazed state, Elek went to the outhouse. He cautiously went back into the house.

It was lit up, now. There were candles on the walls, and every one of them had their wicks alight.

Elek felt like a fool. He could have done the same, instead of carry that damn oil lamp everywhere.

Suddenly he remembered the tub. He should drain and clean that. When he went to the bathroom, he found that had already been done.

He went to the kitchen. Five ghostly people were sitting at the table, but there was a sixth place setting.

The two who came in, were at the table. With them was I, who looked pretty much like the white man; but I was shorter, and had real light red hair, with a pale; but not of white complexion. I had dark eyes, and was dressed in a black tunic, leotards, and boots. There was another real pretty, longhaired lady whose locks were red. She wore a long flowing dress with an abstract flower design, and sandals. The last one...Elek didn't know what sex it was, but it was a pretty red head with a long shag hairstyle, striking turquoise eyes, and a very big nose. It was dressed like a Victorian gentleman, with a high collar, and tailed coat. It had a cloak draped over its chair. We all acted like Elek wasn't there.

Elek wondered who we were. We were dressed in different time periods, and it was like we were all out of a movie, or something. We looked so incredibly good; it was unbelievable! We were so perfect. He really liked the lady in the dress.

It was strange, but Elek could smell the food. There was a lot of it. Unlike us people at the table, the food looked solid. There were scrambled eggs with vegetables mixed in, hashed potatoes with garlic and onions, muffins, fruit; some of which Elek's parents couldn't dream of affording. There were juices, preserves, tea, grits, butter and farina.

Elek looked at the empty place setting. He pulled the chair out, and sat down, and we at the table pretended to become alarmed. The Victorian individual said, "Ye gods! Did you see that? The chair just moved all by itself!"

The white man said, "We were told this place was haunted when we bought it. I guess the the man told the truth."

Elek smiled. He thought we were ghosts, and we allegedly thought Elek was one? How strange. He thought that was amusing.

Elek reached for the big platter with eggs, and put some on his plate. Everyone was watching him. Or rather, we had our eyes on the plate in Elek's hand, and the spoon. He put some of the fruit on his plate next, and grabbed a muffin. If he were still hungry after this, he'd have more. He filled his cup with tea, and glass with pineapple juice.

"Whatever it is, seems to be hungry," said the warrior lady.

"I'm just glad it isn't dangerous," I said. I was struggling not to laugh. This case was just too much. We'd never done anything remotely like this, and I don't think I ever had such a prankster job in my entire existence.

"Aye, whatever," said the lady in the dress.

The one in the Victorian outfit waved its hand. "Let's just ignore it. It will probably go away."

Elek laughed. Yes. After breakfast!



*****



Elek didn't clean the plates after breakfast. He just left the table, and walked out of the house. He had the intention of following the trail to the river, and beyond. He wasn't sure he was going to tell anyone what he saw regarding his ghosts. They'd think he was absolutely nuts.

He followed the cobbled path to the trail. It was a nice day, today. The sky was clear, and he wasn't going to get drenched. He got to the creek, followed the trail by the creek, and after a little while, the trail moved away from the creek. A few hours later, he came across the back of the same house he'd left.

Now, Elek was royally scared. He went back inside the house, and found the Victorian individual and me on the couch having tea. The fire was roaring, and the room felt nice and warm. I asked the Victorian individual, "Stephanie, have you ever been exposed to such strong poltergeist experience in your entire life?"

'Stephanie'! So it was a woman!

"No," said Stephanie. "I'm just glad it's not hostile. I wonder how long it's been here?"

"I have no clue. It cleaned some of the furniture off. The hearths were also swept. If it cleans house, I kind of half hope it stays," I said.

"But Keith said someone left a tub full of soapy, dirty water which he had to drain and clean," said Stephanie.

Elek now knew the names of two of us. 'Kayth', and Stephanie.

"A little inconvenient. It also brought one of the buckets from the well inside. I wonder if it will ever materialise?" I asked.

"No clue. I wonder how old it was when it died, and what it looks like?"

"Good question," I said. Being we both knew Elek was standing at the end of the couch listening to us, I really had to fight hard not to lose it.

Elek almost couldn't believe what was happening. He was also a bit hungry again. As he walked to the kitchen, he noted that everything was clean now. Everything had been dusted or scrubbed. All the candles looked like they'd just been lit from right out of the box. The kitchen fire was burning, and the house seemed a lot less ominous. The atmosphere seemed warm and friendly, and the temperature was so much pleasanter no matter where he went.

Elek went to the icebox. It was full of fresh produce. He grabbed an apple, and went upstairs.

Everything was immaculate. He found Keith and the other two women in the study. He walked in. Today, everyone was dressed in jeans and long sleeved shirts. Keith said, "Macha! Kevalyn! There is a partially eaten apple floating behind you!"

The women turned around. "By George, there is!" said the warrior lady. "Kev, I don't know if we should have bought this place."

So now, the only name Elek needed; was mine. Elek asked, "Can you hear me?" He had another bite of the apple.

The three ignored his question. "It looks like that apple is being eaten right now," said Keith.

What was it with Keith's eyes? Why did they glow red?

Kevalyn asked, "Keith, do your eyes still hurt from that operation?"

"No. Everything is fine. It's nice to be able to see in pitch black."

How strange to get an answer for his unspoken thought, but at least an explanation was offered.

"And thanks for getting the dental work done," said Macha. "It makes you look so much sexier."

"I did that for me, not you. I'm not sleeping with you again. You're way too demanding for my taste," said Keith.

Elek contemplated leaving if the conversation was going to take this turn. He almost did, until Keith said, "Maybe we should go to town and tell the authorities about that dead kid we found. The one who looked like he froze to death?"

Elek's hair almost stood on end. He dropped the apple.

"Damn," said Kevalyn. "What the Hell?!" She got out of her chair, picked up the apple, and threw it in the garbage can. "Too bad about him. He was a cute kid. He would have grown up to be quite a handsome gentleman. It's rare to find such black hair with blue eyes in these parts. And so pale! I thought that was more common in parts of Russia, or Latvia, or something."

That described Elek to what degree they were talking about. So was he a ghost?

"You find a few of them like that here. Want to get Vergil and Stef, and look at the body one more time? See if someone wants to go to town to tell someone while the body is still obviously recognisable?" asked Macha.

Elek shivered. He'd have to follow us. Now he knew my name. The one in the strange tunic was Vergil.

"Do we walk, or ride?" asked Keith.

"It's not far, but let's ride. It's not even a kilometre from here," said Macha. "Let's find Vergil and Stephanie," said Kevalyn.

"They said they were going for a hike," said Macha. She looked at her watch. "They shouldn't be gone too much longer. We should have checked to see if the kid had any ID on him."

Elek didn't. Not for hikes in the woods. His pockets were empty, except for his house keys.

Elek was now climbing the walls. So perhaps he was dead. But did ghosts get hungry and have to go to the bathroom? He paced the house, and the yard. He couldn't wait for Stephanie and me to get back. That wouldn't be until much later.



*****



When we showed up at the beginning of dusk, Kevalyn said, "Damn! Where have you two been?! We wanted to check that kid out to see if he had any form of identification on him."

"We've been working on that kid," I said. "We ended up going to town. He's on the front page. We went to the police, and they collected him."

"Do you know who he was?" asked Kevalyn.

I stepped real close to Elek. He thought I was going to walk through him. "Uh, yeah. Elek Varga." Instead, I caught him as he passed out.



*****



We'd put Elek on one of the beds upstairs. I took his shoes off, and we put him under cover, and all five of us sat around him in chairs. Kevalyn, who he liked so much; was by his head. "I think I should wake him with a cup of chai under his nose," she said. "One with the works. Honey, ghee, cream, and extra masala."

"He'd like that very much. Especially with the one who so infatuates him holding the cup," said Keith.

Kevalyn smiled, and materialised the cup.

I said, "I think he'd like a meal, too. He hasn't eaten all day, and he’ll expect to be famished."

"After I wake him up," said Kevalyn, as she stroked Elek's hair, while holding the tea in front of him.

Elek did wake up, and he was quite alarmed when he became aware of his circumstances. "What's going on?"

"You're one of us," said Kevalyn. "What was you, froze to death; but we didn't let you know. We decided to give you an adventure. First we made you think we were ghosts, and then we made you think you were a ghost to us. We get playful, sometimes."

"Who are you all?"

Kevalyn pointed to me, "That's Donn Ui'Midir, and Irish Death god, psychopomp, or Gate Keeper. He goes as Vergil Xanon on occasion." She pointed at Keith. "Thanatos. Greek Death god, who goes as Keith Munster a lot of time when he’s working. Macha is an Irish War goddess, though she does what the recognised Gate Keepers do on many an occasion. Stef and I are too new to have legends written of us, but we help the other three. Or we used to, rather. We're basically retired, and just do a case here and there for old time's sake.

"In this case, Stefan was feeling like messing with somebody, and we spotted you; and thought it would be fun to do what we did."

Elek chuckled, and shook his head. "You guys are mean."

A tray of food suddenly appeared in Keith's hands. "But maybe we can make it up to you? You don't really need to eat anymore, but you can. The only reason you're hungry is because you're conditioned to think you're hungry." He put the tray over Elek. "Venison, roasted potatoes, carrots and peas."

"Thank you. How did you do that?" asked Elek.

"Anyone can do that here. We manifest everything we want, including this house. By the way, we had no indoor plumbing to make it more believable for you, not to inconvenience you. I even left you that hot, full bath tub," said Keith. "After you finish eating, we're going to show you exactly where you are, and you are going to become as you are meant to be. There are no children or young adults on this side of the Veil. Not for long, anyway. Everyone attains their prime form after they are acclimated. I'm also going to teach you everything you need to know to function here comfortably all at once, so you don't have to sort through a convoluted mess to remember how you're supposed to be."

Elek had a bite of venison. "All right. Are my parents going to be OK?"

Keith smiled. "Time heals all wounds. If you want to visit them in dreams to let them know you're fine, I'll show you how to do that; too."

"I think I'm going to like it with you."

"I haven't had anyone who didn't yet," said Keith.

Elek winked at Keith.














Into The Wild Blue Yonder, Yonder, Yonder





Lovely. The country was falling apart, unemployment was officially at 48%, I had about $4000.00 left to my name, my unemployment ran out, and it did not look like I was going to find a job at the rate jobs were going away. I haven't found one yet, and it was December. If fall was the best time to find a job, I missed it. I'd been too damn specialised, and no one wanted to train me in something else. I was toast, but I'd been expecting it. I'd also prepared for it.

I had my copy of 'Final Exit', the right drugs, and though I couldn't handle the concept of putting a plastic bag over my head, I did make my bedroom airtight. I'd also light a few candles to use the oxygen up a little faster. I'd give it another couple of weeks.

Now, it was party time.

I'd just stuffed my face at the neighbourhood bistro, and was finishing up my pint of Drake's Denogginizer. (Yeah, I know! I, Donn Ui'Midr; would ordinarily spell it 'Denogginiser', but this is a bleedin' U.S. brand, and it's called Denogginizer; OK? So here's one for the only idiots who use mostly Fahrenheit, and one of the three who don't use metric. Liberia and Burma are the other odd ones, though I don't know why. It grates on me. It gives me more unnecessary work to do in my writing.) Damn good stuff, that Denoggonizer. Kinda sweet. Powerful, too! I'd sit here for a while to make sure I wouldn't get arrested for public intoxication. With all I ate, that might be a couple of hours. I was generally a light drinker. All was good, because I'd get a good dose of a funk band I never heard of before.

I was sitting there, watching the band set up. They looked great. The guy's all looked like they were in their early twenties, they all had long corn rowed hair, the drummer had a thin moustache, the bass player had a three prong goatee, the keyboard player was clean shaven, and the lead man was a leather clad Asian chick on guitar. She wore fluorescent red streaks in her hair. I was kind of border-line in my tastes, so I thought she was as hot as the guys in her mini-skirt, knee high boots and leather halter-top. All she needed to complete the outfit; was a whip. I figured she was probably Japanese, from looking at her. When I checked the names on the listing, I found I was right. Her last name was Kimura. Right now I thought she was the luckiest chick on the planet.

I went up to the bar, took my well-used plate, soup bowl and empty glass back, and ordered a cappuccino. I barely noticed the two guys who just came in and had a seat at what had been my front and centre table. Another set of longhairs. One was...uh...a little darker red than strawberry blond, and the other had white hair. They sat across from each other, and left what had been my chair; empty.

After my cappuccino was ready, I had a sip, added a little sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and half and half. I went back to my old chair.

Oh, my God! I thought the guys on stage were drop dead gorgeous, but these two! Ooh-la-la! They were almost twins, except for their complexions, hair colour, and the fact one was noticeably taller. Prominent cheekbones, wide eyes, subtly layered, feathered hair, lizard lips; which I rather liked, nice jaw lines and chin dimples. The red head had jet black eyes, and thin, artsy, dark eyebrows. He was pale, but the white haired dude must have been albino. His skin was as white as a sheet of paper. His eyes glowed red, too. I wondered how he did that? Man, I have not been keeping up with today's technology. He darkened his eyebrows, and the style of those eyebrows appeared to be plucked in a carbon copy of those of his slighter companion's.

The white one wore a black leather blazer, a black silk shirt, a silver torc, and bleached, ripped jeans tucked into some English riding boots. The redhead wore a belt length, fringed, studded, black leather jacket, a black jumpsuit that may have been cotton, or a cotton blend, a short, black, bandana-like silk neck scarf and work boots. The jumpsuit looked freshly pressed, and they both looked sharp. They also looked like I was the wrong gender, but that was OK. I didn't come here for a date.

"Hi. I was here before I got my cappuccino for the best viewing of the band. Mind if I sit down again?"

"Not at all. Sorry about the unintentional intrusion. Do you mind us?" It was the albino who spoke to me. On top of looking like a god, he had a Celtic accent. What a dreamboat!

"Not at all. You Scottish or Irish?" I asked.

"Irish-Greek. Vergil is all Irish, though."

"I'm Tamara. Are you two related?"

"I'm Keith, and there's no blood tie between us. It's a long story on how we ended up working together, and this isn't a good place to tell it. After the music starts, we won't even be able to hear each other."

"What do you guys do?" I asked.

"What don't we do might be a better question," said Vergil. Damn, he sounded a lot like a young Geddy Lee. Keith's voice was a little lower. Tenor, I guess.

I chuckled. "Jack of all trades, huh?"

"We're into various arts," said Vergil. "Would either of you like something to eat?"

"Garden salad and stuffed mushrooms," said Keith, who pronounced it 'Kayth'. His cuspids looked a bit longer than usual. Both upper and lower!

Vergil pointed to me. "You?"

"I couldn't eat more if I wanted to. I just had a Mesquite Chicken sandwich, a bowl of corn chowder, and a Denogginizer. I am majorly stuffed."

We had to yell even now. The background noise was bad in here. "Understood. Be right back," said Vergil.

"Earl Grey," said Keith.

Vergil smiled at him. "I knew that."

Keith looked at me. "When we're out, it's all I ever order. The band looks great, huh?"

"Absolutely. I might buy one of their CD's even if they suck just for the aesthetic value of the group," I said.

Keith nodded, and Vergil walked to the bar.

Keith said, "They're good. We've heard them before. They're like the best black bands from the 60's and 70's. The lady has a good voice for the music."

"Cool. Then I'll stay the whole performance," I said. "You live around here?"

Keith laughed. "Hell no! We're not even technically supposed to be here, but we're leaving tomorrow morning. We have one of our Cessnas at the airport. Thanks to a few friends in high places, we can come and go as we please to a few areas sans the interference of immigration. It's gonna be a bitch, though. It's cold enough up in the air in the summer, but doing that flight now is a mother fucker."

"I didn't hear that," I said.

"Yes you did. You just won't tell anyone pertinent."

"You guys actually have a plane?"

"Uh...more than one. Actually, we have shares in more than one plane, being we hardly ever use them. We have one here, one in Eureka, one in Portland, one in Bellamy one in Sitka, one in Fairbanks, and one in Barrow. They're all fueled up, and ready to go, and instead of doing a fuel stops, we just switch planes; except for the stop we have to make in Canada. Being our less than legal travel arrangements, we don't take anything for granted, and like to move fast. We have someone here who is legal that takes care of the messes we leave behind."

"Who flies them?"

"Me and Vergil take turns. We're just here for five days. We had a very old family friend we wanted to visit. We were going to take her home with us, but she changed her mind. Turned out she got hired by PG & E the day we landed."

That was the last thing I needed to hear right now. "Oh." You can only guess my tone of voice.

Keith rested his elbows on the table, put his palms together, intertwined his fingers, and rested his chin on his hands. He looked at me intently. "You're in the same position, huh? Unemployed, and things are running out?"

I just shrugged. "Sorry."

"No need to be sorry. Will you be OK?"

"I have no idea. Every day brings new stuff. I might find something when I'm down to my last hundred bucks. No cl..." Man, did he need to hear this? "Uh...yes. Still have savings. I'm OK."

He narrowed his eyes, and nodded. "If you say so." He saw right through me. He unclasped his hands, and took his elbows off the table. He moved with a grace that was unworldly.

I know it was rude, but I turned my chair to face the stage. I just had to avert Keith's neon gaze. The group just finished their sound checks, and announced the first song with a little bit of banter.

A tremendous wave of self-pity hit me, and I had to struggle to keep from crying. What Keith just said to me made me feel like I was doomed. I grabbed what was left of my cappuccino, and finished it pretty fast. It had plenty of time to cool down.

I decided then and there that I was going to commit suicide tonight. The Hell with waiting a couple of weeks! I shut my eyes, and I didn't even hear the first song. It was just white noise, as I travelled inward into my own mental dungeon.

I didn't note that Vergil had come back with Keith's dinner tray. I didn't note that he left and came back with his own. I had to notice him when he gently took my empty cup, and replaced it with a full one on a saucer. And that angelic smile of his! Right now it just made me want to break down even more. I had to get out of here. I mouthed the words, "Thank you." With the band playing, I couldn't have been heard anyway; unless I shouted at the top of my lungs, which was not good form.

Vergil saluted me, and sat down.

I had two sips of the cappuccino, and I couldn't take it any more. I grabbed a pen out of my pocket, and on a napkin; I wrote, 'I have to go now.' I gave it to Keith, got up, and worked my way through the crowd to the door.

Oh, lovely. It was raining. Hard. I lived five blocks away, and I was dressed in jeans, tennis shoes, a T-shirt, an over shirt, and a denim jacket. There hadn't been any rain forecast for now. I'd look like I jumped into a river before I got a half a block. It also felt like it was less than 4° C out. I stood under the eaves, and looked up.

Well, there was one good thing about this. If I suffered so much going home, it would make death seem all that much the sweeter. Just as I thought that, Keith stepped beside me and threw his blazer over me. "This is waterproof," he said.

I looked up at him. Damn, he was tall. 185.4 to 188 centimeters, or something! "I can't take this."

"Yes you can. Did you walk or drive?"

"Walked. I never drive when I have a beer." I took the blazer off, and gave it back. "I'll live. I'm pretty close."

"I thought you said you were going to listen to the whole performance. Why'd you change your mind?" he asked.

"I...I...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..." Oh man, how embarrassing.

He put the blazer back over me, and held me. "I think I know. Forget I asked. Stay here." He said as he ran his hand over my head with a most delicate touch. He was pretty forward with invading my space, but I didn't mind right now. "I'm gonna..."

Vergil just walked out. "Yo!"

"Never mind," said Keith. He looked at Vergil. "I think we better go."

Vergil nodded. He pointed a remote control at a BMW M5, and the thing beeped as the doors unlocked. "Wanna come with us?"

"Where?" I managed to get out.

"Hestia Boulevard Hyatt." said Vergil. "We're staying by the airport." The town's airport was for private planes only.

What did I have to lose? I didn't even know what to say. I considered myself an inconvenience to these two, but I felt painted into a corner in having to accept their invitation. "I am so sorry."

"It's OK. Come on. It's freezing out here," said Vergil. "Want the front or back?"

"Back," I said.

"Shall I sit with you?" Vergil asked me.

"Please."

"OK," said Keith. "Let's go."

Keith turned the heat on.

Vergil kept his arm around me as we got to our destination. I didn't fight him off, but there was nothing to fight off. It was a gesture of consolation, alone. I appreciated it. I was noticing a nice jasmine scent off of him!

I didn't ask about it.



*****



I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I didn't care. There was nothing left to care about.

Damn, these guys must have been rich. I got led to the penthouse. There was a kitchen, a living room, a large bedroom, and you had to go through the bedroom to get to the bathroom. There was also a balcony overlooking the airport. "This is where we're staying. Do you want the couch, the second bed, or what?" asked Keith.

"Couch, I guess. You're actually taking me to Ireland?""

"Sure," said Vergil.

"But why?" I asked.

"Why not? What have we got to lose?" asked Vergil.

"I might be a psychopathic killer," I said.

Vergil ruffled my hair. "But you're not. You're an innocent, spoiled middle class brat due be on the streets in a little while, and you wouldn't know what to do."

"How do you know that?"

"I can read the signs. You were on top of the world just before this economic implosion affected you personally, weren't you?" asked Vergil

"Yes. I was going to kill myself right after I got home," I said.

"To be honest, we assumed that. This is one of the reasons you're here," said Keith.

"Can I get some extra clothes from home before we go?" I asked.

"Only if we go now, but I don’t know. I'm tired," said Vergil. "I have about seven and a half centimetres, and seven to nine kilograms on you. That's not too much. You can wear one of my sets of cloths. They'll be a little baggy, but you'll live."

"OK," I said. "What's that in American?"

Aaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! Keith said, "It's close to three inches, and somewhere roughly between fifteen and twenty pounds." (Thank you!)

Vergil stretched. "I'm gonna take a quick shower. I am wiped, as you say on this side of The Pond."

He got a pair of conservative looking pyjamas, some socks and underwear out of the drawer, and took them to the bathroom.

In about ten minutes, the shower was off; and a minute later I heard a hair drier go on. He came out, and went straight to bed. Of course the door to the bedroom was left wide open since he figured I’d be requiring bathroom access.

"I don't have any sleeping clothes," I said. A shower was an appealing idea to me, but getting back into dirty clothes wasn't.

Vergil held up a finger, got back out of bed, went back to his suitcase, sifted through it, and threw a T-shirt and some jockey shorts at me. "You do now."

I picked them up with an expression of disbelief, but considering the circumstances, it all made sense.

Keith walked into the shower next, though I was too distracted by the silliness of my sleep ware to take note of what he took in with himself. I also had to admit to being tired.

When Keith came out, I just had to laugh. He was also in pyjamas and socks, but he wore a pair of bunny slippers.

"Whaaaaaaaat?" he asked.

"You wearing bunny slippers just looks so incongruous!"

Keith smiled, and shrugged. "We can be that way, some time. Before going to bed, I'm going to get a root beer. If you're thirsty or hungry, get anything you want out of the fridge."

"Not after that meal I had, but you two didn't get to finish your dinner, huh?" I asked.

"It's OK," said Keith, before he went into the kitchen. He brought the root beer back, and got in bed with Vergil. He turned his end table light off, and sat up to finish the root beer. I went in to take a shower before he was finished with his soda.

When I got out, I found Vergil and Keith were passed out, with Keith spooning Vergil.

How cute. I changed my mind about the couch. I'd take the spare bed. It would be more comfortable, and if those two loved each other that much, I wasn’t going to have any problems with either one of them.

At 5:00 am, the alarm went off. I'd gotten about seven hours sleep, which was enough. Vergil and Keith seemed fully awake the second their feet hit the floor. Vergil was the first in the bathroom to change his clothes.

Keith changed into a regular shirt in front of me. He was beautifully built, and apparently shaved everything. He had no body hair, and was lean and buffed. After Vergil came out of the bathroom, Keith changed into his pants in there.

Vergil tossed a full set of thermal underwear at me, along with a pair of black jeans, and a black work shirt. Everything was a little loose, but like he'd said; it wasn't too far off.

After we were all dressed, we had breakfast; and we took off. Of course, Vergil and I wore our jackets, and Keith his blazer. Vergil gave me his gloves, saying he'd deal with the cold better than me. What was strange, is that no one went back up to the room to get our other clothes, and I was told to leave mine behind. When I asked why, Keith said, "We had a lot of stuff, and it's better not going with us now. We have a small single engine plane. It's a weight thing. You're coming, so our luggage stays; but don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"It's nothing. When we get home, there will be plenty of clothes for you, but let me warn you. We will be wearing the same clothes for the whole trip, but we'll deal with it. Light planes are not very fast, and we are going to hop over the northern most reaches of Canada and Greenland, but that's not going to be a light plane. We've got a Citation X in Barrow for that. They're Hell o' fast! We'll also be flying mostly in the dark way before then, being the sun don't shine much in the winter up there."

"Sounds exciting," I said.

"The Cessnas are torture," said Vergil. "Cold, noisy, and cramped."

"And we stay in the air for about four hours at a stretch," said Keith. Then he grimaced. “No, wait a minute.” He looked at Vergil. “Babe, I think we better change our plans. Let’s overnight instead of doing a straight run, and only use this plane. I know it’ll turn our trip into a three-day stint, but following our original plan would be too hard on Tammy. I think we can risk it. After all, we haven’t been caught yet.”

"Dude, you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that! Coming here like that was a bitch! It always is. I'll fly first," Vergil said to Keith. "You let Tammy sit behind me, an you sit beside her."

Keith looked at me. "Weight balance is a little better."

"When we get to the airport, I have to call Warren to pick up the car later," said Vergil.

"Glad he's here," said Keith. "He'll be coming home next week?"

"Aye. Well, Warren being here is why we're here now," said Vergil.

"Who's Warren?" I asked.

"Warren Colfax? He lives in the household. He’s the only one of us with a U.S. visa. He's mostly a musician and poet. Does a little bit of painting. Hell of a good guitar player," said Keith.

We got to the airport at 7:00. Vergil checked in the front desk while Keith led me to the plane. It was a Skyhawk. I'd never been this close to one, and I was surprised at how small it was. Keith opened the door, helped me in, and then opened the cargo hold. He pulled out 4 blankets, gave me one, threw one on his own seat, and threw the other two on the passenger seat in front. I was grateful for it, since it was freezing, and I'd been warned that it was gonna get a lot worse. There was a set of flight controls at each front seat. The seating was just like being in a car.

At least the weather conditions were good for flight. No rain now, and light winds.

Vergil was with us in a few minutes. He ran to the plane from the building, and was in the pilot's seat no time. He wrapped the blankets around him that were next to him. Every move he made was directed by radio. I couldn't make out any of it with the static and the background noise, but Vergil picked it all up as it was.

We were the only ones on the runway, so take off was easy. For the plane, anyway! Not me. The sudden rise in altitude was murder on my ears.

The flight was potentially hair-raising. Like Vergil had said, it was noisy, freezing, and on top of that, we got turbulence when we were up higher. Keith and I ended up doubling the blankets up, and snuggling. It helped a lot, as far as the cold went. It helped even more as far as my psychological state went. And Keith smelled like he was wearing sandalwood. It was nice.

The flying would have been horrible if it hadn't been for my company. Having Keith wrapped around me made it much better, and every time we landed; we ate pretty well. When we over-nighted, we also got the best accommodations. It was convenient that no one ever had to go to the bathroom in mid-flight. It was also convenient we never had to wait for a taxi.

I hated the fuel stops. By the time we were in Fairbanks, I was pretty fed up with this adventure, but the worst was behind us. I'm just glad no one told me yet that on this stretch of the flight, we'd be landing on fumes. The only thing that kept me going was Keith.

On the way to Barrow, we saw an Aurora Borealis. Now that almost made the discomfort worthwhile. It was so weird being as high up as we were, and the pulsating green lights still being so much higher than us.

By now I had the blankets wrapped around my head, and covering my nose. I pressed myself into Keith, more than ever. He was an excellent source of heat...uh...among other things. Vergil ended up flying all the way to Barrow without a switch in pilots. When I found out what a Citation X was, I went into shock. These guys had part ownership of a Learjet. "Damn! Just how rich are you guys?" I asked.

"Who cares?" asked Vergil. "We never keep track. Not our job. Keith, you are finishing this trip up. I've HAD it with flying."

"No problem," said Keith. He looked at me. “We can’t spend the night here. We have to switch planes, and take off now. Thank the gods the weather is with us.”

So now I got to snuggle with Vergil in more comfortable seating. We could tilt these back a way. This time I actually passed out. After all, that last installment was a ten-hour flight. The wind wasn't always on our side. It was interesting flying with the midnight sun. Still, I couldn't wait until it was over. I swore I'd never get on another plane again, after this.



*****



I woke up just as we finished crossing over Iceland. Vergil was awake, making sure I remained as comfortable as possible as I was reclined against him. "Almost there," he said.

I sat up, and looked at him. "Your face is still smooth, and I don't remember you ever shaving."

"We rid ourselves of the ability to grow hair we didn't want."

"Convenient. It's a pain in the but to do the legs and pits every couple of days."

"Then don't. Who cares?"

I smiled. "I might take you up on that. What part of Ireland do you live?"

"Southwest. A little island off of Cork, but if you're on it; you won't call it little."

"You own it?"

"So I'm told," said Vergil.

"Seriously. Why did you invite me?"

He gave me one of those beautiful smiles again. He ran his right index finger down my nose. "Let's just say if we hadn't come to you, you would have come to us."

That didn't make any sense to me. "I don't even know you."

"Tamara Raftings, we know you. Just wait a few hours, and we'll explain everything. When we land in a little bit, you want to go up and sit in the co-pilot's seat to get the bird's eye view of the process?"

"That would be great. By the way, what would happen if something happened to Keith?"

"I'd be up there in a flash to save the plane. Nothing will happen to him, though."

I scowled. "Did I ever tell you my last name?"

"Um...Tammy, don't let this scare you; but think of a colour sequence of three, and don't tell me what it is."

Green, purple, red. "OK."

"Green, purple, red. Think of a question. Make it weird."

If the people are hanging upside down on the South Pole, why don't they get dizzy? "OK."

Vergil laughed. "Ye gods, that's a doozy. If the people are hanging upside down on the South Pole, why don't they get dizzy? Your thoughts are ours, if you don't mind. Note we're catering to most of your wants. We know you inside and out, and we do love you."

I scowled. "You're telepaths?!"

"We are. We knew you were going to go home, drug yourself silly and suffocate yourself. We didn't want you to do that."

I almost couldn't believe it, but I had to. "I think that was very sweet of you. What you did for me at the tavern with the cappuccino was nice, too. I think I kind of fell in love with you then, but at the same time; I don't think I had a right to. On the other hand, now I think I'm head over heels for both you and Keith."

Vergil sighed. "It happens all the time. If you get over it, you move on. If you don't, you stay and work with us."

"What would I do?"

"Lot's of options. Whatever you take a liking to. Find out after you get there. We have less than two hours left in the air."

"What's the pay?" I asked.

"Whatever you want."

"What's the cost of living like in Ireland?"

Vergil tilted his head, and raised his left eyebrow. "With us, there is no cost of living. No rent, no sustenance fees, nothing. No time pressure, either. You just contribute what you want to contribute when you feel like it. Artists work better that way."

"Art? I used to draw when I was a kid, but this sounds too good to be true."

"Too good to be true? Like your present circumstances?"

I smiled. "Never argue with a telepath, huh?"

Vergil chuckled. "You'll have that ability soon enough, and despite it being unnecessary; we still have our verbal debates just for old time's sake. We also have our Stefan who will make sure we'll talk to each other until we can't talk any more. I've never seen anyone so devoted to ranting about hating the past, or to pressing buttons, or to misery itself. He's sure a good poet and artist for it, though. I hope you develop a taste for cannibalism jokes real fast, 'cause your probably gonna get a whole repertoire of them, being a new audience."

"He sounds like fun."

"He is. If you want to get on his good side, before you say anything else; you could ask him if you can pet his nose the second you meet him. He pretends to live for it, though he won't admit it's just a game."

"Is he as cute as you?"

"Pretty close, but he's exclusively devoted to me and Keith in what you're thinking; so I wouldn't go there as far as planning on trying to seduce him goes. In fact, I wouldn't go there with any of us if I were you. Not in the way you know. It's not to our general tastes anymore."

I picked apart what he said. "Not in the way I know. But OK in the way I don't know?"

"Aye!”

"This should be interesting."

"Oh, the Hell with it. I'm telling you now. About as interesting as the fact you were dead to the world the minute you stepped into the BMW?"

I scowled. "What?"

"You never made it two blocks from the tavern. You got bushwhacked and robbed. Died of head injuries within minutes. Thank the imploding economy for that. That bistro tavern has become a bad place to go alone.

"My other name is Donn Ui'Midir, and the pilot's other name is Thanatos. You'll find out why we have two names soon enough. We're Gate Keepers. Death gods, ya know? We're headed to my isle of Tech Duinn. We granted you this illusion because we didn't want you to suffer your reality." A cup of cappuccino appeared in his hand out of nowhere. "Here. Warm yourself up some more with this."

"How did you do that?"

"You can do it, too. I'll teach you how. In fact, I'll teach you how as soon as you finish your cappuccino. Then I'll show you what you don't know, if you get my drift. Provided you don't mind, that is." (Yes, I knew she didn't mind. It was just the politically correct thing to say, OK?)

"What's it like?"

"Mind share. I'll let you see parts of my mind, like how I see yours."

"Sounds nice," I said. I worked on my delicious cup as fast as I could.

"And you'll know what Tech Duinn looks like before we land."

"And what is it like?"

"Beautiful," said Vergil, Donn, whatever. "The castle is a virtual museum, with rooms dedicated to all notable Earthly cultures that ever were in your era, there's a huge garden, you can ride a borrowed horse on the beach, or even in the castle, you can play with the band, draw, paint, write, belly dance, I like to ice dance, and whatever. When you get sick of the stagnation, you move on."

I nodded, and blew on my cappuccino to try to cool it faster. "Thank you both for what you did."

'”Your welcome,” said Vergil. "I guess you can give me the cup, considering you'd like to get on with this mind share over finishing the beverage."

I gladly handed the cup to him, and it disappeared the second he had it. "Convenient," I said.

"Very. Back in embrace?"

"I'd love to," I said, as we slowly wrapped ourselves around each other again.

In seconds, I suddenly knew things I could not have know before. Things I could have not learned on Earth. I also experienced true, unconditional love for the first time in my life...I mean existence.

It was very strange. Keith was in the pilot's seat, but he was a part of this too. A psychic ménage à trois, we were. I felt like I took the best drug in existence. The sense of peace was incredible. So was the sense of self-containment and power, not that I thought I'd misuse it.

I suddenly knew how to not feel cold, or anything else. I knew how to shape shift, communicate without words, and materialise and dematerialise things I wanted but didn't need. I knew I didn't need anything anymore, but I could create anything either by hand, or by thought. I also knew I should read a book after we got to where we were going. A book on the history of the core group who resided at Tech Duinn!

What Vergil and Keith had done to me made me feel better than what any man had done with me. I understood their aversion to what people did. It was a thing meant to keep the species going in the Physical Realm, and had been a major source of conflict, manipulation, internal turmoil, frustration and other problems with both this group, and the world. It was something one was meant to move beyond after they got to a certain stage of development.

I also found out that Vergil and Keith, were no longer native to my era. They had come here for a visit from the era of the future after the end of 2012. They were mostly retired from acting as Gate Keepers, and only took a case here or a case there for personal entertainment, and/or satisfaction. I felt more privileged than The Queen of England right now.

After it was over, I kissed Vergil on the cheek; and he kissed me on the forehead.

Vergil stood up, and motioned me to the cockpit. We were going to land. I sat down in the co-pilot's seat and I saw the little isle that was between the worlds of life and death. I marvelled at the huge castle overlooking the ocean on one side, having a vast garden on another side, and forests on the other two sides with various cobbled streets leading to various bridges over the moat. We circled it a few times in our descent, and Keith made a very smooth landing.

After the three of us got off the plane, both the plane and the runway disappeared.

Here, some things only existed for as long as they were needed. Then they vanished without a trace.

The three of us walked slowly down a path to the castle. We walked over one of those bridges of the moat, through a short tunnel, and into the main courtyard. I was between Keith and Vergil, and we walked hand in hand.

I knew the entire castle before I got here, but to actually see it was incredible. The preview I'd gotten from Vergil and Keith in no way took any of the marvel away from the experience.

I had a feeling I would never leave. And yes, the first thing I did when I met Stefan; was ask to pet his nose. My, and what a nose it was. Red Tail, which was his nickname; definitely suited him. I'd never seen anyone else who brought a raptor to mind like that.

From the bottom of the deepest pit to the highest peak I'd gone, in an illusory three days.

Damn, Death was great!





The Sun Is Mine Enemy. . .Or Maybe Not





I stormed out of the flat half wishing I'd thrown something at the bastard.

Boyfriend who I was supporting, interfering...or rather; attempting to interfere with my personal sovereignty again. Well, he succeeded this time; but there would be a price. You don't mess with me and come out unscathed.

I looked at the car. Nahhhhh. I'd walk. Or run, rather. I ran for a combination or exercise and pleasure anyway, so I took off. Headed for the hills. They were about two kilometres (Yeah, this is taking place in the U.S., and I should be writing down those damn U.S./English measurements, that the U.K. is slowly pulling away from, BUT I DON'T FEEEEEEEL LIKE IT, OK??????????) away and the park was about half that from the start of the first foothill.

Oh, what would be the price for Hershel Whitman to pay? Maybe I wouldn't acknowledge him until I got over it, which would be never, as far as I was concerned now. But I'd probably change my mind, as I always did, not that I was anywhere near admitting that to myself at the moment. After all, there was good with the bad. (We must remember the subject of this tale is NOT writing this. I, Donn Ui'Midir am; and I am completely detached from the situation, unlike the currently borderline homicidal subject this part of the story conveys.)

Damn, it was hot. It must have been close to 38° C. I made it to the hills, but I slowed to a walk when I approached my ascent. I have run up the first hill in the past, but now wasn't a good time for it. I was already drenched in sweat, and not feeling too good. I should have stopped at the Sub Shop at the bottom of the hill for lemonade, but I was too pissed off to bother, if that makes any sense. I'd do that on the way home.

I trudged up the road toward the college parking lot that would lead me to the local regional park, still full of fury. When I got to that parking lot, it would be strictly horizontal going for a while; so I took off at a run again. I kept running into the park from the parking lot until I decided to get off the main trail to a side trail.

The grass was high, dried out, and I'd end up getting all kinds of burrs and things in my socks. I wished I'd been wearing boots instead of these tennis shoes, but I hadn't thought of that when I raged out of my flat.

Oh God, that sun was bright. I also wished I'd brought a visored cap, but that was another thing I hadn't thought of. How often was I clear headed when thoroughly pissed off?

Don't answer that! I already know.

Down the little trail I went, to a stream that was in the shade. It would offer me some protection from that overhead infernal fireball for a while, but only a while.

The stream barely trickled now, and the water looked disgusting. It could be a fast running flow you didn't want to step into for fear of being knocked over during the rainy season, but now? There was hardly anything there.

Walking under the trees had been nice, and being in this environment was finally beginning to calm me down. I wouldn't be running into anyone, I didn't think. It was too hot, and this was not an easy trail to get to from park headquarters. After all, I came into the park through one of the back ways; and most people don't do that.

I passed a herd of cows as I got out from under the trees. I wondered who had their cattle here, and what they were for; but if they were going to be eaten, at least this was better than factory farming. The animals seemed pretty happy, and they could do as they pleased; living pretty much like subsidised wild animals. There were salt licks and troughs of continuously running water here and there in the park. They ate mostly what grew, and I had no idea if their food was supplemented, and I didn't care. I suppose I could have asked all my questions at park headquarters, but never did just for the fact that knowing this wasn't a high priority with me.

The animals were branded, though. I never even bothered to compare brands.

This was a huge park. One of the loops was about thirteen kilometres. I'd seen it all, though; and planned on doing things a little differently today. When I got to the far east of the trail, I was going to jump the fence. I didn't know if that was private property or government owned, but I didn't care about that, either. I never saw anyone up there, and what was the worst that could happen? I'd be told to "GET OUT OF MY FIELD, BITCH," but that was unlikely, based on my past excursions up here. I'd hiked these trails many times, and I'd never seen anyone adjacent to the park, though there were cows on the other side of the fences, too.

I ended up on quite a trail. Up a lot, down a little, up a lot, down a little, up a lot, level for a while, and you get my drift. When I was at the remotest part of the park, I went over the fence.

There were no clearly defined trails. I planned on going over a couple of ridges, then coming back. I started thinking about that lemonade, and maybe a roast beef submarine sandwich. The biggest one they had, with everything on it. My thirst was the worst of it, though.

What I intended to do wasn't as easy as I thought. By the time I got to the top of the first hill, exhaustion really started to get the better of me. It was a fight getting through the high grass. I began to wish for a machete. Then I really got plastered. A migraine hit me.

I got migraines a couple of times a year, and I knew the sun could occasionally trigger them; but that was rare. The aura was upon me, and the unbearable pain would start soon. I turned back before I planned on it. I had to get home now. That would be when? It took me over three hours to get to where I was, and that was with a bit of running. Well, I sure as hell couldn't run now. In fact, I could barely see now. The aura was interfering with my vision. My right forearm also felt numb, and if I attempted to talk, I knew only gibberish would come out.

Great!

I collapsed. Between the heat, the migraine, and the fact that I'd pushed myself so hard, I went down. I was so tired I passed out in the tall grass, thinking no one would ever find me, and more than happy about the prospect. I hoped to die without waking, thinking this was a definite possibility. I hadn't been conscious long enough for the pain of the headache to set in.



*****



Apparently I didn't die. I was woken up at early dusk with my head in someone's lap, about to be fed a bottle of water. The exposed parts of me were also fried. My face, and my arms were very tender below my shoulder, which my t-shirt had not covered. When I looked at my arms, I was pretty burned up. Stuff beneath my skin was showing. I looked up at the person behind me. I only registered what he wore.

There were two men. Both were in jeans and long sleeved denim shirts. They both wore Stetsons and cowboy boots. "Can you drink this yet?" asked the one who was holding me. He had a nice accent.

"I think so," I more or less croaked.

The man kneeling at my feet was unscrewing a jar. He waited for me to finish the bottle of water, which was very cold and tasted better than I ever remember water tasting. He said, "You're badly burned. Probably second degree in places. Looks like you could use this." He held the jar up to me.

"Thank you," I said, as I took it.

Damn, he was gorgeous. Wide dark eyes, cheekbones to die for, nice nose with a slightly rounded tip, subtly squared off chin with a nice dimple, long reddish-blond hair, and from what I could see of the eyebrows, they looked plucked. His eyebrows were black, and not the colour of his hair. It made me wonder if he dyed his hair, not that I'd hold it against him. He looked like he may have been in his early twenties to mid twenties.

I gave the guy behind me the bottle back. His wrist and hand were stark white. I guess I had an albino holding me up. I sat up, and took the jar. It smelled like some sort of medicinal plant, and I carefully stroked some on my left arm.

My sensitivity went away on contact with the salve. It was slimy, but it killed the pain immediately. I covered my arms, my neck, and face. I closed the jar, and gave it back. "This is great stuff. What is it?"

"Aloe, tea tree oil and a few herbs. Old medicine," said the dude in front of me. "I'm Vergil, Keith is behind you; and who are you?" I loved the way he pronounced 'Keith'. It sounded like 'Kayth'.

"Ginnie Hart," I said. "Where are you guys from?"

"Ireland," said Keith. "Glad we decided to check the herd tonight. You're a mess."

"Sorry for trespassing," I said.

"It's OK," said Vergil. "As long as no one hurts the cattle or trashes the place, we don't care. Will you be OK to go home, or should we take you back to our place?"

"Where do you live?" I asked.

"About five kilometres east, over a couple of ridges. We have a house in the middle of a large oak grove. It's kind of hard to see from a distance. If you look behind you, you'll see we have a couple of horses," said Vergil.

I looked behind me. One of the horses had glowing red eyes. Then I looked at Keith. He had glowing red eyes, too. If I'd seen that before he'd done me any favours, I think I would have freaked and pissed my pants. However, being he seemed cool before I saw him, I asked, "What's with the eyes of you and that horse?"

Keith shrugged. "It's for show. Don't let it bother you."

I looked closer at Keith. "Damn, you look almost like Vergil, except for your colour. Are you related?"

"No," said Keith. "It's just a coincidence that we were introduced to each other a while back." He gave me the gentlest, most gorgeous smile I'd ever seen in my life. "We got along well enough so I was adopted as a housemate. Will you be OK, or would you like to come with us?"

I looked at the darkening sky. "If I'm not inconveniencing you, it might be better if I go home to my place tomorrow. It's gonna be night soon, and I have a way to go." I inhaled to get a stronger whiff of Keith. I was picking up a pleasant odour.

"I'm...um...wearing sandalwood," he said, seeing my curiosity at the scent I was perceiving.

"Nice," I said.

"How's your riding ability?" asked Vergil.

"Last time I was on a horse, I was 16. I was pretty good. That was about seven years ago. I love horses and love to ride, but it just costs too much."

"You'll be as sore as Hell after we get home, but I guess that'll do. You can ride the palomino. The pony’s name is Hesper, and never kick him, or handle him rough! In fact, you can drop the rein and just let him do his thing. He knows how to get home."

I nodded. The horses were haltered, and I'd never seen saddles like what they wore. They were very light. They were almost like racing saddles, but the stirrups hung low like a conventional saddle. "OK. But first I have to go wee-wee."

Keith pointed at a bush. "We'll wait."

"Thanks," I said.

I did my thing, used the leaves of some greenery that was actually kind of soft to do the wipe thing, put myself together, came back, and was told to mount up. Keith was already on his white stallion, and what a horse he was. A tall, powerful light horse with feathered hocks who carried his tail high, and kept his neck arched. Hesper carried himself the same way, but the white looked more impressive. The white stallion's head had a dead on Arab shape, and Hesper looked like he had some Arab blood, too; with the wide nostrils, the dish shaped face, big eyes, and wide forehead. Both animals high stepped. I loved horses, and had done a lot of research on them. Unfortunately, I knew I could never have one. They cost too much, their care cost too much, and would I ever have enough time to establish a good relationship with one while holding a job?

Horses were for the rich, and not the lower middle class like me.

I got on Hesper, and Vergil walked beside me. We came to a trail shortly. When we went downhill we walked, and when we either went up hill or on level ground, the horses...or rather the horse and pony; being Hesper was too small to be a horse, cantered, and Vergil ran.

Vergil was a pretty powerful runner. Yeah, I could do hills, but not at his speed. When we slowed, I asked him, "Are you a distance runner?"

"I love to run. Aye. Four of us are pretty into it, including Keith."

"Four of you?" I asked.

"The other two are Macha, and Stephanie Shannon. Stef's our girlfriend, and Macha is...well, Macha. She used to be Keith's girlfriend and teacher."

"Our girlfriend?" I asked.

Keith and Vergil looked at each other. Keith then said, "We're all friends before anything else. Allies. Comrades in arms! Co-workers, even."

"What do you guys do?" I asked.

"We're mostly artists now," said Vergil. "Visual, literary and music. Once in a while, somebody will come up with an idea for a performance of sorts."

"Commercial?" I asked.

"We could be. You can check out the stuff we have on the walls, but we don't need to sell anything; so we don't. Our work is kind of hard to part with, so we're pretty selfish with it. We also prefer to remain as obscure as we can so we're not bothered unless we want to be bothered," said Vergil.

Time to run again. I stopped asking questions. It was dark by now. Before we took off, Keith said, "Our place is up the next hill."

"Cool," I said.



*****



There was an absolutely huge stone house sitting in the middle of a little mini-forest of mostly oak trees, with a few laurel trees, and some others I couldn't identify. It was a two-storey with an attic, and a tower entrance that went up a little higher than the rest of the house. There was a private road going to hell know where, and there was a fountain between the garage and house. In addition, there was a covered walkway leading from the garage to the house, which was also made of stone. "Wow! I had no clue this was here."

"Not many know about it, and to tell you the truth; we'd prefer to keep it like that," said Vergil.

"Are you guys famous, or something?"

"Some of us," said Keith, before he dismounted. He looked at Vergil. "I'll take the horses to the stables and rub them down. You can take Ginnie in, but you owe me one." Damn, Keith flowed like a leopard when he moved.

"No problem," said Vergil.

I got off of Hesper, and oh man; did I hurt. I could hardly walk. Hesper walked over to Keith, and I waddle-limped toward the house. "Shit, I forgot how bad it is getting off after not riding for a while."

"Want me to carry you?" asked Vergil.

I chuckled. "Haven't I inconvenienced you enough?"

Vergil gave me one of his gorgeous smiles. "If we considered you an inconvenience, you wouldn't be here. Dinner should be just about ready, if you don't mind vegetarian."

I shook my head. "No need to carry me. As long as someone else cooks that dinner, no problem." Now that I was closer to Vergil, I was picking up a jasmine scent. I didn't ask.

We got up to the magnificent front verandah. "You don't like to cook, I grant."

"Hate it with a passion," I said.

"I have no opinion of it," said Vergil. "It was never expected of me to do it, but I've thrown together a few elaborate meals in my life just for the Hell of it. It's been a while. I think the menu is Japanese tonight."

"I love Oriental food," I said. When we got inside, I noticed I'd fully absorbed the salve Vergil had given me, and I didn't look burned in the slightest. "What was in that stuff you had me put on myself for the sunburn? I look fully healed."

"Old family recipe. Hopefully you'll never need it again."

"Yeah, I'll be a little more careful when I throw my next temper tantrum. I'll have to go pretty early tomorrow. I ran out on the laundry, and I have to go to work again on Monday." It was Saturday.

"Temper tantrum?" asked Vergil

"The shithead I live with and me had a battle at the supermarket about some food I wanted to buy. Hershel is kind of on the plump side, I wanted to buy a chocolate mousse cake; and he didn't want me to. I figured I could just plain eat it all, but he didn't even want it around. Well, I'm the one who's paying for everything, so how dare he do that. Then I wanted to walk home, but he pulled me into the car, and I kind of ended up stuck being driven home, not able to overpower him. I think I'll kick him out this week. After all, he's not on the lease; and I can call the cops," I said.

Vergil put the palm of his hand to his forehead, looked down; and shook his head. "Ye Gods, the things people fight about." He looked at me. "After dinner, we can get you some night clothes, and I assume you want to wash what you're wearing?"

"If that's possible, that would be cool." I smelled something real good in the food department. "Hm!"

"Totally. Let's go to the dining room."

"No argument from me," I said.

There was a very long table. At one end were some empty plates, cups, and silverware, in the middle was a bunch of Corning Ware holding rice, mixed vegetable tempura, tofu in chile sauce, miso soup, California rolls, a small plate of wasabi, a daikon salad, Korean kim chee, and shiitake mushrooms with ramen noodles. There was also a bowl of peeled lichees and jackfruit pieces, which I'd never had fresh. At the other end of the table, four people were eating. There were two red headed women in jeans and t-shirts, and an Asian man was sitting next to what must have been the most beautiful woman in the world. A black haired, olive skinned fox with the widest black eyes I'd ever seen. I wasn't gay, but that lady managed to knock my socks off anyway. Both the Asian man and the lady fox were dressed in what looked like Ninja clothes.

"About time you got here," said the taller red headed lady. The other red head had a very big nose, both looked incredibly attractive; but neither of them could compare to the black haired lady. "Nice, that you brought a guest. Sylvia and Warren are no shows, Kev is in the field, and Andre and Tonya took Percy and Reggie on an outing. This way not as much food will go to waste. Keith's with the horses?"

"Aye. This is Ginnie," said Vergil. He pointed to the lady that was speaking. "That's Macha, Stef is sitting next to her, and the other two are Deliah and Ronin."

"Hi, Ginnie," said Ronin. Deliah smiled and waved.

"Hi everybody," I said.

Stef said, "Welcome on board."

Macha said, "Very glad to have you. Dig in, and have all you want. We have more than enough."

"Thank you," I said.

Vergil loaded his plate ahead of me. He came back for the miso broth and a cup of tea. I followed his example. When I sat down to partake in this feast, I almost couldn't believe how good it was. Vergil and I were almost done when Keith got to the table.

When someone was done eating, they just left the table. No one took their dishes to the kitchen, or anything. I assumed they had servants to do that, though I hadn't seen anyone.

I had no idea if I assumed right or wrong. When Vergil and I were done, Keith said, "Go show Ginnie the paintings we have here. I'll oversee clean up."

Vergil got up. "All right. Thanks."

I followed Vergil. Damn, this place was bigger than I thought. There were tons of rooms, and loads of books were against the walls in all the common rooms. The paintings covered the halls, and many were hung up in most of the rooms. The paintings contained pictures of everyone I saw in strange costumes, some people I haven't seen yet; including two black people who I was told were Andre and Tonya, and a white couple; who I was told were Sylvia and Warren. In some of them, were pictures of the horses, either alone or with rider. There were several pictures of some black cats. A house cat, a leopard, and a long tailed sabre cat. One picture with the sabre cat was pretty funny. The cat was looking up, and it had an archaeopteryx about where the cat's neck met its back, and the archaeopteryx was looking down at the cat with the archaeopteryx having its neck arched. I pointed to the picture. "That is sooooooo cute."

"Aren't they, though?" asked Vergil with a smile.

"I see your signature on most of them. Vergil Xanon?"

"Aye."

"These are cooler than any phantasy artist I ever saw. In fact, I've never seen anything like this. And Macha is really that buffed?"

"Hm hm. She could whup my ass if she so chose. In fact, when she trained me to handle a sword; she often did. Before Keith learned all her tricks, she used to whup him, too. Not that she hurt us, but we just lost the sparring matches."

"You know how to fight with a sword?" I asked.

"Yes, but it's not my thing. In fact, I don't spar anymore, and Macha and Keith rarely do. Sometimes Kev and Macha will."

"Who's Kev?"

"The hippie-chick in the paintings. The one who's usually in the mini-skirts and go-go boots.”

"You guys are all so good looking. Keith is really striking with his eyes."

"Nice fangs, too," said Vergil.

"Fangs?"

"Artificial. Upper and lower! Macha insisted on them when he was hers."

"Oh," I said. "And the way Keith moves! That inhuman grace?"

"He started that in the ring with Macha for battle training." He laughed. "It was a turn on for her, so after she floored him or got a hit that would have killed him if she followed through; he got better serviced after the mock battle, if you get my drift. Then he just took that out of the ring and adopted those flowing moves for everywhere because we kept complimenting him on it."

Ginnie smiled, and looked down. "Macha looks about as tall as Keith."

"She is. They're the same height. He's got about fifteen kilograms on her, though."

"And Deliah? That one looks like a goddess."

Vergil looked at a picture of her. "She might as well be. She's a little thing, but it would be a mistake to mess with her, too. She's a martial arts expert. Ronin turned her into something that can floor men three times her size. She's good with the Japanese weapons, and never match wits with her. You won't stand a chance."

"Everyone here has an Irish accent?" I asked.

"Aye. Everyone's been here for a while, and everyone likes it, so everyone adopted it."

"Makes sense. You speak like everyone has been here for a long time, but you all look so young."

"We're older than we look," said Vergil. "We have a basement and a sub-basement with more. There are also more paintings on the top floor. Want to see them?"

"Sure."

I was getting pretty tired by the time we were done looking at the pictures. I was thankful we were on the top floor where Vergil said my bedroom was, when I looked at the last painting.



*****



My guest bedroom had its own bathroom, and I was given a fresh pair of pyjamas and even underwear. I was told to just throw my clothes out on the hall floor, and they'd be washed for me and ready by morning.

The bed was a canopy bed with satin sheets. When I threw the covers back, I found myself pleasantly surprised by the fact the sheets had been perfumed. I ended up scrubbing myself raw in the shower with sandalwood soap, was delighted to find sandalwood shampoo, and fennel toothpaste with no fluoride. There was even an unopened stick of deodorant and a vial of rose oil, which I slathered on myself after I dried off.

Satin sheets. I got into the skivvies, but the Hell with the pyjamas. I was going to enjoy this once in a lifetime pleasure to the fullest. I laughed to myself at what Hershel must be going through at home. It wasn't the first time I stormed out of the house, but I'd always been back before nightfall. What I'd done in the past was spend the day checking out sights like local museums, or a mall, and treat myself to the most expensive lunch I could find, or spoil myself in other ways after our fights. This was better, though.



*****



Vergil, Keith, and Stephanie were sitting on the couch in the living room, and Reggie the archaeopteryx was in Keith's lap. "Man, how many people have we taken to our remote house in the hills; of whatever part of the world we pretended to be on?" asked Stephanie.

"Tons. There is one thing about it that I absolutely love," said Vergil.

"Yeah," said Stephanie. "You’ve told us a billion times. You get to design and put up all these killer houses. Guerrilla architecture, huh?"

"You got it, babe," said Vergil.

Reggie stretched his neck up. 'Man, just give me a tree; ya know?' he conveyed to us.

"When was the last time you roosted in a tree?" asked Keith of Reggie.

'Uh, how long has it been since Stefan...Stephanie...whatever; insisted on adopting me?'

Keith kissed Reggie on the top of the head. "As you were saying?"

'Dude! Archaeopterii don't talk! We CONVEY! YOU of all people!'

Keith glared at Reggie. "Conveying! Sorry! And I am NOT a person! Never have been!"

'So we're even?'

Keith smiled. "Sure."

Stephanie chuckled. "I almost can't believe this is happening. Me sitting here listening to Thanatos a.k.a. Keith Munster debate with an archaeopteryx."

Vergil shrugged. "This is hardly the strangest thing that has ever happened with us."

"True," said Stephanie. "How are we going to convince Ginnie she doesn't have to go home?"

Keith looked at Stephanie. "We need a stable hand to help with the horses. Apprentice OK. Room and board, plus three hundred a week; cash."

"I would have jumped at that," said Stephanie.

"I know," said Keith. "You and Ginnie have a few things in common."

"Tell me about it."

Stephanie snarled, “Including a past parallel in our relationships!”

Vergil smiled. “But you won the war.”

Stephanie smiled back. “So did Ginnie!”



*****



When I got up the next morning, my clothes were folded neatly on a chair outside the bedroom. A note invited me to breakfast. I took another shower, dressed, and went down to the table.

Devilled eggs, spinach, mushroom and red bell pepper omelette, hash browns with mushrooms, orange juice, pineapple juice, unfiltered apple juice, carrot juice, various scones, crumpets, butter, various preserves, blueberry waffles, blueberry and strawberry pancakes, real maple syrup, Earl Grey tea, cream, whipped cream, and a bowl of mixed fruit. Vergil, Keith, Macha, Stephanie, and a rather large, impressive looking copper-eyed black cat were at the table that I recognized from some of the paintings. Deliah and Ronin were nowhere to be seen. The cat was just sitting in the chair next to Stephanie, who was petting it between mouthfuls. "Morning," said Stephanie. "The cat is Percy."

I waved to the cat. "Morning, Percy. Same to everyone else."

Percy actually meowed at me. He was huge. I'd find later he almost came up to my knees.

Macha raised her glass of orange juice to me, Vergil and Keith said "Good morning," simultaneously.

Keith then said, "Ginnie. I don't know if you'd be interested, but we need another stable hand for the horses."

"I've never done it."

"It's hard work. Physically demanding, but you look like you're in pretty good shape. Compensation would be room, board, and three hundred a week cash. Not much, but the IRS doesn't have to know about it."

I put four devilled eggs, some hash browns, and two waffles on my plate as I said, "If I can sleep on satin every night and be treated to food like this, I think I'd be a fool to turn it down. Can someone come with me to get my clothes and car?"

"I guess so," said Keith.

"Where does your driveway go?" I asked.

"Canyon Road," said Keith. "It's pretty far to the street."

"Man, that's a hell of a drive from being just a few kilometres from the main drag down west."

Keith shrugged. "You can use one of our cars if you have to go somewhere. They're electric converts. We can also order a new wardrobe for you as a fringe benefit if you don't want to go back home."

"Are you serious?" I asked as I put butter, and syrup on my waffles.

Keith shrugged. "Sure. What's it to us?"

"You're that rich?" I asked.

"Money's a non-issue," said Keith.

I looked at the table, and put my plate where I was going to sit. "I guess not. Are you basically offering me a chance to leave conventional life? Get out of the asylum...I mean the system?"

"If you like."

"What if I don't work out?" I asked.

"Do you think you won't?"

"I don't know yet. Can I see the stables?"

"Sure," said Keith. "Right after breakfast."



*****



There were twenty stalls, and they were all open. They were immaculate, and all had drinking fountains and feeding stations where the horses could put their noses against a little door and they'd get their grain rations for the day.

There was only one horse in the barn. A black Arab stallion.! "This one is Aslan," said Keith. "Deliah's companion. The horses have free run of the place and aren't trapped in here. We call them when we need them, and they come to us."

"Wow. But what if they're too far away?" I asked.

Keith pointed to a board with fifteen whistles on it. He took the whistle from under a sign that said, Gilgamesh. He then went to the front of the building and blew the whistle. The white horse he rode last night came running up the hill. Keith then kissed the animal on the nose and scratched him behind the ears. "I don't need you for anything, but thanks for coming. I just had to show one of your new servants how we called you."

Gilgamesh snorted, pawed the ground, and came over to me. I stroked him. "You are one ravishing gentleman, you know?"

The horse nosed me.

Keith said, "All the whistles have different tones. Each one is for each horse."

"What would my day consist of?" I asked.

"The stalls all have the name of what animal has staked it out over it. You note five are unused. If the horse shows up, fill the grain feeds with oats and corn, there might be an occasional stall to muck out, lay down straw for those that come in at night, throw that straw out in the morning, make a vat of warm cereal like farina a couple times a week, and feed them their salads every day. We generally groom our own equine companions, but if something happens and we can't; you take over. Also, there are no days off and no vacations."

"How long is the work day?" I asked.

"Variable. They don't generally come in at night unless it's real cold, or if there's a major downpour or something. Even then, not always! The horses are basically left to their own devices, and though they do serve us when needed; they might as well be wild the rest of the time. A lot of times, it can be less than two hours a day. The stables have to be checked five times a day, every four hours."

"Fifteen animals?"

"There are only seven on the estate right now, and you do get help from a couple of us if you get inundated."

"Deal!" I exclaimed with a snarl. It was the answer of anger. I was still so full of hate for Hershel right now and the regular rat race, that I considered this a boon. I hoped I could do it.



*****



I should have called work to tell them I quit. I didn't. Of course, I didn't call home either. Hershel could screw himself with an un-greased telephone pole, as far as I was concerned.

I never had to take care of more than one horse a day, and that was always Hesper; because I was given permission to ride any one of them for two hour stretches, and I chose Hesper because he was the one who brought me here on the first day. I took to him. He was the sweetest, friendliest thing, and I swear he knew every word I said.

He loved getting my attention, but he never seemed to want to eat anything. He wasn't interested in apples, or carrots or celery or even oats and corn. I never had to feed anyone, though I still checked to see if anyone was around wanting to be fed. I only had to put straw down for Hesper two nights of the week. No one else even showed up for the night.

Keith had shown me everything there was about horse care. Surprisingly, I didn't forget anything he told me. In fact, I haven't been forgetting anything anybody told me. It must be the filtered water.

Damn, life was great. The food was killer, the job was a cinch, I got a new wardrobe of nice work clothes and boots, the sleeping arrangements couldn't be beat, it was so quiet with only the sounds of nature, and I didn't understand anything on how this house worked.

Everything was always so clean, but I never saw any servants; and I never saw anybody wipe anything up, not that I hung around. I never made my bed, but every night it was always freshly made and perfumed. I never saw anyone cook, but when dinner, lunch, or breakfast time came, there was always this killer banquet of luxury food items, and there was always way more than we could eat. I'd walk away from the table, and if everyone were done; that table would be empty if I came by five minutes later.

When Friday came, I had an envelope attached to my bedroom door. It contained fifteen twenty-dollar bills. Nice. But what could I spend it on? I couldn't leave this place during the twelve-hour shifts I was on, and everything was closed when I got off work, not that I had much work. Mostly just checking to make sure nobody needed anything.

The next week, I couldn't believe what I found on the living room couch. Hesper was lying on it, next to Vergil. "House pony?" I asked.

"I've always let him in, even when I was a teen; to the dismay of my parents."

"How old is he?"

"Pretty old, but we take good care of him; so he's still in good shape."

"He acts like a five year old," I said. "By the way, I haven't seen Macha, or Ronin or Deliah in a few days."

"This isn't the only place we have. They left for another one of our homes."

"And what happens if you guys want to leave?"

"You can come with us. We still want someone to check on our horses. Macha and the rest taking off means there are only four horses on the estate right now, by the way," said Vergil.

"I never see anyone except Hesper."

"If you like, you can call the others," said Vergil.

"I wouldn't like being inconvenienced like that. For someone to beckon me just so they can look at me? The idea pisses me off, so why would I do it to a horse? To me, they're just a different culture who's language I don't speak."

Vergil smiled. "I like your way of thinking."

"I think I'm in love with Hesper. Can I let him in the house, too?"

"You can. He doesn't go to the bathroom inside."

"I've never seen him eat. He won't even touch the apple or carrot, or whatever I hold in front of him."

"He may be sufficiently fed from the grass. You've seen the green spots fed from the underground springs?"

"Yeah. When I go east, I also don't see any fences. How much land do you guys own up here?"

"Few square miles."

I scowled. "I must also say I'm trapped here by my job, not that I mind. The money I'm paid...I'll never be able to spend it. With my schedule, I can't ever leave here. Well, I could; but I could only spend like maybe a half hour max at a store, so what's the point?"

"Prisoner in a gilded cage, huh? You can quit any time."

I had to laugh. "I'm not that stupid. I get paid to have fun. I mean, I get up, check the stables, nobody there, take a shower, scarf one of the best breakfasts on the planet, go for a ride, spend half the day with a horse I love, lunch, read a little of a book I found in your vast libraries, check the stables, read some more, walk around enjoying the gorgeous, quiet, peaceful grounds, go for a run, check the stables, dinner, shower, and do it again. Sometimes I talk to one of you, like now. Can I check out your attic?"

"Thanks for asking. Sure. There's complete roof top access, too. I'm about to brew me up some tea. Would you like to join me?"

"That would be nice." I looked at my watch. "I've got a couple of hours."

"Why don't you have a seat outside under the gazebo. I'll bring it right out."

I smiled. How lovely to have a little time with my foxy employer, even if he did 'belong' to someone else. Just to hear him speak was paradise. I really loved his accent, and soft, androgynous voice.

I went out to the vine covered, white gazebo just out back. Under it, there was a stone table with four small stone benches surrounding that table. The gazebo was surrounded by beautiful, fragrant flowers; and the scents here was out of this world.

Vergil brought out a tray with a pot and two cups in a few minutes. He put my cup in front of me, poured some tea in, and did the same for himself. He sat across from me. "I have to check out the cattle tomorrow. See if everyone is OK. Would you like to come with me?"

"You taking Hesper?"

"You can ride Hesper. I'll ride Stephanie's master. The grey called Shiva."

"I've never seen Shiva in person. Just in the paintings. Is he Arab?"

"Half; like Hesper and Gil. I'm glad you like it here."

I had a sip of tea. It was a fruity desert tea. "Damn, this is good."

"China black with peach and mango."

"Nobody ever spends much time at home here, it seems. It's like the only time I every see anyone is for meals. The place is also always so clean, but I never see any servants, or anyone bring the food to the table, or take the uneaten stuff away."

Vergil raised his cup to me. "I'll explain it all tomorrow."

I raised mine back. "OK."

We had a couple of cups of tea, talked about the horses, then as he took the tray back, he said, "See you at dinner."

I wanted to run after him to see where he went, but thought that was in bad form.

Oh, well. At least I had permission to explore a little more of the house.

The attic was just another part of the house, though undecorated, and minimally furnished. It had different rooms, was dust free, and cozy. In one room, it had a nice area of couch and love seats before a small window. It must have been nice to be up here when it was raining. Well, if I had any say it, I'd still be here when the rainy season started.



*****



As I went to bed that night, I was wondering if I was in a Twilight Zone episode or something. The way I was living was too good to be true. Would there be a dark side to my existence that I wasn't shown yet? Was I being groomed to be a sacrifice to some dark god? Living with these guys was just soooooo weird. What did they do all day when they weren't here? And how did they go? The cars were always in the garage. They didn't take the horses. It was like they just disappeared. I never saw anyone come or go. But someone always showed up for the meals, even if it was only Vergil. Then a few minutes after he was done, he'd walk away and I wouldn't see him again until dinner, though dinner was always with Vergil, Keith and Stephanie. Breakfast wasn't generally a meal shared with everyone, either. And why did I only see Deliah and Ronin once? I'd never even had anything remotely resembling a conversation with those two.

As for the cat, I wasn't told anything about Percy, other than his name. I never fed him. I never saw a cat food bowl, or water bowl. Did he kill his own food? He must have weighed over ten kilograms. He looked big enough to be able to take a bobcat on. He was another sweetheart. He'd sometimes curl up with me when I was reading, and what a black beauty he was. Long, leggy, lanky, though he had a heavy frame. His ears didn't have any tufts and were house cat size, but his face reminded me of a caracal's. He had a broad head, and a wide nose. Maybe he had some wild blood in him.

Percy had a medium hair length, and had a trait I'd never seen on a cat before. The fur in the middle of his back, between his neck and his tail often stood up. He had 'dorsal' fur. He also sat at the table next to Stephanie for about half our meals when she was there, not that the food interested him, despite the cream or butter being on his food chain.



*****



When I went out to the stables before my morning shower the next morning, I saw both Hesper and a grey and black pony' who I guessed was Shiva. Both animals were high gloss, and had their hooves silvered. Vergil came out of the stables. "I took care of them. We can eat as soon as you're ready, then we'll ride."

"OK. Let me just take a quick shower. Thanks for doing my job."

Vergil winked at me. "No problem."

I ran back to the house, and cleaned myself up as fast as I could.

My breakfast would be farina with blueberries, a morel and garlic omelette, a heavily buttered crumpet, a creamed cup of Earl Grey, and two glasses of iced pineapple juice. We both finished about the same time, and went to the stables. We never bothered locking the house up. I guess it was unlikely anyone would even find this place, but if it had been mine; I wouldn't have been so secure in that knowledge. "Do you get mail delivery here?" I asked.

"Only courier service. We have a P.O. Box."

"And you said you'd tell me how the place works, like how it stays as clean as it does, and how the meals are served as they are, and how the table gets cleaned with no evidence of anyone doing anything," I said.

"How's this for an explanation? All I want; is!"

"A bit enigmatic of an explanation, is it not?"

"I don't know. It sounds pretty straightforward to me. Let me show you in a little while exactly what I mean." He haltered Shiva, and saddled him up. I did the same with Hesper.

"I guess I can live with that. Being here is very interesting, very nice, and very difficult to make sense of," I said.

"Considering how most people live, I can understand that."

We mounted up, and rode west.

We saw a herd of eleven cows and a bull. Vergil dismounted, and scratched every one of them behind the ears. They were good looking animals. They had glossy coats, and they were in good shape. They were unbranded. "Are these for slaughter?" I asked after he remounted Shiva.

"No. We're using them to try to bring a better ecosystem to our land. They generate a lot of fertiliser. We may lose one to a cougar occasionally, but that's rare. We don't believe in exploiting animals, and if we work any creature in our care, we compensate them. After our ride, we give the ponies an extra special grooming for their work."

"Understood."

"The next hill is where we found you," said Vergil.

I chuckled. "My stupidity and recklessness brought me to paradise for a change," I said.

"Indeed it did, and you won't be the first or last."

"Probably not, though most of the time my impulsive moves done in anger came back to bite me in the ass."

"No doubt. Let's split a chocolate mousse pie when we get home."

"You have one?" I asked.

"I'll make one. And we can have it with a ton of our special home made, marginally sweetened whipped cream."

"I love you guys' whipped cream. In fact, all your food is so heavenly."

"Thanks."

Vergil stopped just as we got to where I fell, not that I knew this. I couldn't have remembered the location; I was so out of it. In fact, even if I hadn't have been out of it; I couldn't have remembered. I needed more pronounced landmarks.

Vergil pointed to the ground. "Check that out."

I rode over, and saw some colours. I got off Hesper, and got closer.

A body. T-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes! Same as what I wore the day I collapsed. Same hair colour! It was dead. I kicked it over with my cowboy booted foot. It was burned up some and decomposed, but what was left of it was what appeared to be myself! Or what had been myself. I looked at Vergil. "Explain this, please."

"You died. You never woke up. You were badly dehydrated, and the sun finished you off. Now would you like to see where you really are?"

"So I'm dead!"

"There is no death. Just transition. I decided to make yours a little more interesting for you than it could have otherwise been. Vergil Xanon is a name I use, but the one I was born to is Donn Ui'Midir. I'm an obscure Irish Gate Keeper. Keith's other name is Thanatos, and everyone else is everyone else, though Stephanie is usually male and goes as Stefan."

"Thanatos! I know that name! Greek Death God! Thanks. This was nice. So you really don't have a girlfriend?"

"Don't go there, please. I'm through playing slut, not that I ever went out on the household members. Now let's show you where you're really at." He waved his hand, and the hills more or less melted. The bright clear sky turned cloudy and dark, and I found I was in the middle of a flat garden lit by different colour torches. There was a castle at one end of the garden, and I heard waves crashing in the distance. It was also rather cold.

I was amazed. "Awesome. So where am I?"

"Tech Duinn. My island. It's a way station between life and death, and you are going to figure out what you're going to do next here, after weighing all your options."

"Can I keep working for you?"

Vergil chuckled. "No one really works for me. I don't need anybody. If you want to be a Gate Keeper, you can work with me; though I must admit, by the perception of my stream of consciousness; I'm out of the era I was born to, and am mostly retired. That means you'd be in the field, but not working with me personally. I time tripped to you just for the Hell of it. I take an occasional case here or there for fun, these days."

"I'm glad you took me on. The illusions you gave me were great. Confusing, but nice."

Vergil smiled. "Thanks. Now, let's introduce you to your new reality, let you read all about us, introduce you to the rest of us that you saw in the paintings but have not met, and let you meet the 'real' Percy as he usually is."

"That wouldn't be the sabre cat, would it?"

"It would. And I think you'll get a kick out of Reggie the archaeopteryx."

I nodded. "Yeah, as long as he doesn't bite. Those teeth look sharp."

"He's very considerate, and you'll be able to communicate with both Percy and Reggie in English, telepathically."

"Great. I think I love this place."

"And the good news is you can stay as long as you like. There's so much more that you can't even begin to imagine, so I don't see you staying forever."

"Forever is a long, long time."

"Isn't it, though?"

I mounted Hesper, and we rode slowly back to the castle. Both ponies went in with us. I couldn't wait to explore the garden on foot by day.

This was going to be a blast.

































































































Devolution In Reflections





Stefan and Macha were under a weeping willow in the Elysian Fields, just kicked back in the shade. "I almost envy you your past," said Stefan.

"I wouldn't," said Macha.

"Note I said 'almost'. I admired you so much when I was a mere mortal, and to know you in person is even beyond that."

"But we've had enough mind shares for you to know my existence was no picnic."

"Gods, but what you've done. Keith?"

Macha gave Stefan a wan smile. "The most amusing, most tragic, most ironic, yet most fulfilling thing I ever did, was constructing that body. Looking on our past, it's amazing how he turned out."

"Aye. You made Keith because you wanted Donn, Thanatos; Donn's true love invades the body after destroying his original and can't remember Donn, but falls in love with him again anyway, and through our convoluted relationship I end up with both Donn and Keith, Thanatos, whatever, and you ended up with my boyfriend."

"Girlfriend."

"Kevin, Kevalyn, whatever."

"Kevin was more yin than yang, just like you were more yang than yin when you were his girlfriend. A match made in heaven, huh?" asked Macha.

"I think we did a good job in proving that gender is irrelevant," said Stefan.

"After you and Kev joined us; everything we thought we were just sort of flew out the window. And you originally thought I proved that gender was irrelevant."

"Well, you are a better man than most men."

Macha chuckled. "One of these days, Stefan! One of these days!"

"Will you pet my nose?"

"No. Not now."

"Don't want to encourage me?" asked Stefan.

"Darn tootin'."

"I wish I could have known Donn in his early days."

"The biggest nerd that ever was. Also the most beautiful! I was so pissed when he froze himself at seventeen, not to mention that his aversion to the idea of intimate relationships was so strong."

Stefan lay back, having placed his hands behind his head. "Well, you fixed both of those problems, huh? Or compensated for them, rather."

Macha sighed, and closed her eyes. "Gods, yes. Keith! The wildest, most passionate lover ever to exist, motivated by all the wrong reasons."

"Not really. Both of you really loved each other, not that you love each other any less today."

"But everything was based on illusion in those early years. Now we all know the truth, and there is still a faint trace of resentment in Thanatos for what I did to him...with him, that will never go away, despite the gratitude."

"Way more good than bad happened. Thanatos did not have to invade that body that you manifested. There was free will on all sides."

"And I turned him into a prisoner of sensation, just like I was," said Macha.

"Like we all were, until we got bored with it; I guess."

"As if you'd turn me down if I asked to pet your nose."

Stefan laughed so hard; he rolled over on his side. "Ye gods, Macha. That is a JOKE, though if you tell anyone I'll never pet your nose again."

Macha raised her right eyebrow. "Perish the thought. What a concept, though! To live for the nose! To identify with the nose! To call the Source a nose, and to be stopped by the inside of a nostril when you hit the edge of all existence."

"Aren't you glad that idea never caught on?"

"Sometimes I wonder. It couldn't be any worse than what exists now, could it? I can't imagine anyone killing each other over the spirituality of the nostril."

"Not any more than Pastafarians, or members of The Church Of SubGenius," said Stefan. "After all, the theoretical Holey Order Of The Septum only promotes nose hair coats and nose hair braids."

"Uh, let's change the subject."

"Back to Keith. I never knew him like what was written about him in 'What Revelation Never Told You', said Stefan.

"Don't think you could have handled him. You know a lot of it vicariously, but to actually have lived through it...there are a lot of things we won't ever let you know. There was a lot Donn didn't write about, or was vague about. You remember what Donn wrote about when Keith shared his history with him no holds barred. Donn ended up curled up on the floor, almost having been forced to scream for Keith to let his mind go. And Keith didn't touch him. If this had been done to a Physical person, he or she would NOT stayed on their original side of The Veil. It literally would have killed them."

Stefan closed his eyes and smiled. "But you instigated all that. You were his only one at the time all that happened. So, I think it was you I couldn't handle. Keith was always very considerate."

Macha chuckled. "I stand corrected. I think I would have killed you, but in other ways."

"You were that bad?"

"Stefan, with your delicate style, I think I would have erased you in a fit of rage for being so incompatible with me. And all three of you ended up like that, not that it's relevant any more."

"Rarely relevant, and I followed Keith’s and Donn’s example."

Macha crossed her arms. "You had it in you to go that way, anyway. Stefan, you're a bastard."

Stefan winked at her with a lopsided smirk. "Thanks. I try."

She pounced on him, knocked him over, and pinned him. So you're curious as to what I put Keith through from a personal perspective, huh?"

"Yes, but...ye gods; Macha."

"Shall I do to you what Keith did to Donn?"

"I don't know how to answer that."

"I can take you beyond that now."

"I guess I have to say yes, but what the consequences?"

"You'll live, so to speak! Of course, this isn't quite the same. More exteme in sensation, really! Shall I drag us Astral, Causal, Mental, Nirvanic after or what?"

Stefan clutched at the grass beneath him. "Like I care?!"



*****



Stefan couldn't take it. Macha had to withdraw her mind before she got even halfway done with forcing Stefan to vicariously experience what she and Keith had done. Stefan didn't even know he had nerve endings in some of the places that...oh, never mind.



*****



After the failed attempt to let Stefan vicariously experience a bit more of Macha’s and Keith's more...um...avaricious past, Macha and Stefan went back to the Akashic Castle, landing next to each other in the out door spa. "That didn't work," said Stefan.

"Obviously not! You couldn't handle it. Still felt hell o' good, though."

"Aye, and I guess this is something I will never personally know."

"And of course you don't want to do anything else a little less intense."

"No," said Stefan. "Unless you want an oiling only. I never want you the mortal way again."

"You just want to drive me nuts."

"You've got the best bod I've ever seen in chick. It’s kinda like a dude with tits whose had an industrial accident. Sorta the best of both worlds."

"Steffy-poo, if you were anyone else; I'd take your head off for what you just said to me, but being you are who and what you are; thank you."

"Any time."

"No. No oiling. Want to switch gender and do a case with me? Play with a patriarchal twit?"

Stefan closed his eyes, and chuckled. "Too bad someone else got Jerry Lewis."

Macha scowled. "There's way worse."

"Oh, nae. Maybe later. Now I just wish Thanatos were here."

"After what we just attempted to do, I wish he were still a hundred percent young Keith. We could summon him."

"No. He's riding with Donn."

"He could div..."

Before Macha could finish, Thanatos was standing at the edge of the whirlpool in blue jeans, a black T-shirt, and black moccasin boots. "Divide myself up," he finished.

Stefan opened his eyes. "Cool! Want to join us?"

He sat down cross-legged where he'd just been standing. "Not in the water. Especially not with you two in your states of mind missing half of my unincorporated self."

"The wrong half, huh?" aske Stefan.

"Darn tootin'," said Thanatos. "I mean aren't we supposed to be moving forward, and leaving what was behind us?"

"Except for the few nostalgic moments the trinity doth have," said Macha.

"Very few, and none to your taste," said Thanatos. "You two are nuts being temperature sensitive in this place."

"The steam protects my nose, so no big deal," said Stefan.

Macha caressed Stefan's nose, as she said to Keith. "Well, you know what me and Stef just attempted and failed to do. Can you do what I can't?"

"No. Its Nostrilness won't be able to handle it until it's a complete non-issue and we won't even want to talk about it any more."

Stefan smiled. Macha was still petting his nose. "Oh, man! If Macha keeps this up, who cares?"

Macha stopped petting Stefan's nose. She looked at Thanatos. "There's vicarious all at once, and there's Etheric reality, bit...by...bit."

Stefan looked at her. "Are you implying what I think you're implying?"

"She is," said Thanatos.

Stefan intertwined his fingers with Macha's. "It's been sooooooo long. I love you so much, but you are not...Donn."

"But the curiosity factor..." said Macha.

Thanatos tilted his head. "And Stef has come up with some concepts that are logistically impossible that you and me haven't even attempted with...um...tools, Macha."

She smiled. "I know. I wasn't enough. In fact, you and me together wouldn't be enough for some of the concepts Stefan's come up with, if Stef were the passive one. Verrrrrry interesting concepts."

Stefan closed his eyes. "Call Donn."



*****



I landed next to Thanatos, and sat down with him. “Three on one?” I asked. Well, there are a few sensory overloads that couldn’t be experienced as two on one because...aye, there’s just not enough of us unless we modified ourselves to be part snake, or something.” I scowled. “Ye gods, now you got me curious, being I’ve never experienced this before.”

Stefan asked, “So do we do this once in a complete mindshare, or experience all individually from every perspective?”

Thanatos crossed his arms. “Four individuals, gender perspective of both in all combinations. That’s...um...1680 possible combinations.”

Stefan scowled. “Gender perspectives of BOTH? Um. Excuse me, but aren’t I a third gender?”

‘Sayeth the one who perpetually claims not to have one, but I do see an alternative. Raise that number to...” said Thanatos.

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!” I exclaimed, interrupting him.



*****



Ye gods, I never could have imagined...

Though Macha was now a necessary part of the package, I think I’ve just become addicted to...

On the other hand, I think I'll stop this story now.























































Ghostwriter





I was at Tech Duinn on my word processor when Thanatos walked up to me. "Working on the archives?" he asked me.

I looked up at him, and smiled. "Sure am."

"It ought to go to Earth, in the last era. A lot of people can use it."

I sighed. "Then I'd need a channel. I don't think I want to go through that again. My time with Stefan...or should I say, 'Kyle Shannon' was hard enough, thank you."

Thanatos scratched the top of my head. "Not everyone is a Kyle Shannon."

"You have someone in mind?"

"Maybe."

"Then she better be gay, or he better be straight. I don't want to be hassled in that regard by another long term, if you get my drift."

"As long as it isn't by me or Stefan...rather Stephanie."

"Darn tootin'!" I hit 'save', and backed away from the computer. “I still like chicks.”

"Let's do a High Causal merge and let me show you where I'm coming from."

I tilted my head. "Sounds like fun. Mind if we do a relatively slow start?"

"Back rub, huh?"

"Aye. We've been pretty busy, and haven't done that in a while. How about on the couch in front of the perpetually burning fireplace? After a cup of tea?"

"Sounds great. And how about I put controls on the procedure when we get to the nitty-gritty? Slow down the process? Keep us hangin' for a while on some of the new stuff we’ve been exposed to, and carry that over to the next plane shift?"

"Dude, the sensation was like a combination of twenty times the feeling of not quite hitting an orgasm, and being struck by lightning; not that I've actually ever been struck by lightning, but you know what I mean. Are you telling me you've got enough self control to actually maintain that intolerable feeling?"

"I think so," said Thanatos

"You don't know so?!"

"Almost, not quite."

I chuckled. "Hedonism to new heights, huh?"

"Aye."

"Let's go!"

"Walk?"

"RUN!!!!!! I took off, to soon be overtaken.

Would we ever get over this?

Well, we did have a bit of a um...setback recently. ;^)



*****



Both Thanatos and I had a cup of China black with cream. "Amazing how we remade each other, huh?" asked Thanatos.

"True. You look like you do because of me, and I am what I am because of you." I leaned into him. "And for how long we've known each other and totally forgotten who we were in our rebirth, by any other name."

"No matter how long, it wasn't long enough." He said.

"True."

"Tell me about it." He put his arm around me, and had a sip of his tea. "Should we call Stefan for this?"

"Later," I said. "After all, part of this encounter is trying to convince me to do something I'd rather not be doing, right?"

"I will."

"You always do."

"It always has to be done."

I chuckled. "I ought to not fight you, and just do it; huh?!"

"But you'd resent it, if you didn't know the innate ins and outs of what I was trying accomplish. Simple telepathy only goes so far."

"'Tis true."

Thanatos finished his tea, and dematerialised the cup. I took the hint, and did the same. "You're passive, of course," said Thanatos. “From beginning to end.”

"Oh, yeah," I said with a smile. "I'm ready."

Ready to be delicately appreciated as a work of art, then have my mind taken over to relive the wildest moments of my existence and feel that all again, as Thanatos slowly incorporated Tantra at its most extreme, and dragging us both up through the higher Planes to things there are no words to describe, where we finally became one in every way possible.

Thanatos had come to the conclusion the world needed my writing, like it needed toilet paper! I wasn't so sure, considering how long said world had existed without my literary works, but the tales could help aid the promotion to end the fear of transition to some; so why not? Yet did I want to go through all that work again?

Oh, what the Hell! After all, the worst was over. Thanatos had already found a transducer for me, like he had implied to me earlier.



*****



Carrie Surrat was a forty-nine year old lady who fell in love with my entire core group, after reading 'The Xanon Chronicles'. She was a poet, worked with charcoal, and she was of the lower middle class economic strata. Carrie was a perfectionist who aced most of the I.Q. tests she'd taken, so she was another sharp one. She also had to work a lot of overtime to keep up with her bills, but she was pretty high energy; and still had time for her art.

One thing that was convenient; is she had a very big ego. Yes, it a personality flaw, but now it would come in very handy. All of her traits combined, meant she would do a very good job when working with me.

She lived in a small one-bedroom cottage, and when I saw how she had decorated her walls; I was pretty impressed. She ended up devoting her artistic life to 'The Xanon Chronicles', after reading them. She was a number one fan of mine, and she had portraits of us up; based on the descriptions of what I'd written. She was pretty good, with some of us. She got Thanatos and I down to where we were recognisable. Of course she had no problems with Sylvia, being she was a historical figure whose picture Carrie copied from a photograph. She did a pretty good job on Warren and Andre, but not so good with the women besides Sylvia Plath, and her version of Ronin didn't look in the least like Ronin. Everyone was still portrayed quite attractively, despite the lack of semblance, but what could I expect! I absolutely loved what she did with Percy. She got our sabre cat down pretty good. Too bad she had no way to know about Reggie, being he'd joined us too late.

Leave it to Thanatos to find me the best. Now, how to recruit her?



*****



Some possess or obsess people at higher density levels without permission. That was not my style. I didn't believe in interfering with another individual’s personal sovereignty by force, though I wasn't beyond attempting to use persuasion. Hey, that had just been done to me, OK?

The easiest way to do this was a so-called lucid dream. An Etheric Projection, by any other name. It won't have been the first time I did this, though it may be the last. How could I know?

With an ability that wasn't much used, or as well honed when I wrote 'The Xanon Chronicles', I easily pulled Carrie into my reality. I sat beside her prone body, and allowed her to perceive me as if she wasn't trapped in the Physical reality any more.

I took her hand, and she became aware of me. She knew who I was, and smiled. "Donn?"

"Here for a visit, and to ask a favour of you," I said.

She sat up. Well, her Ephemeral form sat up. Her Physical body was still horizontal. "I almost can't believe you're here," she said.

"That's OK. When you wake up, you won't believe I was here; either."

"Favour?"

I let go of her hand, and sat at the edge of her bed. "I need a ghostwriter. I have a series of short stories that my lovely Greek counterpart thinks should be presented to this realm, in this era, which is no longer mine, and I need someone to transcribe it. I was wondering if you could do that for me. You know, like what Kyle did for me in the end of 'The Second Time Around'?"

"Oh, definitely. I haven't been doing much on my word processor lately, anyway. It's like I've written all the poems there are to write, you know? Have you seen them?"

I smiled. "No, but I will. They're all about me and mine, huh?"

"Yes."

"Of course, in your reality; you will never truly know where these tales are coming from. I also have to make you forget parts of what is happening now. You'll have a vague memory of our meeting, and a massive desire to write. I'll be with you all the time when you do, all right?"

"That sounds like a dream come true. What happens after I'm done?"

"We'll see when that day comes," I said. "I really appreciate this. I'll visit you in your dreams every now and then to help keep you going, but I have to leave now."

Carrie nodded. "All right. Thank you." She was ecstatic.



*****



Carrie remembered she'd 'dreamt' of me the night before, and she woke up on fire, speaking in analogy. She had ideas going through her head. She hadn't written any poetry in a while, and she strongly felt she should switch to prose. It was the only way to get her new literary concepts down on paper.

It was Thursday, and her day as a pharmaceutical technician went about as slow as it could go. She couldn't wait to get home and get on her computer. When she did, I was there. I did a mindshare with her, just to let her see what I wanted to write. She wouldn't be able to tell the difference between our thoughts, as I’d told her.

Granted, after doing this sort of thing with Kyle Shannon to get 'The Xanon Chronicles' out, I hoped to never do it again; but this was a little easier. There was no sense of urgency or desperation. Not on my part, anyway. Carrie was another matter.

Carrie wasn't as much of a 'nut case' as Kyle was, or the current version of Kyle as Stefan...Stephanie...whatever, still is. Carrie wasn't in any hurry to die, and actually had room in her life for reality according to the Physical Realm. Her headspace was where it was supposed to be. In the present, and on Earth! Her perspective of writing was not like what Kyle's was. Kyle's writings were an offering to me. An obsessive bloodless sacrifice to be made over and over again! Carrie was just writing for the sake of writing, getting her art out, and perhaps getting some nice critiques.

I was with Carrie for three hours that first night, and then went away. She needed sleep.



*****

Me, Thanatos, and Stefan were seated in the garden of Tech Duinn, at the edge of a large fountain. "So, you doin' forty hour work weeks to Carrie's perspective?" Stefan asked me.

"No more than thirty," I said, though I'd end up going a little over that. "I wonder if I should take on any regular projects while I'm working with Carrie?"

"No reason you can't," said Thanatos.

I scowled. "What she has is already close to five hundred hours of work. She will be doing research, rereads and edits for typos. What she writes won't be exactly what I have, word for word. She's not taking dictation. I'm just guiding her. Then she has to submit the works on various sites."

"I remember those days, though you were with me to a greater extent." said Stefan. "It was Heaven and Hell, at the same time. Boy what a paradox, and I'm glad it's over. It was a very bipolar experience."

"I'm glad it's over, too. Gods, you used to drive me nuts; not to say you still don't do that on occasion. Just in a different way," I said.

"Drove YOU nuts? What about me?" asked Thanatos. "I'm the one who has to fix the damage when Stef goes overboard, not that I ever see that stopping."

Stefan chuckled. "As if you don't occasionally pull some doozies, Than."

Thanatos crossed his arms, narrowed his eyes, and twisted his mouth to one side. He looked pretty comical. "You know, I never used to do things like that before I met you. I think you've been a bad influence on me."

"Thank you," said Stefan.

Thanatos smiled. "And I wouldn't have you any other way."

Stefan winked at him. "Same for you and Donn."

I got up off my seat, and moved closer to Stefan to ruffle his hair. "As if we didn't know that." I paused, and then added, "No! I'm not doing anymore Gate Keeper cases until I'm through with Carrie. I'll still record them if you do any in that time."

"We probably will," said Thanatos. "It might only be a couple, but whatever."

"Aye. You know, I'd rather go home to Low Causal right now. Take a break from all this or anything like this for a while before I go back to Carrie."

"Sure," said Thanatos.

"No objections from me," said Stefan.

So we went.



*****



It was late Friday afternoon when Carrie got home, and I was waiting; though not long. She ordered some Chinese delivery, got a Pepsi out of the fridge, and went straight to her computer. Again, I sat beside her; and we did our thing.

It was annoying to have to sit through Carrie eating while trying to type. Or would that be typing while trying to eat? Well, whatever. It didn't work out too good. I would have to dissuade her from doing that in the future. She would have been more productive if she'd eaten first, and typed later. Keying things in with one hand isn't very conducive to going with the flow. Then there were the additional mistakes that had to be corrected. I had intended to stay with her for three hours, but ended up adding an hour to make up for the slow time.

The next two days, I'd be with Carrie for six hours of her time; but that was her decision.

Ye gods, and I was only at the beginning of this! I’d previously decided I'd give her a hundred three stories, and one poem by Stefan that I really loved. I figure that was enough for a nice four volume set of mostly short stories.

Hmmmmm. This ended up being like a real job from the mortal perspective. I didn't think of it like that when working with Kyle, like I'd mentioned in my novellas, 'The White City', and 'The Second Time Around'. My outlook on this project was completely different from before.

My workweeks according to mortal time would be thirty-two hours a week. I didn't dig it, but it had to be done. I was just happy to be able to step out of time.



*****



"Oh, Thanatoooooooooos?"

He looked up at me from his Go game with Macha. "Yes, Donn?"

"Do you know how many people read The Xanon Chronicles?"

"Few thousand. Around seventeen thousand, if you want to be more specific."

"Uh...I'm doing all this work for seventeen thousand readers?"

Thanatos shrugged. "Aye. Actually, this set will be more popular, and it will actually get you more readers for your original set, but you have to keep reminding people that you wrote that set and your short stories are based on it."

"Oh." I left him to continue his game with Macha, and suppressed the thought of the urge to materialise a foam rubber bat and hit him with it for goading me into this task.



*****



The whole project ended up taking longer than I'd thought. I ended up feeling what it was like to work thirty weeks. Carrie ended up being somewhat zombified within a few days of this, and I was left doing a calendar countdown. This was one of the rare times when that illusion of time meant something to me, and I hated it. Never again would I do anything remotely like this!

It wasn't just that we sat down and she wrote. She got the ideas from me in a low-level mind share. If she didn't know anything about what the plot was destined to be, she'd do research. Once she had to spend four hours learning all about the Punic Wars. Then she'd start keying in my work, with fairly close guidance. After all, I couldn't just have her write about things she had no clues on, and all coming out with no explanation of how she got the information.

When we were finally done, I really felt like I owed Carrie something. After she finished the last sentence, to bed she went. She'd ended up losing more sleep than Kyle, working on this. Twenty weeks of almost double shifts is hard, regardless of how much you like the work; especially when you're getting on in the years.

I was waiting for her. "Carrie. You know my world is real when you're with me, and not in those illusions of life. I wonder if I should let you remember that when you're awake."

"I think I'd find that painful. To know all I wrote about exists, and to not be able to access it?"

"You can stay with us after you're through here, like you wish to. You can even stay with us on a permanent basis and become a part of the main group, though not many do; even if they think they will on meeting us."

"I see leaving you when one doesn't have to, as being a bit demented."

I sighed. "We can't commit ourselves to any newcomers. We are all established, and most people can't take that. You are part of a job. You cannot be a romantic interest. You can be around all the time, you can help us, you can become one of us, you can even contribute to our art collection, but you will never own any of us, if you get my meaning. We do not cater to cases of personal infatuation."

Carrie looked down. "I understand. I see by what you've had me write." She looked up at me. "Those stories are pretty good. A lot of them are damn funny. I also love Reggie and Percy, and I just put everything up non-profit?"

"Do you think you need to sell the series?"

She shrugged. "I phantasise about being rich some times, but I do have enough. I make a little more than I spend, since I don't cost much. My grandparents lived during the depression, they instilled their values in mom, and she instilled them in me, so..."

"If we could pull some strings to attract the attention of a publisher, what would you say to that?"

"I'd say that was cheating, and wouldn't be right."

I smiled. "Carrie, I do love you. You were picked for a reason. Not only did you do your best for me, you're a woman of honour. I'm going to give you a week for you to completely figure out what you want, now that you're done working for me. I'll be back then, OK?"

"OK."

I kissed her hand, and faded from her view.



*****



"Thanatos! You're coming with me next week to see Carrie. After all, you were the one who had me kidnap her to do what she did for us," I said.

"We're walking her here, like how we did Stephanie, Kyle, whatever you want to call that thing."

"How's about 'The Nose'? We are?"

"Sure. Don't you think she deserves it?"

"Yeah, but she wasn't sure she wanted it. That's why I gave her a week to think it over," I said.

"It's destined. I checked the Akashic Records."

"Fine! Take all the suspense out of my existence. WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!"

"Sorry, but you almost asked; in a kinda, sorta, vaguely roundabout way."

I chuckled. "I can't believe we're doing this twice."

"Hey! We hijacked Kyle to do your first set of books. We even manipulated history to get the whole ten volumes out."

"Uh, excuuuuuuse me, but YOU manipulated history. I didn't even write about that anywhere since it was after the fact. I don't have the authority or ability mess with twisting time. I'm just a mere lowly member of the Tuatha tribe, not the grandson of The Source."

"Grandchild, dude."

"OK, you don't have a gender; but you appear to have the male gender where there is an appearance of gender, ninety nine point nine percent of the time. And you're calling me a dude, who also technically does not have a gender; though I'm guilty of what I just accused you of doing...being...whatever?"

"You've been a'hangin' 'round Stef too long. Anyways, you know damn well 'dude' is a generic term around here."

I had to laugh. "I think we both have been' a'hangin' 'round Stef too long, and I want to keep it like that. Now what do we do? Absorb Carrie, and give her the deepest, darkest desires she has; as long as that doesn't include me getting intimate with her on her present level?"

"Something, like that! The lower intimacy isn't going to be a part of the package with anyone, me included. It's not necessary in this case. This lady is an artist. She knows what we're like, and she respects that, though she's pretty confused right now about how real we are. She remembers the dreams of you starting with the writing. She knows they're connected, but she doesn't know how. She thinks she's dreaming of you because she's writing about you, and not the other way around."

"She's a nut for art and aesthetics. I think, or rather know she'll want to see the garden first," I said.

"Then let's arrange for that. Do we have a problem with materialising in her realm for the last time of our existence for a few moments?"

"No."

"Then let me think of a way to get her here at the end of the week you gave her."

"OK."

Thanatos scowled. "Or you know, we could just arrange for car trouble on Friday afternoon, and we pick her up. She'll recognise us. I mean, who else could we be?"

I just laughed.



*****



I laughed even harder when Thanatos had us land besides Carrie's building with our equine companions and Shiva. "I thought you meant we were going to drive to Tech Duinn," I said.

"Naaaaah. This will be more fun for all of us. Carrie will like this much better. Wouldn't you?"

"Hell yeah," I said.

We waited next to the horses (OK, one horse and two ponies; TECHNICALLY.), at the side of the building, out of sight.

Carrie came out in a few minutes. When she tried to start her car, the starter was history. It wouldn't even turn over the engine, due to Thanatos' telekinetic sabotage. Of course, she was upset; and cursed up a storm. We started walking toward her with the animals just as she got out of the car. She was going to go back into the building to call a towing company, but she noticed us before she got ten metres.

She smiled. "Nice horses, but in this part of Tracy?"

I tilted my head, and smiled. "Carrie, let's cut the game short. You know who we are. You've been writing about us for the past five months. I hijacked your mind to a degree to get some of my stories out. Dreams aren't dreams. Physical existence is more of a dream than a dream."

She closed her eyes, and nodded. "Donn, Thanatos, Hesper, Gilgamesh, and Shiva. You're going to take me with you?"

"Unless you don't want us to," said Thanatos in Stefan's 'Snagglepuss' accent.

Carrie started laughing. "What kind of a fool do you think I am? Of course I'm going with you. But you know, you really have to tell me how I died; 'cause I don't have a clue."

"Neither does anyone else have a clue until after we tell them; but you aren't dead. You aren't going to die. We're sort of taking you like we took Kyle and Kevin in 'What Revelation Never Told You', but only different," said Thanatos. "We're not going to have you close your eyes and open them to new surroundings. We're going to ride into the garden from the front of your building's front lawn. It's just that you'll be the only one to see it," said Thanatos.

"Sounds nice. I almost can't believe this is happening. I thought I was just writing a bunch of short stories about a bunch of characters I read about, by some anonymous author who I thought came up with the grooviest characters I ever read about."

I chuckled. "Thanks, though not everyone thinks that way of us. Would you like help on Shiva?"

She went up to the grey pony. "Damn, they're all more beautiful than I could hope to imagine. I think I can get on by myself, though. I'm not that old, yet."

"Not that you ever will be," I said.

She got onto the pony. "I've never been on a horse before. I hope we don't do anything but walk."

"For now," I said. "I see you changing your mind some day."

"I believe it," said Carrie. "Is this my payment for working for you?" she asked me.

"Basically."

"Nice. Am I supposed to pet your nose to thank you?

I'm glad neither Thanatos nor I were mounted. We may have fallen off our rides, we ended up laughing so hard.

"That's Stefan, dammit! You leave my nose alone," I said after I recovered enough to talk.

She laughed even harder. "I know that. I just think that nose thing is soooooo funny."

Thanatos and I mounted up. "So do we, actually," I said. "Just don't tell Stefan."

"As if he doesn't know," said Thanatos. "Now let's get out of here, and go home. Late summer here, is Hell. I feel like I’m standing on the sun."

"Yes, let's," said Carrie.

When we got to the front of the building, or the illusion of the building; we were no longer in Tracy to Carrie's eyes, even though she was really no longer in Tracy the minute she had gotten into her car.

Carrie would be another case of a person who vanished without a trace according to the news reports, as her dream of eternity began.





















































































Resting On Our Laurels Ω





Me, Thanatos and Stefan just came back from the icy 'wasteland' of Niflheim as it was in our native era. We might as well have gone to Antarctica at twilight. A quaint little 'Hell' for an individual to concentrate on their own suffering until they realise they don't have to.

Thanatos and I had been there once before. It was enough for us, but Stefan just had to go himself. Our mind shares were not enough. There are some things one must experience 'itself'.

We all met Hel for the first time, specifically at Helheim; and was she ever misrepresented in the later, adulterated legends. She was just another incorruptible Gate Keeper, and quite beautiful. Hel was cool. She was not half rotted, like the myths say. She was also a very accommodating hostess and teacher, though she was generally a bit on the stoic side. Yes, Stefan managed to make her laugh with a few of his morbid jokes, his nose fetish games, and a few histrionics.

We'd gotten a tour of some of her ice mansions, and though quite stunning, I'm glad we didn't have to feel how cold it was. At least not for very long! We turned our senses on for a short while to see what it was like, but trust me! That didn't last!

After that, we went to the Elysian Fields.



*****



The three of us sat in the grass under an elm tree. "Man, Niflheim was a trip," said Stefan.

"Amazing how people can be brainwashed into staying there," I said.

"Not that they didn't deserve it," said Thanatos.

"We are our own worst enemy, it seems," said Stefan.

"That was certainly true for you, luv," I said to Stefan.

Stefan chuckled. "Tell me about it."

"I just did," I said. "Mansions made of ice. I think I'll pass."

"They had ice sculpture art shows in China. I remember seeing some of that on the web," said Stefan. "Interesting to visit, but like you're thinking...wouldn't want to live there. I like it cool, if I'm going to feel it. Not subzero."

"Same," I said. "In a way, I was disappointed by the trip. I saw nothing new to incorporate into my future architecture, but I think I will do a few paintings, two with Hel at the forefront. One with her as a warrior, and another as a dominatrix! I also want to do one of one of her mansions from the outside, and one of her main hall where we met her."

"I think I'll do one as well," said Thanatos. "Hel on Gilgamesh outside the gates of Eljuonir."

"I'm gonna pass. Not inspirational enough," said Stefan.

"All you've been painting is me and Thanatos, for the past eternity," I said.

Stefan shrugged, "And your point is?"

I laughed. "There's things about you that will never change, and I guess this is a good thing in some ways. I am NOT including the list of your morbid jokes, pranks, or cannibal threats and recipes in the good thing category, by the way."

Stefan's expression turned into a 'who me?' look, and he placed his right hand to just under his throat. "My stunts and verbal ingenuity do make you laugh, though I will admit mostly in retrospect."

"Sometimes it's hard to believe the things you say or pull," said Thanatos.

Stefan lay back in the grass, and closed his eyes. A smile crossed his face. He changed the subject. "We must have the biggest art collection of any group. The paintings, the poetry, the music, the dances, and all those structural wonders you leave behind, Donn."

"Don't forget the worlds we built," said Thanatos. "And that animal sanctuary, and that black onyx planet thing you put together; Stef?"

"Nice to be able to do it," said Stef. "Nothing somebody hasn't done before, though. Just took a while for me to get around to it, I guess."

"True," said Thanatos.

Stefan rolled over on his stomach, and propped himself up by his elbows. He rested his chin in his hands. "Sometimes it seems like we'll never get the lower planes completely out of our system. I'm hooked on tangible art, and also snogging with big cats, archaeopterii, horses, wolves, 'coons, snakes, you guys, and whatever else."

Thanatos chuckled. "Well, more than just snogging again these days for some strange reason, STEFan. I obviously like it too, but come on! Statistically, we don't spend that much time down here any more. We're Astral ninety odd percent of the time, though that is badly phrased; being time does not exist."

"I kind of want to review everything we've ever done," said Stefan.

I looked at Thanatos. "I'm glad we do have forever."

"Considering he wants to actually revisit some of the places we've built, and not just check it out from and Akashic perspective; so am I," said Thanatos. "The concept does have an appeal, though."

I scowled. "Not every damn reality we put together, though. Some of them are kind of boring and pointless to revisit."

"We've reviewed our paintings, sculptures, and poetry often enough," said Stefan. "I'll never get sick of them."

"Just like you'll never get sick of griping about your past, your stupidity for living so many lives, and the vile, disgusting, repulsive, vomit inducing Physical Plane," I said.

"Along with intestines, bladders, and acne," said Stefan. "Which reminds me! We never took on a case where a person killed themselves via auto-asphyxiation on their own farts, or an Elvis Presley type thing."

Thanatos looked at Stefan. "No! I have no desire to do that, and I certainly don't trust you to take on a case like Elvis, yourself."

"When I was alive, I read about a guy who ate cabbage and beans, rented a small motel room which happened to be air tight, and he did himself in with his own intestinal gasses. I also read about a guy in China who ended up taking a break in the bathroom on the loo, and when he woke up, he lit a cigarette and exploded himself," said Stefan.

"Lovely, though that didn't actually happen. The former can’t even be done!" said Thanatos. "And you've got a list of jokes a parsec long to have told them, if you'd had them, if they were real stories."

"At least," said Stefan.

Thanatos looked at me. "I can't believe we hired this guy for the job."

I had to laugh. "Sometimes, neither can I; but he's helped us more than he's set us back."

Thanatos cocked his head. "Then there's that damn cat of his."

"Percy is not Stefan's cat. Stefan is Percy's slave," I corrected.

"We are ALL Percy's slaves," said Thanatos.

"At least he doesn't insist on being spoon or hand fed anymore," said Stefan.

"Thank the gods he doesn't eat anymore," said Thanatos. "Anyway, a spoon to the fanged version of him would mean a shovel."

"Yeah, and imagine cleaning the litter box, if..." said Stefan.

"No!" said Thanatos. "If we still did that, I'd tell him to use the toilet."

"He never did when we were alive, though I'm sure he could have," said Stefan.

"He didn't want to risk falling in," I said.

"Did he tell you that?" asked Stefan.

"He conveyed it," I said. "He was painfully aware that he didn't always hit his mark in jumps, and occasionally slipped. He didn't want to fall off the toilet seat."

"I just thought he was lazy," said Stefan.

"That, too," I said. "In some ways. After all, there were a few times he swept the cat litter into one place with his paws. He also used to pick up after himself if he dropped some food on the table or the floor."

"He didn't clean up the cat litter very often," said Stefan. "It was a trip, though. I never knew a cat could be that neurotic."

"Neurosis is a feline trait," said Thanatos. "It's like every cat I've ever met has some major hang-up that's as bad as you and your nose."

Stefan said. "It was rumoured I had cat blood in my ancestry."

"I believe it," said Thanatos. "In some ways, you and Percy are almost twins."

"He's cuter, and smarter," said Stefan.

"He sure had you wrapped around his dewclaw," I said with a chuckle. "Spoon feeding a cat, and conceding to be dragged out of bed in the middle of the night for it! Sheesh!"

"He was obviously well worth it. Still is, if he still ate," said Stefan.

"Aye! The only one who can turn a debate with Deliah into a Mexican standoff," said Thanatos. "Even I can't lose to that lady...that goddess. Though I have to admit the debates with Percy generally end up in a draw simply for the fact that he won't give up."

Stefan said, "I think I want to go to the Akashic Castle, and review everything we've done. I changed my mind about visiting anything in person."

"Will you ever stop clinging to what was, even if it is accomplishments? It's over and done. There's still an unlimited amount of things to do," said Thanatos.

"No. I'm also wondering if we'll ever have done enough," said Stefan.

"I think not. It's in our nature to keep manifesting, though one of these days it will be in realms you are still not yet that familiar with," said Thanatos.

"Good! I don't even know if I want to do it here anymore," said Stefan. "I'm getting the hankering to try something different, and not keep making things only in the realms I know or used to be native to."

"I could go that way," I said. "After all, I think we've broken every record there is for our accumulation of mundane art projects in almost all forms."

Thanatos ruffled my hair. "Can you say good-bye to your word processor? Your occasional urge to take on a case and find an excuse to put up a new building, or can you or Stefan ever stop wanting to fuck with someone's head?"

I had to laugh. "I think so. And hey! Unlike Stefan, when I fuck with someone's head; I give them a lesson to help them evolve, not just horrify them, or push buttons in other ways."

"True," said Thanatos.

"Hey! I haven't done that in forever," said Stefan.

"Only because I won't let you," said Thanatos. "If I gave you free rein, you'd probably have been demonised in the lore of planet Earth. You'd be accused of being Loki's long lost brother, or something. In fact, as you say; you'd probably make Loki look like Donna Reed."

"Oh dear, we couldn't have that; could we?" asked Stefan histrionically. "But thank you."

"Anytime," said Thanatos.

"I don't want to go without the rest of the main core of the adopted family, though," I said.

Thanatos scowled. "Let's hold a meeting later. I think we're all ready to start leaving the Etheric and Low Astal behind."

"Aye, we've got to move on sometimes. I've put together a few nice works on the Low Causal. I don't even know what to call them. Light work paintings, I guess? Energy nets? No clue," I said.

"Sure," said Thanatos. "Let's do a complete merging with all of us on the High Causal for the sake of the exchange on perspectives. The others aren't ready, but we can guide them to get ready faster. And Stefan! You really aren't quite there yet, either."

Stefan gave us one of his mischievous smiles. "Maybe there's one more thing I want to do, huh?"

"I don't want to know," said Thanatos. "Or rather I wish you wouldn't say it, because I do know, but I also know you're going to ignore my request."

"OK," I said. "Stefan, shoot!"

"Wouldn't it be fun to go to the Physical one more time, go solid holographic on a motorcycle in L.A. in the middle of the night, doing about 180 kph, and riding through building walls when the cops chase you?"

Thanatos chuckled. "Well, I've done stuff almost as bad a couple of times to vindicate a couple of my cases; but let's not, and say we did."

"All right," said Stefan.

"So, off to the Akashic Castle, and we never see this place, Tech Duinn, or anywhere else on this realm again?" I asked.

"Never is a pretty final word, but rarely; I'd say," said Thanatos

"Sure," I said. "Then I think I'll quit with the prose for now, and go back to my poetry."

"Or you could write fiction," said Stefan.

"Nah," I said. "We've had this discussion before, and my reply is the same as the last time. I don't have the imagination for it."

"Says the most innovative architect and gardener in existence," said Thanatos.

I just shrugged.









End of Volume Fourteen, End of Archives

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